How to live and Die (2 and 3)- My Views

Posted: August 11, 2014 in Age, Am I wrong, Decison, Experiences, My Thoughts., Reality
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Continuing from part one How to live and Die (1) – Sad post on what I think are some of the points that one needs to keep in mind to have a good Life and Die a peaceful death, the first point as I said is health.. as Health is Wealth..

The next point that is equally important is MONEY.. I don’t like beating around the bush and I am sure a lot of people will be shaking their heads but believe you me that I do think after Health the next most important is a healthy bank balance: OH Yes this is a must, and If you owe some money to someone then you need enough to pay off that debt and as soon as possible. We humans have this tendency that if we owe someone and even though we have enough money we try to keep it closer to us as much as possible and for as long as possible, I don’t know why we don’t just pay our debts off at the earliest.

I recently found this out, that I do owe money to someone, I hope I am able to pay it off as soon. Over the time I have also realised that expensive gifts taking-giving need to be stopped, because when relations go sour suddenly that money spent cuts into an already sour relation.

Anyway I am deviating from the point .. One needs to have a healthy bank balance enough to provide a few comforts, and most importantly One should have enough for fun time, small little things like going for movies, eating out, holidays etc etc. Holidays May not be luxury holidays but some that can release all that pressure that builds up, somewhere that relaxes you.. I have a perfect place where I get relaxed the most .. My Village house.. That’s one place where I feel happy even when everything around me is falling down. Although saying that I had not been there for so long, so this year when I spent 2 weeks it felt like heaven, I have made my self promise ME.. that I am going to spend at least ONE week each year at home, That definitely means I need that MONEY – a healthy bank balance to do just that, as coming to India is becoming more and more expensive each passing day.

Not having enough money to just have basic recreation is very demoralizing. I was talking to a friend on this , he mentioned that he has a mortgage and some credit card bills, But I would not advice anyone to Live on credit or borrow , as that is far worse , it is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes, especially if you are unable to pay the installments.

Now that we are talking about Money PLEASE don’t lend money especially to friends, I know I am being horrible but it is truth, you lose friendship and the Money.

As I said we humans have this tendency that we like to hold on to that money for as long, even if we owe. If you ask your friend for the money back, you are suddenly not that good a friend, so friendship lost with that money too,

After Health — Money is the most important thing in life no matter what people say.. even the billionaires need the money..

The Next important fact after Health-Money is Having your own home, and by that I mean the one which you may buy yourself, I am strong believer that if you buy your own with your own hard-earned money you feel more Happy.I know in today’s economy it’s a big task to buy one’s own home and many many of us live in the house that we have got from our parents they probably from their’s, It is yours but it is not yours .. If you know what I mean.

Many people these days live on rent , Renting a place never gives you the comfort or security that you get because somewhere in the back of your mind it’s always something that you will have to vacate. BUT saying that these days especially in india No one vacates.. If you give your property on rent it seems you have done one of the worst things ever.. this brings added tensions to the owner.. I have burnt my fingers in that too. Use to have a Shop in Chandigarh the normal rent in the sector is at least 60 to 70000, but the gentleman who rented ours paid a measly 2200/- , yeah just 2200Rs. My father was a very soft man, the guy would come and cry how difficult the situation is and my dad would say ok next year we will increase , this carried on for 40+ years. So Last year I sold it off to a friends Uncle at 30% less than the market price, he has enough clout to throw this tenant out on the road, and then I got phone calls every day from him telling me he is ready to up the rent to whatever price I said, but too late for that.

I dont know why we have this mentality if we are having something good we over do it , this guy had all his business , everyone knew him and now when he would have had to set up his work at a different place , at a higher price he realises he was wrong, I remember 4 years ago when i had gone to india I had a chat with him and had told him that , he was wrong, He did the usual sob story and said can afford to increase the rent to 3000Rs. only , I just turned back and said leave it , he can have the 800rs. it will help his family more.. But serves him right.

I got so scared of this tenant business that , the house I had bought a year and half ago , we had given it on rent but now I have got it vacated and I plan to have it like that , we have a care taker who lives in it , the guy who worked our fields has a second wife 🙂 , yeah I know 🙂 .. and one kid, so the other family live in that taking care of the house , it helps both of us he doesn’t have to pay for rent , he was paying previously and we have someone looking after the house.

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Comments
  1. Nagini says:

    What a coincidence Bikram..I just finished reading ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’.. A tale of death,now here come your post in my inbox.. 🙂

    Like

  2. I guess many of us see the true face of our best friends once we lend money or help them in some way they don’t deserve. But like the tenant who was underpaying, they too will realize their mistake one day when it is too late. I guess.

