BlogJunta - An ode to the Blogosphere

Over the last few weeks and months I have read a lot on the topic, it has ranged from people saying Men are the worst thing ever , how women will be happy without men . Men calling how women behave etc etc etc.. I have gone and put my views on a few of the blogs where the articles have written the replies to some have been funny and made me smile.

So let’s be frank and throw away all the hesitations we have, Slut walk is/was organised by people to let other people know that it’s not the women who invite men to rape them by the way they dress up ,  That is what I think is the MAIN point although there are a billion branches to it which my small mind cant cope with.

I am writing this post to put my views on all this Walks , holding discussions , meetings etc as far as I am concerned Dont help there are reasons behind that, Has a walk or a demonstration ever helped anyone and I mean that in context to OUR country INDIA, not referring to any other nation because I don’t believe taking examples of other nation will help us , things don’t work the same in our nation.

My question is to all the people (male-female and any other category which is human included) .. the reason I put that in brackets is I am sure someone out there reading this will say I am talking only of females , yeah I get that a lot so to be POLITICALLY CORRECT I put all..  right the question is will this walk really help.. or has it helped ..

Again please hold your horses and take your fingers off that trigger .. and listen to what I have to say

I am not undermining anything, I totally support all kinds of walk , dharna’s , agitations etc .. BUT my question is to all those who are quiet vocal,

what will they do if they found out that the person who eve teased or raped or molested is from their own house.. will they still want that male to be castrated …

All these crimes are done by a Male (again please I mean MAJORITY) though females too do it but lets assume here its a male who is the culprit .. Dont you think we should be teaching  the MEN the male in our own house , in our own room for things to make a difference, I strongly believe that Once that happens then the things will change.

I feel that the BASIC MENTALITY of a  MALE needs to be changed..  After all the rapist or the man who is eve teasing , or even thinking of it .. IS from our society and maybe from our own home ..

1. How many people will be there in the march, Pardon me for being a idiot but as far as i understand a Indian mindset many of them in the march will be going back to there own home shutting the door and then BITCH about it, Tell me if i am wrong in that …

2. How many of the people actually in the march will go home and to there Husband-Son-Father and point out to them that the way they look at a girl is not good.

3. How many MEN who are supporting this march will on a friday night get drunk or have a few drinks and then do the same thing against which they are standing up now. by this i dont mean they will go and Rape or molest someone I mean talking amogst their own friends .. Oh how sexy that girl is , look at her legs , this and that…

4. A baby boy grows , starts school , comes back home after a few days Mommy is probably the first one to ask “KOI GF banai”..  A girl is taught and instructed about social conduct, given guidelines about how to dress and behave in public in general. But a boy is seldom/never taught about these things at home esp with regard to conduct towards girls. He learns from his peers, from the media which shape up his misguided notions which slowly get entrenched. Something needs to be done in this direction too.  (copied this from Ajay’s comment..)

I am copying “It is cool to address women as chick, babe, figure, item..It is cool if you are known for your ‘long legs’…It is cool to ignore certain men who ‘compliment your gorgeous shirt/top’ with all the wrong intentions..it is cool to get a million likes when you wantedly put up a pic of you lounging by the beach ( yes, I know some ex-classmates who will do anything for attention. They are still insecure like hell. The funny part is they are showered with attention only when they put up such pics. I am in no way supporting ‘it is women who provoke men’ policy but I am convinced it is because of low self-esteem and insecurity that is making them stoop so low. I have also come across men who have asked them to think again.)”

I totally agree with the above ..

5. I also beleive that  If a woman is dressed a certain way, it does NOT mean that she’s looking for sex!.. But then I would not want a female who I know walking on the road half naked,  as a prostitue would walk.. Again YES I know how they dress and walk.  I know many out there probably wriggling there fingers to put in a comment How do i know, or how can i see.. Well my answer is Look at the one you care for and love , thats how they NOT DRESS.. hope you got a reply

I was brought up by parents who taught me how to treat a woman, I was always told that I should watch how i behave outside since I have sisters and I would not like them teased or hassled. DO you teach your son-husband-father this … Did you protest when a male in your family said something derogatory about a female in front of you.

Do have a think and let me know….

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Comments
  1. NRIGirl says:

    Bikramjit! I am against anyone who lacks respect for the other gender. In my opinion each gender has a role to play and one cannot mimick the other however “FREE” they feel.

    Good post by the way.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you , exactly my point hence the question as to the walk. so true what you say both genders are a necessity for each other to survive without either none will exist..

  2. Bang on right. I completely agree with you. The rules are different for the upbringing of men and women. Until and unless we don’t get our basics right,no walks can help!

  3. shail says:

    Yes I have. I have changed views that my husband has grown up with. I have brought up two children, sons, who do NOT believe that women should dress only in a particular way or they are stooping too low if they wear dresses they like. They believe that women and men are BOTH humans. And I did this when ALL around me people did not and still do not believe this. So it gives me more than enough right to speak on the topic, isn’t that so??
    Yes, like you I believe too that the answer starts in homes, children have to be raised with the right values and controls, both male and female, not just the daughters. That is about the future. BUT, what to do about the already grown ups who cannot be taught?? One has to stand up to them and tell them clearly that their attitudes will not be accepted. A concerted and group effort gives support. One demonstration might not get immediate result. So what?? A new fashion mostly comes first to Mumbai. But eventually you find the same design being worn by belles in far away villages. In the same way the results of any demonstration will (or may) spread to places. Of course sometimes it may fail. But then, failures are stepping stones to success. No? People will try again. We did not win freedom with just one satyagrah, did we??
    I approve of starting the teaching at home. But I also support the slutwalk.

