Satyamev jayate 3:- My thoughts:-Dowry, Women, Men, India..

Posted: May 22, 2012 in Experiences, My Thoughts.
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Well The third episode comes with another problem that we as a nation face and it is such a menace, which is faced yet again by everyone, each family faces it no matter what , if they are parents to a Boy or a girl.. this ritual comes to the fore always ..

But I loved the message in the End given by Mr. Amir khan to the men of the nation , What sort of men are we .. Is this what being a MAN is begging for something from someone else , that does not make us men it makes us beggars.

Another point that came out of the episode and which I keep yacking and harping about is again A women being an enemy of a woman, The mother in law asking this or that , In the first case that was shown The mother-in-law knew how his son was treating the daughter in law , yet she did not say anything Rather she was calling up the Girls father to give more, I mean WHY.. Did she go through the same when she got married and came to the family..

Usually when we go through a bad time, or a bad scenario we ( I say we as in normal people), try to warn others not to do the same mistake,  If there is a road where we were robbed , we tell everyone oh don’t go on that road , this might happen or that might happen..   We have a problem and go to a person who takes some money to help us , We generally tend to tell people either good about this person who has helped us or bad , as they took money..   The point that I am trying to make is WE speak of the situation .. SO WHY DOES A MOTHER-IN-LAW who has gone through the same DOWRY problem in the Family NOT speak out to save another person from the same humiliation.  OR is that they think ooooh Revenge TIME.. now its her chance to get back , Since she can’t do anything to her husband or the family , she does the next best thing , to humiliate the new girl who is brought into the family.

I can understand people saying men are bad, society is bad , men do this , men have made life bad for women , Men are the root cause of all problems in one way or the other, But what about the Mother-in-law who is a woman..  Sometimes when I think its just makes me mad, We all say MOTHER is next to god, I say it all the time THEN how come the same mother becomes a devil for the newly married girl who has come in the family.

Today I had a problem with the episode and I Found something not so right, WHY WERE THE FACES OF THE MAN HIDDEN... I mean they are showing the faces of the ladies who have gone through hell, but hidden the face of the bridegroom, I think ,I Wish  and HOPED that the Faces of these MEN should be splashed everywhere, The photo shown was that of the wedding day THEN why was the man’s face covered.

I think the only way to get rid of the menace of dowry is to NAME and SHAME the boy’s family, They should be splashed everywhere on big hoardings, I am sure it the RIGHT OF THE WOMAN TO SHOW THE FACE OF HER HUSBAND..  I mean what sort of human being can leave his wife for four days alone with food, I so want to have seen that man’s face and I would also want to know what company does he work for , so his colleagues and office knows what sort of man they have appointed. I Personally would have written to that AMERICAN FIRM about this person , and I am sure if it was a foreign company they would have broken their ties with the indian company to get away from bad publicity or asked the man to leave .. WHICH IS WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN .. I bet that man has probably got married all over again and got another installment of dowry ..

I Think the show should show the pictures, fine they dont want to say anything against the man , I agree but that faces should be shown.  People should see the faces of EVIL, so at least someone else also is not taken for a ride. Moreover the relatives , the neighbours, the friends  or anyone who know that family can also see what sort of people they mingle with because I am sure That man and his family have probably made all those believe how bad the girl was, nothing wrong was done by the boy and his family.

As Mr.  Balwant singh ramoowalia said Punjabi’s have this habit of wanting to go abroad , and would do anything to make it happen,  to the level that they can give away their daughters and PAY for putting them into hell, 30000 girls are in that hell , maybe more who have not reported.  I remember writing a post when something like this happened  marriage has becoming business, I have so many stories to tell. The lure of coming abroad is making people do EVIL things, they are finding new ways to come abroad.

I think time has come where Parents of a girl need to start turning the tables, Any boy who wants to marry their daughter will have to give dowry to them, Pre nuptial agreements need to be made on the day of the wedding. 

I loved the way some societies have taken upon themselves to make a change, and the north-eastern states where dowry is read about only in books.

I also think nowadays the idea of religious marriage is gone , I mean the boy and the girl both take Vows in front of God , with all their heart , yet they break it so in my eyes that idea is lost, it should probably be registered weddings, cheap and easy go to court and get married NO need of spending lakhs on parties etc , I mean whats the use of that, one can spend so much money on that and yet you can always find someone who is not happy for some reason.

