Archive for the ‘Laughter’ Category

Hi all I am going to make this as a tag,

What do you think are highly unlikely things you can hear from your satellite navigation system ?

Here are Some that I have compiled funny ones.. so please add yours too what you think

1. Bear to left , On the  right corner is a Rabbit

2. Did you check the gas, Did you turn it off , Did you lock the door…
    Did you
    Did you

   I think we should turn back turn back to see

3. ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET

4. At next set of light a  cyclist is going to turn up and give u a dirty look.. thinking he is better then you.. when the lights get green lets seee how his balance his MUUUHA HA HAAHA HAH

5. I will tell you what darling how about You getting out of the car AND
let your HUSBAND PARK the car

6. Turn right..

         WRONG .. I did not say SAT NAV SAYS

7.  Hold on I got the map upside down

8. Where the HELL are WE…

I am going to tag Chandrika shubham , Gaurav , Madhu , Harman , Sandeep (RAJ), Dr Chandana Shekar, Insignia  ,Neha , Rohini , Meghzzy, Karthik, Deepsss, Vibhzy, Deepak, Ritu, Sangeeta AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO I HAVE MISSED πŸ™‚

Please everyone pick it up.. its funny as you make it …You dont have to forward it to anyone if you dont want to .. but just pick it up or put your answers on my comments lets see what funny things we come out with … πŸ™‚

Hmmmm I am in a funny mood … Feeling a bit nostalgic about home. emotional, feel like crying…

Why is it felt bad when a man cries, I dont think there is any harm in that anyway today i dont want to discusss this , else i will go on a tangent again.. and miss the point…

I was driving my old car, I bought it with my first salary here in Uk, its 9 years old now , its become a old banger now, but I have it , Everyone says i need to sell it off but NA, I am going ot keep it Got emotions attached to it , So i use it day in day out, It has never given me any trouble what so ever.. EVER… runs like a wind… I have another car I imported from India πŸ™‚ yeah silly me, but I am like that. Its a Tata safari, But I dont use it that often… I am in love with my mitsubishi carisma…

I did go on a tangent there .. so I was saying Driving, I was listening to some songs when this song hit me

Chad chad chanda sohniya, tun kar roshniyaan ve
vekh ke tainu,watan diyaan kuch yadaan aiyaan ve
nahin bhulaiya bhuldiyaan , piplaan diyaan chavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

(rise oh moon, and spread some light, seeing you reminds me of my hometown, cant forget the shadows of the trees, beautiful punjab , my punjab)

Chan de naloon Sohniyaan , mere Pind diyaan galiyaan
Galiyaan de which KHED ke kuch Rijhaan Paliyaan
Haani mere haan de MERE DIL DE JAANI
jithe bachpan bitiyaa te Chadhi jawaani..
Oh bachpan bitiyaa Main kiven bhulavaan

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

My village streets are much good looking than the moon itself, the street where i spent my childhood and became a young man.. The streets in where I played having all those wishes-wants in my heart. My friends , the kids of my age, how do i forget them the guys the people I love from my heart
How can I ever forget the streets where I spent my childhood

akhiyan moohre khedde oh khushiyan Khere
Chal Manna uth chaliye sajna de wehde
Sajna baaj na Sohndiyaan eh Sohniyaan thavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

I can still see the fun and frolic happening in front of my eyes , Get up lets go back , cause these good looking , nice places, beautiful places dont look that great and beautiful without the loved ones..
… sorry cant convert fully but i hope you get the Jist of it all..

The loved ones i left behind, As i was driving I dont know why I had tears in the eyes and when the song ended i was crying. The funny part was they just came.

A very exciting thing happeend

THE BEST THING ( we think that as we grow old, we loose touch from people who mean so much to us, you think sometimes will they remember anything) Well before I reached work I stopped the car by the motorway in the parking bay.. I called up a number , a number which is not in my phone book, or in any diary but its sort of etched in my brain.. 009194…. I just dialled, I was hoping it would be the correct number..

“HELLO”… came a voice … when i heard the voice, the memory came back where in those good days , we had met each other for first time , and said Hello…IT WAS HIM..

