Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

The Word Charity has the following meaning according to the Oxford dictionary

  1.  An organization set up to provide help and raise money for those in need
  2. The body of organizations viewed collectively as the object of fundraising or of donations
  3.  The voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need.

No where it mentions that it is to become a business and that too a Multi Billion pound business, The executives or the board members earning a 6 figure salary.  These well-paid bosses of some good causes are nothing but ‘incompetent or wilfully blind’.

Some of the charities use tactics that are so brutal , an undercover report recently showed how the staff were ordered to be ‘brutal’ and ‘ferocious’ when asking for cash and told even the old and poor ‘have no excuse’ not to give.

The reason for this post is what happened last week although it probably shows how weak a person I am, but still I do blame the pressure tactics used.

Last week I was watching a Tv show and in the break there was a ad on how the children are suffering in Africa because of need for safe Water facilities.   It was a normal ad that they show for various other charities, asking us to Txt a particular number with the word Water.  So they can deduct 3 pounds from the account when the phone bill comes.

I did that and forgot about it , only to be reminded two days later by a txt that how thankful they are for the support blahdy blah..  T0 my surprise I also got a Phone call from some call centre but this time it was a tad bit different, The gentleman first wanted to explain to me what the charity #WATERAID did, how it was helping thanks to the people who were donating, Slowly the conversation changed to how good it would be if people could donate more often.

The person asked me if I would volunteer to pay some money every month Via direct Debit, I said I have donated what I could afford and wanted to since charity is a Voluntary thing, when I had more money I will do that again, But that did not stop the person on the other end to give up, He carried on with the sales pitch, playing on all the emotions that one could .. What if it was My kids or what if it was kids that I know of etc et, How water is so important, How since it is not safe water diseases are coming up.

He started from 12 or 15 pounds a month to start with, I made an excuse that I will think about it after march when I have had my Pay review , to which he was quick to say no issues we can set the direct debit that will start from March and Not January.

From 15 we went to 12 then to 10 and then in the end he came to 6 pounds a month, by this time I was completely made to realise what a SICK HEARTLESS person I am who can’t even pay that much to help in easing the suffering of the little children.

I ended up giving my bank details and setting a Direct debit.. NOW the reason for the post is that IS THIS RIGHT.  I am sort of forced to dish out money, Should these charities be calling like that, The whole Idea of the AD was to txt. a word and voluntarily pay a charity that was working for the good of the people.

This did not end here Since last Monday I have had at least 4 to 5 calls from various charities that are trying to help asking me if I could help, Have had Txt messages asking to reply to them if I wanted to donate 3 pounds or 5 pounds for various needs. How have they got hold of my number is a mystery.

Charity-donation etc is a personal issue why should we be getting cold calls from call centres trying to sell CHARITY.  This has left a bad taste, I have just only managed to get rid of another charity that has been hounding me in-spite of a direct debit set up for some money, now they want me to increase the amount.  I get at least half a dozen brochures, Letters everyday, With pictures of sick children who are suffering.

I mean is that right to have the tragedy that these kids are going through to be used like this to make money. The worst thing is that the whole of the amount that is generated is not used for the good of the people, Why does a CHARITY head or executive have a SIX FIGURE salary, I work 10 to 12 hours a Day, and then on Rest days I work overtime to make more money, My salary still does not add up to QUARTER of what these executives get.

I can also bet my life that these executives don’t even have a direct debit set up for a few pounds to go to charity.  Recently some of the leading charities have been exposed with these WRONG methods, it does put to shame the word CHARITY.  I have a few direct debits set up and Now I am thinking of cancelling all of them, Am I really doing any Good or am I just helping in paying the Salaries of these Executives and other office bearers. 

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52 weeks of Gratitude .. Week 3 is here and the topic is Family

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I have a big family, hence i have a lot of people to be thankful to. While I was growing up I have always been taught the values of Family, now grown up I have my own lessons learnt. To me family is most important, when everyone leaves you , when no one has time for you it is family who stands by you always, As they say Blood is thicker than water always.

