Archive for the ‘funnies’ Category

This one is completely on a tangent post 🙂 So sorry about that, nothing to do with Valentines day,  but nevertheless everyone  I Hope you all had a great day , so Happy Valentines day to you all yesterday – today and always  🙂

Right.. Early morning on our Whats-app group yesterday I got the Following Pic by a Patriotic citizen of India.

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Which is obviously wrong info since it was not 14th the martyrs were hanged it was on 23rd march , So me being me replied ( I need to stop doing this , I know) to this message, which brought a bit of argument as you all can read  🙂  ( I have had to whiten out some messages as they are not related to this chat. )

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The Green ones are obviously ME as always getting myself into trouble, But this just goes to show what we are becoming, I don’t even know this guy never ever met him,  yet they have audacity to first spread such false information, then instead of just apologizing ( OK apology is a big word maybe for them) or  just making an excuse that a mistake is done they are ready to have a stupid argument not forgetting sending me to hell…   (Where I am sure I am heading but its a good thing I wont have to bear such idiots in hell at least, at least in hell we will all know what or who we all are )  ..   It’s the so-called GOOD people we need to be wary of because they are the ones who always Stab you.. 🙂

Anyway I am digressing again So I am being asked to mind my language by a person who is sending me to hell.. and who things its insulting that I used the word Shame.  Maybe I do need English lessons.

It is really a shame, first of all to that person who made the above pic and circulated , No wonder it is so easy to spread rumour’s these days, the bigger Idiots are the ones who just circulate stuff without giving it a thought. What sort of nation are we becoming where we know what day is Valentines but Don’t know about our hero’s, the freedom fighters ,  how the brave fought for us , so we could live in a Free nation. 

Ah well..

Struggling to post hence taking this OLD OLDDDDDDDDDDD  MEME  in an attempt to get to know the ABCs of our lives. I was tagged by Aaradhna A long long time back, found it in my drafts so thought of posting it … here I go with the ABCs of my LIFE. :D

 

A – Age: Whats there in AGE.. It’s the HEART which matter’s the most ..  Punjabi verse

                            Dil hona chahida jawaan .. Umaran ch ki Rakhiya

B – Books: I am not getting time to read, and Now I have just ordered 3 books from an indian website, which said delivery in 2 -3 days its been 12 already i think.. It is to be shipped within india and then my friend is to courier me .. so lets see when they arrive, I hope I don’t get over the new mood of reading again by then …

C – Current crush:  Hmmm too busy for crushes .. got so much on my plate at the moment .. Lot of things happening here and  back home in India .. Thinking of rebuilding our house back home  :P

D – Dance form:   I have two left feet that seem to want to jump at the same time each time i try to dance, and your guesses are as good as mine to what happens when both feet go in the air..

E – Essential start your day item: going for a run

F – Favorite color:  Blue.

G – Gold or Silver: Gold

H – Height: 5’ 11.5 :P

I – I am: I am MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D   :D

J – Job: Happy, Enjoying

K – Kids: I have a good repo with them I think and have lots of fun… . :P

L – Latest Addiction: PS4

M – Memorable Moment:  Have two actually – Both have a relation with Bangalore, The few days spent one word BLISssssssssssssssssssssssssss

N – Nicknames: Bik, Biku , bikky, bikram , B, Mann  nnd a Few others that I would not like to put on the blog, been called a few names now especially by those who Love me so much 🙂 hint hint he he he he he …

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Yes a few times now , very accident prone.  15th to 23rd January 2016 🙂 but I survived still, sorry to those who I am referring to Above 🙂

P – Pet Peeve: LOVE, people Taking me for a FOOl, USERs

Q – Quote from a movie: Frankly My Dear .. I Dont Give a DAMN.. (Gone with the wind)

R – Right or left handed: Right handed.

S – Sports – Hockey, Cricket, BasketBall..