Parents of a girl are under constant pressure I know that for  fact, I could see -hear ,my parents talk , when I came over to uk, got a job, WE would discuss this, My sis had to be married, preparations had to be started as she was nearing completing her education.  Luckily for us the boy’s side never asked for anything and my sister is happily married BUT there was this unspoken deal where she had to be given, I remember we had to go for the shagun to the boy’s side, as we reached, I could see my dad a bit worried , Went up to him asking what was the problem and his words were “Oh yaar, we forgot to put the Television in the car”, and I was like WHAT.. so what But the look on his face and then obviously my mum came to know ..

It was that worried look, although the boy’s side never asked and I am sure they would not have said anything but just to see the worried look on my parents made my heart-break, I had to send one of my friends to go home to pick the damn TV, I did not know it was for my sis for I had that new tv in my room and I had been using it.

The reason I mentioned this little episode is its SAD to see parents in so much pressure if not from the boy’s side , then it’s from the Society, what will they say Mann sahib be apne beti de viyah ch tv nahin ditta (Mr. Mann did not give a tv on his daughter’s wedding).. I MEAN what the hell now that is a sad thought, the day the rituals when it is supposed to be happy time , both families are supposed to be feasting the occasion having fun , there is this on the back of the mind , The worried looks.

I wish parents don’t have to go through this  , I hope and wish after this show the men , the unmarried men of our nation, come to their senses and do what MEN do , do what the reason they are called MEN.. and stop being beggars , MAKE SURE THERE PARENTS DONT BEHAVE LIKE BEGGARS..

The best would be as it happens in Western culture, the Groom-bride both organise their wedding with their own hard money.. Why don’t we pick up good things from the western culture, and parents need to understand especially the mother in law’s that what happened with them when they came as a bride , should be stopped and they are in the best possible position to make sure that what they went through, the new bride coming into their own family does not go through it again.

Our parents work so hard , maybe they should spend that hard-earned money on themselves and enjoy their life or what is left of it , Not spend it on us all our life .. Maybe we as kids WE should WAKE UP and think about our parents, Get out of our parents house  and MAKE ONE OF OUR OWN,  rather than live in our fathers house all our life too.  Go out get a job and Earn our own.. Each of us boy-girl , use our money, and then FEEL how it is to spend the hard-earned money.  Once a child turns 16 or 18 They should be asked to provide for themselves.

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Comments
  1. All the people who benefit from dowry (boy, girl, in-laws) are beggars. Nothing could be worser than demanding it. I abhor the society that encourages this ‘culture’.

    Destination Infinity

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  2. Jas says:

    are you on a woman bashing tirade now.? 🙂 no but you have a point here, the same women who had once experienced this don’t extend a hand of help but become partner in crime.. why it happens, can’t really say… it might be that the urge to play in money is more than the fate that girl is meeting.. surely the conscious is dead…

    I was also not happy when they covered the faces of the men but I think the reason behind it is that they can only show faces with permission… so probably to avoid legal tangles…

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    • ooops does it sound women bashing , I hope not , That is not the idea at all.. I ma against bashing of anyone for we have wasted enough time already in the bashing process.. SO time is to do something. You are right Revenge or the idea that It happened to me so why should it stop with me .. also maybe a reason.

      Well the whole idea of the program is to bring truth out , so who cares for the permission.. I ma sure the Wife can show her wedding pictures and OOOOOOPS if the husband’s face is visible , he is in the picture should have NOT been in the picture …

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  3. You know Bikram i too used to wonder why a mother in law who had gone through the same thorny path of dowry not understand what other girls must be going through when asked for it..
    And i think all these present MIL’S who ask for it or torture their daughter in laws in name of dowry have gone through so much in their life that they have become stone hearted and insensitive living deads..only thing they eat and breath now is money for which they too have been tortured in past

    i chanced upon few lines of a poem when i was in school..it has been one of my favourites since then ..would like to share it with you

    कितनी गीता गंगा माँ की गोदी में सो जाती है
    कितनी सीता रेल पटरियों पर लोहू बो जाती है
    कौन कूंए में कूद गयी
    कौन गिरी मीनारों से
    कौन गिनेगा इनकी संख्या रोज़ रंगे अखबारों में
    धरम बेचने वालो तुम
    शर्म बेचने वालो तुम
    फिर क्यों जिंदा करते हो मरे हुए चंगेज़ को
    सोने की हथकडिया काटो
    मारो दुष्ट दहेज़ को ….
    only change possible is the change we bring in…again easier said than done but no law can chage the way people live untill people themselves getup and do something about it

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    • Confused D says:

      The people who ask for dowry are like rich beggars. Just like Rani said in that episode, The even beg in a loud voice! Women have been through this a lot more in past. How can they do the same to girls today! And about the faces, they should have actually made it visible! If he were in the same town you are in, you could have even arrested him!