Yes we have our ups and downs, some nasty experiences with some members of the family have also taught a handy lesson especially when things like property-money come into the picture, but still I do feel that Family is and should mean the most always.

As I have mentioned in a few articles since 17th Dec to 13th jan things have been going very bad and it is usually during the bad times that one tends to realise who is how close to you or who genuinely thinks about you and feels about you, I have been lucky that the phone or the emails or the whatsapp messages have not stopped at all, It never felt that i was alone here in uk or that almost all of the family is back home in India.

I have wished many a times that family was nearby so I could at least sit and Cry my heart out, I have also thought that maybe I need to stop everything i am doing and just go back each time there has always been someone on the other side of the phone ready to listen to me, yes I have friends here but it’s not enough, people have their own agenda here , will give you an example my supposedly BEST FRIENDS in uk came once to see me on the 3rd january and one of them had exactly 6 minutes to spare for me. YET we are the closest or so I thought all these years. Have-not had a Single phone call not that any of that would have helped , All that had to be done had to be done and I did do it all But not having enough family here in UK hurt a lot.

One of the disadvantages of living so far away from family :(.

I mentioned above that I have a big family but sadly now the number is dwindling , many of the older generation have passed away, that’s how life works I guess. I will need to go to India very soon for a few days to fulfil a religious duty and I have promised myself that I am going to Meet EACH AND EVERY member of my family where-ever they are in the country. I am going to forget for the time being the bad blood we have had or spilt especially after my dad passed away, and Just go meet them all and HUG them, Don’t know when the next time will be.

I must say that I am thankful to everyone as each and every member of the family has been so good to me, I am one of the lucky ones who has got Love from everyone, Since I was the first male child in the family I have been spoilt rotten .

My grandfather (both of them)

My Nani spoils me still , I talk to her on phone sometimes she is hard of hearing so can’t understand what I am saying, but she is sweet to say I should shut-up and listen to what she is saying, and she will listen to my replies when I come to see her in India.

My Maasi’s are lovely and my youngest Maasi is so adorable , I made her cry so many times as there is not much of a age difference between us, whenever I went to the village for summer vacation she made sure that i got Hot food, would put an extra dollop of Butter in my food compared to my sister’s or my cousins. The day she got married I remember going up-to her husband and threatening him to make sure he takes care of her or else :0..

All my cousins they are all such lovely human beings, being the eldest had an advantage, in Punjab we have this tradition calling veerji to elder brother, I miss that here in uk not many call me Veerji here. I have bullied my cousins at times, even shouted at them or maybe even slapped but never ever have they retaliated back even now I can vouch they have all grown up to be fine young men and women yet they just listen to my rants when I go on a tangent sometimes.. (Yeah I have my moments too )

I would not have liked to talk about my Chacha(Father’s brother) or Bhua’s (father’s sisters) but that would make me a hypocrite after what i have just written above, They are family too , whatever they have done for obvious reasons after my dad passed away is probably their thoughts, I can’t change that maybe they need the money property etc more than us, so its fine. I still want to say thanks to them because Chachu use to be a good man, he taught me how to ride a scooter and drive a jeep in my early days , he also taught me how to fire a rifle. Bhua’s got married and went to USA, but whenever they came to visit us , they brought a lot of goodies for me jackets,toys, sweets etc. etc. Dont know what has happened to all that love they use to have , maybe something wrong with me , maybe I did something wrong.

My Grandma (Dadi) – I had never ever felt she was my step Grandma, when I was growing up, so much love she had showered upon me, when I was in hostel She would come almost every other weekend to meet me , pampered me , during festivals give me so much money – gifts. My mom was only 16-17 when she had me so its my Grandma who practically raised me as a child, My bhua still complains of the fact that Once me and her daughter were playing in the garden – a snake was seen and my grand ma PICKED me up , running to safety leaving my cousin behind. But again sadly since my grand-pa and my father passed things have changed dramatically, I am no more even welcome to the main house we had when everyone live together.