I said Hello… THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE…

“OYE MANN, Teri bh__, teri ___ , tun ___ Β£$%Β£ $%Β£$ , more more and more “

and suddenly the tears that were flowing , turned there flow a bit higher BUT I WAS LAUGHING I had a smile big enough ear to ear. I bet the passerby’s would be thinking whats going on with this indian bloke.

After the initial choicest words of LOVE – EFFECTION he he he funny the same words felt like honey to the ears, whereas otherwise it would have been War…

“Yaar kithe hain… INDIA”…

“Check the number idiot” I said …

“When you coming , ajja yaar “… and we talked for 20 odd mintues , OH yes got late to work… but that was not on my mind ….

I had called this person after almost a year , but the first word he recognised… Funny how we go miles apart take ages to contact, whatever the reason.. But I know one thing that in my hour of need HE WILL BE THERE STANDING, no matter how many years go by without being in touch.
Maybe it was my fault , well not maybe IT IS.. my fault I should have contacted earlier.. but we have become so busy in lifes that time has become a necessity.. So I have promised my self every weekend I am going to call at least 2 people i care for.

I remember about 3 years ago, I was with someone very close to me, we dialled a number cause She wanted to know if my friends remember me , we dialled and the same reaction “OYE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”

Mann is my surname BTW before you guys think its MAN.. I am a Man too but its my surname MANN he he he he

It has ELATED Me so much, I feel so light and LOVED mmmmmmmm its a warm feeling.. to be loved and cared for… And Now i am ready for the day to any challenge that may come my way ….

So guys anyone reading this, pick that phone up dial a number, get in touch with someone you have not been in touch for ages. Give it a Go you never know what you will hear when you say the word “HELLO”.. hopefully after you have pressed the red button on your mobile to end the call.. you will have a beaming smile, READY to take on the WORLD… and your heart singing

Nach lai Ga lai , bhangre pa lai, mauj mana lai yaraa
eh din roj roj nahin aune , appan khushiyaan naal handaune
nachna aap te YAAR nachaune , oye aish mana lai

hmmmm …. Good luck people…

I’ have learned that you can-not Make Someone love you..
All you can do is STALK them and HOPE they panic and give in..

I’ve learned that No matter how much some say they are your FRIENDS
they never will be , cause they dont know the meaning of it…

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people are just ARSEHOLES

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up TRUST,
and it only takes suspicion to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen MINUTES,
After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge Boobs..

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others,
they are more screwed up then you think…

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are RESPONSIBLE for what we do,
Unless we are CELEBRITIES..

I’ve learned that regardless of how HOT or STEAMY a relationship is at first,
Passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place …

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in the house..
One of your kids did it …

I’ve learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken from you too soon.. and the less important ones NEVER GO AWAY

I’ve learned that The only people you need in your life are the ones that Prove they need you in theirs

I’ve learned that You will never know how STRONG you are,
Until being strong is the only choice you have left …

I’ve learned that your FRIENDS are those who know all about you and STILL LIKE YOU..

I’ve learned that there is a point in your life when you realise Who Matters, Who NEVER DID, Who always Will and Who wont anymore
So don’t worry about people from PAST.. there is a REASON they didn’t make to your future

I had this post earlier .. Got nothing else to write so i thought I shall re-write it , hope i gets more views this time πŸ™‚ just being greedy ..

I was watchin a program and heard a few nice tit-bits, imagine what u can do with your mobile phones. Here are a few ideas..

You are all sitting in a pub and send some messages to , someone from the phone of a person who has gone to the loo. Just imagine the reaction of this guy, the hell he is in, if you send a txt to the wife or girl friend of the person who left the phone

“Dont worry it’s ok, she will never find out X X X X” (XX is for kiss kiss πŸ™‚ )

oooh he is gonna have fun when he reaches home πŸ™‚ or meets her…

or or or how about, you know how a txt can be sent to everyone in the contacts , send a txt to everyone in your phonebook saying

Saying

“I found out your secret Cant talk now, txt me … ”

I did that i got a few txt back but Sekhon my friend replied one Word …

“HOW” … πŸ™‚

or if you are cruel you could send a message to your mother saying

“I am safe .. dont worry “

and then switch off the phone for an hour he he he he this will be cruel wont it … she will go mental he he he…

Two friends got very upset over the fact, that they had to pay a lot of money, for the pay as you go phones so they decided to get two homing pigeons, use them for sending messages to each other .. they started doing that but one day one of them got a note from other with nothing written on it .. this makes him mad, so he used his PHONE to call the other to asks whats that for ..

