Satayamev Jayate – 2.. My thoughts:- Child Sexual Abuse, Women, Men, India..

I watched the second episode the series and Like the first episode this one was equally shocking too.. 53% of our children are being sexually abused, What more shocking can it be then this.

It further boils my blood at those people who gave me a THUMBS DOWN at what i wrote. Makes me wonder what sort of People are WE , who can’t even protect our kids .. further more what sort of people are ruling us in the government and WHO ARE WE SELECTING every time .. As the program suggested there is NO LAW so far in our nation for this crime.

I remember writing a line in one of the comments which got the thumbs down that “I do think that people need to stop talking of stupid issues and actually work on something which is much more required..” that we should maybe concentrate LESS on  USELESS ISSUES .. and concentrate MORE on issues like this. I would like to ask the same people again what do they think now , 53% which means more than one in Two is abused,  Such issues never make the headline , I wonder why!

Pick up the newspaper or listen to news all they talk is of things that don’t mean a thing when we put them in context over the TWO episodes that we have seen , the figures that have been shown, How shameful is it for our nation as a whole.  The Current headline is on BABA NIRMAL.. I mean for god sake ,  EVERY baba in our nation is taking us for a RIDE. EACH ONE of them.  but suddenly this one is in the news, hours after hours are spent on this USELESS ISSUE.  Yes this is a useless issue when compared to child abuse and female foeticide

This is going to be a controversial statement that I am going to make , HOW much time have we spent on the issue of MAN vs WOMEN.. how much time have people spent on MAN BASHING.. I want to ask those people what has that done ,  Dont they themself think that there are more important issues that might need more time , that instead of concentrating on the issues about the MEN in their family or the MEN around them they could perhaps concentrate a WEE MORE on the children too around them ..  PARDON me for saying this and I Iterate again , Let us as a nation spend time on issues which are going to make the future of our nation rather than silly issues .

I understand that no issue is less, they are all very important but I am sure if we tackle them one by one things can change, the problem we have is that we want everything to change at the same time , which is not how things work , we have to tackle them one at a time.

The figures are mind-boggling 53% of our kids, sends a shiver down my spine. I am sure rather I HOPE  this episode has done the same for others too, though I doubt as they are probably trying to find out or wasting time in finding how they can relate this to one and only THE MAN.

Today’s episode brought an evil a sad part of my childhood too,  I have held it very closely guarded all my life so far, not even the closest of  people around me know about this, but seeing the young man tell of his horrific ordeal  has somewhat given me a little strength to share with you all one of those days. I was in 5th or 6th class, Kerosene oil use to be given on a ration card in those days , a particular day you had to go and get your 5litres of kerosene which was used for domestic purposes.

PLEASE I don’t want any questions asked or any sympathy, so please don’t..

I was standing in a que waiting for my turn to come, my mother was with me but she was buying other things from the shop, there was a aunty standing behind me, I distinctively can still remember a hand going inside my shorts and starting to fondle me , I was in a shock , I did not know what to do , it had never happened to me basically as far as I remember I did not know what was happening, it was maybe for a few seconds or maybe more but it felt like ages .. and then I don’t know how to say it or put it , I felt a finger somewhere , where it is no way right, I shrieked  and as suddenly it started .. it all stopped .. I saw my mother run to me asking what happened .

I distinctively remember not saying anything other than that I want to go home, at that age I did not know what to say or to actually know what had happened .. I don’t even know who did it was it the aunty behind me or someone else , I was shell-shocked.  One thing I remember is the pain ,  My father came home from office , I complained about pain, I was taken to the hospital where I was checked over and there was a rupture, That is when my parents came to know, my parents asked me what had happened I remember I did not tell them anything till about a few days, It was too late to find out who did that to me. I spent a few days recovering as healing took a long time as you can understand why.

My parents have always stood by me, listened to me always YET I was afraid to tell them, I guess it’s because of the way we are brought up in our nation especially with Fathers.  I was not sent to the shops again alone, even when I went out to play it was someone with me. This was also the reason why when ever I had holidays my parents never said No to me going to our village to spend it , they I believe wanted me to be far away from the place.

I know what happened to me is no where compared to what the people mentioned in the episode today went through and probably hardly is such a  big issue maybe in eyes of a lot of people reading this,  But in my life this incident had a lot of effect on me , As you all know I went to a hostel for schooling, I use to be very jovial happy kid, but this incident actually changed me a lot , I was bullied in school maybe because of that , could not stand up for myself at all.. It took a long long time , not until I was in 12th that things changed , I became very violent in my college time, I guess it was maybe because of all that locked anger .

