Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

 

postcard west midlands low res

WordLess Wednesday

Posted: August 25, 2010 in Life, Wednesday, Wordless, Work

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he put his hand on her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he put his hand on her leg AGAIN.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way…

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lately been thinking 🙂 ok now you guys need to stop laughing just because I have been using this word a lot. I have been having a lot of thoughts coming my way, and off course I have no clue what they are… ok I hope someone somewhere might be able to tell me something about it ..

a Few weeks ago after my hockey game… Yes I know a few will raise their eyebrows, after the small procedure and HER SHOUTING AT ME… not to use it too often .. I could not resist… what going to the ground seeing the idiots do everything OTHER than play, I had to do something, So as promised to someone very dear , I will just have a warm up with the team, just to jolt the knee tell it what’s coming its way. Half time came and seeing them run like headless chicken I gave in, picked the stick walked in to have a game… it felt goood… after almost 3 weeks going on to the field , pity we lost 2 -1 but then IF Only they had given me the full 70 minutes of the game, it could be 3 -2 our way.. Tch tch tch when will they learn hain… keeping me out… does not suit them 🙂

Anyway we went to the pub for a drink, it was a home game so we are supposed to provide food and drinks after the game… it was the normal pub we go to, but only this time it was a bit empty, not many people, England’s friendly was on, hence my guess people stayed at home to watch the game. Well we had our normal drinks ordered… That’s when the talk started…

Why do people want to discuss Politics-religion when they have had a couple of drinks?

I was bemused because lately I have stopped drinking too much, I was having my glass of water while the others were doing the usual chak de, chak de…

The topic of discussion today was somehow the ways of our religious leaders, back home in India, I am not too much into such things because to me discussion on politics always makes way to an argument, Hence I kept my mind away, someone was telling how they spend some lakh rupees in India on their trip, how they have setup a Club in the village for Kabaddi/hockey for the youngsters to do something instead of smoking… (Hold on coming to the religious leaders soon)… how they have appointed two coaches paying them 10K a month each, so now he wanted us to put in 100pounds each to start with, Collect more money..

So this is where I opened my BIG GOB… for some odd reason I had to ask, Why I could not keep my mouth shut I have no clue
“Paaji what was the lakhs of rupees you spent on, according to him he has spent approx 10 lakhs”, now that is a big sum ..

(BTW as the guy was telling, I could not help noticing how the group was getting smaller, people trying to avoid and move away … I guess I did not take the hint… )

so as I said the words I got a crisp reply back saying “tun ki laina kaka, you dont know the ways how it works”.. Pardon me but I am not stupid OR AM I.

My idea was that a Staff nurse or a helping hand in villages, well in my village gets about 5k to 8k a month, so why give this coach 10k, for coming 2 hours a week, Basically I was now thinking this was all money making scheme, the guy talking did not have good reputation about it. Apparently one of the leaders had been called to the opening ceremony, Aaa ha so that’s where the money went which this guy was speaking of.

It was quiet funny to see how when I spoke I was quickly asked to shut up but a few minutes ago when the money was wanted it was so easy to ask me. My point is we are a group of people who like to play hockey why would you want to bring this in the small group, or will some people just don’t mind where to get the money.

Anyway I have a very good friend who was looking at me all this time, the moment he could, he comes over to me and says

“don’t listen to him, and don’t pay any money, this guy started a Cricket club last year.”

Oh I said.

Ah well I was being cheeky cause for some reason I wanted to know who this leader was who had come for the inauguration.

Why people do such shady deals, I mean if they want to help their village or city or for the WORST help the POOR… why not do so openly, why try to get a mileage out of everything. I mean what good is it for a person staying here in UK or maybe I am too naive to understand the ways of the world. Lucky me I guess….

I had my glass of water and some crisp… before saying my goodbye, I was feeling a few Pangs in the old knee, and I guess I over used it… OK .Now I am sure to get some bollocking over this :)… But as I got to my car I had a tap on my shoulder, turned around to see my dear friend wanting the money… he says to me
I should watch my mouth .. oops … Now the above account is AS it happened, I know hard to believe since it’s My side of story… but I can safely assume a lot people would vouch for me …

I did not know what to do

Should I retaliate? After all I am much younger then this guy, I can bet if I walloped him with full force he would go down.. And yeah

psssttttt let me show off a bit I am a blue belt in Saikado oooh yes he he he…

Anyway jokes apart… So this little incident left me a bit puzzled… I mean what did I do, 100 pounds is not a big amount but still I would like to know what I am paying for, moreover if you have done something for charity or for your own self, why would you want to collect the money. If you did spend all that money for the good, did you ask anyone, was it planned? So many questions. I work my arse off to earn, I am not saying I am poor I earn decent amount of money, but that’s not the point. I work almost 14 hours a day, for 5 days.