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      • THat was such a shame the parents shouting ki Gaadi to chahiye hi hai.. I wonder who that guy would have married after being turned down .. I bet he is still married somewhere …

        I would have done more than just arrest him for sure … 🙂

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    • Wow that is a beautiful poem, and I can read hindi too,, had it as my second language in school 🙂

      But then if they have gone through so much then they should be the one who should be the first one to STOP it , you are right they have become stone hearted for sure. Money has become a big deal and the most important these days.

      so true that Kitni geeta and kitni hi sita are dieing in our country and yet we supposedly treat girls as goddess , yet we do the worst to them ..

      very true we got to change , each one of us .. its we who make the society .. so till we change society wont change ..

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  4. Ria says:

    I loved the attitude of Rani and I wish every woman to have such courage…I felt really sad and angry when I got to know about the woman from Kerala who was a Phd and yet she committed suicide coz her husband and inlaws kept saying that she’ ugly! Who gave them the right to say so? even if they did, what prevented her from walking out of the marriage!? She was highly educated, she was a lecturer, she could have lived with her parents and taken care of them….but no, instead she felt the best thing she could do was to commit suicide!

    In the other case too, the girl who was being tortured by her husband in USA chose to stay mum for so long…so much so that she could have died due to starvation…why couldn’t she tell her parents about the trauma that she was undergoing? this is because right from the beginning it is ingrained in a girl’s mind that come what may, she should stay with her husband and in-laws…she can only come back to her parents once she’s dead. This is a saying in hindi…but some parents take it too literally! Why should a girl suffer at the hands of evil in-laws? Why can’t she walk out….why is she blamed if a marriage falls apart?

    This is the sorry state of women in India…I am fortunate to be born in a family where there is no difference between sons and daughters….where I was never reminded or chided about getting married…where I was never told that do not come back to us once u r married….I wish and genuinely want every parent to treat their children as equals and say no to dowry. Bad ppl exploit only those who bow down to their wishes…like Aamir said ‘you can never buy the happiness of your daughter, so don’t think that just because u have given all that they have asked for, your daughter will have a happy life’.

    And yes, I agree when u say that they shouldn’t have blurred the faces of all those ppl who have done wrong…I want these ppl to be punished…unfortunately as of now, these ppl get away with blood on their hands.

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    • I dont know what these girls were thinking , but I guess it was not to bring shame to their parents.

      THe girl did goood doing that sting op and shaming the boy and his parents ,, Good of the man who married her and they are living a happy life .. But I would want ot know what happened to that guy who demanded dowry, I am sure he is still married , so who has he married and what is he up to , they should do a sequel to show that tooo..

      Well yes everyone shud undertsand as such the girls side is already under so much pressure for the wedding. I think both boy and girl should pay for their marriage .. Divide the expenses and Leave the parents out of it .. if parents want to do they can do of their own wish.. and basically I would love to put a stop to all the religious wedding do registered wedding THATS IT ..

      Well yeah people get away with everything . I bet all the men shown who have treated the wife’s badly and the in laws who did the same .. they have got married and living fine again …

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      • Ria says:

        I totally agree with the registered marriage thing…not all have money like the Mittals or Ambanis to waste that kinda money. In fact there r so many parents who wipe out their whole retirement money for their children’s wedding and then there r those who take up huge loans in order to have a lavish kinda wedding…but the fact is, its not needed!

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  5. Punam J R says:

    I so agree.. and when you do mention the TV episode, I so remember how and what kind of pressure parents have to face… 😦
    And yes, it is true that the pressure is there even when there are no demands made by the boy’s families.
    I think the boy and girl should perhaps get together and take their own decision of marriage, and wed with their own hard-earned money. That is where a solution might come up. In fact, that will abolish all the ‘show off’ and ‘hi-fi wedding’ tamashas that usually end up happening when weddings in India become family extravaganzas. Takes the burden off the parents of both sides and the couple starting a new life will anyway not be expected to spend much, so lots of problems might get solved here.
    The question is, will the parents of Indian kids relinquish the control over to their kids? Will they open their minds towards a daughter in law of any caste any religion, any creed – and keep their child’s happiness topmost on their list????