    • Bikram says:

      Shail Mam, supporting the walk was never a question.. I did not say i dont support it , I am jsut asking a question no harm in that.. because what you habe done is in minority , not many do that and what you have dones is a splendid job, My parents taught me the same …

      and yes its not jsut you everyone has the right to say what they want when they want how they want ..

      what to do about already grown ups, Punishment should be as hard as any other , rape is a murder of ones soul, so the person should be hanged .. no other way … and faster jsutice not years in turmoil, fast track courts and FAST TRACK PUNISHEMNTS… and NO appeals …

      totally agree with you it will take more than walks and more then once True … I guess you took the article in the wrong way I am not against it , I jsut wanted to ask how and what .. thats all ..

      I am sorry if i have hurt your senitments thats was not the idea, I am just trying ot figure out that as you mentioned the satyagrah and all well we have seen the lates things in our country …

      I am proud of you and that i know you for people like you will make the change but then the problem is people like you are very less in number we need them in a bigger number

      The article is for the people who will be in the march jsut for the FUN of it .. for the ones who say one thing in there home, Another in office and entire differently on the street .. Its for them …

      I am 100% with the march , that is a moral duty of a good human being .. I work hard here to make sure the streets are safe but still …

      Thank you for such a good comment …

      • shail says:

        Oops, how did I miss reading your comment? No I did not take your blog in the wrong spirit at all, You have spoken of up bringing as the long-term and sure way of changing things and I do agree with that totally. Along with that walks like this might create awareness was my point.
        I guess I got carried away when I wrote 🙂
        Yes, I do understand your point. I have personally seen couple working for the uplift of women in an organisation, teaching women all the right things and THEN going back home and the man starts shouting at the wife, ordering her around (I want my food NOW!) and the woman meekly running around , not demanding the same respect that she and he had taught other women to expect. This is a story from 30 years or more back. So yes, many of them will just go back to their earlier life. But we can hope that some at least will take back something form such awareness campaigns and the numbers will grow gradually.
        And you Biks have your heart in the right place, of that I am sure 🙂

        • Bikram says:

          Not to worry you read it now 🙂 .
          Thanks for agreeing with me.. no no nothing about getting carried away .. I respect what you say .

          i hope so mam heart in right place .. if its somewhere else panga ho jayega na fir to he he he he … 🙂

  4. Punam says:

    “I am in no way supporting ‘it is women who provoke men’ policy but I am convinced it is because of low self-esteem and insecurity that is making them stoop so low.”…
    I don’t think and agree with this, Bikram – I dont think women who put up their beach pics are seeking for attention or insecure – ofcourse some are, not all.. and it’s not stooping low.. I am surprised at that bit!!
    These walks, I don’t think they will do anything. Men (who do) will not stop looking badly at women, because they have not been conditioned to do so.. They have not been ‘taught’ by their parents or support system that one has to respect another individual..
    All these notions that girls must take care, girls must be ‘decent’ (whatever the definition of decent be for each individual)… girls must NOT provoke men, girls must be docile – WHY? They are all a part of the patriarchal society that wanted to chain women from centuries ago. That is how all these notions were born.
    If a girl decides to wear a sexy dress, it is her own personal choice. Why should anyone react to that? Sad thing is, in our society, WOMEN will react first.. even before the men do – :O Look at what she is wearing!!! How indecent!!!
    Who is to decide what is decent and what is not?
    I personally believe it boils down to respecting an individual and his/her choice of dress/behaviour – and not questioning it for the simple reason that it is not one’s business to do so.
    Eve teasing will always be there unless there are very very stringent laws against it. It’s the sick minds of such men that need to be changed… how, i have no idea… how can anyone change a person’s thinking??? !!! Whether a man is thinking of molesting a girl, or dropping a bomb, you can not really stop that mind, can you?

    • Bikram says:

      Hi Punam, I am not supporting it either but one needs to be logical and see what is common sense, why is it wrong if a male says a female should cover up proper, is that wrong ?

      That picture on profile well i jsut quited someone else.. but then we are different individuals we think different 🙂

      the men who do wrong to a women there is history behind them, if we go back furthur enough we will know, No one well sorry I have not asked any women to be Docile or not provoke men, I dont think like that , what i think is that there are times when one should consider a few things , lots of examples going alone at night , half dressed is not a good sign and If someone points a fingure at that that does not mean they are sexist or are asking the lady to be docile or anything. Its just common sense.

      If a girl wears a sexy dress then she should be prepared to see men drooling over her parts, I am not saying Men are right, but if men are doing it then it should be ok with the lady… Who decides what is the LIMIT .. how much a man is authorised to drool , or is it that the sexy dress worn is jsut for her eyes only and no one else is supposed to see it …

      I do agree with that if a man wants to do it he will, but then if he knows its wrong then MAYBE just MAYBE he wont .. and that’s what the difference is or what makes a difference

  5. People who get involved in eve-teasing girls are quite stupid, and perhaps ignorant. At least to remove their ignorance, they should be taught not to do such things at home itself like you said.

    While women can group together, share experiences and enlighten other women about such topics, men prefer to conserve their knowledge and love to see other men making the same mistake they made… 🙂

    Destination Infinity

    • ajay says:

      You chose to call them stupid and ignorant! Is it some fun activity? They very well know the mental harassment they cause to the victims. They take advantage of women’s vulnerability. I don’t see them stupid and ignorant.

