Posts Tagged ‘Husband’

BlogJunta - An ode to the Blogosphere

Over the last few weeks and months I have read a lot on the topic, it has ranged from people saying Men are the worst thing ever , how women will be happy without men . Men calling how women behave etc etc etc.. I have gone and put my views on a few of the blogs where the articles have written the replies to some have been funny and made me smile.

So let’s be frank and throw away all the hesitations we have, Slut walk is/was organised by people to let other people know that it’s not the women who invite men to rape them by the way they dress up ,  That is what I think is the MAIN point although there are a billion branches to it which my small mind cant cope with.

I am writing this post to put my views on all this Walks , holding discussions , meetings etc as far as I am concerned Dont help there are reasons behind that, Has a walk or a demonstration ever helped anyone and I mean that in context to OUR country INDIA, not referring to any other nation because I don’t believe taking examples of other nation will help us , things don’t work the same in our nation.

My question is to all the people (male-female and any other category which is human included) .. the reason I put that in brackets is I am sure someone out there reading this will say I am talking only of females , yeah I get that a lot so to be POLITICALLY CORRECT I put all..  right the question is will this walk really help.. or has it helped ..

Again please hold your horses and take your fingers off that trigger .. and listen to what I have to say

I am not undermining anything, I totally support all kinds of walk , dharna’s , agitations etc .. BUT my question is to all those who are quiet vocal,

what will they do if they found out that the person who eve teased or raped or molested is from their own house.. will they still want that male to be castrated …

All these crimes are done by a Male (again please I mean MAJORITY) though females too do it but lets assume here its a male who is the culprit .. Dont you think we should be teaching  the MEN the male in our own house , in our own room for things to make a difference, I strongly believe that Once that happens then the things will change.

I feel that the BASIC MENTALITY of a  MALE needs to be changed..  After all the rapist or the man who is eve teasing , or even thinking of it .. IS from our society and maybe from our own home ..

1. How many people will be there in the march, Pardon me for being a idiot but as far as i understand a Indian mindset many of them in the march will be going back to there own home shutting the door and then BITCH about it, Tell me if i am wrong in that …

2. How many of the people actually in the march will go home and to there Husband-Son-Father and point out to them that the way they look at a girl is not good.

3. How many MEN who are supporting this march will on a friday night get drunk or have a few drinks and then do the same thing against which they are standing up now. by this i dont mean they will go and Rape or molest someone I mean talking amogst their own friends .. Oh how sexy that girl is , look at her legs , this and that…

4. A baby boy grows , starts school , comes back home after a few days Mommy is probably the first one to ask “KOI GF banai”..  A girl is taught and instructed about social conduct, given guidelines about how to dress and behave in public in general. But a boy is seldom/never taught about these things at home esp with regard to conduct towards girls. He learns from his peers, from the media which shape up his misguided notions which slowly get entrenched. Something needs to be done in this direction too.  (copied this from Ajay’s comment..)

I am copying “It is cool to address women as chick, babe, figure, item..It is cool if you are known for your ‘long legs’…It is cool to ignore certain men who ‘compliment your gorgeous shirt/top’ with all the wrong intentions..it is cool to get a million likes when you wantedly put up a pic of you lounging by the beach ( yes, I know some ex-classmates who will do anything for attention. They are still insecure like hell. The funny part is they are showered with attention only when they put up such pics. I am in no way supporting ‘it is women who provoke men’ policy but I am convinced it is because of low self-esteem and insecurity that is making them stoop so low. I have also come across men who have asked them to think again.)”

I totally agree with the above ..

5. I also beleive that  If a woman is dressed a certain way, it does NOT mean that she’s looking for sex!.. But then I would not want a female who I know walking on the road half naked,  as a prostitue would walk.. Again YES I know how they dress and walk.  I know many out there probably wriggling there fingers to put in a comment How do i know, or how can i see.. Well my answer is Look at the one you care for and love , thats how they NOT DRESS.. hope you got a reply

I was brought up by parents who taught me how to treat a woman, I was always told that I should watch how i behave outside since I have sisters and I would not like them teased or hassled. DO you teach your son-husband-father this … Did you protest when a male in your family said something derogatory about a female in front of you.

Do have a think and let me know….

Weekend I was away and had gone to meet my cousin and his wife who have recently got married and trying to settle in UK, They had come with a group of students to do nursing about 5 years ago, got there degrees. got jobs and Settled here. I use to laugh with my cousin cause he was the only male nurse and the house they had hired had 4 girls and him alone.. (oooooh , though he did not like the idea later on ). Slowly as with everything people moved here and there , He fell in love with a girl and two years ago they got married.