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    • It is pressure if not from boys side , the relatives , if not the relatives then society ..

      yepp they shud pay for their own wedding , organise it themselves and leave the poor old parents at peace. they have done enough all their life working hard to feed them and get them to that age.. and offcourse if they will have to spend their own hard earned money , they will come to senses soon enough.

      l

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  6. There is only one reason — greed behind all this. The boy’s parents including the boy think that there is easy money. I would blame the mil, fil and boy equally. If the man stays by the side of his woman, no one can dare touch her. It is said that if you find a good husband you are blessed. If your soulmate loves you, then he will not let anyone illtreat you, and he will not ill treat you either. So, the maximum blame will go to the man and then the in laws. I also place an equal blame on the girl’s parents. Each person must learn to say no as soon as there is a single demand made by the boy’s side. Each case showed that the girl must have been asked to reconcile or go back or was scared to tell her own family. Let me tell you that for a girl her parents are her biggest strengths. My father told me never compromise your self-respect. That is what each parent should tell their daughter. If you remember the female foeticide episode, then the doctor could come back with her daughters because her father stood behind her like a rock. This problem will only go away if we educate our girls so they can support themselves financially, and we support our girls. Tell them that you can come back to your parents in any kind of need — to hell with what samaj says.

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    • yeah easy money to make for sure. you are right parents are biggest strength for a girl and i hope the same parents say NO at the first demand ..
      samaj has become HELL as such .. how worse can it get .. so change is a must and lets hope it changes…

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  7. I think education and equal rights and responsibilities (inheritance and elder care) for all children, sons or daughters, can change this.

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  8. Writerzblock says:

    My thoughts exactly Bikki. Why the hell are they hiding and shielding the abusers? Why ‘protect’ their identity and expose the victims instead? High time a show like this takes a giant leap forward and exposes the face of abusers.

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  9. Writerzblock says:

    I was also upset to see so many cases where the girls commit suicide due to torture by the husband/in-laws. Why don’t they fight it out? First of all, they should not become so dependent on the husband for water/food. That is a real shame. Second, they should seek out help. Giving up one’s life.. such a crime, esp to the parents of the girl!

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  10. Smitha says:

    I have so much to say on this.. I wanted to do a post, but it drained me, just trying to put my words to paper.. Will come back and comment.

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  11. jennyshetty says:

    Finally, the first time I watched the show and I was totally taken aback by the content and the way it was shown. Kudos to Aamir, and what a pity, we had to wait for aamir to do this show, while our politicains are rotting in the lower/upper houses.

    About dowry, i am a shetty and ask me about it! A family friend’s daughter was too get engaged. The guy in question here, had 2 options, and you wont belive it, both the girl parites were offering more money, because the guy was a bloddy dentist. And ofcourse the guy choose the one with the better offer, which has been told to us is 30lks. :-} WTF to both the girl families and the guy. People are ACTUALLY SELLING thier daughters. And Bikram, I am actually boiling when I write this. A dentist and the girl(family friend wali) and BE MBA. Rotting brains!!! and my mom looking at that, starts saving money for my wedding! again a shocker!
    I went for a love marriage and have told her to put that stock in FD and enjoy. To tell you honestly, in this case, both the girls party and the guys party were to be blamed!

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    • yes indeed what a pity it took a show to wake us or think about it .. what can i say about the politcians I am sure you know my view on them.

      I can believe it both parties offering more , this is how things are and Chowla sir wrote nice I AM FOR SALE .. Its been happening for ages the selling and the buying .. education does not teach manners and how to beahve or live .. its a myth .. most of these things as we have seen in the three episodes of the show its the rich and educated who are in the front .. doing all this.

      You did good.. I earn my own money , have made everything with my own money so far.. and beleive me i sleep perfectly fine with whatever i have .. at least its my own hard earned

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  12. metherebel says:

    I like the fact that the show is picking up the right topics every week. I too was a little upset when the groom’s pics were hidden. I don’t understand why the girl and her parents give in even when it is a small demand!

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  13. Me says:

    Completely agree with your thoughts. It is a real shame that they chose to hide the culprits faces while actually they should have highlighted them to the entire nation- Atleast that would have saved another girl getting married to the same person and falling in the trap.

    You know apart from the fact that mother-in-law or mother would have undergone themselves something like this they still expect their daughters-in-law to come fully loaded and the reason is ‘Log kya kahenge?”. As if this “log” ran this entire world here!!

    But then you know I strongly feel they should show the other side of the coin too here. I mean, this dowry act commonly known as 498 A is also being misused by some women too. By saying this I am not being anti women here. But lets accept it, it does exist on the both the sides, and more so for women as for them it has been going on since a long time. But when showing an issue on national TV both the aspects need to be displayed to help people understand the gravity of the situation. I can say this maybe because I have seen both women and men around me who have gone through dowry harassment of different kinds.

