Archive for the ‘Dad’ Category

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52 weeks of Gratitude .. Week 4 Says the title is “A FAMILY MEMBER”

From the previous post it is fairly obvious that I am a family man sort of person , who believes a lot in family as a whole, and to pick one family member is a bit difficult for me , as whatever I am , who I am has all been because of the constant hard work done by a lot of family members.

I can definitely not choose between my Father and Mother , well they are the reason I am here :), had they not been together and done what they needed to do I would not be here writing this post.. So good or bad, HERE I AM 🙂 Which reminds me of a famous saying

“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

I wrote an article a few years back on fathers day, When I was growing up I am sure I missed a lot of chances to tell my parents that I love the,, Rather being a typical kid I don’t think I ever said to them.

I am not sure why we, especially the kids from my generation never were so close to their Father, It was always the mother one was close to, although ways are changing fathers are spending more time with kids, getting to know them. We even have a organisation called justice for Father’s, because I feel even the law has been biased towards the mother all these years, during a separation or a divorce it was an obvious choice for the kids to be handed over to a mother. Anyway that is a different topic to talk about.

Coming back to the topic on hand, Gratitude,I am so very thankful to my parents for doing their best always to make sure I am provided for, I have studied in one of the best schools in india in those days, which was not very cheap. The tuition fees , hostel fees amounted to a lot of money, The school sent bills every 3 or 4 months, it was paid right on time every time, I had never seen my parents say anything about it ever, I mean I get bills now sometimes for the house Electricity or gas bills , many a times the thought comes to mind that if only it came next month, I would be better off. But I don’t think I ever saw it on my parents.

There is another thing I want to say here, this might be a SHOW off statement too, But my father was a Govt. official and in a position where a lot of money was involved, I know every child will probably say that about his parents but I am sure my father earned his money the hard way, reminded me the day he got retired, there was a party organised. The amount of people that came and even today when I go to India I meet so many people who remember him .

Mom on other hand was a typical Punjabi woman who got married when she was just 17, I am also sure she did not have a choice who to marry , it was probably the same as is for every other woman, her dad found the man she was to marry and from a village she came to a city. Where she lived her life as a house wife.

When things were hard for the parents after the Step family split and my father left everything to his step family, I was only 7 or 8 , remember clearly those times, starting afresh and just one person doing a job, I bet the lure to earn money would have been so much at that time but I am glad he remained true to his principles, Mom started helping by Knitting, she started this little school where she taught a couple of ladies how to Knit, the little tuition money helped a lot . Slowly things started to work out , we had moved into a one room house, it was the four of us Also in those days My mother’s younger sister was doing her degree in Chandigarh , she use to stay with us, so it was a lot of people in a little place.

Dad started to build an extra rooms in the part of property that we had, and in probably a year or so we had a three bedroom house which was big enough for us all. I am not sure what to write or continue writing there are so many things ..

All I can say is I am proud to have the parents I have, I hope they are proud of me. I just pray to god that he gives me the strength to not do anything that would hurt their sentiments.

52 weeks of Gratitude .. Week 3 is here and the topic is Family

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I have a big family, hence i have a lot of people to be thankful to. While I was growing up I have always been taught the values of Family, now grown up I have my own lessons learnt. To me family is most important, when everyone leaves you , when no one has time for you it is family who stands by you always, As they say Blood is thicker than water always.

Yes we have our ups and downs, some nasty experiences with some members of the family have also taught a handy lesson especially when things like property-money come into the picture, but still I do feel that Family is and should mean the most always.

As I have mentioned in a few articles since 17th Dec to 13th jan things have been going very bad and it is usually during the bad times that one tends to realise who is how close to you or who genuinely thinks about you and feels about you, I have been lucky that the phone or the emails or the whatsapp messages have not stopped at all, It never felt that i was alone here in uk or that almost all of the family is back home in India.

I have wished many a times that family was nearby so I could at least sit and Cry my heart out, I have also thought that maybe I need to stop everything i am doing and just go back each time there has always been someone on the other side of the phone ready to listen to me, yes I have friends here but it’s not enough, people have their own agenda here , will give you an example my supposedly BEST FRIENDS in uk came once to see me on the 3rd january and one of them had exactly 6 minutes to spare for me. YET we are the closest or so I thought all these years. Have-not had a Single phone call not that any of that would have helped , All that had to be done had to be done and I did do it all But not having enough family here in UK hurt a lot.

One of the disadvantages of living so far away from family :(.