But this note is not about them, Now they have a friend lets call her “X” who has been sharing the house with them since the day they all came to uk, before that too in india they were all together, its like family with her now,”X” is educated , completed her degree and has a job in the national health service. Last year her parents decided to get her married… 

As usual a rishta came from a very close relative of a Boy who was Handsome, Good Looking , Very humble, Intelligent blah blah blah , it was as if he lacked nothing, the only thing was he had failed in 10th class exams and had come back from dubai after working as a carpenter. OK no worries I am all for seeing the good , so what if he was uneducated.. what irked me the most was “X”  is educated why did she say yes to the rishta.. I am sure there are enough educated people, I guess the peer pressure and the age-old problem we have the girl is getting older (she is only 26)..  had a lot of influence on the decision.

So she got married every thing fine, the marriage was in india, I did not go to the wedding, she stayed with the guy for 3 weeks before she was to come back for her job, then the process started of getting the guy here to uk, the first time the visa got rejected , so we went for an appeal, thankfully the visa was granted, and in december 2010 the guy came to uk.

For some reason or the other I did not ever meet him as they live about 4 hours drive from where I live.  I am a very outgoing person and I respect my relations a lot ,”X” calls me Veerji as in elder brother and when you know someone for so long they are family, I was looking forward to meeting her husband. 

I reached  my cousin’s house friday late night , went in and as usual I asked the whereabout of this guy, to be told that he has been asked to leave or sent packing more like it for almost a month now .. and then started the stories what this so-called Quiet, handsome, good-looking .. Sau Munda , had been up to. To my horror he was torturing “X”. Since everyone was working odd times he would pick his time .. Torturing her when she was alone…

Asking her for money.. Asking her to get a new house.. so much so demanding here to give the car keys as he wanted to go for a ride.. I was shocked when ever I had called on phone they would say he is very quiet, doesn’t talk much.  NO wonder he did not.  My cousin also got him a job within 3 weeks of him coming here , a DECENT one he was getting around a Thousand pounds a month which is a lot of money in this part of the world.

He even got a Knife out and threatened to kill her or himself and then Hit her too, I MEAN WHAT THE HELL.. I must tell you here I had a fight with”X” why did she not call, the moment he hit for first time she should have called I would have sorted this $%£$%^ like anything, I mean in spite of me asking continuously she could not answer me , as to why was she bearing this for 3 -4 months that he was here all she said was at time she picked the phone or tried sending me a message but never sent it through.

Why would someone bear this,  This left me a bit disturbed what sort of Psycho people are out there who treat another human being like that .. and PLEASE for the sake of GOD all those who will come out with this man woman theory , how woman are not treated equally Please don’t … 

All this had come out a month ago, my cousin had come to visit me with his wife for 6-7 days, things got worse than as “X” was alone at home, so when my cousin returned he was told , He is like me  immediately called the police and the Guy was asked to vacate the house and “X” could accompany him if she wanted to, THANK GOD “X” took a stand that day and refused to go out, she did not want anything to do with this guy so the guy has been sent back to india.

NOW this Guys Mother and sister I can’t tell you what all theories they have come out why their brother has been sent packing.  According to them its all “X” fault she should have adjusted, I mean they are themselves Women don’t they see how their son is, The mother further added that the son did good, she will find another Wife for her precious son.

When told the son hit “X”, the mother replies that its early days once they get to know each other better the son will be fine, “X” should make more effort.

The son had not told his parents he has been asked to leave , he told them he came on his own, so the Mother says he should have stuck it out for 2 more years and divorced “X” once he got permanent residency in UK. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT.. what sort of women is that..

What made me laugh the most this guys mother asking “X” parents to return all the gifts exchanged at the wedding, The sister then says “X” was having an affair with my cousin. 

This went on for 2-3 weeks, now they want “X” to give their son a second chance HELLO, did I hear right.. he lands in UK, I will F____ break his legs, and they want a second chance.. How will they like if their daughter is treated like that by her husband.  Hypocrite people. 

I could see the pressure on “X”, it’s so much, thankfully her parents have left the decision to her and side with her on this, which is again a miracle cause usually parents don’t side. 

Me and “X” had a heart to heart discussion on this, I told her that I support her, given her my phone number in case they don’t stop ringing her from india, But I have this funny feeling peer pressure.  I have told her point-blank that if she gives him a second chance or want to live with the guy then she will have to go on her own. I hope I gave her the correct advice.

It amazes me what people do and what does it mean to get married or about the promises people make to each other ..  I am horrified at the way people think god knows how many people are there who think this way ..