Satayamev Jayate – 2.. My thoughts:- Child Sexual Abuse, Women, Men, India..

Posted: May 13, 2012 in Child Abuse, Children, CSAAM, Experiences, Memories
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I watched the second episode the series and Like the first episode this one was equally shocking too.. 53% of our children are being sexually abused, What more shocking can it be then this.

It further boils my blood at those people who gave me a THUMBS DOWN at what i wrote. Makes me wonder what sort of People are WE , who can’t even protect our kids .. further more what sort of people are ruling us in the government and WHO ARE WE SELECTING every time .. As the program suggested there is NO LAW so far in our nation for this crime.

I remember writing a line in one of the comments which got the thumbs down that “I do think that people need to stop talking of stupid issues and actually work on something which is much more required..” that we should maybe concentrate LESS on  USELESS ISSUES .. and concentrate MORE on issues like this. I would like to ask the same people again what do they think now , 53% which means more than one in Two is abused,  Such issues never make the headline , I wonder why!

Pick up the newspaper or listen to news all they talk is of things that don’t mean a thing when we put them in context over the TWO episodes that we have seen , the figures that have been shown, How shameful is it for our nation as a whole.  The Current headline is on BABA NIRMAL.. I mean for god sake ,  EVERY baba in our nation is taking us for a RIDE. EACH ONE of them.  but suddenly this one is in the news, hours after hours are spent on this USELESS ISSUE.  Yes this is a useless issue when compared to child abuse and female foeticide

This is going to be a controversial statement that I am going to make , HOW much time have we spent on the issue of MAN vs WOMEN.. how much time have people spent on MAN BASHING.. I want to ask those people what has that done ,  Dont they themself think that there are more important issues that might need more time , that instead of concentrating on the issues about the MEN in their family or the MEN around them they could perhaps concentrate a WEE MORE on the children too around them ..  PARDON me for saying this and I Iterate again , Let us as a nation spend time on issues which are going to make the future of our nation rather than silly issues .

I understand that no issue is less, they are all very important but I am sure if we tackle them one by one things can change, the problem we have is that we want everything to change at the same time , which is not how things work , we have to tackle them one at a time.

The figures are mind-boggling 53% of our kids, sends a shiver down my spine. I am sure rather I HOPE  this episode has done the same for others too, though I doubt as they are probably trying to find out or wasting time in finding how they can relate this to one and only THE MAN.

Today’s episode brought an evil a sad part of my childhood too,  I have held it very closely guarded all my life so far, not even the closest of  people around me know about this, but seeing the young man tell of his horrific ordeal  has somewhat given me a little strength to share with you all one of those days. I was in 5th or 6th class, Kerosene oil use to be given on a ration card in those days , a particular day you had to go and get your 5litres of kerosene which was used for domestic purposes.

PLEASE I don’t want any questions asked or any sympathy, so please don’t..

I was standing in a que waiting for my turn to come, my mother was with me but she was buying other things from the shop, there was a aunty standing behind me, I distinctively can still remember a hand going inside my shorts and starting to fondle me , I was in a shock , I did not know what to do , it had never happened to me basically as far as I remember I did not know what was happening, it was maybe for a few seconds or maybe more but it felt like ages .. and then I don’t know how to say it or put it , I felt a finger somewhere , where it is no way right, I shrieked  and as suddenly it started .. it all stopped .. I saw my mother run to me asking what happened .

I distinctively remember not saying anything other than that I want to go home, at that age I did not know what to say or to actually know what had happened .. I don’t even know who did it was it the aunty behind me or someone else , I was shell-shocked.  One thing I remember is the pain ,  My father came home from office , I complained about pain, I was taken to the hospital where I was checked over and there was a rupture, That is when my parents came to know, my parents asked me what had happened I remember I did not tell them anything till about a few days, It was too late to find out who did that to me. I spent a few days recovering as healing took a long time as you can understand why.

My parents have always stood by me, listened to me always YET I was afraid to tell them, I guess it’s because of the way we are brought up in our nation especially with Fathers.  I was not sent to the shops again alone, even when I went out to play it was someone with me. This was also the reason why when ever I had holidays my parents never said No to me going to our village to spend it , they I believe wanted me to be far away from the place.

I know what happened to me is no where compared to what the people mentioned in the episode today went through and probably hardly is such a  big issue maybe in eyes of a lot of people reading this,  But in my life this incident had a lot of effect on me , As you all know I went to a hostel for schooling, I use to be very jovial happy kid, but this incident actually changed me a lot , I was bullied in school maybe because of that , could not stand up for myself at all.. It took a long long time , not until I was in 12th that things changed , I became very violent in my college time, I guess it was maybe because of all that locked anger .

I still find is hard to stand in a que, or in a crowded place.. I feel uneasy maybe in the back of my mind that incident is still very much active.

I am not sure if I did the right thing or wrong to have written this , a lot of you have this image of me in your eyes, I guess that has taken a bit of a shock after reading maybe.. But the reason I put this here is to tell that this happens and it can change the whole life of an individual, I was lucky I had understanding parents, It took some time also to actually know what happened was wrong. This can happen to anyone, We may think our kids are safe but are they. The responsibility of seeing them safe lies with parents , who have brought them in this world.

I think Talking to your child is a must , telling them what is right or wrong at an early age is a MUST.  I did not know about it , I should have known the moment I felt that hand , it is something wrong, I should have had the confidence to run or shout or DO SOMETHING ANYTHING.. Not stand there letting it happen, I don’t know who had their fun at my expense but he/she whoever did something that probably changed the way I might have turned out to be, I am not saying I might have been different or that I hate what I am now, I am happy but who knows what could be..