Should I have done something, I have been thinking, it’s getting to me every time

Was I being a chicken?

Why did I not retaliate?

Why did I not say anything, it’s not me I am more of a person who Doef it and then think..

I guess I have grown up… had my birthday on 11th so a year has helped me in doing the right thing… or it has made me a chicken… NO IDEA… Well so I guess..

Anyway put the end to story I did not pay ha ha I am sure of at least ONE person who will have a Beaming smile reading this. When I starting writing this post I had some other views but somehow while writing they changed.. So this post has come out entirely different.

Ok people an update on the previous article I wrote London Dreams

My cousin after visiting places finally got 2 or 3 avenues to go… He was introduced to a person who works for a Bakery. Which was about two hours drive from Birmingham.

First they asked him to get a bank account set up, we went to the bank for some reason my cousin wanted to open an account in the Indian bank “Punjab national bank” that have a branch in Birmingham on Soho road. We went there They would not accept the Indian passport as form of Identity, How weird is that, An Indian bank will not accept a INDIAN PASSPORT WOW..

Anyway we were told they need a UK Address, Mine will not work because for proof they need some official document with my cousins name and UK Address, Now how do we do that, someone suggested getting my Electric or Gas connection in his name, Called the board to do so Guess what they asked.. YESSSSS  Proof of address and a Bank account for direct debits — Catch 22 or what ..  Then came a suggestion to apply for a provisional license… when it comes back it will have the address and name .. So applied for it.

6 days later the license arrived, another trip to bank, To our surprise they need TWO proofs, why the guy did not tell us on first visit god knows, I guess the Indian mentality of making people come a few times is still there in them. By this time I was pissed off by the guy, I had a few words with him, after 2 -3 minutes his English finished, he turned to Punjabi, his manager came apologized.

We went home this time applied for a national insurance number, everyone needs it to work in uk, luckily there was nothing required by the UK Office, just a name and address, the NI number came in 4 days. So now we had two proofs of addresses.

THIRD trip to the bank was successful, phew …

After all this again my cousin went to these job people, they were happy he got the bank account, but oh they forgot to mention the NI number… He needs to get that now… BUT VOILA yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy we were one step ahead, we already had it… showed it, The guy did not have anything to say, I guess he thought he has put us off for another week, so it was
“KAL nu phone kariyo 1:30 Waje” call me tomorrow at 1:30…

Tomorrow 1:30 came, called ooops he forgot to tell , the cousin needs to have a medical card too, Till all this was going on They had not told where the job was, Hours of Job, Money. Why would they want the medical card I have no clue, so we went to my GP, talked to the lovely lady at reception, My GP plays hockey with me so it did not take long to get registered with him, we had the card in a hour.

Back to the guy, he could not think of anything else so, Job was there , they will pick up my cousin at 6AM in morning , 2 hours drive, work there for the 10hours shift , then drive back.. To start next day again… And LISTEN to this they will pay £4 an hour, with one hour taken off for lunch.

The reason to point this out is, he is living with me so he has no rent, no electric-gas, council anything to pay for, or even pay for the food. If he had to pay for all that DO YOU THINK IT’S WORTH WORKING SO HARD… and being PAID PEANUTS… To start at 6 he is getting up at 5 in morning and each day he reaches home around 9 or 10pm depending on traffic and all others who need dropping off from the van. Last week for two days the bakery stopped working for 3- 4 hours due to the current economic conditions, they don’t have that much orders, so he is NOT paid for those hours.

It is true that he will get £4 or £5 an hour which is roughly about Rs.400 an hour in India, That is a LOT of money… but then a Loaf of bread here is between 75p to £2 depending on brands, a cauliflower is for £1, that is ONE PIECE. A Single mango fruit is for 99p. I am sure you will get the idea suddenly £4 an hour is not enough money.

I think people in India forget that though earning pounds, you need to spend also in pounds…

Anyway people London dreams are not that lucrative anymore… so THINK…

By the way my cousin is on phone for another job will tell about that laterzzzz