    Destination Infinity

    Like

  3. nimadas says:

    Fully agree with you on all the points. lending money to friends you lose both. And yes owing your own home is a good long term investment.

    Like

  4. Money makes the world go round. If you do lend money to someone just make sure that u or ur loved ones are not going to suffer hardships for that. If it is fora serious illness or marriage, makes sense to loan…its humane to do if u can afford it – the moot point afford it as my dad learnt the hard way. He spent years loaning to sisters and nephews but when it came to his illness, it was the son who bore the medical bills to ease dad own burden. I guess dad died a happy man knowing his children hadn’t abandoned him, unlike so many children who have the means but not the heart

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      oh yes it does .. oh yes you are right if one has to lend for some cause or even if a friend just wants money , I dont mind giving .. but to say they want a loan and then mak you take a loan from bank .. that is not right ..

      now that is another thing these days kids abandoning their own parents which is a shame ..

      Hello , it is good to see you here after a long long time ..

      Like

  5. jaishvats says:

    Money is something that does complicate relationship s.As you rightly Said better keep them separate

    Like

  6. B k chowla says:

    They say,if you really want to lose a friend….lend him money

    Like

  7. Money can spoil relationship sad truth

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  8. Agreed to your point that lending money to a friend could result in losing the both… and paying a rent of Rs.2200/- for 40+ years !!! incredible !! :-O

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    • Bikramjit says:

      yes for 40 years actually my dad was a very soft man.. he could not say no to anyone and the other guy took advantag , he would usually bring his little kid along and then show how he will suffer if we asked them to vacate the shop.. it is sad sad way .. he himself has built a bit a big house for himself and when the govt was allocating spaces he got a little place allocated in the industrial area for himself .. but gave that on rent ..

      people are very clever

      Like

  9. sm says:

    one should lend the money in need not for luxury enjoyment to friends

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      Yes sm , I thought i had lent in need as this friend had lost his job and had some bills come up ..so just to make sure he was ok till he found a new job i agreed but now that he has new job too he is not interested

      Like

  10. beloome says:

    Some good advice here, Bikram, especially about the money part. Without a decently secure financial health we can’t really feel free enough to try out anything else in life that we are passionate about or are interested in. A good material base is needed for even a healthy spiritual pursuit 🙂 Good read!

    Like

  11. Ritika says:

    I never like lending money to anyone, partly because I forget about it and partly because I get all awkward when I need it back…oh and also because I hardly have money :/

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      you think the right thing and you r right , i forget too 🙂 and it is always a pain for me to ask back as I feel if one has taken a loan then they should also have the decency to give back or at least tell the person that they cant give back just yet , or will give in a months or two months time ..

      Like

  12. I agree with you on the points here. I prefer keeping my apartment empty rather than letting it out. I never ever borrow money from friends.

    Like

  13. anisnest says:

    that is right, health and wealth are the important things in ones life.. I have sore incidents of lending money to friend too and now lost the friendship 😦

    Like

  14. Roshni says:

    Even though we have borrowed and lent money to and from some very close friends (and have still retained their friendship mainly because we each kept up our end of the bargain), I tend to agree that lending and borrowing money from ‘friends’ who are more like close acquaintances is the surest way of breaking up the relationship!

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      see that is fine when we all respect that, i too have asked for money when i need, and i have got it but i have made sure to give it back ON TIME and many of my friends have done that too.. as you say keep each others end of bargain.. it is when one forgets ..

      I think it is human nature we like to keep things with us for as long as we can 🙂

      Like

  15. Jas says:

    Money, I think, is the biggest deal breaker. Friendships get ruined if both do not keep their end of the bargain.

    Like

  16. padmaja says:

    Great thoughts! Even with health and wealth, if there is no peace of mind, those important two things can not be enjoyed.. so .:-)

    Like

  17. Rachna says:

    Very sensible points, Bikram. I agree with each one. After health definitely money is most important. We need to have enough to have a secure future, to give our children a good life and education and to pursue our dreams. I enjoy travel and it cannot be done without adequate money. I also believe that lending to a friend is very tricky. Most times it is difficult to say no to someone close :(. And I am blessed to own my home. It truly is wonderful.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      yes rachna.. it is very important. you are right i love to travel too but without money wont be able to do it .. oh yes the famous NO word, same here hence i got myself in trouble , usually no one will ask for such a big amount , I did not have that much in my bank hence had to get a loan..

      and own home tooo .. is lovely ..