Oh that was a missed call… the friend replied. πŸ™‚

And oh yeah have you ever by mistake changed the language on the phone .. here is a idea what you can do … get your mates phone and change the language to Chinece or russian .. anything other that what he uses πŸ™‚ he he he he .. that would be funny cause it doesnot ask Are you sure you want to change.. you press the button . bam language changed… he he he

So people who read this lets hear whats the funny thing you have done on your or your friends phone ….

I have been wondering over various things that go by in life .. and always found that anything that makes you smile is the best thing to happen. here are a few things that i have heard or read somewhere that have made me smile .. hopefully or maybe they might put a smile on somebody who reads this …

1. Two fishes swimming at there leisure, bang into a wall .. one says to the other “DAM” πŸ™‚

2. What do u call a fish without a eye… u call it

Fsh … Fsh … Fsh

3. I always been curious and thought about it that isn’t it strange that when you say the same word in different places it means different and takes a Entirely different meaning .. well think about it that is you say

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA in a library they look at you and think What the heck,, what is this person doing …

But .. BUT if you do the same in a plane guess what happens

EVERYONE JOINS YOU ….. πŸ™‚

4. A man is like a deck of cards you need a HEART to love him.. A DIAMOND to marry him.. A CLUB to hit him and a SPADE to bury him….

Also do you peole read ads that come out in local newspapers , Because Ads in the local newspaper tell a lot about the local area and the people staying now imagine reading a ad..

1. For sale a double pine bed, includes mattress and sheets.. Contains STAIN

dirty people πŸ™‚ he he he he

2. 12 pairs of mens trousers size 36.. GENUINE reason for Sale .. Now someone tell me WHAT genuine reason could there be for selling all the trousers…

3. I saw this ad it said

Fishing REEL Cover for sale.. FITS most fishing Reels

and under it was written 50 pence.. NO Time WASTERS

I will find it difficult to waste this guys time any more efficiently as much as he is doing for himself, Don’t you think so ….

How to maintain amusement in your life , when it gets dull and boring and no one else is there to share with at the time being.. Well I am sure the following things will sure do Great… and Seeing others .. see you these silly things will surly put a smile on your face tooo

1 At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair
Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2 On all your cheque stubs, write β€˜For Marijuana’

3 Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

4 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5 Sing Along At The Opera.

6 When the Money comes Out the ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’


7 When Leaving the Zoo, Start running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run
For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

8 Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To the Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

9 PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Ok Now I am again running one short.. But hey by the time you do the top 9 I am sure there will be a BIG SMILE everywhere…

Do tell me yours toooo…

After the previous political post, I thought lets have a lighthearted post, Friend It is Important to have friends and that too at Important Places.

This poem is based on actual events……..

Now this is a story about Manjeet,
Who lived on New York’s 42nd Street.

A hard-core desi with a desi desire,
To control his heat he looked for a Kaur
and started by knocking on his neighbour’s door.

His neighbor was a Vilayatan of Afro descent,
five feet five tall with a Brooklyn accent.

Her name was Myson.
She looked like a Bison,

But that didn’t matter.
Cos our veer Jeeta was fatter!

Jeeta short for Manjeet, was desperate, and he had little choice.
So he started his chat-up in a deep hefty voice;

“Meri Jindagy, Meri Pyari, Meri Heer, Meri Kali!”

She listened to his lines then gave him the crux;
“I’ll go out with you if you give me ten bucks!”

He put on his Brylcream and they started to date.
Jeeta was in love; “Oh, thank-jooooo fate!”

But Aunty Bachni was on the prowl,
She’d smelt the perfume, it was foul!