      Eve-teaching is a crime, a psychological torture. I would call them hoodlums and hooligans who indulge in such activities. They need to corrected by stringent laws and better by an aware society.

      And why do you think it’s only women’s job to talk and enlighten us about it? Do men live in some other world? Are women aliens?

    • Bikram says:

      YEah that is there to , i do say that one shud learn from others mistakes …

  6. ajay says:

    You have raised very valid points, Bikram. Nice write-up and a timely one. 🙂 I hope the basic mentality of men changes for the good. It will take time but it has to be done for the good of the country.

  7. very provoking ,But I have a slight difference in opinion ..first of alll
    *women has always been an attraction to men..right from our maharishi,vedas and even saints…even the most pious personalities have been victims of Rapist n all …women was not at fault here..even then..
    *Women knows about men and their weakness ..throughly and how to attract men,even a young sixteen years knows that too…we live in a world of innnernet and media where nothing can be hidden or kept a blind eye…
    *Walking in Bra-tops and shorts as style statement or even bikinis for show on gas station is to attract men..FOR SURE (we all women know that)its nothing of the sort ,like summers or its in fashion ..its total BS to start with…..
    ….I would say men need to be taught at home about respect for women,BUT what about women herself? if she needs to be safe and demands respect ..Dress up decently ..why flaunt?
    pictures on Facebook or blogs is nothing wrong but where is the decency??
    why show off? girls goin nude on beaches or kissing in public..do you thing people will award them..they will be mocked..walks or huger strikes or anything of that kind wont help…….
    I being women and raised in a well to do family had always been hearing from my bros that a women needs respect she has to dress respectfully …men are not SADHUS or monk..(you cant trust them also)…
    …culture at home ,or teaching kids (boys) is fine I agree with that..But girls need to be taught too by their moms to be safe and wear decent clothes.

    • Bikram says:

      Thanks harman..

      i totally agree with you that they were an attraction since day one, even adam found eve attractive and our mythological hero’s have all been NOT S OGOOD towards women,

      I know what you are saying and thats what i have tried to tell also that a prostitute dresses in a certain way to lure her customers and if someone else is dressed that way (which is common) then whats the harm or is it wrong in saying that one shud dress properly , but as you see a lot say its there right to dress as they want and how they want .. I dont understand that ?

      again a good point dress up decently and being brought up .. as you said same here harman we were always told not to be silly or how will it like if someone teases my sister

  8. Ria says:

    Totally agree with ur thoughts on this issue…thanks for writing this post.

  9. kavita says:

    1. C.P. Outer Circle: 10:15pm. 2 men see me walking alone to my car, pass lewd comments and then decide to follow on their bikes. Ctd.

    2. After a very rough drive I reach home by dodging the bastards. All this 15 minutes away from my house. Sad that Delhi is so unsafe.

    3 I am ok now. Back home. But really pissed off.

    4.I was just thinking that atleast I was in a car and know the way around this part of the city. Girls who are new to the city have it worst. always be safe!

    Bikram i have copy pasted one of my blogger friend’s status updates(with her permission) .This happened on 21st June.There is a valid reason that people are supporting The Walk .Me Thinks. Why wait for men to change their ways , most of them are never going to change anyway .

    Good to know your views on the topic.We all believe in the same thing but raste kabhi kabhi alag ho jate hain:):)

    • Bikram says:

      I am not agains the walk, one should od anything for awareness my question was to many who will be a part of the walk , when the walk finishes and they go home THEN what .. the males in there family.. there son who has jsut come home after a Motorbike ride from in front of the girls college , what will they say to them …

      Thank you so much yeah i know ways are different but destination is same …

    • Bikram says:

      Also this friend who saw the two men well the F$%£”$ need to be shot .. thats what i beleive in I would have called my guy mates.. I had given strict instructions to my sis, anything like that happens get the number plate , see who the people are come home safe and CALL ME .. and i have enough friends who will happily go and break the legs and worse to those men

  10. Rachna says:

    It is a really good posts and you raise some good questions. Yes, I believe it is a woman’s right to dress up the way she wants. Just because she is dressed up skimpily, it does not mean she is inviting rape. But, in India and given Indian culture, it is in our safety that we know how to dress up where. Walking a short skirt and a tank top and boarding a crowded bus or walking around at night could invite trouble. It is a fact so it is better that all this kind of dressing be restricted to places where you are sure of the kind of crowd that comes. It is better to be sensible than to be foolish. And, you are right, most families say ladkon ke liye kuch bhi chalta hai. I am teaching my boys to be better people when they grow up.

    But there is one point you miss. Even when one is fully dressed in a salwar kameez, there are men who whistle, brush against you or pass cheap comments. Why? because the dirt is in their mind. This is what Slut Walk is trying to prove. Don’t condemn or punish the victim, condemn the perpetrator. A woman is usually considered to be at fault simply because she is a woman. It is our mindset especially of the men who seem to think that a woman is an object which I strongly object to. And, you know what I can discuss with my father, brother and husband if they say something derogatory about any woman.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much.
      This is wat i mean Exactly .. yet most places i read how can a man ask a lady to dress , or what wrong in the way they dress.. I mean i put the question the other way

      WHATs the harm is a man asks you not to wear clothes like that, does it not show he is concerned or lets put it this way he is a man he knows how men think so if he asks is it wrong .. ? there is a place and time for everything.

      you have said exactly what i wanted ot say, but had i said it i might have been told i am a sexist 🙂

      I am not missing any points I know eve teasing is done then too, yes because of the dirt in there mind thats why i said education THat dirt is going out one way when they are taught.. I am not against the walk, but my question was to the few who live false live’s , do they stop the males in there own home …
      and its good ot hear you have a relation like that with the male’s in your family thats how it should be, if you stop them once I am sure they wont ever do it again and THAT is what is required …

      • Punam J R says:

        I agree, Bikram that when the man asks his lady not to wear clothes like that, he is correct in his own right.. it does show his concern and probably possessiveness over the lady. And yes, correctly said, that there is a time and place for everything.