T – Time you wake up: 5:45 :D, these days … got a long drive for work now

U- Ugliness meter – I am definitely Ugly, sure to get 10/10 in that …

V – Vegetable you dislike: Oh yes a long list .. Brinjals, Tori, Falliyan, carrot etc etc

W – Ways you run late: I Try to be on time, Traffic maybe  and will take Aradhna’s reply to be mine >  I have now understood that how so ever hard I try to be on time, I am destined to be late. Always.

X – X-rays you’ve had: Hmm Loads again, for every accident they have done a few each time.

Y – Yummy food you make: I make good chicken But only I can eat it  🙂

Z – Zzzzz times –No Time .. I would love it to be ANYTIME 🙂 but alas these days it can be at 1Am or 3Am depending what shift I am working on .

Anyone want to take up the Tag then please do so .. 🙂   Open to all

1 to 8 You can read here
spicysaturday

9 to 17 You can read here

18 to 26 You can read here
and Now Carry on 🙂

27. Your mom finds you KAMJOR (weakeven if you are overweight

28. When you are unwell the entire family will be of doctor’s.. And then Grand Father will come and say Give him a spoon of Brandy with Hot water 🙂

29. You can speak any language in Punjabi

“Kinni sohni WIND blown-di HAI” (Kinni – How much, Sohni – Beautiful)

30. To err is human but to Burrrrraaaaaaaaaaahhh is punjabi..

burrah

31. After gossiping about someone for hours , you end up saying “SANU KI”

32. TU PUNJ MINT THAER.MAIN ADDE GHANTE WHICH AYYA  (chowla sir’s idea 🙂 )

33. AND the best one is JUGAAAADDDDDDDDDDDD  🙂

What is Jugaad no one knows, but a punjabi can create a jugaad for anything ..  (which reminds me I have a picture for wednesday to post on the same theme.. so Watch out for that .. )

34. Biggest tension is when to eat- what to eat-whom to eat with.  (Indu Mam’s Idea 🙂 )

35 Punjabi kids during a exam ..

question 1. aa v ho gaya (done this one)
question 2. aa v ho gaya (done this one)
question 3. aa v ho gaya (done this one )

and so on ..

but when the result comes .. its OH teri … AA ki ho gaya (OH Damn, How did this happen)…

Ps.  I have been missing in action for a long time, few things keep coming up keeping me away from blogging. Life is happening as they say.  Thank you all for emailing and asking about me, it is much appreciated. THANK YOU ALL.

I noticed the following while coming back

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Two things to talk about even if it is Wordless Wednesday 🙂

1. Someone will have a huge dent in the pocket paying all that Fines.

2. But on other hand I Also feel what on EARTH , is the city council paying the Traffic wardens for , They should be confiscating the car and towing it away RATHER than putting Penalty tickets on the Windscreen. Shows SOMEONE is not doing his JOB properly tooo.

I guess take Two to tango 🙂

It is all in the NAME

It is all in the NAME

I Think I am sorted for a few more wordless Wednesday topics for a few weeks now 🙂 so WATCH THE SPACE as they say 🙂
Not sure what to understand here .. HELP anyone

This is clicked at one of the parks while going on a ride, Can you see what is funny about this notice.. 🙂

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Have you been to the new fancy malls that have come up all over our nation especially to the ones where escalators work, the reason I say is I went to about 2 or 3 Malls in Punjab, Bhatinda to be precise, none of the escalators were working, maybe to save energy or fuel or whatever escalators use to work 🙂 , you can see I am not an engineer.. So why do these malls spend so much money on having escalators when they have them shut and expect people to climb up the stairs, because have you seen the height of the STEP it is usually higher than normal steps, which means you have to put in more energy to climb them , Personally I feel it is a good idea as we could or I could do with some exercising , lose some of those extra calories which I keep adding on every now and then ..  

Coming back to Escalators I think the Reason why escalators were built was to help shoppers , to make sure they don’t get too tired walking , they have more energy to visit more shops, shoppers don’t have to walk too much.. AM I RIGHT .. there could be other reasons but I am not that intelligent 🙂

If you go to big malls which has a lot of escalators, it is funny if you just stand and watch people get on-down from them, I know I know you all have a lot of other important things to do then spend time watching people do that 🙂 but do sometimes ..