I mentioned above that I have a big family but sadly now the number is dwindling , many of the older generation have passed away, that’s how life works I guess. I will need to go to India very soon for a few days to fulfil a religious duty and I have promised myself that I am going to Meet EACH AND EVERY member of my family where-ever they are in the country. I am going to forget for the time being the bad blood we have had or spilt especially after my dad passed away, and Just go meet them all and HUG them, Don’t know when the next time will be.

I must say that I am thankful to everyone as each and every member of the family has been so good to me, I am one of the lucky ones who has got Love from everyone, Since I was the first male child in the family I have been spoilt rotten .

My grandfather (both of them)

My Nani spoils me still , I talk to her on phone sometimes she is hard of hearing so can’t understand what I am saying, but she is sweet to say I should shut-up and listen to what she is saying, and she will listen to my replies when I come to see her in India.

My Maasi’s are lovely and my youngest Maasi is so adorable , I made her cry so many times as there is not much of a age difference between us, whenever I went to the village for summer vacation she made sure that i got Hot food, would put an extra dollop of Butter in my food compared to my sister’s or my cousins. The day she got married I remember going up-to her husband and threatening him to make sure he takes care of her or else :0..

All my cousins they are all such lovely human beings, being the eldest had an advantage, in Punjab we have this tradition calling veerji to elder brother, I miss that here in uk not many call me Veerji here. I have bullied my cousins at times, even shouted at them or maybe even slapped but never ever have they retaliated back even now I can vouch they have all grown up to be fine young men and women yet they just listen to my rants when I go on a tangent sometimes.. (Yeah I have my moments too )

I would not have liked to talk about my Chacha(Father’s brother) or Bhua’s (father’s sisters) but that would make me a hypocrite after what i have just written above, They are family too , whatever they have done for obvious reasons after my dad passed away is probably their thoughts, I can’t change that maybe they need the money property etc more than us, so its fine. I still want to say thanks to them because Chachu use to be a good man, he taught me how to ride a scooter and drive a jeep in my early days , he also taught me how to fire a rifle. Bhua’s got married and went to USA, but whenever they came to visit us , they brought a lot of goodies for me jackets,toys, sweets etc. etc. Dont know what has happened to all that love they use to have , maybe something wrong with me , maybe I did something wrong.

My Grandma (Dadi) – I had never ever felt she was my step Grandma, when I was growing up, so much love she had showered upon me, when I was in hostel She would come almost every other weekend to meet me , pampered me , during festivals give me so much money – gifts. My mom was only 16-17 when she had me so its my Grandma who practically raised me as a child, My bhua still complains of the fact that Once me and her daughter were playing in the garden – a snake was seen and my grand ma PICKED me up , running to safety leaving my cousin behind. But again sadly since my grand-pa and my father passed things have changed dramatically, I am no more even welcome to the main house we had when everyone live together.

But still this time when I go , I will make sure I go and take her blessings, even if the other side of the family have threatened to harm me. That doesn’t bother me because my parents my mother and father have always taught me to respect the elders no matter who they are , and the BEST thing they taught me was that no matter what fights the Grown ups had I should always respect them as I did before the fights.

My parents well all i can say is I am thankful they are my parents , WHATEVER,WHOEVER I am is because of them, Whatever I have learned – Earned – Got is all because of all the hard work they both have put in raising me. My parents have both worked very very hard especially since the day they were asked to leave the family house to start in a new house from scratch about a year after my Chacha got married. We started from a humble beginning One room house , as my father did not want to take anything from his father. I have seen some poor times but slowly through hard work my parents raised us. I can proudly say that I have studied in the One of the TOP 5 schools of India in those days.

I am so very thankful to them both, I hope I can live up to their expectations. I pray to god to never let me do anything that would hurt them, and hope sometimes that I have been a good boy in the family and have not hurt anyone deliberately.

I am thankful to god for making sure that I was born in such a beautiful family.

I have had a few very sad days for a last few weeks a few things been happening which have taken their toll , It has all made me wonder about a few things , I know one who has come to this world hast to go , today – tomorrow or some day .. basically we all have to leave .. One after the other it has to come to an end .. It all matter how we have lived that life . all those years on this planet.  I remember so many people who are no more in this world  but in my opinion had lived a great life , I mean I remember them so they are bound to have done a few good things .. Which again brings me to the point that Will there be anyone who remembers me .. Of will I die a death where people silently thank god .. Good riddance .. ( i know of One who will for sure.. inspite of going ga ga over the fact that I am supposedly the best friend forever.. Oh yes people I got enemies tooo and a lot of them )

We all live our life to the best we can but what happens when people die .. DO they die forever..  is it forever ?  Today 25th July was my dad’s death anniversary and I have been remembering a few things .. I know people say he is up there and he can see me .. but how do we know that ..