        It probably comes down to personal choice – how much he thinks is enough, how much is overboard.

        For an ogler, even a burqa will not stop him. So where you say education is important and will reduce the dirt from ppl’s minds, yes, to some extent – not completely…

        Like the other day, I was travelling home, and I obviously went out simply dressed up, for the very reason that i wanted to be safe and sound and not invite trouble. 🙂

        • Bikram says:

          well this debate will never reach a conclusion about how much is enough ,

          well reducing the problem is a START.. nothing can be wiped out completely even if all the men are shot dead and only women live on planet earth ogling will still happen , women doing it to women …

          You did the right think, PRecation is always better then CURE ALWAYSSSSSSSSSSSsss

  11. Deboshree says:

    A very valid post Bikram.

    Personally, I couldn’t be less interested in ‘slut’ whatever walk. I may be called conservative but in my opinion, going around dressed like that, with a label like that, to address as important and serious an issue as rape misses the mark. Yes, I have a problem with the name of the walk. Yes, I agree with their underlying idea – a women can dress as she wants and go around anywhere without being attacked. But I feel such a walk derides women somehow – it comes across to me as a fashion thing and a cool cause that allows you to dress atrociously and walk around.

    About the problem starting at home thing – a hundred percent. I make it a point to object to derogatory commentary on a woman no matter who she is. But seriously, chuck men, will not a woman raised in this country of culture and convention bash a self-claimed slut? While a ‘justification’ for rape that goes along the lines of ‘she was dressed like that…’ tells volumes of the machinations of a perverted mind (and convinces me more and more of the world being near its end), a slut-walk is a derogatory retort in itself.

    • Bikram says:

      Not many are interested as i have seen with the number of emails I have got, a lot many Lady friends have not left a comment , i dont know why but have emailed me there views .. I totally agree with you going out like that for the walk well i bet how many men will be there supporting this walk ..
      I totally understand your point of view. to me too a fashion thing the same happened on women’s day too , apart from some genuine people , a lot were seen showing off the latest cars, jewellary etc etc.

      Thank you for agreeing ot what i said 🙂 .. this post was not about rape or what happens etc ..

  12. insignia says:

    Bikram,

    Few points are valid. But would disagree on some.

    1. Putting up pictures while lounging on the beach – doesnt mean they are insecure and feel low! Common!!

    2. Even if you are clothed from head to toe; men who are dirty and desperate would still pass lwed comments.

    3. such men wont spare a mannequin ever!

    4. I totally agree with you on educating the men by family. How many parents teach their son as they teach a girl child?

    5. The walk? I wonder what changes it would bring. If it works; well and good.

    6. Finally, you mentioned briefly about prostitutes and how they dress. Their ‘profession’ demands them to dress that way. To each his own….we have to respect them as human beings.

    7. Mutual respect is the need of the hour. Whatever it is!

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you 🙂

      1. hmmm ok 🙂
      2. that is what i mean, education begins when they are young ,and are you saying this walk will change thse men’s mindset .. Rather what i think is going to happen for a fact is majority of MEN supporting the walk jsut to see more women dressed and walk .. Its a field day for such men if you know what i mean.

      3. yes they wont..

      4. Thank you. Not many teach its a feeling of pride or they boast how there son has a GF or this or that , they dont say the same about daughter how she has a BF.. 🙂

      6. yes the professions demands them, but why would a perfectly sane lady want to dress like that , and Sorry if i sound SEXIST or WRONG I would not want any female in my family dress like that , NO way good or bad what ever … I am willing ot be called a sexist or whatever I dont care..

      YEssssssssssssssssss mutual respect treat the other as you want to be treated yourself .. 100% with that

  13. Anita Menon says:

    A walk such as the Slut walk shows solidarity and awareness. With solidarity & awareness comes confidence. With confidence comes the zeal and passion to make things right. That ushers in the change that was hoped for.

    • Bikram says:

      Hmmm Ok agreed to the point. I had a comment From Kavita ..

      1. C.P. Outer Circle: 10:15pm. 2 men see me walking alone to my car, pass lewd comments and then decide to follow on their bikes. Ctd.

      2. After a very rough drive I reach home by dodging the bastards. All this 15 minutes away from my house. Sad that Delhi is so unsafe.

      3 I am ok now. Back home. But really pissed off.

      4.I was just thinking that atleast I was in a car and know the way around this part of the city. Girls who are new to the city have it worst. always be safe!

      Will this walk help in making the mindet of these Two individuals change there mind set , and will the lady in question feel safe going home … I doubt it .. cause these men are still there

      But as you say and I wish that this walk does bring a change and not ends up like all the other walks we have had so far …

  14. sm says:

    boys should be taught to respect girls and more important their freedoms and choice should be respected.
    Girls are not slaves of males.

  15. suruchi says:

    you’ve said it all Biky n said it really well…
    walks don’t help…but then again, saying that only educating our men with these issues would help, ain’t the solution either.
    so many men who indulge in demeaning women are often not from educated backgrounds or morally sensible to treat women as something besides objects of lust!

    a woman must be careful of how she dresses and where and unwanted attention where it can be avoided it must be!

    thanks for taking such a neutral stand:-)

    • Bikram says:

      THank you Suruchi MAM 🙂

      then maybe harsher punishments, may be death penalty ..

      dressing up is common sense there is way for everything ….

