Phunniesss : Part 2 — Day 7

First week of marathon and I am already lagging behind , Sorry everyone but Cant help not getting time to do anything other than work.. I have some now, so Posting the replies as promised to the earlier post …  We have some Lovely answers .. let me do Mine first and then we will accumulate all of them together …

1. Don’t change horses…………..                          Until they stop Running.. 

2. Strike While the……………………….               bug is close by  .. 🙂

3. It’s always darkest before…………..                 Daylight saving time 

4. Never underestimate the power of………….. Termites

5. You can lead a horse to the water but………… How  ?

6. Don’t bite the hand that…………..                       Looks dirty

7. No news is…………..                                                  Impossible 

8. A miss is as good as a…………..                             Mr. 

9. You can’t teach an old dog new…………..          Math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll……….           you will STINK                           

 

 

Mine are not that clever , I have had some excellent Replies 🙂

 

1.

Don’t change horses…………...While riding

Don’t change horses…………... while you’re sitting on one!

Don’t change horses…………...while at the betting window.

Don’t change horses…………..change the jockey.
2.

Strike While the……………………….wrestling champion is sleeping.

Strike While the……………………….gun is loaded

Strike While the………………………. Iron is Hot.
3.

It’s always darkest before…………..the fridge door is opened.

It’s always darkest before………….. you find the light-switch.

It’s always darkest before…………..we switch on the light

4.

Never underestimate the power of…………..your toddler.

Never underestimate the power of…………..A jar of nutella

Never underestimate the power of………….. a bawling toddler.

Never underestimate the power of…………..stupidity in a large group (this stuck in my mind for a while

Never underestimate the power of…………..crooked politicians

Never underestimate the power of…………..Social media

Never underestimate the Power of………….. a Common Man.

5.

You can lead a horse to the water but…………..you can’t teach him to wash!

You can lead a horse to the water but…………..make it drink from a bottle of mineral water

You can lead a horse to the water but………….. can’t make it drink.

6.

Don’t bite the hand that…………..has just washed your butt.

Don’t bite the hand that………….. messy.

Don’t bite the hand that………….. that digs your grave

Don’t bite the hand that………….. holds the spoon.

Don’t bite the hand that………….. feeds you.

7.

No news is…………..the biggest horror in Shruti Aunty’s life.

No news is…………..news anymore – it is a bored man’s imagination.

No news is… ….. ….so peaceful.

No news is…………..100% true these days

8.

A miss is as good as a…………..mister.

A miss is as good as a …………..mistress

A miss is as good as a …………..Mrs

9.

You can’t teach an old dog new…………..ways to irritate your brother.

You can’t teach an old dog new………….ways to poop.

You can’t teach an old dog new………….masters

You can’t teach an old dog new………….tricks 

10.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………end up hairy and wet.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………, you’ll be the b****

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………you’ll be drowned in cuddles and happiness.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………wake up with them

 

I hope I have got them all here , If I have missed any let me know please 🙂 and thank you all for all the replies 🙂  So here is a question which one is the most hilarious…

 

Anyone !!!!!

 

 

 

 

P- Phunniessssss… :) Part 1

 

Do try to complete the following sentences , put them as a comment .. Just lets see what Funny replies we might get 🙂

Let me start with one

A. Love all, trust……………………………    ME  🙂 

B. An idle mind is ……………………………   Best way to Relax  🙂 

Comment Moderation is on, will try to put all the answers together , It should be great fun ..

1. Don’t change horses…………..

2. Strike While the……………………….

3. It’s always darkest before…………..

4. Never underestimate the power of…………..

5. You can lead a horse to the water but…………..

6. Don’t bite the hand that…………..

7. No news is…………..

8. A miss is as good as a…………..

9. You can’t teach an old dog new…………..

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll

 

So get set Goooooooooo …. 🙂

 

M- Mobile Phones

 

 

I had this post earlier .. Got nothing else to write so i thought I shall re-write it , hope I gets more views this time just being greedy ..

I was watching a program and heard a few nice tit-bits, imagine what u can do with your mobile phones. Here are a few ideas or tricks one can play on friends 🙂 ..

You are all sitting in a pub and send some messages to , someone from the phone of a person who has gone to the loo. Just imagine the reaction of this guy, the hell he is in, if you send a text to the wife or girl friend of the person who left the phone

“Dont worry it’s ok, she will never find out X X X X” (XX is for kiss kiss )

oooh he is gonna have fun when he reaches home or meets her…

or or or how about, you know how a text can be sent to everyone in the contacts , send a text to everyone in your phonebook saying

Saying

“I found out your secret Cant talk now, text me … ”

I did that I got a few text back but one my friend replied one Word …

“HOW” …

 

Two friends got very upset over the fact, that they had to pay a lot of money, for the pay as you go phones so they decided to get two homing pigeons, use them for sending messages to each other .. they started doing that but one day one of them got a note from other with nothing written on it .. this makes him mad, so he used his PHONE to call the other to asks whats that for ..

Oh that was a missed call… the friend replied.