Some say that he is in a beautiful place and he is happier but again same question ?

A lot of these thoughts have been coming to my mind.. Do such questions trouble others too ..

I have been thinking a lot about him, I was sitting with a family friend yesterday and they were telling me so much about dad, Since her husband was one of his best friends even if we were related to each other .. Various emotions were going through at one stage I felt like crying but I did not, That reminds me I have not cried at all since Dad has passed away.. I have had tears swelled but I cant remember them falling..  .. Dont know why .. AM I THICK SKINNED or as they say COLD HEARTED or have a iron heart that doesnot feel sadness .. I dont know ..

What is it being sad.. what is it.. how do you feel sad..

I know I started this article with saying I have had a few sad days , But truthfully ahhhhhhhhh I don’t know , I have not been sad , Its been normal days , I have worked , worked and workeddddd .. Now I am thinking if I should be posting this article at all as I myself can’t make any sense out of it ..

At work its been the same Politics at its best, people back biting each other the so-called GOOD mates for the sake of showing off , or being in good books of seniors suddenly try the best they can to jeopardise you… sometimes I hate myself for being the way I am  good or bad I don’t know..  but then we can’t please everyone can we.. Is it crime these days to think the way I think ..

for me family and friends are sacred  friendship isn’t empty word  it  implies responsibilities , obligations  respect for each other ..

I know that  whatever happens I will always respect my friends, its up to them if they wanna do that towards me or not 🙂

 

This post is reposted with a few changes..

“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

The role of a father is always taken for granted, But we forget that this bread-winner is as emotional as a mother , and yet we so easily wipe him off any outwardly show of gratitude. It is so easy these days in our crazy busy life to remember or think or focus on the things that our parents did not do for us , we have become so selfish in life we think only the negative.. we forget there is so much good that parents have done for us..

Fathers are believed to be tough, strict and all that.. but they are humans too, I am not saying my My father was perfect, no one is but I know for sure that he did his best to raise us And Thanks to him We are where we are and I AM WHAT AND WHERE I AM.

Today I would like to share with you a few things about my father, It is my personal recollection of time spent with my father, I was never very close to my father, I don’t remember any reason why it should have been like that, since he and my sister were so close to each other. Maybe because I spent most of my time in hostel.

He invested so much time in me , when i was studying in Chandigarh, He would come from office and sit with me for an hour or so for my homework from school, I did not feel very happy about it , But on hindsight I think it was so good.

My father was a proud man, he never said it to me but I know when others tell me, his best friends tell me what he talked about , what he thought of us. He was proud of our achievements. He cared so much for everyone , I distinctively remember sometimes him and my mother arguing over the fact that its holidays and he has asked someone to visit us, rather than us going out together for holidays. Most of my cousins stayed with us to study in city at one time we were 7 or 8 kids in the house, He catered for all of us without batting a eyelid.

Everyone in the family for any help would come to him, he did not say no to anyone, I have seen so many people who have stopped visiting us now, or calling us , but they did.

Summer holidays in school would see him making plans where to take us , manali, mumbai, Gujarat… he loved to travel.. see new places Thanks to him I have seen a lot of India, though at that time it felt weird why am i going with my mum-dad when my friends are going together, But now I know , I cherish those visits which most of my friends did not have. I did, the time spent with my father was the best.

I still remember that day when I got the early morning call, my mama ji said hello and immediately i knew something was wrong, very wrong, he just said Come to India straightaway, Papa had passed away.. I did not know what to do .. I remember the shock, the horror, the disbelief, the fear, the complete sense of hopelessness and helplessness brought on, Suddenly, life seemed so finite. All those times we had flashed by in front of me, I remember the horrible time it took to reach Delhi then drive to Chandigarh..

All through the time so many things were going through my mind, I still stop and remember the times.. The times when I use to think what have i done wrong , Why is my father so strict, Why does he stop me doing this, Why wont he get me what i want, Why does he say No always .. So many questions .. But as I grew up I somehow started to understand all he was doing for me.

On the day of the bhog so many people had come to pay their respects, i did not know many of them , A few letters had come from various people , One letter I still have one from a Principle of a college in Punjab who showered so many praises on dad for helping the College where so many students got education. 

I also had made a point to ask all his friends to let me know if he had owed anything to anyone so as a son I could pay them back,  he did not owe anything to anyone.

