Archive for the ‘funnies’ Category

Right as I was telling in the previous post ,

I have a problem there is extra fridge.. what to do with it ..

The first thing that came to my mind was to put it in the garden .. JUST to show off to the neighbours, Oh yes I can do things like this too, Look – look at this  I am so rich, I have a fridge that I don’t even use, instead of selling it on Ebay, I have kept it here to rot.. I don’t need the money and I am doing so well.

Lots of ideas came to mind, there is so much one can do with a fridge , so many games can be played hide and seek in the garden, when I was a kid any time we found something like this lying around all I could see was another adventure 🙂  but these days I don’t think kids do such things, I don’t see any kid running with an old cycle tyre , or playing other naughty games , the sense of adventure is not there any-more in the new generation I feel ..

Right coming back to the problem the law says that the old fridge needs to be DISPOSED off properly, and as all Indians do to save a few pounds I did not take advantage of the company that dropped the new fridge to take it away, you save a penny and a Penny saved is a PENNY SAVED. I can be a miser too ..

Oh god these recent posts are more of showing me in the bad light , how dumb I am in the last post I fell for the marketing trick and now a miser too.

Anyway quickly moving on before I let go a lot of my personal secrets, I thought I will put it in my car and take it to the tip to be disposed off, it used to be so easy in the good old days , you take unwanted stuff and dump it into the containers BUT now its all changed..  Well before even reaching the DUMP AREA..

First putting the fridge in the car is another big adventure how to fit the damn thing in.

After a proper physical wrestling match with the old fridge, a few choice words of swears where it managed to mark my car, I finally got it in.

Now the second problem started, since the hatch of the car would not close , I had to be very careful that no Traffic police saw me else , that would be another drama. ..  This reminds me did I tell you guys I got speeding ticket, for 11 years now I have been using the same road going and coming to work, there is a speed camera which has never ever worked EVER.. but in august on the fateful day it decided to click the picture of my car’s backside 🙂 Not happy with that, I don’t mind the fine but the points on license that is not good , I have a clean license and by that I don’t mean it has no marks etc .. by clean I mean I don’t have any penalties etc..

So I drove through all the back roads, to make sure I don’t get caught.. Thankfully it was my lucky day..

So I entered the dump-yard  there was someone standing at the gate, next to a little hut, in his hi-fi yellow fluorescent jacket, with a clip board in hand, a dirty looking pen hanging by a thread, I guess to make sure no one steals it , But than which person in his right mind would want to steal that pen.. imagine all those dirty hands that have touched it.. and you know MEN where all there hands go when left idle 🙂

Looking at him it seems he was someone who has probably done a degree in CLIPBOARD management. 

He  came over and asked

“What you got”

I said “RUBBISH” I mean what else will I have , in my car which i will bring to a Dump-yard.. “GOLD

What’s in the back ?     “A Fridge ” I replied.

The moment I said that he had a funny smile he looked at me  with that look, which says , you plonker , yeah I could see that look in his face and said “ooh you can’t do that..  we have an environmental Policy  now,  you can’t just bring it here and leave it”

Then he used the CLIPBOARD management degree to tell me how the fridge has gases ..  How its dangerous for the environment.. “I KNOW THAT DUMBO” I thought.. that’s why I have brought it to be disposed off properly at a proper place …  I could see myself driving all the way back and doing all that drama in the drive of my house , taking out the fridge , I just felt that maybe just maybe I could be lucky So I asked

“Right what do I need to do then” and the next reply floored me and I so much wished to bang my head into a wall ..

he says “You have to phone us in..  and then we come and get it, and Dump it properly at the dump-yard“..

AAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  , yeah I felt like laughing my head off by now .. I held my nerve  I asked who do I ring .. and he gave me a number.

So I am sitting in my car, right in front of him,  picked my mobile and called that number .. the phone in the little hut next to the gate .. Rang ..

This same guy ran to the office ..  he answers the phone

“Hello – ”

I said “HELLO , I have a fridge to dispose”

he says “Ok, Where are ya”

I Am  OUTSIDE  YOU £”$£”$£”$… At the dump-yard…………… So that was the drama involving the disposing of the fridge.. phewwwwwwwwwwwwwww… .

