Archive for the ‘Funny Life’ Category

Living in 2010

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when…

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses / facebook / Myspace / twitter / Gtalk / MSN .

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to tell about this article.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list..

15. You actually Looked up up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list


duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wakey wakey

I’ have learned that you can-not Make Someone love you..
All you can do is STALK them and HOPE they panic and give in..

I’ve learned that No matter how much some say they are your FRIENDS
they never will be , cause they dont know the meaning of it…

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people are just ARSEHOLES

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up TRUST,
and it only takes suspicion to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen MINUTES,
After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge Boobs..

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others,
they are more screwed up then you think…

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are RESPONSIBLE for what we do,
Unless we are CELEBRITIES..

I’ve learned that regardless of how HOT or STEAMY a relationship is at first,
Passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place …

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in the house..
One of your kids did it …

I’ve learned that the people you care the most about in life are taken from you too soon.. and the less important ones NEVER GO AWAY

I’ve learned that The only people you need in your life are the ones that Prove they need you in theirs

I’ve learned that You will never know how STRONG you are,
Until being strong is the only choice you have left …

I’ve learned that your FRIENDS are those who know all about you and STILL LIKE YOU..

I’ve learned that there is a point in your life when you realise Who Matters, Who NEVER DID, Who always Will and Who wont anymore
So don’t worry about people from PAST.. there is a REASON they didn’t make to your future

I have been wondering over various things that go by in life .. and always found that anything that makes you smile is the best thing to happen. here are a few things that i have heard or read somewhere that have made me smile .. hopefully or maybe they might put a smile on somebody who reads this …

1. Two fishes swimming at there leisure, bang into a wall .. one says to the other “DAM” 🙂

2. What do u call a fish without a eye… u call it

Fsh … Fsh … Fsh

3. I always been curious and thought about it that isn’t it strange that when you say the same word in different places it means different and takes a Entirely different meaning .. well think about it that is you say

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA in a library they look at you and think What the heck,, what is this person doing …

But .. BUT if you do the same in a plane guess what happens

EVERYONE JOINS YOU ….. 🙂

4. A man is like a deck of cards you need a HEART to love him.. A DIAMOND to marry him.. A CLUB to hit him and a SPADE to bury him….

Also do you peole read ads that come out in local newspapers , Because Ads in the local newspaper tell a lot about the local area and the people staying now imagine reading a ad..

1. For sale a double pine bed, includes mattress and sheets.. Contains STAIN

dirty people 🙂 he he he he

2. 12 pairs of mens trousers size 36.. GENUINE reason for Sale .. Now someone tell me WHAT genuine reason could there be for selling all the trousers…

3. I saw this ad it said

Fishing REEL Cover for sale.. FITS most fishing Reels

and under it was written 50 pence.. NO Time WASTERS

I will find it difficult to waste this guys time any more efficiently as much as he is doing for himself, Don’t you think so ….

Beware this is gonna be a RANT.. and I am not in a good mood today, took me hour and half to reach work.. roads are icy.. and people dont know how to drive ahhhhhhh!!!!

I am sick and tired of this phrase. Especially when a fellow Indian asks me that question… Don’t get me wrong… its fair enough if a white guy asks me that… He does not know because for him all brown skin people are the same…

But when an Indian asks me I usually reply from where you are….

This is a common thing you enter a pub, if you meet someone for first time they will be like

“Kehda pind hai apna” (what village are you from)…

Reply- “Muktsar”…

Malwai hain ke Majhe da … (these are areas in Punjab; it is divided into areas… MALWA – DOAB- MAJHA etc)

I must say when I was in India I did not have a clue about this, but here in UK it is like that, further divisions nation-state-area… I bet it’s gonna go to neighbourhood too 🙂

So I have no idea what Muktsar falls under still… Depending on the area you are from, the circle you sit changes a lot especially in pubs or wedding halls.

I would like to reply to these people when they ask me Where am I from That

” Sat samundaron paar mera sohna watan

jida mishri warga paani
jithe zare zare which pyar

Yaar main uthon da
Jithe Jamiya Bhagat Singh Sardar

Does it matter where I from am?

Will it make me a better or bad person depending on the area?

OH YES… dont smile or think I have gone mad writing this… It does matter because it really is a big issue here in UK, among the Asian (Indian) community… I was surprised when “M” (short for Muthu) a friend from Tamil-Nadu found out that I was actually from Punjab, don’t know what he was thinking I was from originally, I guess a lot of people in south have names like Bikramjit SINGH 🙂 (Ok that was sarcy)… but If I am from Punjab does it make me a bad person or what… He stopped coming to my house, stopped taking my calls.

Till I was “BIK” it was fine, later I got to know from his girl friend who worked in the same office as me, that his parents were Brahmins, since I ate meat they had aked there son to stay away from me.. These are the same parents who stayed in my house for two months when there Son could not afford to buy a house and was living on rent, Why was he stupid enough to get his parents over dont ask me ?… I mean that’s hypocracy.. He went to pubs with me to drink… Here I must say he was/is ok with white people, I see him now and then in pubs with that group and its ok cause gora’s eat beef and Beef is not meat and not at all against his religion :).

