Posts Tagged ‘Dowry’

Well The third episode comes with another problem that we as a nation face and it is such a menace, which is faced yet again by everyone, each family faces it no matter what , if they are parents to a Boy or a girl.. this ritual comes to the fore always ..

But I loved the message in the End given by Mr. Amir khan to the men of the nation , What sort of men are we .. Is this what being a MAN is begging for something from someone else , that does not make us men it makes us beggars.

Another point that came out of the episode and which I keep yacking and harping about is again A women being an enemy of a woman, The mother in law asking this or that , In the first case that was shown The mother-in-law knew how his son was treating the daughter in law , yet she did not say anything Rather she was calling up the Girls father to give more, I mean WHY.. Did she go through the same when she got married and came to the family..

Usually when we go through a bad time, or a bad scenario we ( I say we as in normal people), try to warn others not to do the same mistake,  If there is a road where we were robbed , we tell everyone oh don’t go on that road , this might happen or that might happen..   We have a problem and go to a person who takes some money to help us , We generally tend to tell people either good about this person who has helped us or bad , as they took money..   The point that I am trying to make is WE speak of the situation .. SO WHY DOES A MOTHER-IN-LAW who has gone through the same DOWRY problem in the Family NOT speak out to save another person from the same humiliation.  OR is that they think ooooh Revenge TIME.. now its her chance to get back , Since she can’t do anything to her husband or the family , she does the next best thing , to humiliate the new girl who is brought into the family.

I can understand people saying men are bad, society is bad , men do this , men have made life bad for women , Men are the root cause of all problems in one way or the other, But what about the Mother-in-law who is a woman..  Sometimes when I think its just makes me mad, We all say MOTHER is next to god, I say it all the time THEN how come the same mother becomes a devil for the newly married girl who has come in the family.

Today I had a problem with the episode and I Found something not so right, WHY WERE THE FACES OF THE MAN HIDDEN... I mean they are showing the faces of the ladies who have gone through hell, but hidden the face of the bridegroom, I think ,I Wish  and HOPED that the Faces of these MEN should be splashed everywhere, The photo shown was that of the wedding day THEN why was the man’s face covered.

I think the only way to get rid of the menace of dowry is to NAME and SHAME the boy’s family, They should be splashed everywhere on big hoardings, I am sure it the RIGHT OF THE WOMAN TO SHOW THE FACE OF HER HUSBAND..  I mean what sort of human being can leave his wife for four days alone with food, I so want to have seen that man’s face and I would also want to know what company does he work for , so his colleagues and office knows what sort of man they have appointed. I Personally would have written to that AMERICAN FIRM about this person , and I am sure if it was a foreign company they would have broken their ties with the indian company to get away from bad publicity or asked the man to leave .. WHICH IS WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN .. I bet that man has probably got married all over again and got another installment of dowry ..

I Think the show should show the pictures, fine they dont want to say anything against the man , I agree but that faces should be shown.  People should see the faces of EVIL, so at least someone else also is not taken for a ride. Moreover the relatives , the neighbours, the friends  or anyone who know that family can also see what sort of people they mingle with because I am sure That man and his family have probably made all those believe how bad the girl was, nothing wrong was done by the boy and his family.

As Mr.  Balwant singh ramoowalia said Punjabi’s have this habit of wanting to go abroad , and would do anything to make it happen,  to the level that they can give away their daughters and PAY for putting them into hell, 30000 girls are in that hell , maybe more who have not reported.  I remember writing a post when something like this happened  marriage has becoming business, I have so many stories to tell. The lure of coming abroad is making people do EVIL things, they are finding new ways to come abroad.

I think time has come where Parents of a girl need to start turning the tables, Any boy who wants to marry their daughter will have to give dowry to them, Pre nuptial agreements need to be made on the day of the wedding. 

I loved the way some societies have taken upon themselves to make a change, and the north-eastern states where dowry is read about only in books.

I also think nowadays the idea of religious marriage is gone , I mean the boy and the girl both take Vows in front of God , with all their heart , yet they break it so in my eyes that idea is lost, it should probably be registered weddings, cheap and easy go to court and get married NO need of spending lakhs on parties etc , I mean whats the use of that, one can spend so much money on that and yet you can always find someone who is not happy for some reason.

Parents of a girl are under constant pressure I know that for  fact, I could see -hear ,my parents talk , when I came over to uk, got a job, WE would discuss this, My sis had to be married, preparations had to be started as she was nearing completing her education.  Luckily for us the boy’s side never asked for anything and my sister is happily married BUT there was this unspoken deal where she had to be given, I remember we had to go for the shagun to the boy’s side, as we reached, I could see my dad a bit worried , Went up to him asking what was the problem and his words were “Oh yaar, we forgot to put the Television in the car”, and I was like WHAT.. so what But the look on his face and then obviously my mum came to know ..

It was that worried look, although the boy’s side never asked and I am sure they would not have said anything but just to see the worried look on my parents made my heart-break, I had to send one of my friends to go home to pick the damn TV, I did not know it was for my sis for I had that new tv in my room and I had been using it.

The reason I mentioned this little episode is its SAD to see parents in so much pressure if not from the boy’s side , then it’s from the Society, what will they say Mann sahib be apne beti de viyah ch tv nahin ditta (Mr. Mann did not give a tv on his daughter’s wedding).. I MEAN what the hell now that is a sad thought, the day the rituals when it is supposed to be happy time , both families are supposed to be feasting the occasion having fun , there is this on the back of the mind , The worried looks.

I wish parents don’t have to go through this  , I hope and wish after this show the men , the unmarried men of our nation, come to their senses and do what MEN do , do what the reason they are called MEN.. and stop being beggars , MAKE SURE THERE PARENTS DONT BEHAVE LIKE BEGGARS..