And oh yeah have you ever by mistake changed the language on the phone .. here is a idea what you can do … get your mates phone and change the language to Chinece or russian .. anything other that what he uses he he he he .. that would be funny .. How does he change it back ..

So people who read this lets hear whats the funny thing you have done on your or your friends phone ….

Christmas – Questions

I had asked some questions in the previous post , but the Christmas cheer and all only one or two people attempted the answers, So here are the answers ..Hope you all are having a good time , enjoying the festive season..

 

1. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?

Claustrophobia!

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2. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor ?

Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

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3. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride ?

A Holly Davidson!

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4. What do you call a cat in the desert ?

Sandy Claws!

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5. What do you call a dog who works for Santa ?

Santa Paws!

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6. What did the sea Say to Santa ?

Nothing! It just waved!

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7. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party ?

Freeze a jolly good fellow

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8. Why did the turkey join the band ?

Because it had the drumsticks!

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9. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesawus

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10. What fur do we get from a tiger?

As fur as possible

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New year is just round the corner so let me take this opportunity to wish all the readers , and to every one around them a Very happy new year …

Day 2 :- Tradition

Update 03=01-2015..
One of my readers pointed out that i need to amend the disclaimer..

Disclaimer:- The above bears no resemblance to ME, or anyone else. Any references to any Person living, dead, or reincarnated is purely coincidental. No similarity to actual persons or predators, living or dead, is intended or should be inferred, NO SIMILARITY TO ANY CASTE-CREED-RELIGION-NATIONALITY is INFERRED... No Indian punjabi male Americans or indian punjabi british female’s were harmed in this write up and doesnot bear any resemblance to them 🙂 ..

This has become a tradition of sorts I post a funny joke or poem each year as the first post of the year, This is the 4th year of blogging on wordpress, the last Two days have been one of the worst starts a person can have for a new year, I am wondering now how the rest of the year will be ..but more on that later… So here is a lovely funny poem which i have now posted a few times and sorry if you are having to read it again 🙂 and I do hope that you find it funny too..

Now this is a story about Manjeet,
Who lived on New York’s 42nd Street.

A hard-core desi with a desi desire,
To control his heat he looked for a Kaur
and started by knocking on his neighbour’s door.

His neighbour was a Vilayatan of Afro descent,
five feet five tall with a Brooklyn accent.

Her name was Myson.
She looked like a Bison,

But that didn’t matter.
Cos our veer Jeeta was fatter!

Jeeta short for Manjeet, was desperate, and he had little choice.
So he started his chat-up in a deep hefty voice;

“Meri Jindagy, Meri Pyari, Meri Heer, Meri Kali!”

She listened to his lines then gave him the crux;
“I’ll go out with you if you give me ten bucks!”

He put on his Brylcream and they started to date.
Jeeta was in love; “Oh, thank-jooooo fate!”

But Aunty Bachni was on the prowl,
She’d smelt the perfume, it was foul!

Her senses were tingling, something was up.
So she checked out our bro, she wanted the gup!

She found him quickly in his Pug laal,
Then gave a shriek “OH KALI DE NAAL!” “Nee main marrjaan!”

Aunty Bachno raises the alarm;
“Jeeta’s down town with a Kali on his arm!”
“There’s only one way to stop his blunder, I’ll call his mother in district Jallundar!”

When mummy heard the news she threw a frenzy!
“Main audhay tukde karke rakh doongi!”

She picked up her shawl and headed for Amerika,
To eliminate the girlfriend and bring back Jeeta!

As soon as she landed she grabbed his ear,
“Stick to Punjabis!, Main tenoo kinee wari kiha!?”

Kala Kaloota Sara Tabar Loota!
Why didn’t you come to me? I know many Punjabis!

“OK mummy ji, just find me a voti
Who’ll make me saag and mukhi dee roti!”

“My kali friend was a bad move,
She doesn’t even like the Bhangra groove!”

“Serves you right! I’ve told you many times,
Marry a Punjabi, one of your own kind!”

“I’ll find you a kuree in Englaaand my son,
I hear there are plenty in Bolverhampton!”

“OH Mummy , get the jalebis, ladoos, patashe, shakar paare.. and lead the way!
Punjabi girls here I come, Ballay oh Ballay!”

I’m on my way!

SO how is it going guyssssssssssssss..

Disclaimer:- The above bears no resemblance to ME, or anyone else. Any references to any Person living, dead, or reincarnated is purely coincidental. No similarity to actual persons or predators, living or dead, is intended or should be inferred, No Indian punjabi male Americans or indian punjabi british female’s were harmed in this write up and doesnot bear any resemblance to them 🙂 ..

Lets get rid of the Monday Blues (2)

Lets get rid of the Monday Blues :- Part 1

Disclaimer: This post does not intend to make any personal attacks on any one especially to do with Male-Female issues. It is just a light-hearted post with some pics for Fun on a monday morning. So please DO NOT take it any other way. No offence meant to anyone. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME those Nasty emails you sent on Part 1, about sexism, Instead you can put a comment here and I shall publish them OR Keep your STUPID – IDIOTIC – CRAPPY thoughts to yourself. PLEASE do NOT LITTER MY INBOX.

