Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

V/S


Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he put his hand on her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he put his hand on her leg AGAIN.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way…

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Hey people . My last post wow that went well. I did not think I would be getting so many comments , so many log on to the blog to read the article .. BUT i am sad 😦 , did not read it all properly, I gave a few hints too ha ha ha ha … and Hey this post has NO HIDDEN lines .. phewww you can all say …

First of all I am sorry for being like this or pulling every ones leg, but Listen to me .. the post on the little girl in mumbai was quite strong , so i had to lighten up and for the life of me I could not think of anything to write, hence the stunt…

Now all who read this , go back to the Old article and , press read more , then select the WHOLE TEXT, It has some HIDDEN text in between the lines.. Which a reader Gaurav did write about too.

So this post the 101st is dedicated to all my Dearest bloggers, all the lovely beautiful people who read my post and GOT MADE… MU HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA ooooops SORRY…. no seriously LOVE you all, each and everyone and thanks a ton for the lovely wishes for the 100th post .. So I thought instead of reacting to the comments on there, I shall write a post and reply to all as a Post… (plus i will have one more post to add to the tally, I am clever you see..)

Sangeeta :- Thank you so much, for that lovely Comment and being FIRST tooo.. But we know the secret now dont we.. 🙂 wink wink if you know what I mean. Yeah I am glad I re-hooked you to blog hopping its a good habit isn’t it, now dont be speechless and comment back 🙂

Chandrika S Saini :- I noticed you changed the name now.. it use to come up as Chandrika Shubham.. I am sure you will find words now , after reading what I have done.. Thank you thank you and NOT quiting and Yayyyyy you got it right a JOKE and the next post is telling you just that… Hope you can find plenty of words now …..

Rohini :- Thanks for coming to my blog and the comment. and there you go .. 101st post hope its soon enough 🙂

Insignia:- Well I must point out here, I thought you would ask me not to quit, but i guess you are the only one happy to see me go.. BUT HEY TOUGH you not getting rid of me so soon… 🙂 and yeah the ggggrrrrrrr was in the last post, hope you saw it ..

Kavita:- Thanks for the wishes. YES you are very right.. Chodh ke jana bahut mushkil hai, especially after meeting , I mean know such beautiful people as yourself. and yeah the kind of response has been a BIG eye opener , even though I would have still not gone, I am a bit thick skinned ha ha ha. Yeah hence the AD..

For everything you got master card..
Friends– PRICELESS…

MAIN NAHI JA RIHA :- he hehe Beleive me I am much happier knowing that so many people out there.. Plus I got to pull the JOKE tooo yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Tulika:- Hey, Yeah We had some nice little association in the last few days. and I AM so privileged and appreciative when you commented on the previous articles.. really believe me … Oh yes 100 and STILL YOUNG you can say in the comment to this article ha ha ha 🙂 , Now at least I know you will comment on this, CLEVER ME… and yeah random thoughts never stop and I AM ALREADY HERE…

Neha.. Got you, you always caught me when i cheated or did something .. How come you did not get this one.. I win .. I win.. yayyyy .. Thanks for wishes see this is a happier one.. I know i did not need to read between the line.. But wish you did.. no on second thoughts good othewise you would have caught me again… 🙂

Gaurav:- Only you got it, seems .. thanks for the comment and the wishes. he he Glad you did read between the lines..

Nethra 😦 sad I am not … so NO good bye.. Thanks for visiting my blog and taking the time to comment toooo…

Raj:- Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ha ha ha , I am glad you like the joke .. Thank you.

SG:- Thank you, Thank you. Na dont be sorry, not stopping you will HAVE to bear with the rants always.. MUUU HA HA HA HA HA.. what do you mean someday , I have changed right now .. And yeah we did not have to wait to meet again..

We meet now ..
HELLO.. how do do..
Myself Bikram 🙂

Quest Your prize is on way .. WOWOWO yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my blog is not mediocre ,
my blog is not mediocre ,
my blog is not mediocre

YOU said it, I will hold you to it alwayssssssss….. People who say my blog is not goot .. Please please revert to this comment ..

Yeah people are busy.. but not many got it 🙂

KNK.. thanks my friend.

Sana Hashmi (A new Beginning):- I know the name now. Thanks for lovely Comment. Oh yes I got loads to share, you watch you gonna get bored with it ….. Thanks for the wishes and yeah hopefully god willing the count would not stop, you got a lot more to endure of my silly random thoughts..