But still this time when I go , I will make sure I go and take her blessings, even if the other side of the family have threatened to harm me. That doesn’t bother me because my parents my mother and father have always taught me to respect the elders no matter who they are , and the BEST thing they taught me was that no matter what fights the Grown ups had I should always respect them as I did before the fights.

My parents well all i can say is I am thankful they are my parents , WHATEVER,WHOEVER I am is because of them, Whatever I have learned – Earned – Got is all because of all the hard work they both have put in raising me. My parents have both worked very very hard especially since the day they were asked to leave the family house to start in a new house from scratch about a year after my Chacha got married. We started from a humble beginning One room house , as my father did not want to take anything from his father. I have seen some poor times but slowly through hard work my parents raised us. I can proudly say that I have studied in the One of the TOP 5 schools of India in those days.

I am so very thankful to them both, I hope I can live up to their expectations. I pray to god to never let me do anything that would hurt them, and hope sometimes that I have been a good boy in the family and have not hurt anyone deliberately.

I am thankful to god for making sure that I was born in such a beautiful family.

TO THE INDIAN MAN

Posted: November 11, 2014 in Abuse, Angry, Children, Experiences, indians, Shameless, Why
Tags: ,

Imagine a Scenario , you bought some shoes from a well-known popular showroom, it is but OBVIOUS that you will probably know what size you are before buying, I am also assuming you Like the colour of the shoe, you like the PRICE too and basically you Like the shoe.

Good shops here in uk do give you the comfort of 14 days money back guarantee, some even give 30 days, provided we return them in same condition they were bought, BUT this is not hard and fast rule , I have actually a few times used a product , found it’s not for me , taken it back to the shop, it has been either exchanged for a new product or in some case money given back or given vouchers to be used on anything at a later stage, I have no qualms on having those because that would mean at least my money will be worth spent on something that I really want.

So having that theory in mind, you may read on 🙂 A few weeks back, I had my cousin come over with his wife and kids for the weekend, during the conversation my nephew said he wanted a cricket bat as his old one had chipped , so we went to a famous sports shop, to have a look. We were looking for one when I heard a bit of commotion , knowing me and my inquisitiveness I walked over to see what the commotion was ..

A Young man about 30 – 35 years old , well-built, flashy glasses on was having an argument with one of the girls at the cash machine, I went about looking for my stuff ignoring but that did not last long as the voices started growing louder, I heard the girl saying “Sir Please don’t talk to me like that ” , “Sir Please talk to the manager”.. But this gentleman was getting more and more aggressive.. Mean while my nephew came-over with his bat, so we stood in the queue.. waiting for the commotion to get over.. a couple of guys were in front of us.

The manager also had come by that time , asking this gentleman to come to the next till so the girl could carry on serving the other customers, while he sorted out the problem, But this man would not have it. He was getting more and more aggressive and at one stage threw the box he had in his hands at the poor girl with some choice EXPLETIVES, The manager tried to calm the guy saying there are Kids around so not use such a language BUT this guy just would not have it.

What had happened was this gentleman had bought a pair of shoes that were on clearance sale with almost 80% off, paid about £15/- , had worn them for a few times as the sole of the shoe suggested, it had been more than 30 days.. YET he wasn’t happy with them so now wanted to return and get his money back.. The manager was trying to convince him that the store only had 14 days return, that too with original packaging etc. But nothing would convince him, he became ruder and ruder , at one stage almost went up to the face of the manager yelling.

Even UK is becoming like India it seems , there was a queue of people waiting to be served , they could all see the girl at the counter distressed, Some had kids with them, YET NO ONE said a word they were all SMILING , waiting to be served so they could get out of the shop, I HATE SUCH PEOPLE. They are the worst lot, the ones who just Look and Do nothing. No wonder the world is in such a mess as people wont do anything, They just ignore as things don’t concern them. But sooner or later it all comes to our doorstep. If we act in the start things would never deteriorate.