To all those who sent the emails, I have Responded to each one of them , do have the courage to reply back too.. 🙂 Thank you , Have a Good day.

I have already got there 😦

So what do you plan to do when Internet goes …

I still have a couple of those 5 1/2 inch floppies ..

Does any one remember those old one where you had TWO floppy disks to boot it, Insert Disk A and then Insert Disk B.. and you got the C:/ 🙂

and Last but not the Least ..

Have a Great day and the week ahead Everyone …

Lets get rid of the Monday Blues

Especially for the Technologically Retards like ME .. Something that I can understand

YESsssssssssssss PLEASE …

oooops

That surly shows what has happened to me 🙂

Now that’s how to make best use ..

ooops INDEED …

So does any of these pictures remind you all of something.. or like me of yourself 🙂 he he he oooops

More next time 🙂 If you have any share them with us all 🙂

English is a funny language – 1

I was reading an article at The CYBER NAg about how some english phrases make a perfect sense – to indians.. When I happened to remember I had a few of those collected where english behaves like a funny language .. here are few of those

English is a crazy language, same words have different Pronunciations and meanings here are a few 🙂

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

Have a great weekend ..  Have you got any funnies like these 🙂

Where Are you From? A rantttttttttttt

Beware this is gonna be a RANT.. and it is a Repost .. Got the same feeling again today so putting it again ..  I am not in a good mood today, been to a wedding too .. PEOPLEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I am sick and tired of this phrase. Especially when a fellow Indian asks me that question… Don’t get me wrong… its fair enough if a white guy asks me that… He does not know because for him all brown skin people are the same…

But when an Indian asks me I usually reply from where you are….

This is a common thing you enter a pub, if you meet someone for first time they will be like

“Kehda pind hai apna” (what village are you from)…

Reply- “Muktsar”…

Malwai hain ke Majhe da … (these are areas in Punjab; it is divided into areas… MALWA – DOAB- MAJHA etc)

I must say when I was in India I did not have a clue about this, but here in UK it is like that, further divisions nation-state-area… I bet it’s gonna go to neighbourhood too 🙂

So I have no idea what Muktsar falls under still… Depending on the area you are from, the circle you sit changes a lot especially in pubs or wedding halls.

I would like to reply to these people when they ask me Where am I from That

” Sat samundaron paar mera sohna watan

jida mishri warga paani
jithe zare zare which pyar

Yaar main uthon da
Jithe Jamiya Bhagat Singh Sardar ”

(“Seven seas apart My beautiful cuntry ..    Where the water is like syrup …  where there is love every where ..

OH my friend I am from there .. Where was born Sardar BHAGAT SINGH “)

Does it matter where I from am?

Will it make me a better or bad person depending on the area?

OH YES… dont smile or think I have gone mad writing this… It does matter because it really is a big issue here in UK, among the Asian (Indian) community… I was surprised when “M” (short for Muthu) a friend from Tamil-Nadu found out that I was actually from Punjab, don’t know what he was thinking I was from originally, I guess a lot of people in south have names like Bikramjit SINGH 🙂 (Ok that was sarcy)… but If I am from Punjab does it make me a bad person or what… He stopped coming to my house, stopped taking my calls.

Till I was “BIK” it was fine, later I got to know from his girl friend who worked in the same office as me, that his parents were Brahmins, since I ate meat they had aked there son to stay away from me.. These are the same parents who stayed in my house for two months when there Son could not afford to buy a house and was living on rent, Why was he stupid enough to get his parents over dont ask me ?… I mean that’s hypocracy.. He went to pubs with me to drink… Here I must say he was/is ok with white people, I see him now and then in pubs with that group and its ok cause gora’s eat beef and Beef is not meat and not at all against his religion 🙂.

I am really surprised in today’s day and age this sort of racism still exists, wonder how it is in India.

The problem with meat, I must laugh, here at McDonalds we get cheese burgers, If you ask for a cheese burger, it has a slice of MEAT in it, that meat is BEEF… So Mr. “M” has gone with me a hundred times for a quick bite, ordering cheese burgers… where did the religion go then eating all that Beef.

I really find it funny. If it is to be thought in region way then Punjab has always been higher in the chain, I belong to a JATT/Sikh which if I am not wrong was martial race equivalent to Kshatriya’s So I am higher in the chain in that sense too. So why would it be a problem to be friendly with me. This is not just my story I am sure it happens to a lot others too or has happened, I was chatting with another mate who is in chicago , he too had the same views, he was a bit over dramatic and said dont be friends with anyone other then same caste, same religion, same region.. But thank god I am not like that.. I feel all Humans are equal END OF.

I mean Mr. “M” when you bought your first car and borrowed money from me to pay for it, should you not have thought about asking which area I belong to at that time, the money was tainted.

It’s really sad that living in a foreign place we are so divided, we don’t find this in Pakistani community they stick together whatever region they are from, but Us Indians it is Punjab-south-north-east… Sikh-Hindu-Muslim Jatt-Majhbi-Brahmin
poor-rich etc etc etc…

Ah well I guess I have had my Rant for the day.. so I should shutup maybe there is something wrong with me , I am from Punjab not from India..