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    • I know that is what makes me more angry, why dont they break the cycle.

      Oh yes if their is a law in india then it can be used for personal gains by anyone and if they can get away with it they will .. I also wrote on that as a personal experience how law is used by women tooo ..

      all that we can think of does exist and we have to wake up to it sooner rather then later…

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  14. Great post and well done on raising this issue here as well.

    Its culture that demands it and a lot of people, even though they know it’s wrong, still demand it and expect it.

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  15. phoenixritu says:

    Old saying, “Needs can be fulfilled, Greeds never” And these parents of boys – what gives them the damn right? I have a daughter in law. I never demanded or accepted anything. If the parents want to do something – they better do it for their daughter out of their free will. I will not be under any obligation or something. Dont these boys and their parents see it? If they demand and accept stuff – they are put under obligation.

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  16. Ruchira says:

    greed really knows no bounds ! its sickening ….
    I also felt the same as you … why were the faces of the men hidden and why were their names not mentioned ,,,,

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  17. R. Ramesh says:

    as usual gripping post buddy

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  18. Anita Menon says:

    it is such a pertinent issue. I married for love, and right from the beginning expectations were set right. I am lucky to have in laws who are so open minded and understanding.But I do see a lot of cases where girls haven’t been so lucky. It saddens me no end. IT takes Shows likr Satyamev Jayate to bring to light such issues that our society faces. Everyone of us knows about it but refuses to do anything about all the wrong doings that happen around us.

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  19. Rekha says:

    The children do leave the home Bikramji…once the guy has got the dowry money handed over, his parents milked dry of as much money…he goes on to buy a new house and hunts for a new bride to part finance it. Indian property and divorce acts are still biased towards guys whether they look after the parents or not, have treated the wife badly, its a win win situation for them. Dono maa baap se paise eint liye aur biwi si ya toh chutkara ya naukrani ki tarah kaam karvana. It is the educated, well travelled men who demand more…and in our community dowry is an unmentioned but reality…specific amt of gold and silver keeping with the status, wedding expenses at the girl’s family expense,and the father and then brother of the bride expected to part with gold and money for future ceremonies and functions of the daughter/sister and her children all through life.

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    • yeah but after marriage.. i ma saying they shud be asked to leave before that .. once education is complete, out .. Rather they should be asked to pay what parents have spent for education , it shud be a loan as in uk or foreign countries..

      and you are right the educated do it most and they also know how to use the law for their benefit,

      I jsut hope things change ..

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  20. Rosy says:

    Bikram
    so much has been said,heard,read and watched on the topic of DAHEJ PRATHA. Its one of the evils of the society that has to end. The big Q is how???. The following things come to my mind.

    1. Basically the parents of the girls should not accept the demands of the in-laws coz only greedy ones demand and the ones who demand , keep on demanding. the daughter wud never be happy.

    2. The MIL is the head of the family., In a house where a mother says no to dowry, the son and husband most the time agrees to it. So in half of the cases where the mother has SAY, the problem wud be solved. MIL shd not forget that wo bhi kabhi bahu thi.

    3. Most importantly the boy has take a stand himself. NO to dowry.

    If we all make efforts. If we don’t take dowries and give dowries, one day DAHEJ PRATHA will be obsolete like SATI PRATHA

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  21. Androgoth says:

    This is a very interesting posting and…

    May I say that you have a gallant
    and noble manner my great friend 🙂

    Your postings are always just and meaningful
    and that is what makes you one of the best peeps
    in our WordPress… It is an honour to know you 🙂

    Have a very nice Wednesday Bikram 🙂

    Androgoth

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  22. Puja says:

    Great post (as always)… I found myself agreeing to Soma’s comment above. It is not always that people who have gone through tough times get more compassionate and understanding. Sometimes it makes them think that if they could take it , and survive it then why not their DILs or kids…

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  23. arooj says:

    very ironical.in this patriarchal society a woman knit a net of hardships for another woman.

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  24. ashreyamom says:

    //Is this what being a MAN is begging for something from someone else , that does not make us men it makes us beggars.// is the best line..

    in fact my MIL, though she didnt ask for dowry, she is making me lie to my neighbors. she too wants to show off saying that i brought in so much of gold and money as dowry. she also wants me to use the same figures. first i was hesitant and felt bad for it. my hubby convinced me to just say it than, my MIl going back and demanding the same to my parents.

    so, it also becomes a pride statement than , In-laws actually wanting it. i just hope i can gradually change this attitude of my MIL.. i know it will take time, but it not impossible. 🙂

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  25. ladynimue says:

    Its always a good feeling reading your blog .. though i have not much to say here ..