  16. Shobha says:

    A very nice and thought provoking post. Most of the things you said here are very true.
    Yes, most of the parents do have double standards in bringing up their children. The daughters have to follow certain DO’s and DON’Ts whereas the sons are free to do anything. This is probably because the parents are being over protective towards their daughters in today’s scenario…It is very important to teach the males to respect a lady.
    Regarding the women dressing up skimpily, I don’t think they do that to provoke men…they are so conscious about maintaining their figures and like to dress up in trendy clothes..they are just keeping up with the fashion trend… Men, being men( not all ) will ogle at a pretty woman even if she is fully covered.

    • Bikram says:

      :). Thank you double standards is the problem in every place. If we are not like that things will be different .

      hmmm well that is true that men will ogle at anytime skin is shown, that again is as i said will the women who see them ogling give them a piece of mind when they return home to them …

  17. stranger says:

    I read the post and all the comments. I support slut walk. I agree with both your views and Shail’s views.

    The walk is just the beginning. Accepting that we have a problem in our society is a start. If my brother or father or any of my cousins do anything really bad, my stand will be that they should be punished.

    Even revealing dresses do not merit being raped but those woman who wear such dresses are inviting trouble from unscrupulous guys. I have 2 daughters and I always tell them that a woman’s dignity is in the way she dress, talk and conduct herself.

    You are right…the change should start from home… …

    • Bikram says:

      My view is nothing against the walk. Well I wish and really hope that this is a the beginning and that it does wonders and changes a lot of things ..
      Good to hear about the stand but my question was not about punishing but a question that will you tell them off..

      I dont know why everyone is saying this that revelaing clothese is towards rape I have not said that in my post , Though i do say that there is always a time and way to do things…

      and You are giving a Good avice to the girls, and god bless them both , ANd if anyone does tease them give me a call , beat the crap out of them , chinta not 🙂

  18. stranger says:

    To Shoba,

    Women can keep up with fashion without wearing revealing dresses too. My policy is if you are not gonna sell your stuff, then don’t display it…

    Sorry, I know I have invited trouble with my comment but I believe woman should dress modestly.

    • Shobha says:

      @ Stranger….. why do you say you have invited trouble…everybody is just exchanging their views and please feel free to do so.

      My point is that younger generation these days follows the fashion trend….and they carry it off well too…….and sorry to say that majority of the people may restrict their daughters, sisters and wives to dress modestly, but don’t these people look at other women…( No offence meant…please don’t take it personally)

      • Bikram says:

        @Shobha:- TOtall understand and the reply is YES they do look at other women .. Thats why I wrote this post .. it is not against anyone or anything I am not trying to stop anyone or ask the question WHY..

        I simply asked that in the same way as you asked how men stop the females in thee family but look at others same way the ladies will they also have the guts to stop there own or teach them right from wrong .. End of the day I think education is a must If my parents taught me so shud others and everyone

    • Bikram says:

      @Stranger .. 🙂 I do like the line that says “if you are not gonna sell your stuff, then don’t display it… ” and I am sure i have written at a few places that there is way for everything …

  19. Sandhya says:

    Men and women should respect each other…nobody is strong and nobody is weak. We have seen through the years that women can be stronger if need comes.

    Yes, this attitude should be developed at home when the children are small itself. I don’t know if I have done that…only time will tell!

    Nice post, Bikram.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you sandhya bhen , treat the other as you yoruself want to be treated is what i beleive in . and yes as you say women can be stronger they are definitely more stronger maybe not physically but emotionally and otherwise they are so very stronger then the male counterparts.
      I am sure you have done very well.

  20. asha says:

    A nice topic, Bikram. I could write a long comment here which might read like a long post.

    So to put it short. According to me, Men and women can never be equal, so i don’t believe in gender equality. I’m not a feminist or anti-feminist, may because i’m not surrounded by MCP’s. I’ve grown in a household where women and men were respected and also I’m married into one.

    There is a saying in tamil saying ‘home is the first university’ so you are right when you said it has to be taught to children when they are young.

    men can be good and bad, women can be good and bad, basically the fight has to be between good human and bad human.

    Nope, I don’t believe in the dharnas, walks, chains or fast’s. But liked your neutral stance. No women bashing, no men bashing.

    Oops!, never reallised it would turn into a long post ….errr…. comment.

    • Bikram says:

      I dont mind long comments 🙂 I myself write such big one’s , its always better ot put your point of view acfross 🙂

      Indeed home is the first university it is and thats where it needs to start , Frnakly even though i support the walk or the dharna’s etc I dont think they will make any difference, rather i am positive there will be hundred of men out there looking a the ladies on the walk …
      Good and bad is basic human , I am good for some and bad for the others , its the two sides of the same coin.

  21. Onkar Kedia says:

    I agree, we have to teach our children to treat women with respect and dignity. This is more important than organising any walk.

  22. Sharmila says:

    Hi Bikram !

    i agree … one (male n female – as female aren’t far behind to take “panga” with the opposote sex)should be taught at home – what u give comes back to u …. one way or the other !!

    i too don’t believe in dharnas n walks they’re waste of time … things should be treated from the roots ie. family upbringing should be good.

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 good I like the PANGA word he he heh e
      indeed what goes around comes around, I hope it does happen that way and things do change ..

