Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

I have been trying to book some tickets on-line recently  and realized that it is becoming a real challenge to book tickets on-line or maybe its my age :). People say that on-line booking is very easy , it also is the new trend but there are some aspects of on-line booking I just don’t understand..

The first being What is this new thing you have to do.. Type a PHRASE or what they Call CAPTCHA , it’s like a challenge or  some sort of literacy test that you have to go through before you can actually go on to book your ticket, Look at the pictures and select a few with common themes, or a collection of letters hiding behind each other, as if we are playing hide and seek game. ..

So you have to copy that word in a new text box exactly same, you copy it – you press the OK button – it comes back saying NO .. they don’t match.. TRY AGAIN..  someone like me gets stuck on that page for half an hour , so much waste of time for a damn ticket which is supposed to be on-line the fastest mode of booking tickets.

What gets me more is when it comes up with all these options or Suggestions , especially with a slogan People who bought this also searched for this etc etc, I mean how does it matter to me what people searched on, none of my business. All I want to do is book or buy a product on-line, Why do I need to know about other stuff, If I want than I will go to their website or search for them.

Another thing that makes me cross is the address page,  You have to fill in your name your surname your first line of address etc etc, the fun starts when you reach the last column that says COUNTRY..  You press the drop down button it has hundreds of countries (Have you noticed how many names there are)…

Since I live in England I have a real battle because you go down the line to find the country called England, it’s not there 🙂  I try for Britain or  great Britain that is also not there , I have to scroll down to the bottom to find united kingdom, Why do I need to do that I mean is it not common sense that when I am logging into a website which has a web-address of lets say ABCDEFG.co.uk in the end, then that .co.uk is a BIG HINT to tell that there is a high chance of me living in UK, so why is that box not auto populated with UNITED KINGDOM, and if I have to change , I can always press that drop down button and change.

The other day I did a search for cinemas in Leicesterit brought me list of cinemas in Leicester, I isolated to a cinema near me Leicester again when I tried booking and putting the address the country drop-down had every country , NOW tell me who in their SANE mind will be coming from  INDIA or Afghanistan to watch a movie in Leicester surely the country in the list should be the local country, I mean I have selected a local cinema in Leicester which is in England and the first country that comes is Angola or Afghanistan so who is sitting in Angola early in the morning and saying  “hmmmmmmmmm  I’m thinking… I am going to watch Kong Skull Island in Leicester today, because I  am so sick of my local multiplex cinemas.. I will go and watch a movie in Leicester and this is for an afternoon show today at 2:30 p.m. Can anyone get there from Angola for 2:30 p.m. Show today ”

Anyway so once you put your address , next thing you have to do is put your e-mail address on the booking form not once but TWICE.. as they want you to confirm the e-mail address that I have typed … HELLLO I know what my e-mail address is, I’ve been using it for the last 15 years why are you testing me on my own e-mail address..

You have not asked me to confirm anything else, You did not ask me to confirm my name, my address but I know why they want you to confirm e-mail address.. More on that in the next post ..

 

I just wanted to post something its been so many days since I last posted .. How have you guys been

 

 

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I have not posted for a long time , in-spite of it all being a holiday season I been so busy with everything, yet it feels i have not accomplished anything, I must have driven more than a few thousand miles and flown at least half a dozen times for something or the other, I bet the lady at the check-in desk for emirates probably recognize my face by now at the airport.

Thankfully I have a day off today so I thought I will post, something that I have observed even though I worked at the airport for a decade it did not hit me till now I guess I am a slow observer or learner I should say ..

You know we have a duty-free at almost all the airports which although sounds like a bargain but I have my doubts I am sure the duty-free is not that cheap as we think it is, anyway it’s not the prices I want to discuss.. Right so you buy some items and go to the check out, where the smiling lady at the till asks for your BOARDING PASS…

I mean you have to prove that you are flying on an aeroplane even though you are in the airport..

NOW why would they ask for the boarding pass are they trying to figure out that we should not be in that place, or have we just barged in to the duty-free shop.