And Talk to your Kids… Always

Your child might not be abused but they might have Seen something happen to some other child, Talking is the best and most powerful tool we have.  Understand this that Sometimes children do not realise that certain behaviour is OK in private but not in public. Or they do not realise that their behaviour is upsetting or harming other children.  They may be uncomfortable talking about sexual issues and may also be worried they are in trouble so your tone and manner are very important. Or you might see this happening to other kids in your locality SPEAK UP.

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Comments
  1. Punam J R says:

    Every person who replies on this blog post will tell you his own gory story of having been abused as a child. I was, too. I don’t wish to share it, but yes, it is more penetrated than anyone can ever imagine.. it’s everywhere..

    Like

    • THe idea is to tell story so people know what all happens and maybe just maybe things can change.. people might do something about it .. if not for themselces then maybe for their kids.. rather then wasting time of silly issues .. or playing the blame game which we are so good at …

      Like

  2. ramananth says:

    It takes a lot of courage to speak about this issue, you have done it, and we appreciate you for doing so.

    Like

  3. Jas says:

    Bikram, I bet you are not the only one who has gone through this.. but the difference is you have the courage to talk about it openly which many of us cannot gather even after years and years…. I was watching Oprah today and they also had the episode on child abuse and they said one thing… that speaking about it is very important to free yourself….

    the figure of 53% includes only those who have talked about it… I am sure, in reality it is much higher because many never say a word their entire life about this and keep fighting their demons alone…

    Like

    • Yes I know and that is what is more shoicking.. 53% is a big number and if we count those who have not reported this number will sky rocket…

      As i wrote on previous comment I am not sure of courage as I froze then , and i let it change me .. i jsut hope and wish our kids are not made to go through something like this ever .. and the world is a safer place for them

      Well I burnt my demons some other way , as i said i was very angry and violent in college time .. so dont know what is right or wrong .. just wish people get up from there petty thoughts and do something for a change..

      Like

      • Jas says:

        As a kid, you don’t know what is happening.. and it was completely ok to be frozen at that moment… it is such a thing that it is bound to change you… some get angry, some scared, some forget to trust and some keep on jumping from one fling to another… you don’t have to weigh it in terms of right or wrong.. you did what you could…and you are doing what you can now by saying it aloud… 🙂

        Like

  4. Tanishka says:

    Like you said Bikram, the solution lies i talking to the kids ad doing something about it…. most of the times people get away with it coz the kids are unable to talk about it…. And sadly like they said in the show, there aren’t adequate laws to deal with it…

    Like

    • YEs tan thats the key i think, kids who can come and talk to parents about naything without thinking they may not beleive. I did not have the guts to talk to my father because thats how we are brought up fathers are always afar …

      There is no law as the episode said anmd it takes years to get justice i mean 10 years to get the supreme court to give justice HOW CRUEL can our law be ..

      in both episode we have seen how sad our law is

      Like

  5. Shilpa Garg says:

    People harming, victimizing, abusing such small kids, should be hanged!!
    It was so very shocking and disturbing to watch today’s episode!! It is sure an eye opener and hope the parents learn a lot from it and provide all the security the kids need!

    Like

    • YES THEY SHOULD BE , but we need to have a law for that .. sadly that is non existant as aamir said the bill is lieing Pending for our govt to pass .. I mean how pathetic can it be .. our children are not safe and the Govt is spending time on useless things ..
      YEsterday they were fighting and did not let the session work because of a cartoon in a school book.. How important is that issue COMPARED TO child abuse …

      Like

  6. Jyothi says:

    It is going to take time for people to come out into the open with what they have faced. You are indeed brave to say it out. I am sure it will help you in more ways than you can imagine. I have been through it too. In fact four such incidences. That too after my mom watching over me like a hawk! Those incidents made me aware of the cheap and crazy world we live in. But like you said, nothing like what was talked about on this show or like what happened to you. But it could have led to that. I just have to say, never leave your young child alone with strangers even for a few minutes even at home. And always avoid over crowded places. Those few minutes can change the way she/he sees life from then on.

    In my case it was always strangers. Or maybe not! Maybe they knew me or us. Like that doctor said, these creeps keep a watch on you to know your routine. I think this is where I got the fear of getting into any kind of routine. And also of staying in one place long enough to get into a routine.
    A total paranoia.

    Like

    • YEah it will take time. Oh my god so many times and I am going on and on about one incident.
      YEah watch the kids and be sure.

      Well jyothi paranoia is good if it helps and saves our kids from having to bear all this tauma.

      Like

  7. jennygoth666 says:

    i was never treated in a bad way but i tried telling about a friend who was but was ignored the mother carried on letting her children go into the neighbours house as if nothing was happening so i kept away as i felt bad for telling thats my only account of what goes on in childhood i was young but i knew it was wrong could never understand how her mum let it continue xjen

    Like

    • Well you tried its the silliness of them to have not listened to you, Sad when kids have ot go through this, here also I find some parents not interested, I mean what is a kid doing at 10pm at night out on the road walking alone .. how can a parent let that happen.. but u see it all the time ..

      Like

  8. Rosy says:

    Bikram, It is very brave of you to tell us about your sad incidence. I guess the figures of 53% children being abused is right or may be its much higher. I guess in some way we all have been abused as a child, some less some more and some extreme. I never thought that even so many boys get abused, I thought it were the girls more. But I guess the abusers need a easy PREY, immaterial whether its a boy or a girl. I think the cases of child abuse is much higher in Asian countries where there is no sex education and no sex abuse awareness. In abroad, its told to our children at the age of 7-8 that other than mother , no one else is supposed to touch the DANGER ZONES. The doc can do only when the mom is there. Plus they get complete sex education after class 4(age 9). In India too we need to educate the kids and make them more aware. Plus we need to have regular conversations with our kids on this topic. Tomorrow morning the first thing on my list is to talk to my kids on this topic. May God keep our kids safe from these Abusers.