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I went to a mall one of the days and found a few funny things taking place, The first thing I noticed was what a silly way the escalators were designed, the whole idea of having escalators is so shoppers don’t have to walk too much or exercise too much .. I hope I can explain it properly, This is how they were I can best explain , you entered the Mall and go up the escalator First floor , then you had to walk all the way to the other side .. to go from first floor to the Second floor.. and so on till Floor 6th..

I found it weird because If I have to go to the sixth floor , I have to do that 5 times .. I mean why can’t they have escalators that go to a floor above, you turn around and there is another set going up.. then when you are coming down you have all the way Down the same way, This will also take care of Human traffic people wont keep on banging into each other trying to reach the other side of the floor to go Up or down..

.. the whole idea of escalators is so people don’t have to walk .. yet they make us walk..

Another thing I noticed was that people sometimes CHOOSE the step they want to get on  “Not this one .. No not this one either “.. the next one looks much nicer .. They choose a stair.. yes THAT ONE.. I  thought I was going to get crushed standing behind this couple , who were doing exactly that. They fell in love with one Step and off they went .. But funnily when they have to get off , they panic again ..

We had a lady in that panic situation who had a nightmare trying to get on to the step, the people with her would get on and she was left behind .. then I think They would come down and again cajole her to get up .. It was funny watching 🙂 Finally she took the escalator, I could see she had GRASPED the sides SO HARD.. that her arm was getting left behind as the escalator was going up.. She would Leave the side and then GRASP it again a bit ahead.. then the problem came to get off.. ooops.. the floor was Eating up the Stairs.. so she was climbing one step up each time..

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I know I should not be laughing but secretly I was smiling my head off watching the poor lady .. This actually reminded me of when my parents came over for the First time to UK to visit me, they were going to go on an Escalator for the First time in their life, and what a pallava it was, My Mom was hilarious, especially in london when we had to go underground to catch the tube, My Mom refused at one stage to go down it was to the second level, So it was a No win situation if we had to go up , it was via escalators – of if we had to go down it was again Escalators.. we had to go one way , IT was me who panicked because I did not know how to take her down, she is not light either , he he he he.. but thankfully we managed to travel .. and WE did NOT end up like this .. phewwwwwwwwwwwwww

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Right so this was escalator bit , I know nothing funny about it ,Now coming to Shopping.. I had a funny experience when I was going to buy my shoes , Never go for shopping with your partner-gf-wife-mother or even a female friend, I have my reasons oh BOY what a mistakeeeeeeee… They stand there , looking at you.. and make you wear the Shoe and Ask you “TO WALK UP AND DOWN”..

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Now THIS WALK is That walk which is A WALK, that No man will ever walk once he gets out of the shop,  you know the one I mean where we walk bending the toes or the shoe forwards to check if it bends properly, (which man ever walks like that generally, bending there foot).. Then we might be asked to even sit down and Feel the Toe’s inside , Wiggle your Toe.. pinch the top of the shoe to see if there is enough space between the tip and the big toe.. When you do that YOU have this EXCITED look on your face

“Oh yes I can feel the Toe.. ” .. it is right there where it should be , well all normal humans have them

         On your foot  .. Inside your SHOE.

because that’s where THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

and then you stand in front of the mirror to check how they look, We always look from the SIDE, Now tell me do you ever see other people in their shoes walking towards you and YOU WATCHING THEIR SHOE FROM THE SIDE.. how do you do that.. you always see the front .. and the sides that you WILL never ever see for as long as you have those shoes .. I mean why Oh why do we do that ..

or are you checking them up because of the pet you have home who has this habit of coming running towards you and they come and hug your leg.. They might see it from the SIDE.. the NEW SHOE..

The same also happens when we buy new trousers .. you wear them and then you try to squat and what not .. I mean how many times have men bought trousers and squatted while wearing them .. FUNNY things we do……..

ps:- Photos courtesy Google.