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  26. Saritha says:

    Me too didnt like the face covering of the men and inlaws when the girl has come out to talk about the dowry and the ill treatment she got.Had the men face was shown,he would have lost his job and prospects of future marriage.

    Our system is like that bikram,when my girls were born everyone suggested me to save for dowry for my girls,no one said to give good education.We give too much importance to marriage that too for a girls marriage.A girl is born only to get married,i envy girls who choosed not to get married against the wishes of their parents.

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    • I hope they show the faces.

      yeah thats why we should asks kids to go and earn their own living and cater for themselves ..

      well hopefully more and more girls will come out and start to change the system

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  27. life says:

    I dont think there is just one person to blame..first we must educate our daughters and make them economically independent and then we must value qualities when looking for a groom. Most of the girls want a boy from rich family and thats why they are compelled to give dowry….

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    • YEs thats what i keep harping , its not one person to be blamed .. All of us are somehow involved in these problems directly indirectly .. you are right but as we saw the problems and the people who came they were educated .. so it will take more then just education.

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  28. […] friend Bikram raised some questions in his post here, and I thought I’d try to […]

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  29. Akriti Bahal says:

    I myself have been long having this strong urge to begin a Satyamev Jayate thread on my blog. Deep respect for the way they take up a new topic each week. Hence, I’d be doing it soon. (as soon as my exams get over. 😦 ) 🙂

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  30. aame says:

    Even i found it flinching as to why the men and their family’s faces were hidden and the girls and their families not. Shouldn’t it be the other way round atleast..i mean why add to the misery of the suffering already and save the culprits form the world’s eyes…it was really good to see a girl like Rani and also her husband but i just wondered at the state of this nation as in does every girl has to stage a sting operation or come on tv for a decent guy to marry and respect her for the person she is…

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    • YEs it shud be their faces the faces of evil and bad that shud be shown around.. I dont understand why .. if it was here in uk It wud have been shown for sure.. how can their rights be protected when they have lost those rights the moment they do this to another individual.

      maybe all girls shud stage a sting op, then things will change

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  31. Jyoti Mishra says:

    show is awesome.. so is your post.. no denying in that
    but what makes me feel bad is that why it requires a SHOW to stir the water….
    this is one of the oldest problem of our Indian society.. many ppl will never admit in public about demanding dowry.. but when it comes to the real test.. they fell flat

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    • It requires a show because we the people did not know at how big a scale these menance are, many people were under the impression that they dont happen in india , and our culture is so near to god , such things dont happen .. as you said many people dont admit at least they will have to now …

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  32. chakoli says:

    Whatever u say..agreed… its was like bravo and the stories were really sacry!! that gal who was taken to US and then…64000$ earning guy need dowry man… !! really sick!!

    But abt faces to show… even I hated that but one cant show anybody until and unless person permits even the culprits who are taken into custody are provided the cover… so in this case they have to respect taht privacy…they are not judge/court room where people are convited…its again he is trying to enlighten us..what happens and what should people do… nit to punish anybody

    Like

    • Thats how they make money , not spend their own but make others spend.. yeah but shaming them is not a punishment , it might help someone else who will be looted by the same person . people can see the face of evil. Usually we say those who we know are not bad , but this person or family may be the ones who are living next door to us ..

      Like

  33. You know Bikram, I thought the same thing when I saw the man’s face hidden intentionally. I wondered why. When the girl had the courage to come out in the open and reveal her humiliation, her hurt why not that man who caused it all?

    A nice piece Bikram. Need more people who think this way.

    Like

  34. Dowry is worse than begging! And I agree with you – even I was wondering as to why were the faces of men i.e. grooms’ and their families’ were hidden. In fact their faces were the ones to be shown!

    Like

  35. sm says:

    its a gift of great culture and great nation

    Like

  36. I think you have raised a very important and valid point. Women vs Women – this is what I got from this episode from Aamir Khan. In most cases, this aspect of cultural problems are looked over. Most of these ‘mother-in-laws’ may well have paid a dowry when they got married, and for them, in their minds, its normal. I then wonder, whether this is a problem of education rather than immediate question of greed?

    Educating a society in some ways takes longer, and often its hard to measure its success, especially since over time society goes through so much change – where as trying to control problem of immediate effect tends to seem a process failing at each stage.