There are a few things that comes to my mind immediately when I think of my father , the first one was 1996 the year my dad retired from work, We were all invited by his office people for a small party in the evening, where they gave him some presents and all.. After it got over we were walking towards our car when we saw a few people beating up a man, on enquiry we got to know this guy also had retired the same day , but during his work time he had made life hell for his colleagues so now that he retired he got a beating as send of.. It made me feel proud of my dad at that time.

The other thing that comes to mind is the incident where I had gone to a place called Patiala for Inter college debate representing my college, at night there was a terrorist attack where so many students were killed in middle of night, My father got to know about this and he was there at Patiala in his night suit.. Searching for me in the hospital and when he saw me all covered in blood from carrying the injured he almost cried.. but in his way he told me “I had told you not to come , Now let’s go home”, and when I said to him he will have to wait till all of my friends are found and donating blood, he just sat there waiting..

Cut off time at night was 9pm , I had to be home and if not then he would get so worried sometimes come to look for me , my friend would joke with me that I should go home on time else “PAPA will COME” 🙂

His pet dialogues “kya Raje”.. or “Kya banega is desh ka ”  whenever politics would come up to discuss, how eagerly he would watch the cricket matches , come occasions he would hate when i said I have to go to a friends house to celebrate he would say “Raje Ithe sad lai uhna nu”.. (call them here instead)…

I remember him go so angry one time we had gone to Hazoor sahib , Nanded near mumbai, and he was trying to get a room for us and as usual there too it was corruption give money get a room, and Papa blew his top and asked the guy who demanded money to step out of his office so he could slap him, I was young , suddenly it was all quiet and no one there dared to move,  I thought today we would be beaten up, but no one dared and Papa was like telling me, dont worry anyone comes near get him.  I saw the look on his face and the guy in the office almost pee-ed in his pants,  and lo and behold we got a lovely room without paying any bribe.

He would celebrate my birthday every year , I was a grown up man but no he always made sure 11th Nov he had a few of my friends invited a few of his friends to celebrate and Since he has passed no one has celebrated my birthday as he use to.. I remember his craze for Poori Cholle , he would always order them from sector 17 Chandigarh that was one  dish Always on the menu on my birthdays..

Another funny incident was when i had applied for Visa for uk, everyone was saying I wont get it, and I will have to wait etc etc, I remember going to Delhi embassy , my interview took place at about 10am and by 11am i was out with the news that Visa is mine, I should go and get the medical done.. I rang my father to tell him I got the visa and i need to go for medical his words were “No don’t go, come home, for the next few weeks eat Makhan-badaam-gheo , Tagda ho ke Medical devange” (  almonds-ghee- get stronger and then give medical) , I was laughing my head off, and me being me could not wait .. gave the medical the same night ..

When I came to UK my friends would still visit my home and Papa would sit with them and offer them a drink or two always saying that If Bikram was there he would do the same , All these little events I came to know when friends talked they would say I have a cool father.

People often forget to say “I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME” I did too all this time, I miss telling him how much he meant to me, How much I love – care for him. I am what I am now cause of his pains, that he took, sacrificing his ideas sometimes to make sure I got what I wanted or threw a tantrum over. I regret not telling him all this when I had the chance, will regret all my life.

THANK YOU PAPA for everything and making me the person I am, tears still swell up and my heart aches Because He was my Daddy and I miss him all the time, I want to take this opportunity now to tell him that

. I remember the hurt in your eyes when i could not get through the IMA so many times , each time you asked me to hold my head high, try again.

. The sadness when I planned to come to UK, You did not stop me.

. The proud moment when I rung you to tell you I have bought a house , My first car..

. The day you came to visit me here. I am sorry for not spending more time with you..

. The day I got sworn in for the forces here.

I remember them all wish you were here to see your son happy. It was all because of you Papa Thank you So much. I hope I am an ounce like my father, If I am then I would do justice to my kids too. I hope and pray you are looking out for me as you always did.

Happy Fathers day to all the readers, Let not just be ON the fathers day that we say I love you to our dad, lets say it every day and make it a father’s day all the days…

My Father…

Posted: June 19, 2010 in Dad, papa, Soch

“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

This is in response to Blogadda’ s Tribute to Dad! .

The role of a father is always taken for granted, But we forget that this bread-winner is as emotional as a mother is, and yet we so easily wipe him off any outwardly show of gratitude. It is so easy these days in our crazy busy life to remember or think or focus on the things that our parents did not do for us , we have become so selfish in life we think only the negative.. we forget there is so much good that parents have done for us..