Ps:- So I will leave this here , why don’t you guys give it a go and Tell me what happened next.. 🙂

PPS:- To make it funny I have used some words/dialogues/ scenes taken from a Tv Show.. I can cheat too 🙂

1 to 8 You can read here – First part of  Some facts about Punjab and Being a Punjabi – 1

9. If we use Mc and BC  (vulgar curses) more than 4 -5 times in a sentence with you. IT MEANS WE LOVE YOU A LOT…

10.  A Glassy in hand is better than two in a bottle

11:- After 6th peg( shot of whiskey) the favourite dialogue is “HAALE DOOJA HAI YAAR” (its only the Second one)

12. BULLET, TILLE WAALI JUTTI, RayBANS, OPEN JEEP and Woofers  make a PUNJABI

13 You are either born normal and boring or you are born PUNJABI.

14. It doesn’t matter where you from bangalore, Mysore,Tamilnadu, Kerala, AP we think you are all MADRASI

15. Ulle de Pathe and Khote de puttar.. or Sher da puttar  you definitely a Punjabi.

16. Canada and UK part of Punjab. PERIOD…….

17KAL SE DIETING SHURU (dieting from tomorrow) – Favourite line we say EVERYDAY

Ps:- Message of the day … AGAIN I know..

Please Honk slowly.. My country is SLEEPING.. You might disturb it from its sleep..

PS:- Thank you for all the emails and comments regarding the problem mentioned in previous post, I have a lot of info , have sent it , I am better prepared

PPS:- All pictures courtesy Google

 

Update:- 15-12-2012

READ:- 

Some facts about Punjab and Being a Punjabi –  3

I have been away so first of all let me apologise to all the writers-bloggers-readers .. I have not been able to visit your blogs and not replied to your comments ..

Carrying on from the previous posts on thoughts here are a few , I have suddenly realised that English is such a funny Language.. I have my examples on that , you are walking down the road when a friend of yours Pointing at a person, says “Have you seen that man” .. Now to me that is funny what do they expect me to say NO, I AM blind I can’t see ..

I am a sucker for a bargain, anything would do, Now here is a situation where I think I made a bargain deal.

I was standing at a bus stop waiting for a bus, a few others were also doing the same thing as I Was, Oh yes waiting for the Bus that’s what we do at a bus stop..  when a friendly MADMAN came on the other side of the road, He was big ,looked strong too, Had that mean look to him .. not washed .. well seeing me the only indian standing I guess his eyes lit up , because other than me rest all looked similar to him, I was the only odd one out in the whole group .. Standing at the bus stop waiting at the bus stop ..  he looked at me, our eyes met , I looked away when I heard those words which I was dreading not to hear

OYE YOU.. oye you..youuuu ”  Now you can expect this to happen in a night or in a dark place but when it happens in the middle of the afternoon in broad daylight you kind of have that Gulp in your throat .. you are basically looking here and there hoping against hope that it’s not you who he is meaning to call ..   I ignored him

He crossed the road and came over , Looking menacingly at me says “Oye give me a pound or you going to get your head banged up and I am going to shove this knife somewhere” 

I am not joking here the moment he sayd ONE POUND.. My eyes lit up .. The gulp in the throat went away .. I took a deep breadth .. what a sense of  RELIEFFFFFFFF 

PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 

I was like  phewwwwwwwwwwwww …  that was close , he just wants a pound…  Sounds reasonable …..  BARGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.. What a DEALLLL  sir ji … .. HOT ONE

I have been stabbed earlier and I know it hurts and worst it puts a dampener on the evening , it would be so very inconvenient, Having to go to a hospital, sp much time wasted there , when to have a stab wound and that hole in the Suit I am wearing , there goes a £200/- suit wasted, what with a hole and blood stains .. not just that even the shirt I was wearing would be stained .. My quick calculative mind did some calculation .. as you can see How fast I was to point that £200/- suit .. Oh yes people I bought one 🙂   (got a few weddings coming on this summer , so a good investment )

Anyway back to the scenario, So this person I was talking of, here was a gentleman who offered me a fair bargain.. rather than putting me to any  inconvenience he wanted a POUND, What an idealist, where can you find such bargains anymore .. Not even the pound shop can offer such juicy deals.

To make the deal more juicier  and worth-while I also thought of the current  financial crisis .. yeah I know to bypass  a horrendous ordeal this indeed was a bargain … I hope you all are nodding with me in agreement here ..

Thats why I said I am a sucker for a good bargain 🙂          

How have you all been people , how was your week and the last ten days.. Thanks to all who emailed enquiring about my whereabouts.. Love you all Thank you.. As I had mentioned in the earlier post I start the new place today , so have had all my ID’s and all done.. Thank you once again for all your wishes …

Hello everyone , how are you all doing. I hope life is treating you all very nicely and fairly.

It seems my mind has again been working overtime , which is rare actually when you think of all the nonsense I come out with , I can see and feel a few heads nodding out there .. well never mind .. Nod as much .You are still going to read the whole of this Post.. DONT STOP NOW.