    Like

    • YEah it is such I think in a lot of cases and makes me so angry at all the man bashing whcih most do and not bring any solution to it .. oh man did this thats why i said YEAH he did so now what .. shud we take a step forward or are we still there waiting to prove more man did this …

      People are educated and if we look its the rich and the educated who do the worse in the society , the three episodes have shown that very nicely .. the so called educated are very clever in doing it thats all ..

      Like

  37. bick I had mentioned this dowry thing in my blog couple of times how my friends daughter was abused was dowry ,people back home think money grows on trees and parents in USA means bags of money …on that blog ..many people commented its wrong n blah blah .. as things are changing its not same ,,, seems like our people dont want to accept any kind of flaw in our system n culture… nyways with Ammir khan show it justifies we haven’t changed and that hunger is still there ..do we need more proofs?

    Like

  38. I agree why hide the faces of those men or their families…But I think as we both come from Punjab, this menace is deep rooted. People love to show and those who can’t afford are also participating in the rat race. Entire society needs a overhaul. I guess the way that Muslim community started a no dowry trend, everyone should follow it.

    Like

    • It is especially in punjab , its making others things worse now , farmers are having to mortgage their lands to keep with the demands and losing land and all .. it is sickening .. and those who are filthy rich still want more dowry to be equivalent to their status, I mean they are so rich still want more..
      I think time has come where boys side should start to give dowry , as you suggested is done in the muslim community..

      Like

  39. R's Mom says:

    I read your post, and re -read it again..you know just to get an idea on where you are coming from..the best part of the post I liked was the independence of kids after the age of 18..I think that makes a lot of sense!

    Like

    • 🙂 oh ho I did not write that hi fi .. did i 🙂
      I hope you got the idea of where I am coming from .. yes kids are adults they should do it themself I think , one good point of western culture which we need to absorb for sure ..

      Like

  40. Jazz says:

    The worst is when girls themselves tell their parents to do/give more so their In-laws are satisfied, it pains me to no end.

    I don’t understand who to blame, the girl and boy, or their parents. Marriage have literally become a business transaction nowadays. How true that so many preparations are made for just that one day of the wedding and absolutely no importance is given to the married couple’s life ahead.

    Like

    • Yeah that is another thing, thats why in my post i have not blamed one particualr but all of us, because we will find a lot of people doing it from all over..

      well to be blamed are WE, all of us .. noone else .. till we change , each of us.. this will remain Every single soul has to change

      Like

  41. b K Chowla says:

    I am for sale.
    I have a price tag.
    This damn attitude has to change,both,with the parents and the groom

    Like

  42. irfaaaann says:

    Hello Bikram…..

    Undoubtedly the show and its effect over majority of people is remarkable…..as your write up is…!!
    At least its helping to generate public awareness…..
    I wish n pray that now we try and start putting our thoughts into action at least a bit after watching its each n every episode……

    And you must agree with me that there are hundreds of organisations and individuals who are working day and night against all these social evils but unfortunately we damn care about them and never ever try to listen what they want from us as the member of the society….and now when someone like Amir Khan is talking about these things, then most of us started synchronizing with him…perhaps we the typical Indians, gives our ear to so called celebraties only …..why so…???

    I personally feel that if we start helping at least a bit to those organisations and individuals then these evils can be minimize in a less span of time…..

    Like

    • Irfaan Bhai.. how are you Good to see you , made me smile seeing your comment and also a post from you after ages, I hope you and family are all doing fine.

      yeah awareness is a much only then people will start to make a change .. There are loads of organisations but I think they too are concentrating on one thing, I read a article the other day where one of ngo’s was fine with dowry but had problems with a women being mistreated .. Will find that article and send you the link.

      end of the day WE , each of us has to change because each of us make the society and till we change the society wont change.. oh yes it has to be a combined effort from all of us ..

      Like

  43. manchitra says:

    I don’t get to see the Satyameva…programme ..we have power cuts. I get a gist of what is happening there and your view points too by reading this post.
    In our community dowry demands are not made. Surprised to hear abt TV fridge and scooter and what not are demanded as or given as dowry. I feel when a man marries he must be capable of providing or buying all this himself.