1 to 8 You can read here — Part 1 is also picked up as the Spicy Saturday by Blogadda  for 15th December 20012.. Thank you so much Blogadda.  spicysaturday

9 to 17 You can read here

and Now Carry on 🙂

18.CAUTION– when a Punjabi doing bhangra stay away to avoid spilled drinks and injuries

bhangra

19 “AVEN HI”.. our answer to practically anything.

20. Emotions

             Surprise – “OYYEEE”

             Angry “OYEEE”

            Calling someone “OYEEE”

            and the evergreen painful “oye oye oye oye”

oye

21:- Boy child – girl child ONE word “PUTTAR”

22. We don’t have FAT punjabi , we just belong to khata peeta family

23. Biggest tension is when to eat- what to eatwhom to eat with.

24. P is for PUNJ MINUTE (five minutes) no matter where one is he will reach you in “PUNJ MINT

25. When we are talking of “BEBE” we mean our grandmother not a fashion brand ..

26. Burrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh  .. soon it will be in Oxford dictionary .. anyone know what it means 🙂

burrah

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Ps:- Message of the day .. Still stand true as it did in previous parts

Please Honk slowly.. My country is SLEEPING.. You might disturb it from its sleep..

PPS:- All pictures courtesy Google

PPPS :- Weekend is here , thank god for that .. So have a great weekend people .. enjoy the mini break. See you on the Monday morning 🙂  it has become very very cold here and icy so be safe driving and Keep warm ..

Cricket is a funny game don’t you think, Na I don’t mean the way India are playing at the moment in the Second test against  England getting thrashed . so much for being a spin playing nation who has world-class spinners and what not .. Well here we are our spinners can’t get wickets .. while the foreigners are getting all the wickets …

Our  batsmen well again can do bugger all.. they are getting out to SPINNER which they are supposed to play properly and Experts in.. Anyway forgetting about that .. Cricket is a funny .. it’s the only game where if you hit a ball out of the ground you get 6  runs or 6 points ..

But here is a thought – > There is this batsmen all padded up with a helmet on , Pads all over him , leg pads – thigh pads – gloves , protecting him all over .. and yet there  is this guy sitting outside without a shirt , a beer in hand relaxing and a BALL HITS HIM.. what happens the Batsmen gets  6 runs .. and the bloke nothing ..  other than a BUMP on his head … 🙂

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Have You seen the Olympic opening ceremony, Especially when they all come out the athletes I mean representing their countries .. Now there are some countries which we have never heard of , The opening ceremony is the only time we hear the names . I mean at least I have not heard of some of them ,  Where do these  countries exist and how come only during Olympics we find them, I bet the person who is announcing the names of the countries is just sitting and making up the names ..

and Here is the team from  “Make-up-Istaan” or  “Made-Up-istaan”  .. and then I think the same man runs, changes his jacket and come out with a different flag “he-is-Back_istaaan”

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I had this brain wave ,  We are lucky nowadays that phones have gone digital and with the advent of mobile phones things have changed a lot , But cast you mind back to the good old days .. Those big Black Telephones.. which have a Dialler and you have to put the tip of your finger to dial the number ….

Right Ne think about the emergency numbers , WHO was the intelligent person who decided on the numbers 999..   Now imagine there is an emergency , someone is laying on the road hit by a truck or something , you run to the nearest phone booth  and it is that OLD dialler phone ..

You are rolling the digit 9.. and then  letting it go ..

rolling again and letting it go ..

rolling the number 9 and then letting it go,.

Operator – “What’s the emergency ” ..

You– “Well its OK .. the person is DEAD now ” .. it takes so long to dial the Three numbers .. 🙂

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Ok  Another Thing.. Has anyone of you ever walked into a room and Forgotten .. what you wanted or the Reason you came to that room to .. Right .. what do you do .. You stand and then you ask yourself

“WHY DID I COME INTO THIS ROOM” .. off course in your own mind,  WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. why do you ask that ..