Are they suggesting that I got up early morning at a ridiculous time to make it to the airport , parked my car at the car park at ridiculous high price , stood in the queue to check in my luggage , then walked up the escalators through the airport security (forgot the shuttle bus ride from the car park to the airport) 🙂 .. I mean the airport is supposedly the most security conscious place, after getting myself imaged in the new human camera, and then getting patted up and down by the security staff just because my bracelet set the metal detector off..  do the duty-free people still think that I just might have got into the shop without the BOARDING PASS.

December is here, Festive season’s , the year coming to an end, I love December though because of all the festivities, and also one of my favorite person has their birthday this month (although I am not their favorite 🙂 ) ..  So I would like to wish them a very happy birthday a couple of days late I know.. but then that’s me a Late Latif always 🙂

So whats the plan for Christmas everyone two weeks left .. Have a great month everyone …

 

 

p

Do try to complete the following sentences , put them as a comment .. Just lets see what Funny replies we might get 🙂

Let me start with one

A. Love all, trust……………………………    ME  🙂 

B. An idle mind is ……………………………   Best way to Relax  🙂 

Comment Moderation is on, will try to put all the answers together , It should be great fun ..

1. Don’t change horses…………..

2. Strike While the……………………….

3. It’s always darkest before…………..

4. Never underestimate the power of…………..

5. You can lead a horse to the water but…………..

6. Don’t bite the hand that…………..

7. No news is…………..

8. A miss is as good as a…………..

9. You can’t teach an old dog new…………..

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll

 

So get set Goooooooooo …. 🙂

 

 

M

 

I had this post earlier .. Got nothing else to write so i thought I shall re-write it , hope I gets more views this time:) just being greedy ..

I was watching a program and heard a few nice tit-bits, imagine what u can do with your mobile phones. Here are a few ideas or tricks one can play on friends 🙂 ..

You are all sitting in a pub and send some messages to , someone from the phone of a person who has gone to the loo. Just imagine the reaction of this guy, the hell he is in, if you send a text to the wife or girl friend of the person who left the phone

“Dont worry it’s ok, she will never find out X X X X” (XX is for kiss kiss:) )

oooh he is gonna have fun when he reaches home:) or meets her…

or or or how about, you know how a text can be sent to everyone in the contacts , send a text to everyone in your phonebook saying

Saying

“I found out your secret Cant talk now, text me … ”

I did that I got a few text back but one my friend replied one Word …

“HOW” …:)

 

Two friends got very upset over the fact, that they had to pay a lot of money, for the pay as you go phones so they decided to get two homing pigeons, use them for sending messages to each other .. they started doing that but one day one of them got a note from other with nothing written on it .. this makes him mad, so he used his PHONE to call the other to asks whats that for ..

Oh that was a missed call… the friend replied.:)

And oh yeah have you ever by mistake changed the language on the phone .. here is a idea what you can do … get your mates phone and change the language to Chinece or russian .. anything other that what he uses:) he he he he .. that would be funny .. How does he change it back ..

So people who read this lets hear whats the funny thing you have done on your or your friends phone ….

I had asked some questions in the previous post , but the Christmas cheer and all only one or two people attempted the answers, So here are the answers ..Hope you all are having a good time , enjoying the festive season..

 

1. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?

Claustrophobia!

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2. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor ?

Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

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3. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride ?

A Holly Davidson!

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4. What do you call a cat in the desert ?

Sandy Claws!

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5. What do you call a dog who works for Santa ?

Santa Paws!

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6. What did the sea Say to Santa ?

Nothing! It just waved!

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7. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party ?

Freeze a jolly good fellow

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8. Why did the turkey join the band ?

Because it had the drumsticks!

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9. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesawus

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10. What fur do we get from a tiger?

As fur as possible

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New year is just round the corner so let me take this opportunity to wish all the readers , and to every one around them a Very happy new year …

Update 03=01-2015..
One of my readers pointed out that i need to amend the disclaimer..