Chowla Sir:- Sorry to have pulled this stunt. Thank you for the wishes, and not to worry you wont have to miss my posts 🙂

The Holy Lama:- Hey, NO I am not old.. And abhi to shuru hua hai.. Life and fun starts at 100 I guess..

Madhu Awwwwwwwwww I liked the comment.. Damn It I will be in touch , promise he he he he.. And you will keep getting silly comments on your blog always .. till the day you say Bikram STOP IT…

Hary:- Thanks my friend. Well I guess it just shows I got more free time then you he he he he.. You the busy one..

Harman Your blog was one of the First ones I started to visit, when i started blogging.. Thank you so much for the wishes.

Sandhya Oh ho.. you missed the fun then.. Never mind always another on on 200th POST ha ha ha .. THank you so much. I am already back..

Thank you so much everyone.. I am so happy and Top of the world at the moment that I got so many blogger buddies… If ever I have said anything wrong or hurt anyone, then I am really very sorry for it all. But please do keep visiting and

hey hey hey hey

Comment also sometimes… 🙂 ha ha ha ha

I had this post earlier .. Got nothing else to write so i thought I shall re-write it , hope i gets more views this time 🙂 just being greedy ..

I was watchin a program and heard a few nice tit-bits, imagine what u can do with your mobile phones. Here are a few ideas..

You are all sitting in a pub and send some messages to , someone from the phone of a person who has gone to the loo. Just imagine the reaction of this guy, the hell he is in, if you send a txt to the wife or girl friend of the person who left the phone

“Dont worry it’s ok, she will never find out X X X X” (XX is for kiss kiss 🙂 )

oooh he is gonna have fun when he reaches home 🙂 or meets her…

or or or how about, you know how a txt can be sent to everyone in the contacts , send a txt to everyone in your phonebook saying

Saying

“I found out your secret Cant talk now, txt me … ”

I did that i got a few txt back but Sekhon my friend replied one Word …

“HOW” … 🙂

or if you are cruel you could send a message to your mother saying

“I am safe .. dont worry “

and then switch off the phone for an hour he he he he this will be cruel wont it … she will go mental he he he…

Two friends got very upset over the fact, that they had to pay a lot of money, for the pay as you go phones so they decided to get two homing pigeons, use them for sending messages to each other .. they started doing that but one day one of them got a note from other with nothing written on it .. this makes him mad, so he used his PHONE to call the other to asks whats that for ..

Oh that was a missed call… the friend replied. 🙂

And oh yeah have you ever by mistake changed the language on the phone .. here is a idea what you can do … get your mates phone and change the language to Chinece or russian .. anything other that what he uses 🙂 he he he he .. that would be funny cause it doesnot ask Are you sure you want to change.. you press the button . bam language changed… he he he

So people who read this lets hear whats the funny thing you have done on your or your friends phone ….

How to maintain amusement in your life , when it gets dull and boring and no one else is there to share with at the time being.. Well I am sure the following things will sure do Great… and Seeing others .. see you these silly things will surly put a smile on your face tooo

1 At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair
Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2 On all your cheque stubs, write ‘For Marijuana’

3 Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

4 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5 Sing Along At The Opera.

6 When the Money comes Out the ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’


7 When Leaving the Zoo, Start running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run
For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

8 Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To the Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

9 PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Ok Now I am again running one short.. But hey by the time you do the top 9 I am sure there will be a BIG SMILE everywhere…

Do tell me yours toooo…

Headlines that make you laugh :)

Posted: November 3, 2009 in Headlines, Humor

1. India is funding Taliban fighters, claims Pakistan interior minister Rehman Malik

2. Badal slams Haryana Cong (why cause his PAL/Friend …. Chautala did not win)

3. Another scam comes to light Moga, October 26 .. Inquiry yet to begin in previous case (Just ONE… )

4. A “jhandi wali car” is a dream of all politicians. In Punjab, 14 legislators of the SAD-BJP combine have been given ministerial status by appointing them as Chief Parliamentary Secretaries (CPSs).

5.Shiv Batalvi memorial turns into garbage dump Batala, October 29 Shiv Kumar Batalvi, who won the Sahitya Academy Award and is also known as the John Keats of Punjab, has penned down the best of Punjabi literature. However, a section of the residents here has made his memorial into a garbage dump and the authorities concerned have a turned a blind eye to the same.

6.Muslim body issues fatwa against ‘Vande Mataram’ Top Muslim body Jamait-e-Ulema on Tuesday said that Muslims should not sing ‘Vande Mataram’ as some verses of the song are against the tenets of Islam.

Keep Adding yours .. and lets have smile after reading 🙂