Right this is a funny thing , how many people out there have seen it happen or done it themselves.. You know all that pallava how a mobile phone works, how it goes out of range , the signal drops all that..

So I have seen this now a few times When you are talking to someone on the phone and suddenly it goes out of range .. WHY do we start saying Hello , hellohellohello … heeeeellllllooooooooooooooo.. I mean check it out usually we say it FIVE times (well you can sure wonder how bored i am , and how much time i have on my hands , looking for such things to happen around me ) 🙂

This is what most people do as the signal goes there is a SINGLE hello .. then THREE SHARP hello’s and then a Longggggggggggggg hello .

Hello

hellohellohello

Helloooooooo …   🙂

Ok while we are on the word HELLO here is something else , you have all heard of the international magazine HELLO.. so if you ring there reception by mistake it will be a funny talk

you call up ,

you – HELLO

they – HELLO

you – HELLO…

HELLO ..  They reply again HELLO .. Is this Hello .. Yes its HELLO .. Hello

🙂

Another thing is .. There is only one company that I can think of which has to take its Competitors name before it takes its own brands name , can you guess what it is  ..

???

????????

right let me tell you its the OK magazine ..

you call them ,  “HELLO” ..

they reply “HELLO, OK”..

Hello get free marketing and advertisement from OK 🙂

I have recently put a lot of post on Law police and things going on in india .. Reminded me of this Picture I got from a friend, and thought of putting it up again .. This is Our Police and what a Touching moment it is .. How the hell will they run after someone just in case …  Also I had promised one of my blogger friends in the last post to put something cheerful next ..  So what do you think guys .. How so touching this is ..

Touching Moment ...

Not so touching

Uma’s post today reminded of this post that i had written ages ago.. so thought of reposting it ..

The SNOOZE button on the ALARM :- Why have they made it .. I am yet to understand that .. Obviously if it is there then it is meant to be used …

You will use it

You will wake up and press it You cant help it, If it is there to be used   Am sure you are NOT going to say I have had a LONG sleep So I am going to have a NAP for another 10 minutes or 15

Have you seen this button on a FIRE ALARM..  Imagine If it had a snooze button .. someone running to you there is a FIRE in there ..

Will you say I tell you WHAT…  press the snooze, we will have an extra 15 minute.. let it burn a bit

HE HE HE HE 🙂

and Then have you experienced sometimes when you have woken before the Alarm goes offf..

thats the best ..

You look at the Clock and say NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

I am not moving ..

 Oh NO SIR … NOT MOVING Till you go offf… I will wait for you to move and then Press the Snooze button .. keep laying there and then When you go off the second time I will get up

🙂

from this post you can well imagine i am bored at work it 2am in morning and i got two more hours to go please can you all remind me not to do favours to anyone i was to have a hockey game go to a pub have fun and then sleep but because i could not say no to a favour i have had to go play the game, shower change and get to work to do a night shift ahhhhhhh i am so sleepy now and tired and i know something is going to kick off. I am so looking forward to sleep and yes hopefully switch off the alarm.

PS:- Its Lohri today ..

Moongfalli di khusbooo  te Gud di mithaas                                          
Makki di Roti te Sarson da Saag
Dil di Khushi te Apniyaan Da pyaar
Mubarak hove Sab nu .. LOHRI da Teyohaaar

 Happy Lohri everyone

The post on My friend Babbar .. well He finally replied back and I am chuffed at what he had to say .. So I thought I would put it here as most of you who had emailed me and commented how he will feel , came out true..

Yaar you really made me weep today. And at the same timemade my day. I love you darling. I really miss you and you are always in myheart, but these emails FB, phone calls are really not my cup of tea. But I amimproving (ha ha ha). Sorry I got late in reading the mail, but it is all myloss. I have always treasured you and our friendship. The world (Our small one)knows about it. Thanks a lot for writing such a nice account of me and ourfriendship. No one has ever made me feel so important, big and rich. I am luckyto have Yaar Anmule like you. You were always my “Jaan”

and will remain so forever. Love you yaar te tu bus aaja.We will relive our good old days. Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers!

Babbar

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The picture post of the lovely lady dressed in White…

This is what I got with the picture

– For young men, it’s a picture of a lady with a nice arse but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

– The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

– For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman – with a nice butt on her way to work.

– Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that they shared it with humanity.

– For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

– The other half will think and wonder where she bought that blouse.

-Older women will imagine the misery that the woman’s BUTT will cause by the time she reaches 50.

– But only children, the extremely intelligent and the celibate will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.