I am really surprised in today’s day and age this sort of racism still exists, wonder how it is in India.

The problem with meat, I must laugh, here at McDonalds we get cheese burgers, If you ask for a cheese burger, it has a slice of MEAT in it, that meat is BEEF… So Mr. “M” has gone with me a hundred times for a quick bite, ordering cheese burgers… where did the religion go then eating all that Beef.

I really find it funny. If it is to be thought in region way then Punjab has always been higher in the chain, I belong to a JATT/Sikh which if I am not wrong was martial race equivalent to Kshatriya’s So I am higher in the chain in that sense too. So why would it be a problem to be friendly with me. This is not just my story I am sure it happens to a lot others too or has happened, I was chatting with another mate who is in chicago , he too had the same views, he was a bit over dramatic and said dont be friends with anyone other then same caste, same religion, same region.. But thank god I am not like that.. I feel all Humans are equal END OF.

I mean Mr. “M” when you bought your first car and borrowed money from me to pay for it, should you not have thought about asking which area I belong to at that time, the money was tainted.

It’s really sad that living in a foreign place we are so divided, we don’t find this in Pakistani community they stick together whatever region they are from, but Us Indians it is Punjab-south-north-east… Sikh-Hindu-Muslim Jatt-Majhbi-Brahmin
poor-rich etc etc etc…

Ah well I guess I have had my Rant for the day.. so I should shutup maybe there is something wrong with me , I am from Punjab not from India..

The WeekEnd- WHY ME !!!!

Posted: December 14, 2009 in Funny Life, Hiking, Life, Sudden

Well I have already written an article on how life changes in a flash of a second, How life Changes(click if you haven’t read it), I had a second experience this Saturday… Makes me wonder how or why the hell it has got to happen with me…

We planned to hike up a mountain (a hill basically, mountain sounds Nicer 🙂 .. ) , six of us decided to go for a weekend camping, YES YES YES I know December, . Not a good idea would have frozen to death… but anyway we decided that… Friday took off after work, down the motorways, (Why do all roadwork’s have to start at same time, spent hour or more sitting driving at 5 or 6 MPH).. It was so late by the time we reached the venue. Got the tents out… sleeping bags luckily for us Jay had made it on time so he had done all the dirty work set the stuff… and got the meat out for us to cook it… SO the night went in a couple of beers a bit of Bar-B-que and freezing…

Next morning started early the plan was to reach the top, then get down by 4pm, there was this pub we had seen while driving where we intended to eat food… there was small brooke , trickling which we had crossed on way up, no one thought or gave it a thought . .we were too engrossed in who will make it to top first , joking at Dave for panting all his way up, and Georgie boy almost falling every step he took. It all went pear shaped on way back, first we got late… it was already dark, it had been raining very hard we were soaked to the inside… Very cold, hands were frozen… everyone was cursing Jay to have decided to come and MADE US COME too 🙂 poor guy.. He always gets in the neck if something goes wrong.

We did not realize that the brook we had crossed was not a trickle anymore, Jay was leading me behind him, then the others, we were looking forward to reaching the Dryness of the tent, get some brandy in ( psstt. Well the situation demanded, it was cold… so all reading this dont frown.) As jay put his foot in water , swish he was on his bottom, he made such a big noise, I must say I laughed as a reaction, then I could see Jay struggle as he got washed away a few feet, ooops I had no option other then Run after him, to get hold of him there was lots of debris, As I put my hand forward , Jay grabbed it but the pebbles, mud, sticks , leaves had made it all so slippery DHAAAAD I was on my Butt, water all over me , my back hit ground, as I splashed hard, my head hit something.. I was splashing like mad, got hold of a branch, held it, while jay was holding my foot…

It felt funny for Dave and George as they were having a laugh, Manny was the only sensible person who actually thought we might have got hurt, torches shone in our eyes and me hurling choices words… then the other realized that it was not funny, Jay had a broken arm, I had my head split in two places, blood had trickled over my eyes, I could not see anything, my glasses had broken.. dirty mud water was in my mouth… YUCK.., there was a drop of a few feet just a yard or so away, had we not recovered it would have been far worse accident.

Jay was in pain, luckily I always carry my first aid kit with me, since I am a trained first aider at work, so WE put a sling around his arm, Dave put some bandage on my head, and my back was bruised pretty nice.

I mean a small brook, no one had given a thought, look at the damage it had done. Small incidents turn nasty. The worst thing none of us had our mobiles, all were nicely packed and DRY at base, it was so dark, could not see our way… God had gotten too angry at earthlings, so he had opened the sky hurling water at us. We decided to stay put at that place, BAD IDEA… but we did not want to risk it again, because there was too much water around… If we slipped again we would have had it…

Anyway after hours god had mercy on us, it stopped to rain… and we decided to move… Luckily for us we all managed to make it back…Where the bottle of Brandy awaited us … Phoned the emergency help, they were soon there, attending to us, I had a crown on my head where they glued the two cuts, Jay was taken to hospital for more X-ray etc, I was fine by then. Then the Giggles started… and I again became centre of jokes.