Her senses were tingling, something was up.
So she checked out our bro, she wanted the gup!

She found him quickly in his Pug laal,
Then gave a shriek “OH KALI DE NAAL!” Nee mare marrghay!”

Aunty Bachno raises the alarm;
“Jeeta’s down town with a Kali on his arm!”
“There’s only one way to stop his blunder, I’ll call his mother in district Jallundar!”

When mummy heard the news she threw a frenzy!
“Main audhay tukde karke rakh dhongy!”

She picked up her shawl and headed for Amerika,
To eliminate the girlfriend and bring back Jeeta!

As soon as she landed she grabbed his ear,
“Stick to Punjabis!, Main tenoo kinee wari kiha!?”

Kala Kaloota Sara Tabar Loota!
Why didn’t you come to me? I know many Punjabis!

“OK mummy ji, just find me a voti
Who’ll make me saag and mukhi dee roti!”

“My kali friend was a bad move,
She doesn’t even like the Bhangra groove!”

“Serves you right! I’ve told you many times,
Marry a Punjabi, one of your own kind!”

“I’ll find you a kuree in Englaaand my son,
I hear there are plenty in Bolverhampton!”

“OH Mummy , get the jalebis, ladoos, patashe, shakar paare.. and lead the way!
Punjabi girls here I come, Ballay oh Ballay!”

I’m on my way!

Disclaimer:- The above bears no resemblence to ME, or anyone else .. Any Any references to any Person living, dead, or reincarnated is purely coincidental. No similarity to actual persons or predators, living or dead, is intended or should be inferred, No Indian punjabi male Americans or indian punjabi british female’s were harmed in this write up and doesnot bear any resemblance to them πŸ™‚ ..

I was watchin a program and heard a few nice tit-bits, imagine what u can do with your mobile phones. Here area few ideas..

You are all sitting in a pub and send some messages to , someone from the phone of a person who has gone to the loo. Just imagine the reaction of this guy, the hell he is in, if you send a txt to the wife or girl friend of the person who left the phone

“Dont worry it’s ok, she will never find out X X X X” (XX is for kiss kiss πŸ™‚ )

oooh he is gonna have fun when he reaches home πŸ™‚ or meets her…

or or or how about, you know how a txt can be sent to everyone in the contacts , send a txt to everyone in your phonebook saying

Saying

“I found out your secret Cant talk now, txt me … ”

I did that i got a few txt back but Sekhon my friend replied one Word …

“HOW” … πŸ™‚

or if you are cruel you could send a message to your mother saying

“I am safe .. dont worry “

and then switch off the phone for an hour he he he he this will be cruel wont it … she will go mental he he he…

Two friends got very upset over the fact, that they had to pay a lot of money, for the pay as you go phones so they decided to get two homing pigeons, use them for sending messages to each other .. they started doing that but one day one of them got a note from other with nothing written on it .. this makes him mad, so he used his PHONE to call the other to asks whats that for ..

Oh that was a missed call… the friend replied. πŸ™‚

And oh yeah have you ever by mistake changed the language on the phone .. here is a idea what you can do … get your mates phone and change the language to Chinece or russian .. anything other that what he uses πŸ™‚ he he he he .. that would be funny cause it doesnot ask Are you sure you want to change.. you press the button . bam language changed… he he he

So people who read this lets hear whats the funny thing you have done on your or your friends phone ….

Hmmmm I am in a funny mood … Feeling a bit nostalgic about home. emotional, feel like crying…

Why is it felt bad when a man cries, I dont think there is any harm in that anyway today i dont want to discusss this , else i will go on a tangent again.. and miss the point…

I was driving my old car, I bought it with my first salary here in Uk, its 9 years old now , its become a old banger now, but I have it , Everyone says i need to sell it off but NA, I am going ot keep it Got emotions attached to it , So i use it day in day out, It has never given me any trouble what so ever.. EVER… runs like a wind… I have another car I imported from India πŸ™‚ yeah silly me, but I am like that. Its a Tata safari, But I dont use it that often… I am in love with my mitsubishi carisma…

I did go on a tangent there .. so I was saying Driving, I was listening to some songs when this song hit me