    Like

    • YEah out of the 53% that were mentioned again more than 50% are boys who got abused.. child abuse is very high for sure, and now its becoming and devlopin into human traficking too, kids are being sold and brought abroad for sex markets.

      education is a must as you said here it starts ata early age for sure and people are aware of it ..

      Like

  9. I think this is the true power of this programme. This will be an eye opener to a lot of people and make them understand they are not the guilty ones. It will inspire them to come out in the open, exorcise their demons and fight against those evil ones.
    And I just loved the way in which he put it across to the kids to understand bad touch and how to tackle it – so simple and so effective.
    All of us have our own stories which we still find dificult to admit and say it loud in the open. Our parents found it difficult to discuss such subjects with us, but I think most of today’s parents are open with their kids and they should make it very clear to their kids that they would be there for them , come what may

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  10. purbaray says:

    Men and women who think nothing of sexually abusing children, disgust me! They not only betray a child’s trust but rob him of his childhood. And I was shocked to learn that we do not have laws dealing with CSA!

    When it is our children who need to be protected the most!

    But I am glad Amir is using his stardom to bring out such issues in the open. CSA has always existed but it’s we who refused to talk about it!

    And Bikram you were too young to understand what was happening to you. Most of us end of feeling ashamed rather than outrage.

    Like

    • Yeah i know i was yoiung and all that , but when the thought sometimes comes to mind or when i see something like that , I curse myself for not doing anything.

      yes at least someone is trying ot use his stardom to some use and not jsut filling his bank accounts.

      our ministers will make the law and othr good things only once they will get over the issues of cartoons or things like that , they have enough to say over a cartoon being put in a txt book but nothing over the fact that That book will be read by kids who are not safe or protected by law.

      Like

  11. renu says:

    it happens to most of the people, but since parent neither support the kids, nor talk to them, you were lucky to have supporting parents. The first step would be to educate the parents.

    Like

  12. Deboshree says:

    It is such a sad state of affairs, Bikram. What is worse is that many such cases can be prevented if parents talk about this to their kids. That way, not only do they safeguard their children and tell them what is right and wrong, but also give them the courage to speak up. There should never be hesitation to talk about anything to one’s parents. I think the touch-talk is of vital importance in those growing years.
    Kudos to the episode. Was again an eye opener in many ways!

    Like

  13. mak says:

    What this show has done is that it has made people’s hearts lighter by inspiring them to express their long time hidden emotions, traumatic emotions, infact. I hope this is the first time you are revealing and i am sure you must be relieved.

    You have highlighted the most important way to avoid the damage is by talking to children Bikram. I agree with you.

    Like

  14. Krishna says:

    Indeed post…

    bad incident…

    Like

  15. R's Mom says:

    The show definitely made me cry..and I did get goosebumps when I read what happened to you and how it affected you….I think you have been brave sharing this here…

    Like

  16. Bhagyashree says:

    I echo ur thoughts Mann. We talk of useless topics and leave the basics aside. But then U already know my viewpoints.
    I always try to talk to my child hanging on to every word that he says. Maybe I am paranoid but you can never be too careful.
    Yes CSA is common. U became shy, I became protective. Anyone coming near and I would be ready to attack 🙂

    Like

    • YEah, thank you we have wasted os much time already and still we are wasting is what i think.
      its better to be paranoid and be safe ..

      it effects everyone in different way for sure .. i think attack is the best policy, at least they wont try it on anyone else .. i did nothing so god know who else they did the same to..

      Like

  17. Confused D says:

    I never faced this but my kid sister had to go through this. She told me about the incident and even she was brave to say a NO! I immediately informed my mom about this and that jerk was given a treatment he would never forget! So, its just about being aware of what is happening with you and about standing for yourself! Parents have to be supportive and they HAVE TO talk to their kids!
    Bikram, you were brave to confess it over here. This show is an eye-opener for sure. It is talking of the things which we are certainly aware of but not brave enough to talk about it!

    Like

    • GOOOD, I hope he got the treatment that i would like to do m so they dont do it to anyone else again.

      hopefully this show will bring out some change or at least will bring about people to question people..

      Like

  18. garima says:

    53% thats a huge number and its shocking.But I think its not about the number,even one kid getting abused is wrong.
    I agree kids must be made aware of their surroundings.Parents need to have friendly and open relation with their children.Proabaly schools might also play a major role in this matter.
    Parents cannot always be with their kids hence its important that our kids understand and feel free to speak to the elders.

    Like

    • It is a huge number, but imagine how many have not come out or reported this now that is more shocking,

      yes parents – shools teachers all need to pitch in , as in uk thie education needs to start young,

      Like

  19. Saritha says:

    You did a good thing in writing here.The abuse is seen quite often in the public transport.Once a guy was trying to touch me(i was in my 8/9th class) and from that day i never went inside the bus,i always used to stand in the front and if the bus was too crowded i used to avoid getting into it.I told my mother she said you should not be scared of it,you shout at him and take the support of other aunties.I have decided not to take my kids in the public transports atleast in the buses.

    Maybe after this episode more people will come out and will tell how they came out of the trauma.Yesterday husband too told me how he was abused when he was in 6th class.

    Without any law all this abusers should be left on a island without food and water…

    YES we should listen to our kids and always keep them in confidence AND first listen to them then to the world.

    Like

    • yes I have read a few experiences of friends and everyone of what they go through on a public transport, which is shameful.

      I can understand you not wanting to go on a bus ever, better be safe always.

      lets hope more people come out and something happens. it is really a shocking figure how many are abused and yet no law, our govt is so blind and full of _____________.

      Like

  20. Swaram says:

    Friends don’t build images and then get shocked Bik. So chill and hugs 🙂
    I am glad the episode made u write it out – I feel it will make u feel a lot better and also spread more and more awareness. Kudos to those two who agreed to come and tell their story yesterday – so many people were sensitized because of them!