    Like

  44. vikas says:

    hi

    read your article..what if I say urs article is just half filled…& half false . .

    go & see how many cases are filed in courts girls are asking for money despite earning..

    what is the percentage of conviction in dowry cases..2%…

    How many people convicted for giving dowry which is also an offense ?? ans 0 yes zero

    famous munishdalal cases which acquitted after 9 years or ordeal due to media

    do you know how much percentage of people married man suicide compared to women…57k men to 26k women source govt records

    is girls entitle for maintaine even after 1 day or narriage..why alimony…if so much self respect

    dowry. do u demanded at the time of your marriage or u got gift. why after separation gifts become dowry..

    girls today need authority no responsibility…

    media : in how many cases wife gets highlighted who killed husband….

    dowry act is misused which is accepted even by supreme court…can u believe 2 months old baby was accused in a dowry harassment cases

    last & most imp….does women in the earth speaks only truth …????…what if they are lying f….why husband story not shown…his side

    TV is here to make people fool…

    Like

  45. alka says:

    well , bikram i have totally different opinion about what was shown in the program.Amir Kahan being a cine star , his voice is being heard by most of us so he shd be working towards finding ways to eradicate dowry system and wch is only possible if the girls/women wow neither to give or receive dowry respectively . 27 yrs bk when i got married i refused to take dowry along with e and told the guy its either me or no me with dowry and he agreed for no dowry.my parents quietly brought expensive gifts for my inlaws family wch they kept a secret fro me but the day we were leaving for delhi the stuff caught my eye and i locked everything up and gave the keys to my parents the day they were leaving for bak for jammu after my wedding.my ma in law didnt spare me with taunts and i always gave it back to her but i nvr informed my parents , nor let it affect me . she did play an imp role in breaking my marriage but apart from that my x was cheating on me big time and that too with my real sis who is married to hi now.had it not been infidelity on his part t my marriage could have worked and if ever i had a son , i would have never allowed the family to accept any gifts from the girls side.

    Like

    • Yeah that is one way of dealing with it and it will work , if all girls say NO.

      I am sorry to hear about what happened there, that is not right. But yeah it will take a lot of work to make this menace go away ..

      Like

  46. bhavanas11 says:

    The reason why MILs hurt their DIL or Mothers hurt their daughter or why the daughter does the same to SIL etc. is a very deep issue–and the issue can be condensed as lack of empowerment. When you have attained a position in your family by not speaking up and you have survived, then the process of survival itself becomes the identity that women cling onto. For removing that identity takes away from the survivors any sense of self-esteem they can have–they panic. Bikram, you have triggered me to write a post on the same. I will let you know when I do. Thanks for the stimulus!

    Like

  47. namitasunder says:

    the things will change when we will start valuing our daughters as an individual not just as a girl ,who has to eventually go to other house and adjust according to their ways,cater to their whims and bear everything silently.We only teach them that ultimately they have to marry and go to their REAL /Actual home.
    I mean we should provide them with the best possible education within our means,encourage them to pursue the careers of their choice and teach them to lead the life as they want and of course let them choose the partners of their choice or if we have to choose,the preference should be a boy who values our girl.Dose it sound a bit too idealistic or utopian situation.?No.I don’t think so.
    Even after all the precaution taken things might go wrong but then parents should always be there to support the daughter morally,emotionally .In certain cases parents might not be able to support the daughter financially but that aspect should have taken care of earler while making the daughter capable to bear her burden financially.
    Agree,social pressures are there but who makes the society .society comprises of individuals and we together can definitely change the things.
    Things don’t change because we are conditioned to think in a pattern of ‘our benefit’ and ‘their problems’.
    More such issues need to be talked and discussed on a continuous basis and I am hopeful that changes will occur.
    namita

    Like

  48. thank goodness i got married to love of my life without any dowry thing involved…high time, parents should leave this parochial mentality and start accepting girls as their own daughters and the most valued person for their son!!!

    Like

    • YEah goood , so very true what you have said Rahul, wish all parents change , what is worrying is some parents want their daughters to rule in the in-laws house but wont let the DIL to do the same in their own , which is so hypocrite

      Like

  49. ramananth says:

    Some decent program on the TV, keeping the Indians intellectually occupied, than sitting a watching all those Saas/ bahu, family saga, doled out by the likes of Ekta Kapoors.
    However, I really wish AK would stop shedding tears/ close his mouth with his hand and stop all these dramatics, for it is kind of becoming boring, and too predictable.

    Like

  50. makpossible says:

    Completely agree with you when you said that the faces of those cruel people should be splashed on screens.
    We men should take up the responsibility to eradicate this evil Bik. I never understand why does a wiman behave when she is a mother in law.
    Such is the case with one of my friend.

    Like

  51. Reema says:

    “I think time has come where Parents of a girl need to start turning the tables, Any boy who wants to marry their daughter will have to give dowry to them, Pre nuptial agreements need to be made on the day of the wedding. ”

    with the sex ratio getting screwed..this day is not far!

    Like

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