  23. zradar says:

    different thought.. and yes,.. the first lessons should start from HOME

  24. b k chowla says:

    I agree with you on every single point you have raised

  25. R's Mom says:

    Valid points Bikram..I know in India they may not make a difference, or people may bitch..but we need to start some where na…I know where you are coming from about supporting the walk but wondering if it will do any good at all…afterall like you say, the upbringing definitely matters…but every spark is important na..it may not change people overnight, but it will hopefully give someone a thought to think about na…before they do it the next time

    • Bikram says:

      Yes we need to start and i feel that the start needs to be at home .. the dharna’s and walks well they havenot done any good anytime as we have seen , each one of the people who organise such marches have there own hidden agenda behind it all..

      I totally agree with you eveyr spark is important true. nothing changes overnight but people who have done it i dont think the walk will make them think twice before they do it , because to them its NORM nad thats how things are ..

      but fingers crossed …

  26. Brilliantly written Biks! Its like reading my own thoughts. Boys should be taught very early to respect people and respect women particularly. If a father behaves unruly with his own mother or wife, the child tend to carry the trait. If they see the parents rude with the maids, they tend to carry the trait … Parents should be carefull what seed they plant in the kids mind… and also keep a watch on their behavioural traits as they grow and correct them if they are wrong…

    • Bikram says:

      LR. Thank you very much. you are right, the tendency of doing the wrong is more in people who have grown up watching it all. grass roots is where to start.
      Thank you.

  27. Nirvana says:

    Whoa!! A controversial topic now! While many fathers and brothers will cringe at the thought of their loved ones dressing up unconservatively, and while, as a mother I prefer my daughter was always safe from lecherous perverts, I cannot agree with the thought that a certain way of dressing gives a license to rapists or molestors! The freedom to wear what one wants is something that is fundamental – and cannot be denied.
    Do we take the same stand for vandalism? I mean do we say that vandals are entitled to scratch cars or throw stones at windows – just becasue they were provoked? The stuf getting hurt here are mere things… and we still condemn it, without thinking for a minute if they were justified. In case of women, most of who have lost their will to live, we pause to think if the rapists were provoked!!!!!!

    Good, thoughtful post! Thanks!

    • Bikram says:

      I know controversial topic, and I hope i have not written anything wrong 🙂
      It is a fundamental right and i appreciate it but there is something called common sense as how to dress up , even a Rag cloth can be worm nicely.. is what i mean.. I dont agree with it either that it gives a license NO ONE HAS A LICENSE even if someone naked is standing NO ONE.. that’s not the question here ..

      and vandalism well i cant say anything about it different matter all together in my eyes. Yes we condemn it , as we condemn rape and eve teasing , BUt my question was all those ladies who are condemning it so vocally what do they do when they reach home do they condemn there men folk.. thats what the topic was all about ..

    • Rinth says:

      I think it kinda depends which part of the world you’re talking about and which dress code is normal there. I live in one of the most liberal countries in the world… up here it’s normal if people go around half naked or even lie fully naked on the beach… but there are many WESTERN countries who don’t have the same acceptance level for nudity. So I think you should understand and respect the dress code of the country you’re in. People in those countries are not as used to nakedness as we are up here… so obviously their attitude towards it is different than is up here.

      • Bikram says:

        I do agree with you thats exactly what i mean too, someone having a sun bath on a India beach NUDE will surly not go well, as they would in a few guld countires .. that does not mean anything other then its cultural and religious thing and we need to respect that .. Totally accept what you are saying

  28. you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one Bikram..very true we need to get the basics sorted first !!

  29. i don hav much of a stand on dis xcept fr wat ive hrd on tv or read on odr people’s blogs bt wen dey say a woman can wear watevr she wants, however provocativ n d guy mus hav enuff understandin to nt react n walk away…..it sounds fair n proper no doubt, bt a lot lotttt irrational. exercisin a teeny bit of precaution n common sens nevr hurt anyone 🙂

    • Bikram says:

      This is with lots of people, the girls or women who have to actually bear this horrific episode in there life majority of the times dont even know about walks being organised or dharna’s done. thats what makes me angry most of the time .. I rmemeber the women’s day was celebrated with a big bash a few months back but it was mostly for people in cities or the RICH.. the common person did not even know about it …

      and exactly common sense says precaution is better then CURE …

  30. stranger says:

    To Shobha,

    Thank you for being a sport. Men do look when they see scantily clothed woman and that is why I feel that woman should dress modestly.

    Women cannot close the eyes of all men but they can cover their body to avoid such looks.

    I am not saying that you should cover from head to foot but can avoid low cut and very tight dresses which makes some sick men more crazy…

    What is your thought Bikram?

    • Bikram says:

      My thoughts are already in the post.. anyone or who ever takes part in the psot should not be tow faced is what i say. out there they have one way of looking thing back home its different thats not how it should be .. Out there they see all males or Most males with one eye abd back home the males in the family are angels …
      My note was against that … And As you say common sense is the biggest gift one can have and we should all use it ..
      regarding craxy men well thats not going ot change and it will take a lot lot of time for that to happen …

      Thank you stranger 🙂

  31. IRFANUDDIN says:

    well, Bikram i am not able to say much abt this issue bcoz i never follow the developments of these types of movements which are held more for media attraction than for serving any genuine cause… so all i can say is, “SLUT WALK” aur “BESHARMI MORCHA”, as they r calling it here back in India, is nothing but a method to send a msg that “problem is not there actually bcoz of the provocative dresses but its more bcoz of the provocative mind set of the people….”

    more over i don’t think that any male back at home gets a lesson to molest a woman, i think each n every parent tries his best to teach their kids moral values of life as me n you got from our parents.

    hope i am able to clear my point here…… 🙂

    • Bikram says:

      I also am not much involved in this, I was chatting with a friend about what the cop in canada said and thats how i got ot know about this. and as you said many are in it for the sake of media , we indians hardly do anything ever without a hidden agenda .. MERA KYA FAIDA HAI ISME is the first question everywhere …

      I can understand the message being sent goood, I am all for it but i also say the message shud be Inside the House as much as outside…

      YEah we got morals from parents but still parents try to dictate more to a daughter then a boy, cause it is undestood that Boys ko farak nahin padta ..