    Like

  21. Ria says:

    Yes, the episode left me shell shocked too…I can’t believe so many children have gone through the unthinkable! I won’t ask any questions, neither will I show any sympathy…All I will say is that, I know how it feels to be in such a situation. I have been through it too…I don’t think I will ever have the courage to write it on my blog although, my husband knows all abt it…in fact after seeing this episode I feel lucky that I got away with way less…but that doesn’t reduce the pain that I’d to go through. U r truly brave to have written it here. Hope parents learn to trust their children more than others and hope the children learn to be more alert too.

    Like

  22. Androgoth says:

    It takes courage to write one’s own experiences Bikram
    but in doing so you are casting out the demons of a time
    that snatched your innocence, and have come full circle
    to be able to talk about this personal experiencee in what
    can only be described as a public arena…

    Be very well my great friend…

    Androgoth

    Like

  23. The moment I saw the Topic of Satyamev-Jayate was Child abuse, i almost didnt want to see it
    ..i didnt want that dark part of my life to start breathing again..in my case it was someone of my family..and inspite of having very open parents i could never tell them my ordreal..just dealt with it as a kid would..it was living a nightmare
    My daughter is autistic and goes to special school,every day when she comes back i play a game with her where i ask her to name a good teacher,good girl,good boy and good uncle and then ask her if a bad boy/girl,auntie/ uncle is in the list…
    People may think i am paranoid but i dont want to take any chance..i have again and again told parents if your child all of a sudden starts looking scared or withdrawn ask him/her, find out the reason but do not ignore it no matter what.

    Like

    • I know that feeling, I cud not watch the live telecast so had it recorded and then watched it in bits and peices for I could not have sat to see it in one go altogether. SO many things come rushing ot mind the moment he used the word child abuse. It is like suddenly i was standing in that que to get fuel once again ..

      I know how you are feeling and yes that is a good way of asking and i ma sure it should help other parents too to use the method that you use .. ask about the good and then the bad.
      You are not paranoid at all, I would od the same thing for sure .. people how think you are paranoid are ________.

      Oh yes there is a child help line NSPCC , I did put it as a post too last april , it tells a lot about how to watch out for signs and ways .. and what not to ignore its a lot of things that need to be considered .. the worst part is that it is done by someone whom we trust in majority of the case ..

      Like

      • And a lot of times people ask an abuse victim why didnt you say something..and i think say what to whom..we are being brought up in a society where rape victims are looked down upon and ridiculed and taunted..in a society where “bad things happen to bad people”…..
        or where lines like she must have asked for it are often used by woman against woman….so much has to change..i remember when once in an autism workshop when i was discussing this issue so many women( teachers ) were so uncomfortable….and i thought this..this has to change listen, be aware, be sensitive about right issues…escapism never helped anyone

        Thank you so much Bikram..I never ever talked about it with anyone…today i felt so relieved in a way cos i found someone and some place where i could share my life…..
        Thanks a ton

        Like

        • Yes very true, TO who. totally understand its pathetic that a rape victim has to prove she/he is raped rather then the other way round, they are made to look like a criminal.

          A lot has t ochange a LOTTTTTT but slowly one thing at a time we can get there…

          Thank you for talking about all this, you are most welcome to talk about anything ..

          Like

  24. Children are afraid to tell about these things to their parents because the subject is considered to be taboo. I think parents need to tell children straight that something unusual is being done to their body by someone, they need to report it to them immediately.

    Destination Infinity

    Like

    • D.I. I think its that fear that we need to remove, the law , govt, society is not interested in removing it so we as parents or we as the carers need to work hard to make sure kids are safe… and make then aware and give them the confidence that we will listen to them and support them always ..

      Like

  25. Ruchira says:

    Friends, even if they are virtual blog friends don’t make mental images about their friends and then change them when they come to know of something about that friend. If anything, I think better of you because you have had the courage to come out and talk about it. Not many do that. And as so many have already pointed out on this blog there is hardly any person who has not been a victim of CSA. This pains me even as I write this, what kind of sick people don’t think twice about doing this to kids. And the physical wounds may heal, it is the mental wounds that take such a long time to heal .. specially since childhood is such an impressionable time !

    Like

    • Thank you , I know what you are saying but I was a bit wary of should i have written this. You know how people are.
      It is strange you know all along I have always had this on the back of my mind thinking will i be able to recognise the person , although i dont even know who it was , was it the aunty behind me or did she move and someone else came and stood behind.. dont know about courage , courage would have been had i turned back that moment and shot the person then …

      Indeed what sort of sick people are there … yeah mental wound is their for sure I do think of it sometimes and then as i mentioned curse myself for being a dumbwit and did nothing … It also reminds me and i do ask myself what will i do now if it happen , we all say we will do this and that or what not but Will i be able ot do it just in case it happens again … I guess that is the mental wounds you mentined.

      Thank you

      Like

  26. Smitha says:

    As I was watching the show, the only thing I could think of was -thank god for a show like this. Atleast people who refuse to accept that Child Sexual Abuse happens will now be forced to rethink. I know some people here, who think that CSA happens only in the West. When the CSA Awareness Month happened, I sent them links – both times, only to be told that they didn’t have the heart to read it, while reiterating that it doesnot happen all that much. Hopefully watching this will force us parents to understand that our children could be at risk from so many quarters.

    Reading what happened to you, gave me goosebumps- it is so so scary. People think that it happens only to girls -hopefully now, people will accept that it could happen to any child, and we as parents need to talk to them, need to let them know that no matter what, we are there for them, and that god forbid, something like this does happen, it is never the child’s fault -it is always the adult’s fault.

    It moved us to tears watching the program, reading your post, reading about people who have gone through it -can you imagine how it would feel if it happened to our own children? I can’t. All I can do is promise to myself that I will do what it takes to keep daughter safe. We have been talking about all this(good touch, bad touch, how to react etc etc) for over 2 years now. Hopefully as she grow older, we will be able to keep talking about the dangers that lurk around us.