Disclaimer:- The above bears no resemblance to ME, or anyone else. Any references to any Person living, dead, or reincarnated is purely coincidental. No similarity to actual persons or predators, living or dead, is intended or should be inferred, NO SIMILARITY TO ANY CASTE-CREED-RELIGION-NATIONALITY is INFERRED... No Indian punjabi male Americans or indian punjabi british female’s were harmed in this write up and doesnot bear any resemblance to them 🙂 ..

This has become a tradition of sorts I post a funny joke or poem each year as the first post of the year, This is the 4th year of blogging on wordpress, the last Two days have been one of the worst starts a person can have for a new year, I am wondering now how the rest of the year will be ..but more on that later… So here is a lovely funny poem which i have now posted a few times and sorry if you are having to read it again 🙂 and I do hope that you find it funny too..

Now this is a story about Manjeet,
Who lived on New York’s 42nd Street.

A hard-core desi with a desi desire,
To control his heat he looked for a Kaur
and started by knocking on his neighbour’s door.

His neighbour was a Vilayatan of Afro descent,
five feet five tall with a Brooklyn accent.

Her name was Myson.
She looked like a Bison,

But that didn’t matter.
Cos our veer Jeeta was fatter!

Jeeta short for Manjeet, was desperate, and he had little choice.
So he started his chat-up in a deep hefty voice;

“Meri Jindagy, Meri Pyari, Meri Heer, Meri Kali!”

She listened to his lines then gave him the crux;
“I’ll go out with you if you give me ten bucks!”

He put on his Brylcream and they started to date.
Jeeta was in love; “Oh, thank-jooooo fate!”

But Aunty Bachni was on the prowl,
She’d smelt the perfume, it was foul!

Her senses were tingling, something was up.
So she checked out our bro, she wanted the gup!

She found him quickly in his Pug laal,
Then gave a shriek “OH KALI DE NAAL!” “Nee main marrjaan!”

Aunty Bachno raises the alarm;
“Jeeta’s down town with a Kali on his arm!”
“There’s only one way to stop his blunder, I’ll call his mother in district Jallundar!”

When mummy heard the news she threw a frenzy!
“Main audhay tukde karke rakh doongi!”

She picked up her shawl and headed for Amerika,
To eliminate the girlfriend and bring back Jeeta!

As soon as she landed she grabbed his ear,
“Stick to Punjabis!, Main tenoo kinee wari kiha!?”

Kala Kaloota Sara Tabar Loota!
Why didn’t you come to me? I know many Punjabis!

“OK mummy ji, just find me a voti
Who’ll make me saag and mukhi dee roti!”

“My kali friend was a bad move,
She doesn’t even like the Bhangra groove!”

“Serves you right! I’ve told you many times,
Marry a Punjabi, one of your own kind!”

“I’ll find you a kuree in Englaaand my son,
I hear there are plenty in Bolverhampton!”

“OH Mummy , get the jalebis, ladoos, patashe, shakar paare.. and lead the way!
Punjabi girls here I come, Ballay oh Ballay!”

I’m on my way!

SO how is it going guyssssssssssssss..

Disclaimer:- The above bears no resemblance to ME, or anyone else. Any references to any Person living, dead, or reincarnated is purely coincidental. No similarity to actual persons or predators, living or dead, is intended or should be inferred, No Indian punjabi male Americans or indian punjabi british female’s were harmed in this write up and doesnot bear any resemblance to them 🙂 ..

Here we are Christmas EVE.. 🙂 Tomorrow is Christmas .. SO here’s wishing all my readers and everyone who visit here.. wish you all a

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ..

From the bottom of my heart .. and so does  ME and My Random Thoughts

We had our work Christmas lunch a couple of days ago, where by I collected a few Christmas funnies that pop out of the crackers ..

crackerSo have a go at them and enjoy the day ..

1. How do you get rid of a boomerang ?

2. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot ?

3. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert ? 

4. What has four legs but can’t walk ? 

5. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall ? 

6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations ?

7. What is the best xmas present in the world ?

8. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? 

9. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas ? 

10. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?

Have a Great day tomorrow and I hope and wish Santa brings all the happiness and everything that each of you has wished for ..

PS. A small lecture before I leave .. Please Dont Drink and Drive., Have a Safe Celebration.