Chad chad chanda sohniya, tun kar roshniyaan ve
vekh ke tainu,watan diyaan kuch yadaan aiyaan ve
nahin bhulaiya bhuldiyaan , piplaan diyaan chavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

(rise oh moon, and spread some light, seeing you reminds me of my hometown, cant forget the shadows of the trees, beautiful punjab , my punjab)

Chan de naloon Sohniyaan , mere Pind diyaan galiyaan
Galiyaan de which KHED ke kuch Rijhaan Paliyaan
Haani mere haan de MERE DIL DE JAANI
jithe bachpan bitiyaa te Chadhi jawaani..
Oh bachpan bitiyaa Main kiven bhulavaan

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

My village streets are much good looking than the moon itself, the street where i spent my childhood and became a young man.. The streets in where I played having all those wishes-wants in my heart. My friends , the kids of my age, how do i forget them the guys the people I love from my heart
How can I ever forget the streets where I spent my childhood

akhiyan moohre khedde oh khushiyan Khere
Chal Manna uth chaliye sajna de wehde
Sajna baaj na Sohndiyaan eh Sohniyaan thavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

I can still see the fun and frolic happening in front of my eyes , Get up lets go back , cause these good looking , nice places, beautiful places dont look that great and beautiful without the loved ones..
… sorry cant convert fully but i hope you get the Jist of it all..

The loved ones i left behind, As i was driving I dont know why I had tears in the eyes and when the song ended i was crying. The funny part was they just came.

A very exciting thing happeend

THE BEST THING ( we think that as we grow old, we loose touch from people who mean so much to us, you think sometimes will they remember anything) Well before I reached work I stopped the car by the motorway in the parking bay.. I called up a number , a number which is not in my phone book, or in any diary but its sort of etched in my brain.. 009194…. I just dialled, I was hoping it would be the correct number..

“HELLO”… came a voice … when i heard the voice, the memory came back where in those good days , we had met each other for first time , and said Hello…IT WAS HIM..

I said Hello… THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE…

“OYE MANN, Teri bh__, teri ___ , tun ___ Β£$%Β£ $%Β£$ , more more and more “

and suddenly the tears that were flowing , turned there flow a bit higher BUT I WAS LAUGHING I had a smile big enough ear to ear. I bet the passerby’s would be thinking whats going on with this indian bloke.

After the initial choicest words of LOVE – EFFECTION he he he funny the same words felt like honey to the ears, whereas otherwise it would have been War…

“Yaar kithe hain… INDIA”…

“Check the number idiot” I said …

“When you coming , ajja yaar “… and we talked for 20 odd mintues , OH yes got late to work… but that was not on my mind ….

I had called this person after almost a year , but the first word he recognised… Funny how we go miles apart take ages to contact, whatever the reason.. But I know one thing that in my hour of need HE WILL BE THERE STANDING, no matter how many years go by without being in touch.
Maybe it was my fault , well not maybe IT IS.. my fault I should have contacted earlier.. but we have become so busy in lifes that time has become a necessity.. So I have promised my self every weekend I am going to call at least 2 people i care for.

I remember about 3 years ago, I was with someone very close to me, we dialled a number cause She wanted to know if my friends remember me , we dialled and the same reaction “OYE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”

Mann is my surname BTW before you guys think its MAN.. I am a Man too but its my surname MANN he he he he

It has ELATED Me so much, I feel so light and LOVED mmmmmmmm its a warm feeling.. to be loved and cared for… And Now i am ready for the day to any challenge that may come my way ….

So guys anyone reading this, pick that phone up dial a number, get in touch with someone you have not been in touch for ages. Give it a Go you never know what you will hear when you say the word “HELLO”.. hopefully after you have pressed the red button on your mobile to end the call.. you will have a beaming smile, READY to take on the WORLD… and your heart singing

Nach lai Ga lai , bhangre pa lai, mauj mana lai yaraa
eh din roj roj nahin aune , appan khushiyaan naal handaune
nachna aap te YAAR nachaune , oye aish mana lai

hmmmm …. Good luck people…