    Like

    • Yes indeed thank god for this show only in two episodes it has woken a lot of people, brought a lot out. it is funny how people say oh this does not happen in india, I remember having a heated argument with a few people about all this and they were adamant oh no this is only in west and look at the figures that shud SHUT THEM.

      Nope it does not happen to only girls as we saw in the episode too, how they were molested and that too for so long , and its just not a bhild of 7 – 8 or 10 years it goes on till one is almost a adult too..

      Well if it happened to my kid I will kill that person and then probably kill myself for letting it happen and for not being able to protect them .. it is the job of the parents to make sure the kids are safe ..

      You are doing a good thing, but then in uk i think they start teaching veyr early which is good because in india even that is a TABOO , if the ystart too early the ministers who have a problem over a cartoon may actually have a problem with that tooo …

      Like

  27. Your parents handled this very well – I am sure their reaction and your reaction ended the abuse right there. Silence of the victims and their families – silence of the entire society – emboldens the abusers… glad we are seeing this changing.

    Like

  28. Padmaja says:

    A kid of that age doesnt know how to react unless he/she is guided by parents who has talked to the kid to be careful of such probable behaviors of some mentally sick beasts. You are a brave man, coming out open about it now and not many of us have that courage. Yes, it leaves a permanent scar in the child’s mind, it can ruin his/her personality for ever.
    TV is a powerful medium that can bring a collective awareness and change in the society, glad that one baby step is taken towards it though this show.

    Like

    • I know what you saying, maybe but i still curse myself for being such a idiot and letting it happen for however long it did and for letting someone do it to me.
      It almost did i guess but thanks to my beautiful friends who i made in college they stood with me always and showed me right from wrong.

      Tv is powerful but we the people need to also do something or this will also die a silent death as have a lot of other movements we have seen in the near past … hope that does not happen …

      Like

  29. I was touched by the episode too and by all the tales and the courage. What a coincidence that I also wrote about how important it is for us to talk to our kids. Let us be a bit more open about these things in our society. Oh yes, they happen much too frequently for our liking. Let us concentrate on these important issues.

    Like

    • I just read your post tooo. It is becoming more and more important to talk to kids, and offcourse lets concentrate os important issues and stop taking the world towards a tangent with our silly reasons for once ..

      Like

  30. My Era says:

    I hope sharing this very painful memory helps you feel better. We are your friends Bikram, you can share anything about you and your life without worrying what we might think of you for that’s what friends are for.
    The episode shook everyone who saw it in one way or the other, I hope this shaking from the core proves to the wake up call for an awakened nation.
    Hugs

    Like

    • Dont know about that M.E. I guess as i said i was quiet violent in college and it changed me into something which maybe i wud not have , and the bully in school may not have happened had i stood for myself but anyway its gone , I am fine and ok i guess. A few things still exist which i am trying to get over for sure …

      I know you guys have always supported me and helped me always, the reason why i wrote that was I did not want sympathy etc, you know how it is all , I suffered a bit but i got over it in my own way , the people in the show they have gone through much much worse then me.

      Well I do hope so too that we wake up … dont know how many more NOISES will be required for the deaf to wake up …

      Like

  31. Dhanya says:

    You have taken the courage to share your own experience here. So kudos to you! Child sexual abuse is horrifying, and the worst thing is (as revealed in the show) that these pedophiles don’t feel any guilt in doing such a thing. It’s devastating to hear. I hope a stringent law gets passed soon for child abusers.

    Like

    • Thank you, They dont feel any guilt but I must say some of the people who do such things may not be actually pedophiles .. some of them are proper educated respected people of our society…

      I hope so too that the law comes sooner then later and the idiot ministers who we have slected for once in their life do something good for the nation rather then eating it alive

      Like

  32. Bikram, I respect your decision to write about your ordeal. I can’t be easy living with it or even writing about it.

    Aamir Khan is one of those people who I respect greatly. His work both as a director and actor is no short of work being done by a genius. This new programme which is has started, can be the start of social change, as the programme has been carefully put together to highlight culture, mindsets, problem and more importantly the solution. I’ll take this opportunity to congratulate Mr Aamir Khan on his work and I hope social change can start from here.

    I’ve never been to India, but here in the UK – the education Aamir Khan demoed to those children in the programme is something which is given throughout all schools in the UK. Such awareness is raised as early as children in nursery, then throughout school till you reach 16 (or maybe 18 now).

    So the awareness here in the UK is pretty robust, but still you can never be too sure or too safe.

    From watching the programme, and reading comments, I feel the problem is much worse in India then in the UK. However, what really shocked me about the programme or revelation rather about India, was that there ‘is no law’ to try criminals. I mean how the fucking hell does this work?

    If child abuse is estimated at 53% and it’s a known problem – then why is there no law to protect children from child abuse. This was a shocker to me.

    I even doubt if 53% is accurate, I can imagine adding another 25% on top of this to get a real figure.

    Personally, I don’t know of anyone who has been sexually abused as a child. But I know it happens here in the UK, but the fear of law at least gets these evil people to think twice before they plan or commit such vile crime.

    All I can say, is to help Aamir Khan in his quest to bring about a social and cultural change is important, not just for those living in India but for everyone around the world. Be it a Indian, Pakistani, Banladeshi or Sri-Laken – you need to make a join effort through out blogs to highlight this.

    There are solutions out there which can help children, its just given them the option and confidence to share their fears with the correct people or authority.

    Bikram yaar, I salute you for talking to us about this, and for highlighting this on your blog. If you come up with a idea to help Aamir Khan with all of his works on the show then let me know, I shall help you and participate in making the world a better place.