Maybe I am an IDIOT or a moron but sadly that’s the way I am, I went up to the guy and talked in Punjabi, Telling the guy to keep it low, calm down, kids are nearby and they don’t want to hear the choice words he was using, He probably thought I was some uneducated person and shouted back to me , to stay out and mind my own business ( I just had an old Kurta and track suit on, so probably he thought I was just another Indian trying to show off), Anyway I ignored him once and asked him politely again this time in English , To please calm down , think of the kids around in the shop, he should at least mind the language.

BUT IT seems some people just wont take a hint , since ME, the manager and the counter girl were being so polite to him , he thought he was being a hero in the shop, continued saying stuff. I had no other option but to identify myself and Warn him one more time to Mind the language , as you can’t use such language with young Kids around. I have never seen someone’s EYES pop out so much, the moment he saw my identification his face went white, lost that loud voice he had, I wish I could have taken a PIC, it was like a wet cat coming out of a pool BUT HE did have the audacity to tell me I was not on duty so I should not interfere, I had only one answer to that , He can SUE ME ..

You know , when you open a coke can and pour it in a glass it suddenly shoots up, the bubbles etc, but leave it a second and all calms down the bubbles vanish, Well so is what happened with this gentleman , he was suddenly very calm and could not wait to get out of the shop, the manager however offered to give him vouchers for the amount he had spent, but he was too much in a rush to suddenly get out.

WHAT A FOOL HE MADE OF HIMSELF, I mean the reason I am writing this article is not to show off what I did, this is normal day-to-day for me so nothing to show off, BUT I was amazed at a well dressed person who looked educated behave this way, that too for a paltry sum of 15 pounds, I mean what is more important your self-esteem , respect or getting the money. Had he requested or talked politely I am sure the store would have had no problem refunding the money or giving him vouchers. SO why behave like that ..

Does it mean if someone is talking nicely to us we should get this rude , just to show others what a big man he was ..

If he was such a man he should have taken me on, as he was threatening to slap the manager , he should have said the same to me .. Why are people becoming such idiots that it does not matter to them what others will say, I am sure I will recognise him all the time so will others, they will just laugh at him. I know I can be arrogant but I do make sure that I don’t offend others just for the sake of it or knowingly.

Is it such a MAN thing to talk to rudely, does it give some sort of kick. kids were with me otherwise this gentleman would have spent some time in a cell trying to figure out was it worth the hassle.

July Photo A Day 2014 challenge :- Day 16 is here.
The topic says listening to… What can you hear? Share a photo. I have already put a foto of childhood The good old days

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This song comes for All my blog friends , all who visit me, young – old- kids-adults- elders  Please just listen to the song .. close your eyes and listennnnnnn

and LET THE CHILD In you Come out … Have a Great FRIDAY PEOPLE and a lovely Weekend…. Bless you alllllllll … love you all take care now

WHAT EVER YOU ARE DOING .. DROP IT ALL.. DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU ARE IN UR OFFICE OR HOME or ON PHONE .. LISTENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNn and SMILEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. I have put this song up a few times now on my blog 🙂

I listen to this song almost everyday, it is my phone ringtone too .. yeah I can be a BABY sometimes .. but I think in the world we live and the busy life’s we lead , we need to get that CHILD OUT of our hearts .. So Stop for a minute and Listen .. LET that child out and see how lovely the world is … it is beautifullllll 🙂

or watch a slow version

Give a little time for the child within you,
don’t be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys
and take off your shoes and socks, and run you.
La, la, la…

Run through the meadow and scare up the milking cows
Run down the beach kicking clouds of sand
Walk a windy weather day, feel your face blow away
Stop and listen: Love you.