I still find is hard to stand in a que, or in a crowded place.. I feel uneasy maybe in the back of my mind that incident is still very much active.

I am not sure if I did the right thing or wrong to have written this , a lot of you have this image of me in your eyes, I guess that has taken a bit of a shock after reading maybe.. But the reason I put this here is to tell that this happens and it can change the whole life of an individual, I was lucky I had understanding parents, It took some time also to actually know what happened was wrong. This can happen to anyone, We may think our kids are safe but are they. The responsibility of seeing them safe lies with parents , who have brought them in this world.

I think Talking to your child is a must , telling them what is right or wrong at an early age is a MUST.  I did not know about it , I should have known the moment I felt that hand , it is something wrong, I should have had the confidence to run or shout or DO SOMETHING ANYTHING.. Not stand there letting it happen, I don’t know who had their fun at my expense but he/she whoever did something that probably changed the way I might have turned out to be, I am not saying I might have been different or that I hate what I am now, I am happy but who knows what could be..

And Talk to your Kids… Always

Your child might not be abused but they might have Seen something happen to some other child, Talking is the best and most powerful tool we have.  Understand this that Sometimes children do not realise that certain behaviour is OK in private but not in public. Or they do not realise that their behaviour is upsetting or harming other children.  They may be uncomfortable talking about sexual issues and may also be worried they are in trouble so your tone and manner are very important. Or you might see this happening to other kids in your locality SPEAK UP.

Slut Walk

Over the last few weeks and months I have read a lot on the topic, it has ranged from people saying Men are the worst thing ever , how women will be happy without men . Men calling how women behave etc etc etc.. I have gone and put my views on a few of the blogs where the articles have written the replies to some have been funny and made me smile.

So let’s be frank and throw away all the hesitations we have, Slut walk is/was organised by people to let other people know that it’s not the women who invite men to rape them by the way they dress up ,  That is what I think is the MAIN point although there are a billion branches to it which my small mind cant cope with.

I am writing this post to put my views on all this Walks , holding discussions , meetings etc as far as I am concerned Dont help there are reasons behind that, Has a walk or a demonstration ever helped anyone and I mean that in context to OUR country INDIA, not referring to any other nation because I don’t believe taking examples of other nation will help us , things don’t work the same in our nation.

My question is to all the people (male-female and any other category which is human included) .. the reason I put that in brackets is I am sure someone out there reading this will say I am talking only of females , yeah I get that a lot so to be POLITICALLY CORRECT I put all..  right the question is will this walk really help.. or has it helped ..

Again please hold your horses and take your fingers off that trigger .. and listen to what I have to say

I am not undermining anything, I totally support all kinds of walk , dharna’s , agitations etc .. BUT my question is to all those who are quiet vocal,

what will they do if they found out that the person who eve teased or raped or molested is from their own house.. will they still want that male to be castrated …

All these crimes are done by a Male (again please I mean MAJORITY) though females too do it but lets assume here its a male who is the culprit .. Dont you think we should be teaching  the MEN the male in our own house , in our own room for things to make a difference, I strongly believe that Once that happens then the things will change.

I feel that the BASIC MENTALITY of a  MALE needs to be changed..  After all the rapist or the man who is eve teasing , or even thinking of it .. IS from our society and maybe from our own home ..

1. How many people will be there in the march, Pardon me for being a idiot but as far as i understand a Indian mindset many of them in the march will be going back to there own home shutting the door and then BITCH about it, Tell me if i am wrong in that …

2. How many of the people actually in the march will go home and to there Husband-Son-Father and point out to them that the way they look at a girl is not good.

3. How many MEN who are supporting this march will on a friday night get drunk or have a few drinks and then do the same thing against which they are standing up now. by this i dont mean they will go and Rape or molest someone I mean talking amogst their own friends .. Oh how sexy that girl is , look at her legs , this and that…

4. A baby boy grows , starts school , comes back home after a few days Mommy is probably the first one to ask “KOI GF banai”..  A girl is taught and instructed about social conduct, given guidelines about how to dress and behave in public in general. But a boy is seldom/never taught about these things at home esp with regard to conduct towards girls. He learns from his peers, from the media which shape up his misguided notions which slowly get entrenched. Something needs to be done in this direction too.  (copied this from Ajay’s comment..)