    Like

    • YEah I totally understood the ” there ‘is no law’ to try criminals. I mean how the fucking hell does this work?”.. I would have loved ot use the F word myself .. This is what i mean , there is no law and the bill is pending in the parliament to be made into law .. that is how indian govt works and people obviously have lots of things to do then think about such things.

      What is worst is the ministers had a field day a couple of days back the reason being in one of the TEXT books that is used in Govt schools there is a CARTOON of AMbedkar who is associated with having written the constitution of india , and it is the Biggest news and two days were wasted in the parliament as the ministers are having a problem with this issue and want it to be removed.. THIS IS the mentality of the leaders who are leading our nation .. I mean how pathetic is that .. THE child who is going ot read the book is NOT SAFE , is being Raped , molested and Killed BUT THE Ministers are too worried on that cartoon that has been published… you can well imagine my frustration and me wanting to say a few “F” words to these leaders …

      it is estimated to be 53% from those who have come forward , there are more who havent had the courage to report it … and till now we indians were saying oh no this does not happen in india its a menance only in the western countries 🙂

      yes solutions are there but again we in india are too busy blaming someone or the other to get things sorted rather then working to solve the problem.. usually it is man bashing now a days they use a fancy word called patriarchy.. No wonder nothing gets down I do sincerely hope that things change and people instead of fighting over who to blame , actually try to do something about a issue .

      Lets hope agaisnt hope the people wake up ….

      Thank you TBAB 🙂

      Like

  33. Yes, I too have had a earful from men bashers about – what is known as patriarchy. The problem is, these men bashers can do one thing really good and this is to “talk about it, again and again and again”, talking about issues which you are ‘born’ into does nothing, the only way to deal with it is to get off the back-side and do something about it.

    Like

  34. Gayatri says:

    Deeply affected by what you wrote and also reading about the trial currently in UK news. One hopes awareness will come sooner than later. Please keep writing.

    Like

  35. I liked the way Aamir conducted the workshop for children. We should not make them feel shy to talk about sensitive subjects. The children should be free to talk about anything to the parents.

    I agree with your view point. Hope the law will come soon to punish child abusing people, Bikram. And it should be severe.

    Like

    • Yes hopefully more and more parents will be able to do what he did .
      yes it shud be very severve , I think we need to bring the middle east laws, an eyes for an eye, if you are caught stealing your hands will be cut types .. maybe then these abusers will be a bit afraid of thinking of doing this deed..

      Like

  36. R. Ramesh says:

    boss, i joined The British Asian Blog in saluting you for talking to us about this, and for highlighting this on your blog. u r a wonderful blogger with a social conscience buddy…proud of our friendship..

    Like

  37. Ashwini C N says:

    Yes, Children should be given the right amount of knowledge about this at the right time , so that they know what is good and what is not good. We should perhaps strive to make the next generation free from Child abuse!

    Ashwini
    http://ash-aqua-girl.blogspot.in

    Like

  38. I was luckier, escpaed all.! Even then made me more vulnerable as a girl, neighbours, cousins and uncles.! Thanks Bikram ji, in april couldn’t write for the CS month but would do this pending post soon. Thanks for the reminder.!

    Like

    • Thank you mam, leave me a link to your post please would look forward to your post, I did not have the guts to write this in april but after the episode i took this step of telling it here..

      so the show is doing some good for sure

      Like

  39. Rinzu Rajan says:

    I was luckier to escape.! Even then as a girl was very vulnerable.! Uncles, brother and neighbours.! And the biggest misgiving of CSA is not considering boys vulnerable.! But even they are equally vulnerable.! Thanks Bikram ji, for reminding me about this pending CS post. Do visit my new blog.! I am back after some time

    http://www.rinzurajan.blogspot.in

    Like

  40. I feel though every indian wanted a change, finally someone (who can actually make people sit and listen to his talk) took the courage to show the issues India is facing. Issues which we never wanted to discuss in public, issues which we thought only happen with uneducated.. but learned hard way that the issue creaters are educated.
    I do know my friend who was abused in some way during their childhood days. some still have a nightmare abt it. some learned to live beyond that, some memories of the trauma permanently leaves a mark in our behaviour, sad that a country like india where we are known for the deeper and stronger relations, these kind of things are happening.This show definitely is an eye opener. Atleast we know what every indian do on a sunday morning 11.

    Like

    • Very true , totally with you. aamir took that first step and although we did not want to accpet the problems it is there now in Open, and no running away from them now .. SO hopefully something will have to be done for sure.

      i dont know about every indian but i surly am up watching the show at 11 for sure …

      Like

  41. Ashwathy says:

    I haven’t been able to catch the first episode of SJ, forget the second one. Let me catch those on the net and I shall comment then, ok?

    Like

  42. I haven’t read a more well written post than this.. I so agree.. with every word you said..

    I was glued to the show as well. I was totally shocked by the fact that India does not have any law against this. Totally incredible… While we still give importance to ‘ministers yelling in parliament’… or ‘hindu muslim issues’… Something like this is not important enough for a nation like ours to have a law?? Totally shocking! An eye opener!!

    I also didn’t understand when Aamir was talking about what the person doing it is thinking.. They think the kid is enjoying this? Really? Does research say that?? I was stunned to hear things like.. they dont consider the kid as a kid… Gosh.. really.. How on earth do you not know.. that your actions will change the kids life forever… however small or big.. This will forever stay with the child..

    On another note… ‘talking to kids’.. is super easy to say.. But difficult to do.. What is the right age to talk to your kids about this? I have been thinking about this forever.. My girls are 7 and 9.. and while I try and keep my eyes on them forever.. its not always possible.. And above all.. I’ve told them some things.. but when do I talk to them more? or what else should I tell them.. Hope you are ok.. with me sharing this article..

    Thank you.. for putting your thoughts on paper… 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you so much for saying that.