      Thank you Irfaan 🙂

  32. Bikram, I totally agree with your points.. and of course a boy has to be taught all social conduct instead of he himself learning them from the media… and of course I care about girls and especially for those who are my own family and close frends, I do share my views on their dress code and helped them to learn more about the society.. and thanks for bring this post, this thought, in such a sweet manner..

    Someone is Special

  33. Pixie says:

    Hmmmm… been reading quite a few posts and I so wanted to write my own on this topic.

    I agree with a majority of the things you have said – I agree it’s at home we teach things…
    and yea, i have fought with my cousin when he said something bad about his wife in front of everyone!!
    What I don’t agree is the remark of low self-esteem.. a girl can be quite comfortable with herself, her body and quite proud of it too – that she is in good shape and decides to show it off! That doesn’t mean she sould be raped/eve-teased or even spoken badly about!

    I also support the slut-walk (though I don’t approve of the name) because its grabbing headlines, and putting it out there that women shouldn’t be objectified or blamed for the crime because of the way she dresses…
    Rape is not a justifiable act in any form… the victim is not to be blamed.. it is never the victim’s fault.

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 good you put your thoughts on the post ..

      That remark about low esteem was not pointed to everyone, I can understand what you are saying , But is one puts a half naked pic or anything ot show off there body then they should be ready to accept the views expressed on that pic.. suddenly why does that become horrible if someone especially a male comments on the body that one is showing off …
      dont you think that will be being hypoctire.. If i have written this article I ma prepared to know that it is rubbish or Good, some have said either ay that does not mean I should make a big thing or stop talking ot those people who wrote what i did not like … if you know what i mean..

      and DEFINITELY I am not saying they shud be raped or anything I am sure i did not say that , if it came out that ay then I am sorry about that …

      Anything that will do good I support, If this walk heps then fair enough . But I have seen the walks and event organising for women’s day and though Exceptions were always there even that turned out to be more of a fashion show …

      No one has the right to do anything ot anyone and No excuse is good excuse to do that simple logic.. Totally agree with you it is not a victims fault. We are all responsible for our actions and as i said no excuse is a good excuse …

      Totall agree with you on this one .. But my note was on some other points …

  34. Quoting you “how women will be happy without men……” God I would die a horrible death if I don’t have the men I love and adore around me 😥

    • Bikram says:

      he he he I knew you would get the idea 🙂 I know the feeling WHAT IF … shudder at the thought of no women around 🙂 he he he
      Welcome welcome ot this blog , thank you good ot see you here …

  35. Writerzblock says:

    Bikki, you have a point, but I think a walk like this is more for shock value, and to make a statement, rather than expect an immediate change in mindset. I am definitely for it!!

    • Bikram says:

      Hi… lets see if it does the trick and if it does then Nothing like it , bravo and kudos to the one who would have participated in it ..

      But as you say i got a point too and thats what i was wondering more about …

      thank you Pal.

  36. The best post on the “Slut Walk” I have read so far. Nope, I haven’t commented on it anywhere before.

    I think its the responsibility of both the parents to teach their kids (girls or boys) how to respect everyone. Irrespective of Gender or Status.

    There are way too many boys and girls out there, being brought by the wrong kind of people. I think we need to have an eligibility criteria for being parents.

    Having said that, its more difficult to be a parent now than it was maybe 15 years ago. I can’t let my son to go out for movies with his friends and then deny my daughter the same right! But tell me, how safe is this world for either a boy or a girl these days.

    I personally think they should give capital punishment to anyone who rapes or molests. And that is applicable to people in my own home too.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much. 🙂

      hmmm eligibility criteria for parents thats a whole new ball game then , though i do beleive that these days people od have kids for the sake of it and have no idea what they are doing thats why so much crime and all is increasing everywhere … it all stems from the roots and values and education …

      I understand what you are saying , I know , I see it most of hte times and think what the hell is this kid doing or this girl doing at this time of the night , alone , or boys doing together .. why dont they go home the reason is they dont have a happy home …

      SAFE – well no its not safe, things are chaning so much adn so fast …

      RIGHTLY SAID and HEAR HEAR to that death simple rule …

  37. Deepa says:

    i think you are right in a lot of ways. If my brother were to do something wrong, I might scold and punish him like hell .. but would never give him up to be punished by someone else.

    I know not all guys are cheap. But it is strange that a guy oggles at other women, passes snide comments etc, but goes real amd when other boys do the same to his relatives/friends.

    my best friend used to be mad abt my palying TT coz he didnt like the guys staring at me, but he would oggle at girls when he went out with his friends

    too much to do .. hence not replying/commenting in full.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much, its not about right or wrong .. these are my views and i think the walk wont be that helpful as people will probably be going to drool over the females .. and media well we know media it doesnot help anyone …

      thats why as you said we all need to start from home . if we all stop our MEN to do this wrong ALL OF US.. this will stop wont it .. or at least lessen down…

      All the best in all that you are doing , dont work too hard 🙂

      • deepa says:

        I agree with you abt the walk in India …. half the population won’t even care ! What worked in Toronto isn’t going to work in India …

        Another way might be to have policewoman in plain clothes patrol and also impose hefty fines for eve teasing , stalking etc … but that could happen only if in an ideal scenario.