(SO you want to go back and check your replies he he he he he )  🙂

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Leave you with a Song..  doing a Musical Monday after Ages 🙂

A golden Punjabi by none other but the best Shiv Kumar Batalvi.. Hope you all like it ..  I would request all those who don’t understand panjabi to do a search and find the meaning .. I can assure it is worth the hassle doing it.. One of India’s best poets although as usual when he was alive not many knew of him, sung by another of India’s best the King of Ghazals Late Jagjit singh..

I can put the lyrics but I can’t do justice to the words so don’t know how to do any translation .. If anyone out there knows Punjabi well then Please do so for all of us to enjoy it better ..

I have got a translation hope it helps … but please anyone else out there who can do more justice Please do so …

Maye Ni Maye, Main Ek Shikra Yaar Banaya,mother hey mother I befriended a hawk   (shikra =Hawk)

ohde Sir De Kalgi, Te pairi Jhanjhar, te O Chog Chuginda Aaya,  plume on his head, n bells on his feet, he came pecking 4 grain  (kalgi=plume, Chog=grain , chuginda = pecking)

Ek ohde Roop Dee Dhup Teekheri, te Dooja Mehka Da Tirhaya,  one his beauty was as sharp as sun  and 2nd  was thirsty fragrance

Teeja ohda Rang Gulabi, ho Kise Gori Maa Da Jaya,  3rd his color was the color of rose , He was born from a fair mother

Ishqe Da Ek Palang Nawari, ve Assan Channania vich daya, Tann Di Chaaddar Ho Gayi Maili, Os Pair Ja Palgi Paya,  i laid a bed of love , in the moonlight, my body sheet was stained the instant he laid his foot on my bed!

Ni ohde chet di aathan, ate zulfee saavan chaaya ,hothaa de vich kahte da koi dihoon chadne te aaya  his eyes were an evenning in spring, his hair a dark cloud, his lips, a rising autumn dawn

Dukkhan mere Naina De Koye, Te vich Harh Hanjua Da Aaya, Sari Raat gayi vich socha, Us A Ki zulm Kamaaya,   corners of my eyes hurt and a flood of tears engulfed me , all night went thinking what he did this to me 

Bolla de vich paun pure di ni o koilaan da hamsaaya ,chitte dand jyon dhaano bagla tori maar udaaya  his words had eastern breeze blowing like the sound of a nightingale , his smile was the whiteness of a crane in the rice field , taking flight at the clap of a hand

Subha Savere Laini Vattna, ve Assa Mal Mal os Navaya, Dehi de vicho Niklan Chin gaa, te saada Haath Gaya kumlaya,   early in the morning, with vattna (a paste used to cleansing skin), I scrubbed n bathed my body but embers kept bursting out and my hands flagged

Choori Kuttta Ta O Khanda Naahi, ve Assa Dil Da Maas Khwaya, Ek Udaari Aisi Maari, O Mud Vatnee Na Aaya,  prepared choori but he doesnt eat ,I gave him the flesh of my heart , he took such a takeoff, never came back home

maaye ni…ni mai ik shikra yaar banaya

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PS:- I had requested everyone to give me a honest Criticism of the blog that i have. I dont mind anything maybe it will help me in writing better. Not many have done So I will request again Please do so..
PSS:- Recently I have been thinking what happens to my posts just in case wordpress goes down, I dont want to loose the articles and comments .. is it any way I can back them up somewhere or make a copy 🙂 any help will be very thankful.

After the previous post, I thought lets have a laugh .. the way Petrol prices are skyrocketing I found the following funnies to smile at ..

Loan time

Need the leg too

And then i did this ... 😦

Help Me

Financial services available inside

Car Instruments

Old time - New times

Chanel No 5

PS. Hope you all had a fantastic Weekend, I had fun .. Met a blogger friend here in UK (he had come from India), Watched cricket and see Mumbai indians win so yipeeee to that .. Have a great week ahead everyone ..

Unlikely things to hear  in a Movie 🙂

1.

Nemo where the hell you been  

2. 

  Ok Mr Bond  DO you want to hire the FORD FOCUS or not ?

3. 

       MR Vader we are from the child protection agency

4.  

     WARNING this film contains Aishwarya rai…

5.  

      M.  I worked out what to do with GOLDFINGER..
Put it in a bag and mark it cash for gold ..

6. 

So this mission is IMPOSSIBLE .. lets not bother

7.

  Use the force LUKE if that doesnot work ..

       turn it off and turn it on again

8. Revenge will be mine mr Bond when we meet in small claims court.

9. Mmmmmmmmmmm CRACKING HEROINE grommits MY PRECIOUSSSSSS

So then people lets hear your views what do you think would be Unlikely dialogues or statements you would hear in movies 🙂   I tried changing by putting some images could not find for the last two :)…

Thanks everyone for always being there 🙂 Have a great Wednesday…