      I know it is difficult to do talking ot kids, but we have to for sure , for our kids sake, here in uk they start in nursery itself, teachers are specially trained to teach this and tackle this, Maybe parents need to go for some workshops to leanr how to tackle or how to talk to the kids..

      I know it is not possible ot have your eyes on the kids all the time , but the idea is that if something like this happens and we know about it immediately then we can stop ir right there unlike the ones on the show who had to go through it for YEarssssss…

      I dont mind you sharing this article .. Well I think we should talk to them regularly , as one of the comments above by Soma Mukherjee she says that ,every day when her daughter comes back she play a game with her where she ask her to name a good teacher,good girl,good boy and good uncle and then ask her if a bad boy/girl,auntie/ uncle is in the list…

      That is a very good idea and it will help tooo..

      Like

  43. NRIGirl says:

    Yours is the 3rd post I have read on this show today Bikram. How are you able to watch Indian show in UK? I wonder if I can watch it in US too. I’ll google it up.

    It is better to be aware of these attrocities to better educate and protect our children.

    Thank you for the eye opening post!

    Like

  44. myblog1962 says:

    first of all i must say thank you for sharing your experience that gave me courage to speak out on this platform… yes ,me too am a victim of child abuse,the first time when some one felt me was when i was in class 3 and it continued till i grew up, not once not twice but several times by servants,tutors,school teachers,college teachers and one of my second cousin , i was too scared to share it with my parents and lived my childhood in great fear and guilt, the memories haunt me till date, i remained silent all my life and the only person i have shared my ordeal is with my daughter when she grew up ,,through out while my daughters was growing up i kept a strict eye on each and every person around her,even now my mind starts ticking the moment i see a family friend trying to hold my daughter , though affectionately…and the worst thing to have happened to me was i could not trust my X husband with her who was her biological father. i have moved on but the scars remained , i am unable to trust people so live in isolation away from crowd ,my own family and its not just child abuse there are equally big problems which i am writing about in a book which includes all the incidents of my being abused as a child,i really don’t know how to go about publishing it but one thing for sure the day it gets published it is gonna create havoc in my family , but i need to explode else i will continue to die every day… .

    Like

    • I can understand it has so much effect on everyone, I know its difficult to write BUt I would suggest you do publish it , and the reason about havoc in family shud not stop As this might have happened to other girls/boys in the family and It might be going on too .. so it might just stop if you write about it ..
      We have to speak up for sure …

      You can talk to me anytime or email me .. and tak care

      Like

  45. Zephyr says:

    It takes a lot of courage to talk about CSA on a public platform, Bikram and the show is giving that to the victims. When crime is in the open, the perpetrators think before indulging in it. There is no use having laws as long as we don’t have the will to enforce them in a fasttrack court and not bring it up for disposal when the victim in his 30s and the criminal in his 80s.

    Like

    • i understand what you are saying thats why more then law we need to talk to kids make them aware and stop it at the first step …

      and yes law has to be brought and things need to work faster then what they are doing now …

      and no one whus be left out 80 or 90 years old whatever .. they need to be brought to the book

      Like

  46. These are issues that we push under carpets. Its good that this show is bringing all this up and it is good that you shared this story. Hopefully children will learn the importance of talking to parents about such things.

    Like

  47. Puja says:

    You were too small to understand or react. But I have to tell you one thing – You are a brave and strong man. It is not easy to come out and talk about it. But it is a good thing that you did. It is a warning for parents and caregivers. We are responsible for our kids. And understand their words as well as silence.

    Sending you hugs and care….

    Like

  48. It happens everywhere Bikram. It was not only you as Punam said, everyone, everywhere this happens. Regarding this, “I do think that people need to stop talking of stupid issues and actually work on something which is much more required..” – I would say, it is better to stop talking and start clearing those issues for a better tomorrow.. Thanks for writing this.. I’m following your blog regularly but more of silently because of the wordpress issue I had earlier.. Happy, that it got sorted out..

    Like

  49. i dont hv the guts to watch this episode of stsatyamev. bikram u bringing out the incident is important for parents of boys to also educate them & make them aware. i m still reeling under the 53% number. basically you should count yourself lucky if u escape!

    Like

  50. Jazz says:

    Like someone commented here, I too believe almost everyone will have a CSA story to share, me and my husband shared ours after watching the show. Though ours are small compared to the ones on the show, I agree with you that they definitely leave an impact.

    I still remember the stranger’s hand grabbing my breasts in the crowd, and how he whispered something in my ears before I could run away scared to my father. I was 8 or 9 then. It is strange but I still can picturise this in my head very clearly.

    It is really sick Bikram, very sick. I liked the way somebody on the show said how we teach our kids to speak up, but are we ready to listen and support too ?, we should teach ourselves to acknowledge and do something about it.

    I myself had never known this is such a serious issue till last year April. That was when I came across the CSAAM blog, which was an eye opener to me.

    Like

    • yes totally agree with you we need to acknowledge first that a problem exists , which many said does not exist, now its in the open in the face.. so we need to teach ourself and our kids

      lets hope more and more people get together

      Like

  51. Arooj says:

    show did its job,it exposed the buried truth of the society now rest up to us that how we will educate our upcoming generation and save their potential from any wicked act.

    Like

  52. manchitra says:

    Shell shocked is what I would say. My sis had a similar experience but she had the guts to come and tell my father at ho,me, she was only in second std. We knew the person and was given a royal treatment:) there are wolves always around us.Kids need protection , more over they should be encouraged to speak.

    Like

  53. pixie says:

    Hugs Biks..
    It takes a lot of courage to talk about it and even more courage to get past the incident…
    My respect for you just grew ..

    Like

  54. Rahul says:

    The whole lot of reactions are an indication of the outrage about CSA! Only educating children early in life of the lurking danger can help !

    Like

  55. Deeps says:

    No incident of abuse is small or big, Bik..an abuse is an abuse is an abuse. Period. And every abuser needs to be strictly punished and condemned.