I am copying “It is cool to address women as chick, babe, figure, item..It is cool if you are known for your ‘long legs’…It is cool to ignore certain men who ‘compliment your gorgeous shirt/top’ with all the wrong intentions..it is cool to get a million likes when you wantedly put up a pic of you lounging by the beach ( yes, I know some ex-classmates who will do anything for attention. They are still insecure like hell. The funny part is they are showered with attention only when they put up such pics. I am in no way supporting ‘it is women who provoke men’ policy but I am convinced it is because of low self-esteem and insecurity that is making them stoop so low. I have also come across men who have asked them to think again.)”

I totally agree with the above ..

5. I also beleive that  If a woman is dressed a certain way, it does NOT mean that she’s looking for sex!.. But then I would not want a female who I know walking on the road half naked,  as a prostitue would walk.. Again YES I know how they dress and walk.  I know many out there probably wriggling there fingers to put in a comment How do i know, or how can i see.. Well my answer is Look at the one you care for and love , thats how they NOT DRESS.. hope you got a reply

I was brought up by parents who taught me how to treat a woman, I was always told that I should watch how i behave outside since I have sisters and I would not like them teased or hassled. DO you teach your son-husband-father this … Did you protest when a male in your family said something derogatory about a female in front of you.

Do have a think and let me know….

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month

Child Abuse – Signs and Symptoms

Child abuse is any form of physical, emotional or sexual mistreatment or lack of care that leads to injury or harm.

It commonly occurs within a relationship of trust or responsibility and is an abuse of power or a breach of trust. Abuse can happen to a child regardless of their age, gender, race or ability. Abusers can be adults (male or female) and other young people, and are usually known to and trusted by the child and family

Although these signs do not necessarily indicate that a child has been abused, they may help adults recognise that something is wrong. The possibility of abuse should be investigated if a child shows a number of these symptoms, or any of them to a marked degree:

Sexual Abuse

• Being overly affectionate or knowledgeable in a sexual way inappropriate to the child’s age
• Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal diseases
• Other extreme reactions, such as depression, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, running away, overdoses, anorexia
• Personality changes such as becoming insecure or clinging
• Regressing to younger behaviour patterns such as thumb sucking or bringing out discarded cuddly toys
• Sudden loss of appetite or compulsive eating
• Being isolated or withdrawn
• Inability to concentrate
• Lack of trust or fear of someone they know well, such as not wanting to be alone with a babysitter or child minder
• Starting to wet again, day or night/nightmares
• Become worried about clothing being removed
• Suddenly drawing sexually explicit pictures
• Trying to be ‘ultra-good’ or perfect; overreacting to criticism

A child may be subjected to a combination of different kinds of abuse.
It is also possible that a child may show no outward signs and hide what is happening from everyone

Sexual development progresses through a number of different phases:

• infancy
• young school age
• pre-adolescence
• adolescence

Each stage has behaviours which are considered ‘age-appropriate’., although it is also normal to a see a child exhibiting behaviour from the age group immediately above or below them.

If a child has learning difficulties or behavioural difficulties, it is important to consider their developmental stage.

Many adults are uncomfortable when they see children displaying sexual behaviour. Our judgements are affected by age, gender, personal experiences, cultural background, religious beliefs and profession.

It is normal for children of all ages to play and experiment and be curious about their own and each other’s bodies.

Ask yourself the Following questions

1.    Does the child seem ‘normal’ for their age?
2.   Do they seem emotionally or socially withdrawn?
3.   Are they unusually aggressive?
4.   Does the child seem dirty or smelly?
5.   Are they bruised or cut in any way?
6.   Is the child left at home by themselves?
7.   Are they left out late at night?
8.   Is their home clean and tidy?
9.   Does the child spend time with their family?
10. Do they seem to have a good relationship?

And Talk to your Kids… Always

Your child might not be abused but they might have Seen something happen to some other child, Talking is the best and most powerful tool we have.  Understand this that Sometimes children do not realise that certain behaviour is OK in private but not in public. Or they do not realise that their behaviour is upsetting or harming other children.  They may be uncomfortable talking about sexual issues and may also be worried they are in trouble so your tone and manner are very important. Or you might see this happening to other kids in your locality SPEAK UP.