The best would be as it happens in Western culture, the Groom-bride both organise their wedding with their own hard money.. Why don’t we pick up good things from the western culture, and parents need to understand especially the mother in law’s that what happened with them when they came as a bride , should be stopped and they are in the best possible position to make sure that what they went through, the new bride coming into their own family does not go through it again.

Our parents work so hard , maybe they should spend that hard-earned money on themselves and enjoy their life or what is left of it , Not spend it on us all our life .. Maybe we as kids WE should WAKE UP and think about our parents, Get out of our parents house  and MAKE ONE OF OUR OWN,  rather than live in our fathers house all our life too.  Go out get a job and Earn our own.. Each of us boy-girl , use our money, and then FEEL how it is to spend the hard-earned money.  Once a child turns 16 or 18 They should be asked to provide for themselves.

I have been reading a lot on how women are treated badly and how it should all be equal, I got no qualms against anyone but I do think that not everyone is same and people of all kinds take advantage of every situation men-women both.  There are a lot of people out there who are taking advantage of the new laws that have come up ..

So today i will tell you a true story and you tell me who is wrong .. My brother in law “S”  is married To “R” and lives happily in delhi, they have a beautiful daughter. I am very close to him, Now my sister in law has a younger brother “B” who also shifted to Delhi as a career move and stays with them .  About 3 years ago “B”  got married, I could not go for the wedding due to some reasons, The last time I had met my cousin and every one was in 2008 , at that time there was not even a talk about this marriage i am talking of.

I am making this point because you all will be highly astonished what has happened when people make a mockery of law and how the law’s that have been made for the uplift of women in our society are used for personal gains.. So remember this Point 2008 I had last met my cousin his wife , her brother.

2009 february time the brother got married to a girl who was still studying in the final year, They got married end of february, so after marriage within a week or so she went back to the parents house to prepare for the exams that she had to appear in March, After her exams she came straight to Delhi to stay with her husband. who was still sharing the house with my brother and wife although he had been looking for a apartment all this time, luckily for the new they got a place of their own soon and moved into a new one, this all went on till may-june time.

During all this time the girl had not visited her parents or her in-laws , as they were still admist looking for a new apartment , finding a job , setting up a home etc etc , I mean we all know the drill.

In July something happened I don’t know what , some arguments amongst the husband-wife , whatever , the girl packed her bags and went to her house…

So other than the reason of the argument which I don’t know this is all that has happened, this was followed by the usual boy trying to bring her back, the parents went to bring her back but she did not come at all.

So the girl just spent a few days in the start of her wedding in her in laws house, then the boy left her in her parents house and came to Delhi in april or may whenever the exams finished lets say april.. In July she went back that is may-june-july assuming she went on 31st July .. 3 whole months.

All this trying to patch up things went on for some time, In the end to Cut the story short divorce proceedings started.. which has been going on for long, please don’t ask me the details as I have none and this post is not about that.. NOW the latest I got to know is she has made an allegation that she was BEATEN up badly by her in-laws .. THE police was so quick to react the parents of the boy were arrested and taken to the police station where they spent a night before their lawyer got the bail done..

Other than that also the allegation of dowry which I must say as is a tradition in Punjab, it was one of those hight end weddings where a lot of give and take happened, So fair enough I got no qualms over that the Girls side wants all the dowry back, Which as far as i know has been returned BUT the boy’s side did an Intelligent thing they made sure when they returned the items it was done Via the Court so each and every item was written, but the girls and her parents have left no stone unturned to make false allegations against the family.

I mean when was she beaten in the first 5 -6 days she spent in the in -laws house if that the case then she had gone back to her parents house , WERE THEY BLIND NOT TO SEE THE BRUISES THEN.  After that She never met the in-laws so When did they beat her.  If the husband had beaten her up then again she had packed her bags and gone home again were her parents so blind they did not see their daughter bruised AGAIN.

The reason Why I am writing this note is and I had asked you all to make sure you remember that I had last met my cousin in 2008, Well In the FIR that was lodged where by it was said that she was BEATEN up, GUESS WHOSE NAME is in the list of people who BEAT her .. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS   BIKRAMJIT SINGH MANN’s name and I have not even met the girl , I have not even seen her picture let alone met her.

I got to know of this the other day when I run up home to enquire about land-crop etc from the caretaker, He Told me that Police came LOOKING FOR ME .. He also told me my cousin had been arrested and had to spend a day in jail, SO I rung my cousin who tell’s me don’t come till I say so, because if police comes to know I have come to india I might get arrested .. and I was like WTF.. are they so stupid , I live in UK thousands of miles how the hell did I beat this woman and when did I do that.

How did the Police or law or whatever register the complaint which had my details in it, DID They not enquire who or where I was,  WHen they went to my house to do whatever they went for, they got the details that I live in UK why they still have my name in the list.

Whats more amazing is how did this girl and her family find out my name and details and everything , I mean I am not related to them even, I have met my cousins in-laws only once in my life , when they had come for the last rites of my father in 2007, that was the first and last time I was introduced to them.

Now please people tell me what is this and when I write at other posts as a comment that some people use the change of law to their advantage I got lots of replies which were like taunting me .. Here we go this is a true story lets see how many of those who gave me a thumbs down or wrote those comments against me , I ask them the question What do you have to say about this .. Is this the right way to do things or IS THE WOMAN WHO IS ACCUSING ALL THESE THINGS IS SHE RIGHT in doing what she is doing..

Whatever the reason of their fight may be , if she wants a divorce then why does she not just sign the documents and get it over with move on with her life and lets others move on too, why is she putting these false allegations, even if they are true WHY has she dragged me into it when I don’t even know her.