Because .. YOU Don’t know why you are in the ROOM .. so why will you ask yourself  for HELP 🙂

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PS:- Monday is here another start to the week, Have a great week people .. enjoy it to its fullest.. Hope you had a great weekend.

PSS:- I have removed the post the controversial one,  Thank you to everyone who read it and commented it .. and thank you for all the emails I have received , I am blessed to have you all as my good friends .. God has been kind to me .. THANK YOU EVERYONE. I was chatting to another Good blogger who said to me , Never ever let anyone Treat you like SHIT.. and that was the reason I put the post .. 🙂  Thank you TBAB..

PS:- Images courtesy Google images.

After the previous couple of posts I thought I should change the scenario a bit , but for the life of me I have been unable to think of something remotely interesting.  I was a bit on the senty side too thinking of the childhood days and days back home 🙂 Yeah i know you going to say here we go again 🙂

When I remembered the first book that majority of us read the one where they teach us alphabets, The A and B and C’s .. how they have all these examples for each alphabet and they are all so simple , examples

A for apple B for Ball C for Cat and so on .. TILL you reach “X” .. and X is for  Xylophone ..

Now this caught my attention imagine the first exotic word you get to learn.. Xylophoneeeeeeeeeee 🙂  .. its my favourite

I mean the first think you learn as you are growing up, the most important word you will learn as you are growing up XYLOPHONE..

You are two or three years old learning this .. one of the most important 26 things you will learn Xylophone ..

When you grow up, probably there is a big BIG percentage that you will never be a xylophone player in your life, you will probably never meet a xylophone player in your life. I have never seen one or anyone playing it ever so far .. But here it is X for Xylophone

The only word invented for me to say when I reach X

Then I grew up and became mature (so I think), I am an adult and we are dealing with all these posh words the Alpha’s  Bravo’s  Charlie’s. Foxtrot, . Oscar and the ever so Exotic Zulu’s ..

Now these words are not taught to us , unless off-course we are in the police force or some other force that needs such words to tell the spellings ..

Now I can understand the reason behind using this Phonics as they are called, Because sometimes it gets difficult to pronounce names or words in the way they are supposed to be , because of different dialect and all ..

Believe me,  here in uk with euro opening up, the number of polish or Latvian names that I come across, Which I can’t pronounce at all.

I use to get angry at British not being able it say BIKRAM.. good I did not say its BikramJIT 🙂 ..

Bikram became  bikraaaaaaaam.. or bik or B and what not .. but blimey its like climbing the mountain .. giving a name to control to get some info..
I am on the phone trying to give my address to some insurance guy . .post code is P20 — ..

He says what.. B for ..

No I say P.. P for  and ohhhhhh at that precise moment my mind goes blank what .. what ..

What is it P for .. hmmm  Psychology ..

Oh .. S . 20  the guy says .. and I don’t know which was to look 🙂

Sometimes we also invent new words , which is Funny like if it is B i have usually said B for . BIKRAM 🙂 the guy on the other side is now thinking what the hell did I just say ..or i invent a new word B for Bougart..

or if its N20 – the guy says is that M for money .. NO  You Pillock its N for Nougartttt ..

Another funny part is, Well That I have experienced is that usually when we are trying to remember some meaningful word for the alphabet , there is all that FILTH that comes to your mind..

I am sure many will agree to it , although you may deny it 🙂  go on  try it .. you forget the words .. do try it , I was asked something and I had to say S something .. the girl asked me is it F for foxtrot

No its S for Sex .. (I said a few more words .. But did not want to put on this blog,  I am sure all your minds are probably Getting the RIGHT words ..So ahmm ahmm ).. stop ..

She got upset and shouted  Supervisor..

I said YEAH l That’s the one – S for supervisor 🙂

I am mischievous too sometimes  and can be funny too if they ask G for ..

I say Gnome

Try it sometime everyone 🙂

Have a Great day people .. and keep smiling .. for smile and the world smiles with you 🙂