Week 4- A Family Member

52 weeks of Gratitude .. Week 4 Says the title is “A FAMILY MEMBER”

From the previous post it is fairly obvious that I am a family man sort of person , who believes a lot in family as a whole, and to pick one family member is a bit difficult for me , as whatever I am , who I am has all been because of the constant hard work done by a lot of family members.

I can definitely not choose between my Father and Mother , well they are the reason I am here :), had they not been together and done what they needed to do I would not be here writing this post.. So good or bad, HERE I AM 🙂 Which reminds me of a famous saying

“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

I wrote an article a few years back on fathers day, When I was growing up I am sure I missed a lot of chances to tell my parents that I love the,, Rather being a typical kid I don’t think I ever said to them.

I am not sure why we, especially the kids from my generation never were so close to their Father, It was always the mother one was close to, although ways are changing fathers are spending more time with kids, getting to know them. We even have a organisation called justice for Father’s, because I feel even the law has been biased towards the mother all these years, during a separation or a divorce it was an obvious choice for the kids to be handed over to a mother. Anyway that is a different topic to talk about.

Coming back to the topic on hand, Gratitude,I am so very thankful to my parents for doing their best always to make sure I am provided for, I have studied in one of the best schools in india in those days, which was not very cheap. The tuition fees , hostel fees amounted to a lot of money, The school sent bills every 3 or 4 months, it was paid right on time every time, I had never seen my parents say anything about it ever, I mean I get bills now sometimes for the house Electricity or gas bills , many a times the thought comes to mind that if only it came next month, I would be better off. But I don’t think I ever saw it on my parents.

There is another thing I want to say here, this might be a SHOW off statement too, But my father was a Govt. official and in a position where a lot of money was involved, I know every child will probably say that about his parents but I am sure my father earned his money the hard way, reminded me the day he got retired, there was a party organised. The amount of people that came and even today when I go to India I meet so many people who remember him .

Mom on other hand was a typical Punjabi woman who got married when she was just 17, I am also sure she did not have a choice who to marry , it was probably the same as is for every other woman, her dad found the man she was to marry and from a village she came to a city. Where she lived her life as a house wife.

When things were hard for the parents after the Step family split and my father left everything to his step family, I was only 7 or 8 , remember clearly those times, starting afresh and just one person doing a job, I bet the lure to earn money would have been so much at that time but I am glad he remained true to his principles, Mom started helping by Knitting, she started this little school where she taught a couple of ladies how to Knit, the little tuition money helped a lot . Slowly things started to work out , we had moved into a one room house, it was the four of us Also in those days My mother’s younger sister was doing her degree in Chandigarh , she use to stay with us, so it was a lot of people in a little place.

Dad started to build an extra rooms in the part of property that we had, and in probably a year or so we had a three bedroom house which was big enough for us all. I am not sure what to write or continue writing there are so many things ..

All I can say is I am proud to have the parents I have, I hope they are proud of me. I just pray to god that he gives me the strength to not do anything that would hurt their sentiments.

Thursday Challenge (38) :- Mother

Thursday Challenge : MOTHER (Grandmother, Mom, Animal Mother, Mother with Children,…)

and for those who can understand Punjabi, I don’t have the heart to translate already cried once putting this on..

Is duniyaa vich jineee rishte sab jhoote te behroop,      (all relations in this world are lies and have a mask)
maa da rishta sab toh sacha maa hai rab da roop,           (mother’s are true and are face of god)
maa hai rab da roop…….

Vekh Li Valait Yaaro Vekh Li Valait,                                     (I have seen the life abroad)
Goriyan Ranga De Vitch Dil Ne Black,                                   ( fair colored people have heart which is black)
Oh Vekhi Saari Duniya Mai Vekh Li Valait,
Goriyan Ranga De Vitch Dil Ne Black

Title NO IDEA — LONG POST…

Weekend I was away and had gone to meet my cousin and his wife who have recently got married and trying to settle in UK, They had come with a group of students to do nursing about 5 years ago, got there degrees. got jobs and Settled here. I use to laugh with my cousin cause he was the only male nurse and the house they had hired had 4 girls and him alone.. (oooooh , though he did not like the idea later on ). Slowly as with everything people moved here and there , He fell in love with a girl and two years ago they got married.