So next weekend we have decided to go do it once again, I am sure Jay will not be joining us, I have already had a Threatening email from Jamie his wife to not take her husband with us.. Boooo hooooo…Ah well he can have a weekend off with his wife… 🙂

The End.

Hmmmm I am in a funny mood … Feeling a bit nostalgic about home. emotional, feel like crying…

Why is it felt bad when a man cries, I dont think there is any harm in that anyway today i dont want to discusss this , else i will go on a tangent again.. and miss the point…

I was driving my old car, I bought it with my first salary here in Uk, its 9 years old now , its become a old banger now, but I have it , Everyone says i need to sell it off but NA, I am going ot keep it Got emotions attached to it , So i use it day in day out, It has never given me any trouble what so ever.. EVER… runs like a wind… I have another car I imported from India 🙂 yeah silly me, but I am like that. Its a Tata safari, But I dont use it that often… I am in love with my mitsubishi carisma…

I did go on a tangent there .. so I was saying Driving, I was listening to some songs when this song hit me

Chad chad chanda sohniya, tun kar roshniyaan ve
vekh ke tainu,watan diyaan kuch yadaan aiyaan ve
nahin bhulaiya bhuldiyaan , piplaan diyaan chavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

(rise oh moon, and spread some light, seeing you reminds me of my hometown, cant forget the shadows of the trees, beautiful punjab , my punjab)

Chan de naloon Sohniyaan , mere Pind diyaan galiyaan
Galiyaan de which KHED ke kuch Rijhaan Paliyaan
Haani mere haan de MERE DIL DE JAANI
jithe bachpan bitiyaa te Chadhi jawaani..
Oh bachpan bitiyaa Main kiven bhulavaan

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

My village streets are much good looking than the moon itself, the street where i spent my childhood and became a young man.. The streets in where I played having all those wishes-wants in my heart. My friends , the kids of my age, how do i forget them the guys the people I love from my heart
How can I ever forget the streets where I spent my childhood

akhiyan moohre khedde oh khushiyan Khere
Chal Manna uth chaliye sajna de wehde
Sajna baaj na Sohndiyaan eh Sohniyaan thavaan oye

SOHNE DESH PUNJAB TO MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE
SOHNE WATAN PUNJAB TON MAIN SADKE JAVAAN OYE

I can still see the fun and frolic happening in front of my eyes , Get up lets go back , cause these good looking , nice places, beautiful places dont look that great and beautiful without the loved ones..
… sorry cant convert fully but i hope you get the Jist of it all..

The loved ones i left behind, As i was driving I dont know why I had tears in the eyes and when the song ended i was crying. The funny part was they just came.

A very exciting thing happeend

THE BEST THING ( we think that as we grow old, we loose touch from people who mean so much to us, you think sometimes will they remember anything) Well before I reached work I stopped the car by the motorway in the parking bay.. I called up a number , a number which is not in my phone book, or in any diary but its sort of etched in my brain.. 009194…. I just dialled, I was hoping it would be the correct number..

“HELLO”… came a voice … when i heard the voice, the memory came back where in those good days , we had met each other for first time , and said Hello…IT WAS HIM..

I said Hello… THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE…

“OYE MANN, Teri bh__, teri ___ , tun ___ £$%£ $%£$ , more more and more “

and suddenly the tears that were flowing , turned there flow a bit higher BUT I WAS LAUGHING I had a smile big enough ear to ear. I bet the passerby’s would be thinking whats going on with this indian bloke.

After the initial choicest words of LOVE – EFFECTION he he he funny the same words felt like honey to the ears, whereas otherwise it would have been War…

“Yaar kithe hain… INDIA”…

“Check the number idiot” I said …

“When you coming , ajja yaar “… and we talked for 20 odd mintues , OH yes got late to work… but that was not on my mind ….

I had called this person after almost a year , but the first word he recognised… Funny how we go miles apart take ages to contact, whatever the reason.. But I know one thing that in my hour of need HE WILL BE THERE STANDING, no matter how many years go by without being in touch.
Maybe it was my fault , well not maybe IT IS.. my fault I should have contacted earlier.. but we have become so busy in lifes that time has become a necessity.. So I have promised my self every weekend I am going to call at least 2 people i care for.

I remember about 3 years ago, I was with someone very close to me, we dialled a number cause She wanted to know if my friends remember me , we dialled and the same reaction “OYE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”

Mann is my surname BTW before you guys think its MAN.. I am a Man too but its my surname MANN he he he he

It has ELATED Me so much, I feel so light and LOVED mmmmmmmm its a warm feeling.. to be loved and cared for… And Now i am ready for the day to any challenge that may come my way ….

So guys anyone reading this, pick that phone up dial a number, get in touch with someone you have not been in touch for ages. Give it a Go you never know what you will hear when you say the word “HELLO”.. hopefully after you have pressed the red button on your mobile to end the call.. you will have a beaming smile, READY to take on the WORLD… and your heart singing

Nach lai Ga lai , bhangre pa lai, mauj mana lai yaraa
eh din roj roj nahin aune , appan khushiyaan naal handaune
nachna aap te YAAR nachaune , oye aish mana lai

hmmmm …. Good luck people…