Fathers are believed to be tough, strict and all that.. but they are humans too, I am not saying my My father was perfect, no one is but I know for sure that he did his best to raise us And Thanks to him We are where we are.

Today I would like to share with you a few things about my father, It is my personal recollection of time spent with my father, I was never very close to my father, I don’t remember any reason why it should have been like that, since he and my sister were so close to each other. Maybe because I spent most of my time in hostel.

He invested so much time in me , when i was studying in Chandigarh, He would come from office and sit with me for an hour or so for my homework from school, I did not feel very happy about it , But on hindsight I think it was so good, I am where I am because of that.

My father was a proud man, he never said it to me but I know when others tell me, his best friends tell me what he talked about , what he thought of us. He was proud of our achievements. He cared so much for everyone , I distinctively remember sometimes him and my mother arguing over the fact that its holidays and he has asked someone to visit us, rather than us going out together for holidays. Most of my cousins stayed with us to study in city at one time we were 7 or 8 kids in the house, He catered for all of us without batting a eyelid.

Everyone in the family for any help would come to him, he did not say no to anyone, I have seen so many people who have stopped visiting us now, or calling us , but they did.

Summer holidays in school would see him making plans where to take us , manali, mumbai, Gujarat… he loved to travel.. see new places Thanks to him I have seen a lot of India, though at that time it felt weird why am i going with my mum-dad when my friends are going together, But now I know , I cherish those visits which most of my friends did not have. I did the time spent with my father was the best.

I still remember that day when I got the early morning call, my mama ji said hello and immediately i knew something was wrong, very wrong, he just said Come to India straightaway, Papa had passed away.. I did not know what to do .. I remember the shock, the horror, the disbelief, the fear, the complete sense of hopelessness and helplessness brought on, Suddenly, life seemed so finite. All those times we had flashed by in front of me, I remember the horrible time it took to reach Delhi then drive to Chandigarh..

All through the time so many things were going through my mind, I still stop and remember the times.. The times when I use to think what have i done wrong , Why is my father so strict, Why does he stop me doing this, Why wont he get me what i want, Why does he say No always .. So many questions .. But as I grew up I somehow started to understand all he was doing for me.

There are a few things that comes to my mind immediately when I think of my father , the first one was 1996 the year my dad retired from work, We were all invited by his office people for a small party in the evening, where they gave him some presents and all.. After it got over we were walking towards our car when we saw a few people beating up a man, on enquiry we got to know this guy also had retired the same day , but during his work time he had made life hell for his colleagues so now that he retired he got a beating as send of.. It made me feel proud of my dad at that time.

The other thing that comes to mind is the incident where I had gone to a place called patiala for Inter college debate representing my college, at night there was a terrorist attack where so many students were killed in middle of night, My father got to know about this and he was there at patiala in his night suit.. Searching for me in the hospital and when he saw me all covered in blood from carrying the injured he almost cried.. but in his way he told me “I had told you not to come , Now lets go home”, and when I said to him he will have to wait till all of my friends are found and donating blood, he just sat there waiting..

I always thought that he was very strict to me , but I am so wrong, I remember the little events that took place in my life.. I remember when I wanted to buy a scooter , he would say no and told me he went on a bicycle 4 -5 miles to study, why cant I go a few miles on my bicycle. Also I had this scare about flunking my exams and I was thinking today he is going to beat me up, but he said nothing rather just said to me to work harder next time, luckily I had not flunked.

People often forget to say “I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME” I did too all this time, I miss telling him how much he meant to me, How much I love – care for him. I am what I am now cause of his pains, that he took, sacrificing his ideas sometimes to make sure I got what I wanted or threw a tantrum over. I regret not telling him all this when I had the chance, will regret all my life.

THANK YOU PAPA for everything and making me the person I am, tears still swell up and my heart aches Because He was my Daddy and I miss him all the time, I want to take this opportunity now to tell him that

. I remember the hurt in your eyes when i could not get through the IMA so many times , each time you asked me to hold my head high, try again.

. The sadness when I planned to come to UK, You did not stop me.

. The proud moment when I rung you to tell you I have bought a house , My first car..

. The day you came to visit me here. I am sorry for not spending more time with you..

. The day I got sworn in for the forces here.

I remember them all wish you were here to see your son happy. It was all because of you Papa Thank you So much. I hope I am an ounce like my father, If I am then I would do justice to my kids too. I hope and prey you are looking out for me as you always did.

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