Roll like a circus clown, put away your circus frown
Ride on a roller coaster upside down
Waltzing Matilda, Carey loves a kinkatchoo
Joey catch a kangaroo, hug you.

Dandylion, milkweed, silky on a sunny sky
Reach out and hitch a ride and float on by
Balloons down below catching colors of the rainbow
red, blue and yellow-green: I love you.

Bicycles, tricycles, ice cream candy
Lollypops, popsicles, licorice sticks
Solomon Grundy, Raggedy Andy
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, home free

Cowboys and Indians, puppydogs and sandpails
Beachballs and baseballs and basketballs, too.
I love forget-me-nots, fluffernutters, sugarpops
I’ll hug you and kiss you and love you
La, la, la… Love you.

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PS. :- I am sure everyone can guess , One of the person in the pic’s is Me.. but can you guess which one and Who could be the other one ..

PPS :- I found these two pics in one of the Trunks laying in a shed back in my village

A couple of weeks Ago I got an email from Rachna Parmar of Rachna Says to do a guest post, Telling you truthfully I felt very happy to read the email, Did I tell you that Rachna 🙂 ..

I am not very good at doing guest post , and to make it so hard for me  Two bloggers sent in their posts and Oh boy it made it worse for me as I was not sure what to write on or what to write about.

Knowing very well how some very good bloggers come to her blog to read what she writes so pressure pressure and more pressure , then Bhagyashree  from Searching Self  Threatened me 🙂   (I have proof of that he he he he ) .. that I better not chicken out , so I did one and Now the post is up there on Rachna’s Blog..  The Little Children of India.

I would like to say Thank you so much to Rachna for even asking me to write a post for her blog, I am sorry before hand if you suddenly find people who visit you have stopped coming over after reading the post 🙂 he he he

She has written such lovely words about me , Oh my , Oh my .. don’t worry if you guys don’t like that post , Just go and read what she writes about me 🙂  and go awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  🙂

I watched the second episode the series and Like the first episode this one was equally shocking too.. 53% of our children are being sexually abused, What more shocking can it be then this.

It further boils my blood at those people who gave me a THUMBS DOWN at what i wrote. Makes me wonder what sort of People are WE , who can’t even protect our kids .. further more what sort of people are ruling us in the government and WHO ARE WE SELECTING every time .. As the program suggested there is NO LAW so far in our nation for this crime.

I remember writing a line in one of the comments which got the thumbs down that “I do think that people need to stop talking of stupid issues and actually work on something which is much more required..” that we should maybe concentrate LESS on  USELESS ISSUES .. and concentrate MORE on issues like this. I would like to ask the same people again what do they think now , 53% which means more than one in Two is abused,  Such issues never make the headline , I wonder why!

Pick up the newspaper or listen to news all they talk is of things that don’t mean a thing when we put them in context over the TWO episodes that we have seen , the figures that have been shown, How shameful is it for our nation as a whole.  The Current headline is on BABA NIRMAL.. I mean for god sake ,  EVERY baba in our nation is taking us for a RIDE. EACH ONE of them.  but suddenly this one is in the news, hours after hours are spent on this USELESS ISSUE.  Yes this is a useless issue when compared to child abuse and female foeticide

This is going to be a controversial statement that I am going to make , HOW much time have we spent on the issue of MAN vs WOMEN.. how much time have people spent on MAN BASHING.. I want to ask those people what has that done ,  Dont they themself think that there are more important issues that might need more time , that instead of concentrating on the issues about the MEN in their family or the MEN around them they could perhaps concentrate a WEE MORE on the children too around them ..  PARDON me for saying this and I Iterate again , Let us as a nation spend time on issues which are going to make the future of our nation rather than silly issues .

I understand that no issue is less, they are all very important but I am sure if we tackle them one by one things can change, the problem we have is that we want everything to change at the same time , which is not how things work , we have to tackle them one at a time.