    This episode of SJ was equally jolting! And I absolutely agree with you when you urge to speak up! That IS the way to go! And I hope every parent urges and encourages his/her child to speak up. Our kids need that assurance from us that they will be heard and they will be protected and supported!
    Wonderful post, Bik!

    Like

  56. sm says:

    its very common in India but Indians do not like to talk, share will tell kids forget baby.
    lets change city or area.

    Like

  57. this figure of 53% came as a real shock to me as well, I had never thought that child abuse was so rampant and to top it all, we do not really have a law relating to it…. I really hope government take some cue from this episode and also the parents start talking to there kids in a more open way

    Like

  58. metherebel says:

    53% is a large percentage! But I bet it is much more!!! I think why our children are sexually abused is they are unaware, sex education is still considered a taboo in India. Parents do not discuss such topics with the children and the children do not know how to approach their parents.

    I remember reading in the newspaper about a girl who was sexually abused by her own father. When the mother found, she asked the girl to not reveal about this to anybody because she feared it would tarnish the name of her family!!! Now can you believe that???

    I am sure you have gained more respect from your followers after this post 🙂 Huggs 🙂

    Like

    • A big percentage that is and many have probabaly not reported.. yes they are unaware and then our society also teaches that , the law tooo things its the person who is raped who is at fault and the rapist is good ..

      how sad is that the father himself did it , how can a person do it .. and why did the mother let it happen it is so sad…

      Thank you so much 🙂

      Like

  59. R-A-J says:

    Really sad man.. I kinda pissed with such things happen n cant believe that people stoop to such gross levels…. shocking.

    Like

  60. this was sickening ..not only it made me cry watching this show …abusing kids but scared me of my kids too..no-one is safe … people can take advantage ..they are Maniacs ..A sadist ..after seeing this show I don’t trust anyone,,,
    its not only gross but think about these beasts who jus for the heck of their *** spoil a whole childhood of a kid…they should be Killed if found guilty!

    Like

  61. Arti says:

    That is a very sorry state of affairs indeed. Its sad to see a child suffering in silence. Parents should definitely encourage their children with the habit of speaking up and the entire mentality needs to change. The stigma should always be associated with the guilty party and not the victim, that would help in bringing forth a number of hidden cases.

    Like

  62. I know how it is, what the feeling is like, what it makes of you as a person. You are right. We need to talk to our kids to protect them. I spoke to my 9 yr old regarding this an yr back. I am not sure how he understood the concept. Don’t people who does such acts feel ” what if someone does the same thing to my kid?” if 53 % of the kids are abused, what % of the population is committing such crimes? It sends me creeps to look people in the eye. Who knows every other person you meet or one person in every*** commits this crime? God, it’s scary to imagine and live with the truth!!

    Like

    • WE need to talk to our kids and keep talking ot them regularly. make sure they are safe .. its not just a one time talk ..
      who does such acts well those people are amongst us only and probably we know them well toooo …

      Like

  63. sick!!!

    parents should listen to their kids and one must start talking…that’s the need of the hour…

    i remember one of my friend from school with whom i had a chat after a long long time and that’s when i got to know that she’s moved to Australia now forever as she was sexually abused in school by one of her teacher…our’s is a sick country!!!

    😦

    Like

  64. Jazz says:

    Hi, do you remember Aamir tells a kid towards the end of the show about “respecting elders”.. I’m unable to recollect it, I just remember it was good.. Can you please remind me of it.

    Like

  65. Me says:

    I don’t how but I somehow missed this post of yours.

    I appreciate your guts to talk about that incident in your life so openly. The sad fact is that parents fail to understand their children and if they do they want to stifle the truth in the name of so called society. It is so shocking!!

    What can be more important to trust than your own child?? I fail to understand this mentality of us Indians.

    Like

    • Thank you. and dont worry about missing this ..
      I know what you are saying but the beleif that such things dont happen in our culture , kids are safe and all is still accepted and parents need to change this habit and be cautious about their kids.. culture and society have gone for a six for sure

      Like

  66. Nova says:

    Thank you sharing this incident, Bikram. I am sure this will help in the healing process.

    I always think about this… response of people to any kind of torture… I think the problem lies in the fact that as a society, we place ‘tolerance’ very high up on the virtue list… and that is what we are taught as children… to be tolerant… the result? People suffer… and suffer… in the name of tolerance and are afraid to fight back… I hope that changes… I am sure it will change… real soon…

    Like

    • I am sure too it will change .. more and more people are coming out.. and day before yesterday the BILL AGAINST child abuse has been finally passed by the parliament it will a LAW soon .. so things are changing albeit slowly ..

      Like

  67. Actually I read this article the day you posted it. But then when I read about you, it recalled one of my friends who changed drastically after some molested him. I was not in a position to say anything that day. It is one of the biggest problem of our society and I loved that workshop Amir did in the end of the show. We must remind our kids that we are there all the time.

    Like

  68. Anju Rani says:

    through this show every womens and childs are know there self respect . and fr me show is amazing .

    Like

  69. Reema says:

    that episode was a must watch for all parents.

    Like

  70. Sara Smile says:

    we should stop child sexual abuse its getting stronger day by day we have to do something to stop it and will pray to god to help all of us to stop this thing and to save the children from danger and help them with there promblems

    Like

  71. Sara Smile says:

    AMIR KHAN IS DOING A GREAT JOB AND I WISH ONE DAY HE WILL BE THE WINNER AND HE WILL STOP THESE BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING ALL AROUND THE WORLD AMIR KHAN I WILL NEVER FORGET U IN MY PRAYERS I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR U AND YOUR SHOW IS AMAZING WONDERFULL AND THE BEST 🙂

    Like

  72. Harish Iyer says:

    Hi bikramjit,

    every story shared is a potential weapon to break-free from a haunting past.

    Like

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