      Like

  18. SG says:

    If you loan money to a friend/relative, think of it as your “gift” to him/her. If you think that way, you will have peace of mind.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      🙂 yes SG that’s what i will have to think i guess .. but when an installement goes everymonth it keeps reminding and this will go on for 5 years .. so i have a lot of time to keep it remembered 🙂

      Like

  19. Agree with both the points – about money and buying house. What your friend did was not right. Why must you pay the loan for 5 years?!! You should definitely not leave him.. ask him to give it back. We must not lend any money to friends.
    Buying house is important too. But the problem is you cannot buy house until and unless you know you are going to settle in that place. For people who keep moving cities/countries, it is not feasible.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      I know , but he has been a friend i cant go and catch his neck , so lets see when he himself realises ..

      yeah you are right at that point cant buy till you know , you are going to settle there .. thankfully i was in the same city for a long time till now ..

      Like

  20. I agree with every word you say… life give you lemons..you should squeeze it and make nimbu paani. :p bad experiences always teach you good things. Lovely post.

    Like

  21. Deeps says:

    Some sensible pointers there! Yes health and money are important to sustain a good life.

    And I agree lending or borrowing money from friends can so hamper the relationship!

    Like

  22. RGB says:

    Totally agree with you. I also don’t believe in lending money to friends, relatives, neighbours…nor in doing business with them. Money can really come between relationships! And yeah, heard of owners losing their flat / house / land to tenants, that these days people are really wary to lease out their houses they would rather have it locked up!

    Like

  23. Deboshree says:

    Agreed. Money should not be allowed to damage a relationship and since the risks are high, it’s best to keep it out of the equation. Some very valid points covered there, Bikram. 🙂

    Like

  24. shivani says:

    Once again agree to all u have just said Bikram. Money sure is needed but it how much that is one question we somehow never seem to figure out. For getting this right amount health is lost…i mean look at how youngsters earning fast bucks are working these days.
    Then money comes in between relationships too as u have pointed out. People borrow don’t pay up. What’s worse is some flock around you just because u r rich and can give them all the free fun…expensive dinners…parties…
    But the day u run out they all disappear.
    And this tenant thing is also becoming scarier day by day. i know of many who have taken the same decision as you have. Keeping their home vacant than renting it out and later suffering the trauma.
    Btw…a frnd borrowed from me too…and dime is trickling in drops…in a manner in which the amount has actually lost it’s value.
    We vowed never to lend again…but last week ooops someone asked and although it was not a huge sum we did it again Bikram.
    How to live happy otherwise Bikram…

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      Thank you thank you so muchhhhhhhhhhhhh … I know how much is another question but this is my belief , I think money is enough if you get to do the daily chores without thinking .. and once in a while indulge yourself .. is the way ..

      money can never be enough i feel , but thankfully i earn enough to make sure i dont go in negative and thats enough for me , too much money is also bad as it brings arrogance etc in one ..

      yes it is better to keep the house vacant and as such i am happy i dont depend on the RENT money comingin , so vacant is good and peace of mind tooo 🙂

      Totally understand that to live happy it is necessary to keep others happy , i fall in that trap toooo all the time ..

      Like

  25. indrani says:

    Most practical advice here: never lend money to friends. I have seen two of my close friends who were best buddies part away on this issue. Good post Bikram.

    Like

  26. YAM says:

    Hari Om
    …if you tread a cobbled road, then find your ankle is twisted or, worse, you tumble and break a bone, you are temporarily damaged but rise and walk again. For whatever reason, you chose to stick to that same road. Again a fall…Do you blame the cobbles?

    Surely, they are what they are and there is an inherent danger in traversing the course, but you continue because at least these cobbles are familiar, despite your mistrust of them. Now and again you stop by their side, but walk again you must and you kick at the cobbles once more. Somehow or other you learn to balance on them so that there is less risk. Then along comes the rain. The surface changes through no fault of yours or the cobbles. Another tumble, due to this third party.

    At some point you find the chance to sail away – you think ‘ahhh my wish come true’ – …but when did you learn to sail? Whether on the familiar road or the high seas it is imperative to find the Master Travellers, apprentice yourself to them.

    Guru Granth Sahib has many references to the problems of false attachment. The signposts to a smoother trail are all available, if you are able to lift your eyes from the cobbles.

    As a Vedantaacarya I say this to you brother…in the spirit of Ik Onkaar. YAM xx

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      Hari OM

      I know what you are saying I guess i am at fault for lending the money , i should think twice or more times next time …

      I guess such are the ways of the world ..