But this note is not about them, Now they have a friend lets call her “X” who has been sharing the house with them since the day they all came to uk, before that too in india they were all together, its like family with her now,”X” is educated , completed her degree and has a job in the national health service. Last year her parents decided to get her married… 

As usual a rishta came from a very close relative of a Boy who was Handsome, Good Looking , Very humble, Intelligent blah blah blah , it was as if he lacked nothing, the only thing was he had failed in 10th class exams and had come back from dubai after working as a carpenter. OK no worries I am all for seeing the good , so what if he was uneducated.. what irked me the most was “X”  is educated why did she say yes to the rishta.. I am sure there are enough educated people, I guess the peer pressure and the age-old problem we have the girl is getting older (she is only 26)..  had a lot of influence on the decision.

So she got married every thing fine, the marriage was in india, I did not go to the wedding, she stayed with the guy for 3 weeks before she was to come back for her job, then the process started of getting the guy here to uk, the first time the visa got rejected , so we went for an appeal, thankfully the visa was granted, and in december 2010 the guy came to uk.

For some reason or the other I did not ever meet him as they live about 4 hours drive from where I live.  I am a very outgoing person and I respect my relations a lot ,”X” calls me Veerji as in elder brother and when you know someone for so long they are family, I was looking forward to meeting her husband. 

I reached  my cousin’s house friday late night , went in and as usual I asked the whereabout of this guy, to be told that he has been asked to leave or sent packing more like it for almost a month now .. and then started the stories what this so-called Quiet, handsome, good-looking .. Sau Munda , had been up to. To my horror he was torturing “X”. Since everyone was working odd times he would pick his time .. Torturing her when she was alone…

Asking her for money.. Asking her to get a new house.. so much so demanding here to give the car keys as he wanted to go for a ride.. I was shocked when ever I had called on phone they would say he is very quiet, doesn’t talk much.  NO wonder he did not.  My cousin also got him a job within 3 weeks of him coming here , a DECENT one he was getting around a Thousand pounds a month which is a lot of money in this part of the world.

He even got a Knife out and threatened to kill her or himself and then Hit her too, I MEAN WHAT THE HELL.. I must tell you here I had a fight with”X” why did she not call, the moment he hit for first time she should have called I would have sorted this $%£$%^ like anything, I mean in spite of me asking continuously she could not answer me , as to why was she bearing this for 3 -4 months that he was here all she said was at time she picked the phone or tried sending me a message but never sent it through.

Why would someone bear this,  This left me a bit disturbed what sort of Psycho people are out there who treat another human being like that .. and PLEASE for the sake of GOD all those who will come out with this man woman theory , how woman are not treated equally Please don’t … 

All this had come out a month ago, my cousin had come to visit me with his wife for 6-7 days, things got worse than as “X” was alone at home, so when my cousin returned he was told , He is like me  immediately called the police and the Guy was asked to vacate the house and “X” could accompany him if she wanted to, THANK GOD “X” took a stand that day and refused to go out, she did not want anything to do with this guy so the guy has been sent back to india.

NOW this Guys Mother and sister I can’t tell you what all theories they have come out why their brother has been sent packing.  According to them its all “X” fault she should have adjusted, I mean they are themselves Women don’t they see how their son is, The mother further added that the son did good, she will find another Wife for her precious son.

When told the son hit “X”, the mother replies that its early days once they get to know each other better the son will be fine, “X” should make more effort.

The son had not told his parents he has been asked to leave , he told them he came on his own, so the Mother says he should have stuck it out for 2 more years and divorced “X” once he got permanent residency in UK. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT.. what sort of women is that..

What made me laugh the most this guys mother asking “X” parents to return all the gifts exchanged at the wedding, The sister then says “X” was having an affair with my cousin. 

This went on for 2-3 weeks, now they want “X” to give their son a second chance HELLO, did I hear right.. he lands in UK, I will F____ break his legs, and they want a second chance.. How will they like if their daughter is treated like that by her husband.  Hypocrite people. 

I could see the pressure on “X”, it’s so much, thankfully her parents have left the decision to her and side with her on this, which is again a miracle cause usually parents don’t side. 

Me and “X” had a heart to heart discussion on this, I told her that I support her, given her my phone number in case they don’t stop ringing her from india, But I have this funny feeling peer pressure.  I have told her point-blank that if she gives him a second chance or want to live with the guy then she will have to go on her own. I hope I gave her the correct advice.

It amazes me what people do and what does it mean to get married or about the promises people make to each other ..  I am horrified at the way people think god knows how many people are there who think this way ..