Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Hello everyone

Posted: February 22, 2013 in Bikramism
Tags: , , , , , ,

Hello all Hope you are all keeping well, I know I have been missing from this place for a long time, and I am afraid its going to be like this for a long time. A few things have changed in life and couple more changes are on the horizon.

Also new rules and regulations have come up with regards to work on PRIVATE USE OF SOCIAL NETWORKING, which states now  4.1 All staff are accountable for whatever they put into the public domain even in a privately held account. Inappropriate use or inappropriate disclosure of personal information on social networking and video sharing sites is subject to criminal proceedings (in accordance with s55 of the Data Protection Act it is a criminal offence to disclose personal information unlawfully) and/or misconduct procedures.

So I have been toying with the idea of making this blog private or deleting it forever. There are a few things that I would like sharing but maybe in the next post.

On other thoughts .. We went to a fancy restaurant the other week , to have dinner but I felt that there was something amiss in the Ambiance of the place .  You know these days maybe because of the economy or something anywhere you go instead of the usual Ketchup bottles , they serve you with these little sachets. Have you noticed that..

Now I love tomato Ketchup , I remember in school when I was in Patiala their use to be a new place called “Pik a Chik” that had opened near 22 number Phatak (railway crossing), and in those days these fast food places were the IN thing, everyone wanted to be seen at those places, The guy who owned the place knew one of my Aunts.  so me and a few friends would go there for food but along with the food we would finish off a bottle of ketchup .. It makes me smile remembering the guy telling my Aunt that its fine we come to eat food an all but we are not profit customers for him as we eat so much ketchup..

Anyway back to this restaurant, as I entered what do i see there was  NO tomato sauce on the table.  Now this was very awkward as now I have to ask for the tomato sauce.. my friend says don’t ask for the sauce..   I said I have to order the tomato sauce as i have just ordered some chips..

You can’t eat chips without sauce it’s too dry

so I  called the waitress very calmly but she looked as if she has had an argument with someone already or probably fought with her boy-friend

“Excuse me is there any ketchup in the building..” and I smiled

she looked at me as if I asked for something dreadful , she walks to the kitchen and comes with this small little cup of ketchup .. such small .. oh yes JUST TWO chip worth in it

and walked away

I stopped her there .. and said excuse me wait there .. I took a sip out of the cup .. and said yess

“This is nice, Yes I would like a BOTTLE PLEASE “…

They say laughter is the best medicine, so here is a joke for all of you . I went to my doctor and asked him , I have not been able to sleep lately, so the doctor says don’t have coffee or tea  before sleeping
and have a glass of wine .. to relax you .. I like that, how nice of the doctor

so Now that is what I do, nowadays have a glass of wine just before I sleep, But IT is not always easy you know ..

Because

someday’s I am already VERY DRUNK …

PS:- I am yet to reply to all the comments I know, Will do that very soon, I know I keep saying but will get there some-time, Promise.

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Right here is something to laugh about , I hope you guys have fun reading as much as I have…

 

I have been in a funny mood for some reason , dont know the reason why it is nothing special has happened,  We all talk about intelligence, little kids asking funny questions from parents,  we all have to reply to their questions very carefully. SO what did a father come up with when

A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?

The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.” .. .I am sure he does .. what an intelligent answer there …

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‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’

‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’

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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks  of your wife at all.’

Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really Good with the kids.’

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.   The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’   The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of  lightning, accompanied by  even more thunder rumbling in the distance…

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’

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Hope you all had a nice laugh and smiled.. Smiling is goood .. so keeep smiling All of you .. have a great rest of the week and weekend .. God bless

Pic. courtsey Google.

After the previous post, I thought lets have a laugh .. the way Petrol prices are skyrocketing I found the following funnies to smile at ..

Loan time

Need the leg too

And then i did this ... 😦

Help Me

Financial services available inside

Car Instruments

Old time - New times

Chanel No 5

PS. Hope you all had a fantastic Weekend, I had fun .. Met a blogger friend here in UK (he had come from India), Watched cricket and see Mumbai indians win so yipeeee to that .. Have a great week ahead everyone ..

Unlikely things to hear  in a Movie 🙂

1.

Nemo where the hell you been  

2. 

  Ok Mr Bond  DO you want to hire the FORD FOCUS or not ?

3. 

       MR Vader we are from the child protection agency

4.  

     WARNING this film contains Aishwarya rai…

5.  

      M.  I worked out what to do with GOLDFINGER..
Put it in a bag and mark it cash for gold ..

6. 

So this mission is IMPOSSIBLE .. lets not bother

7.