      Like

  27. Anita says:

    Agree with your views, Bikram.
    There’s a saying- “Never borrow, never lend, if you wanna keep a friend.”
    I always pay off my dues.
    What if something happens to me & I die with a debt on my head!!! I feel I have to repay with interest in the next birth 🙂

    Like

  28. Agree ji money can spoil any relation and sometimes feel how true the saying is “man makes money and money makes man” …

    Like

  29. ashwinicn says:

    Very very True Bikram. Money is important, but when shared, it causes more harm than good. I’ve seen so many money issues drive close families apart. And speaking of rented houses, we own a property too and have had some horrible people staying in the name of tenants. People often speak of very strict house owners, no one talks about how these house owners face all sorts of hardships.

    Like

  30. Shilpa Garg says:

    Agree, money is important. They say, the easiest way to spoil a relationship is by bringing in the matters of money in it. People ask for money from family / friends when in need, so since you are a nice good person, you may not be able to say no. And it is ok to help people in need, but paying it back is important too.

    Like

  31. purbaray says:

    Rather say no and be unkind than say yes and feel cheated.

    Like

  32. Jenny Shetty says:

    Money between friends can be weird. I really don’t think people should put their friends in an uncomfortable position by asking for money in the first place. And if the friend lends, then please be civil and return it! ON TIME!.. For happiness, I think one needs a goal. Money, home yeah all good points, but when you have a goal, there is a purpose to your life, else the days can be long and life dull!

    Somehow my comments on your previous posts dont show up. Something’s wrong! Hope this one shows up.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      you are very right,

      I know what you are saying we do need a goal for sure but to get to that goal one needs a few things 🙂
      I am sorry about the comments thing, I will have a look and this one did show up.. but i ma sure i have read your other comments tooo 🙂

      Like

  33. “Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
    For loan oft loses both itself and friend…” 🙂

    Like

  34. Good, practical points based on experience!
    I wouldn’t like to comment on your friend’s behaviour since I do not know the complete details of his financial troubles and other problems. It’s easy for me to comment, but how would I have behaved if I was in the same situation?

    However, I’ll say this much: it would have been really nice if he had informed you the moment he knew he cannot pay the instalments, and worked out some way of repaying you in the future.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      I can understand what you say..BUT As you say if he is unable to pay then he should at least come over and tell me “BIK cant pay you for another year ” simple .. but not meeting me or picking my phone and then lieing that he has set a direct debit etc etc .. is not right.. I dont mind him coming and saying he cant pay till 2015 , I can live with that .. but treating me like a idiot is not right..

      Like

  35. Zephyr says:

    Loved both the posts, so completely different from your usual ones. Health is perhaps even more important than money because unless you have the health, how can you enjoy the money you have? How many people have I seen being unable to travel and enjoy other things because of their poor health. I would say that lending money to even relatives is a sure way of spoiling the relationship for life. It has happened in our family and till date that uncle has no truck with us. What is more, he was not even directly involved. My brother who lent the money not only lost it, but also became the villain for the entire family for asking it back — when they were well off and spending like crazy. Well, one learns the hard way, as you say.

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      Thank you MAMI, I am glad you took the time to read them both and glad you liked them tooo. Oh yes HEalth is Number one in the list always .. as to enjoy the money one needs to have health for sure ..
      lending money one of the worst things we can do .. but what i cant understand is , when we need it we ask from friends then why dont we return on time ..

      you are right one learns the hard way .. I am learning toooo

      Like

  36. Archana K B says:

    liked that honest post… good to hear the advice learned from your experiences. My mom too have lended one of her house to a distant relative at a very less rate, but she too speaks of compassion and humanity and other reasons, when asked about the same.

    Like

  37. elixired says:

    I can relate to your post! My grand fatherwas a soft hearted man who lost a lot of his property to such people!
    A lot of insecurity, problems get solved by financial security. I believe many relationships too face discord due to financial crunch! Though money is not everything, but it is more than something! As u said health is the first factor, money helps in maintaining mental and physical heath too! Did ur post turned me into a more materialistic side???

    Like

    • Bikramjit says:

      well money is not everything but IT IS EVERYTHING 🙂 in todays day and age one cant go far without money , there will always be something that will need money ..
      thank you so much and hello , how are you .. long time since you last came 🙂 so let me Welcome you back again and thank you 🙂

      Like

  38. the little princess says:

    that was one contemplative post Bikram….there’s no better teacher than your own experience and I know for sure how lending money to a friend can help you lose both!

    Like

  39. […] is an example remember the Gyan I gave on How to live and Die (2 and 3) I had mentioned about lending money , yes you can guess it right I went ahead and lent some more 🙂 […]

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  40. […] from part one How to live and Die (1) – Sad post and part Two How to live and Die (2 and 3)- My Views on what I think are some of the points that one needs to keep in mind to have a good Life and Die a […]

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