The figures are mind-boggling 53% of our kids, sends a shiver down my spine. I am sure rather I HOPE  this episode has done the same for others too, though I doubt as they are probably trying to find out or wasting time in finding how they can relate this to one and only THE MAN.

Today’s episode brought an evil a sad part of my childhood too,  I have held it very closely guarded all my life so far, not even the closest of  people around me know about this, but seeing the young man tell of his horrific ordeal  has somewhat given me a little strength to share with you all one of those days. I was in 5th or 6th class, Kerosene oil use to be given on a ration card in those days , a particular day you had to go and get your 5litres of kerosene which was used for domestic purposes.

PLEASE I don’t want any questions asked or any sympathy, so please don’t..

I was standing in a que waiting for my turn to come, my mother was with me but she was buying other things from the shop, there was a aunty standing behind me, I distinctively can still remember a hand going inside my shorts and starting to fondle me , I was in a shock , I did not know what to do , it had never happened to me basically as far as I remember I did not know what was happening, it was maybe for a few seconds or maybe more but it felt like ages .. and then I don’t know how to say it or put it , I felt a finger somewhere , where it is no way right, I shrieked  and as suddenly it started .. it all stopped .. I saw my mother run to me asking what happened .

I distinctively remember not saying anything other than that I want to go home, at that age I did not know what to say or to actually know what had happened .. I don’t even know who did it was it the aunty behind me or someone else , I was shell-shocked.  One thing I remember is the pain ,  My father came home from office , I complained about pain, I was taken to the hospital where I was checked over and there was a rupture, That is when my parents came to know, my parents asked me what had happened I remember I did not tell them anything till about a few days, It was too late to find out who did that to me. I spent a few days recovering as healing took a long time as you can understand why.

My parents have always stood by me, listened to me always YET I was afraid to tell them, I guess it’s because of the way we are brought up in our nation especially with Fathers.  I was not sent to the shops again alone, even when I went out to play it was someone with me. This was also the reason why when ever I had holidays my parents never said No to me going to our village to spend it , they I believe wanted me to be far away from the place.

I know what happened to me is no where compared to what the people mentioned in the episode today went through and probably hardly is such a  big issue maybe in eyes of a lot of people reading this,  But in my life this incident had a lot of effect on me , As you all know I went to a hostel for schooling, I use to be very jovial happy kid, but this incident actually changed me a lot , I was bullied in school maybe because of that , could not stand up for myself at all.. It took a long long time , not until I was in 12th that things changed , I became very violent in my college time, I guess it was maybe because of all that locked anger .

I still find is hard to stand in a que, or in a crowded place.. I feel uneasy maybe in the back of my mind that incident is still very much active.

I am not sure if I did the right thing or wrong to have written this , a lot of you have this image of me in your eyes, I guess that has taken a bit of a shock after reading maybe.. But the reason I put this here is to tell that this happens and it can change the whole life of an individual, I was lucky I had understanding parents, It took some time also to actually know what happened was wrong. This can happen to anyone, We may think our kids are safe but are they. The responsibility of seeing them safe lies with parents , who have brought them in this world.

I think Talking to your child is a must , telling them what is right or wrong at an early age is a MUST.  I did not know about it , I should have known the moment I felt that hand , it is something wrong, I should have had the confidence to run or shout or DO SOMETHING ANYTHING.. Not stand there letting it happen, I don’t know who had their fun at my expense but he/she whoever did something that probably changed the way I might have turned out to be, I am not saying I might have been different or that I hate what I am now, I am happy but who knows what could be..

And Talk to your Kids… Always

Your child might not be abused but they might have Seen something happen to some other child, Talking is the best and most powerful tool we have.  Understand this that Sometimes children do not realise that certain behaviour is OK in private but not in public. Or they do not realise that their behaviour is upsetting or harming other children.  They may be uncomfortable talking about sexual issues and may also be worried they are in trouble so your tone and manner are very important. Or you might see this happening to other kids in your locality SPEAK UP.