  Use the force LUKE if that doesnot work ..

       turn it off and turn it on again

8. Revenge will be mine mr Bond when we meet in small claims court.

9. Mmmmmmmmmmm CRACKING HEROINE grommits MY PRECIOUSSSSSS

So then people lets hear your views what do you think would be Unlikely dialogues or statements you would hear in movies 🙂   I tried changing by putting some images could not find for the last two :)…

Shilpa sharma tagged me with the following tag, So thanks to her i got something to put 🙂 and I added a few things in the end too to make it a whole Set A to Z 🙂
 
Here we go:
A. Make a list of 5 things that are in reach.
Laptop, Mobile phone, Hockey stick , Walkers Crisp and a Jar full of sweets 🙂
 
B. What is your favourite holiday?
All of them.  
 
C. What is your fashion style?
Ah ha here i go .. I am self styled guru which works only for me .. you get what you see is the mantra 🙂 Please dont copy me and try it at home ..  my style comes with discalimer and at own risk.. 🙂
 
D. What’s your occupation?
Lok SEVA it seems all i am left to be doing especially people back home who think money grows on the tree in the backyard…
 
E. What do you hear right now?
My colleuge listening to this english number and all I can make out of it is a racquet of noise.
 
F. Who was the last person you hugged?
The one who i love ..

G. What random song just popped in your head now?

Ha ha ha ha I DONT BELEIVE IT .. the song that came to mind is
GUD NALON ISHQ MITHA .. oh my oh my what world am I living in
 
H. What did you do today?
Finishing the paperwork..
 
I. What was the last text message you received?
A joke from a friend..
A women on her deathbed called her husband and asked him to open a box from under the bed. Inside he finds 3 eggs and 7000 pound in cash, “what are the eggs for”.. he asked..
“Everytime we had a fight I would put one egg in the box”..
“Not Bad ” says the husband  “3 eggs in 35 year. and the cash”..
she replies “Everytime i had a a dozen i sold them…….” 🙂
 
J. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
Blogs..

K. What is your next big planned purchase?
A Ducati motorbike

L. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Florida.. DisneyLand 🙂
 
M. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
hmmm retired back home in india 🙂  

N. Where’s your tattoo/Where would you like a tattoo?
I want one on my back or shoulder .. have none so far. 

O. What are you doing this weekend?
Clubbing my cousins are coming.

P. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
Flute 🙂

Q. What’s the one thing you need the most now? 
A JACKPOT win in the national lottery ..
 
R. Are you a creeper? 
I hope not .. you all reading do let me know if i am one ..
 
S. What is your dream job?
Nothing I want to retire now …
 
T. What’s the last good movie you saw?
Hindi :- Bheja Fry
English :- Unthinkable..
 
U.  What’s your favourite quote?
Stand Tall. Face your enemies Bring it on
When the going gets tough the Tough gets going…
 
V. What is your favourite colour?
Blue
 
W. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:
I don’t believe in it, you cant hide the heart, the evil or beautiful heart by having all those false stuff over you..
end of the day it comes out.. so be natural and be good and be honest… and love the person you love with your heart cause i believe that Once you get old and all this false beauty goes away you will need those who love you.. the others will use you and leave you MARK MY WORDS …

X. Coffee or tea?
Coffee

Y. What do you love to do when it is drizzling?
get wet, have some paper boats…
Drink hot coffee, eat maal pue.. :)  
love to be at my village standing under the roof… watching it fall
pitter patter pitter patter …

smell the fresh smell of earth….

Z. What inspires you?
Friends, Honour, Truth, Love.

Please do take up the Tag and lets hear what you have to say ….

 

Unlikely things to hear on a valentines days

1.   The perfect person for me DRUNK and IDIOT

2.   I love your smell , I love your eyes .. WHY WHY  Must  you  be a                 LABRADOR

3.   I may be Dyslyxic but that does not mean I don’t volve you 

4.   I am bit a of a man for the LADIES .. doesnot matter how well the signs for the GENTS are posted ..

5.   Be my valentine or die in a WELL

6.  Do we have to go through this ____ every year ahhhhhhhhhhh

7.  My darling wife
      Roses are red Violets are blue
      Valentines is jsut a commercial crap
      Now don’t you have some ironing to do 

8.  Life with me baby is a ROLLER coaster .. it comes with weight restriction :O  (oooops)

9.  I got three words to say  DREAM ON ___..

So People What other funny things can you come out with .. Lets hear them all..

Have a great Weekend… People

PS:- I also wrote a column .. On Reservation  ( http://theviewspaper.net/reservations-and-the-youth-of-india/)