        I have no choice .. I have to work !

        • Bikram says:

          Yes so true thats what makes me angry people make statements and this or that.. yet what they fail to think is more then half the population dont even know about such things as I mentioned in earlier comment about women’s day well not many knew about it tooo… so the day would be celebrated better if the people WHO do NOT know are made to KNOW.. thats what one should be working towards not what actually happens in a few rally’s they turn out to be a fashion show …

          Policing will be good but then the police is corrupt too, I remember when i was india police would hassle us if i am walking with a girl , or go to a movie with a girl they would hassel .. thank fully our group was big and parents knew each other and my parents were in hight post so I would call them for help and we were let go but still its a hassel if you knwo what i mean …

          We all got ot work 🙂

  38. A says:

    Bik,

    If my wife meets you, you are in trouble. Per women, just accept the fact women’s dress code is completely independent of men’s behavior. People did not have clothes thousands years back…….

    Simply Speaking “A” Simple
    Blogger

    • Bikram says:

      But why, I have not said anythign wrong. All I am asking is do the ladies tell there own at home about the problem and ask them.

      and I do think there is a way for everything… I work and i kno what happens on the street .. and If she reads and gets angry I can always hide behind you 🙂

      Thousands of years back people did not have clothes but we lived like animals and usually a male had lots of females .. there was hardly a concept of one man – one woman .. if you know what i mean ..

      • Punam J R says:

        Yes Bikram, If I had a son, I would certainly teach him how to behave with women and how to respect women. I am proud of a brother who chose his life partner and stays true to her to this date. I think yes, education starts at home.
        So, yes, to the question – there are ladies who tell their own at home. But also highlight the fact that there are a lot of ladies who themselves are repressed in their own homes in many other ways than the problem in hand – and the question of good or bad, correct or wrong comes up again, for if the man does not respect his own wife, he will not respect any other lady too.
        The question about education starting at home, comes when the home is in the reign of the ‘morally correct’ person – if the home is under the aegis of a morally wrong person, then the family, the values, the education – everything goes for a toss.

        A girl who is repressed in her marriage would want to stop the man from mistreating or eve teasing another girl, but she can not, because she is not in a position to, she herself being a victim…

        Not opposing your view point, but bringing forth more scenarios why the morally correct people fail to spread the word.. 🙂

        • Bikram says:

          I am sure you will punam.
          Well you have brought some other scenarios and its like catch 22, situations now

          Morally correct people is exaclty what i am saying about , the once who participate or take out walks will they be same when they go home and with the males in their own family was the question in the article …

  39. bhagyareema says:

    I have never understood that how someone can be provoked if they are not inclined/made up that way. But yes there is a thin line between dressing smart and not. Some dress may look smart on some and vulgar on others. likewise some men may get provoked by short dresses. How can I know about that; only a man can know that. 🙂
    Me too have lost faith in bandhs, hartals and walks, don’t see any purpose to them.
    Better to teach all our kids some values instead.

    • Bikram says:

      You said it right a thin line,. Yes only a man would be able ot know that , I hope the walks and bandhs help and do something goood ..

  40. Rinth says:

    I agree with you on every point :D! Many, including me, would probably not even write as carefully as you did here (with the risk of being chewed alive by piranhas lol). Keep up the good work! I really admire you guys who write about social stuff like these.

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you for that 🙂

      well i have had my share of being chewed up by the Moral band and the DO gooders .. I have stopped bothering about them anymore .. thank you so much …

  41. Novroz says:

    Great post, very educative.

    I agree that society taught different things to male and female…but I also agree that women with sexy cloths tend to drive men to rape her, I’m not saying that it’s her fault not the male’s fault…it is still the male’s fault.

    What’s a slut walk anyway? People walking dressing like sluts? or just people walking to express their opnion without any dresscode?

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much. 🙂 Well a rape is a fault of the one who is commiting the crime always …

      I also dont know much about it but i have heard it a lot , I think women are going a Walk to show the its not the ONE who is RAPED who is guilty but the rapist .. who so ever they are Women-men lets not forget there is the other way round too where women commit the crime but law is in there side since they are women .. YEs it happen 🙂

  42. […] Raji , Z , Nidaa , Debo , Free Spirit , Bikram […]

  43. Reema says:

    wow! the post’s comment section is on fire! good post thats all I will say!

  44. Madhu says:

    Education is the key. Getting a degree is not enough, a person should grow overall to realize that every human being is different and eeryone deserve respect in their own way.

  45. I absolutely agree. Te basic prb starts from home, from the point where mothers pamper their sons stuffing their head with wild notions that they are some sort of prince, an exclusive blessing of God. They grow up like spoiled imps, harass their mothers, their sisters and then their wives (which by their def is their property). How can such a mentally sick person be expected to respect an outside lady, someone whose not even in blood relation. Ofcourse they take it as their divine right to take them as their treat. The crime is traced back to the mother, the family, who cudnt teach their son how to be a ‘human’ .
    I like your take on this subject, enlightening!

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you. yes mother do that and then the problem is the same mothers nad women say they are not treated well but they teach there sons to be bad WEIRD 🙂

      I beleive one shud treat the other as they themselves want to be treated .. simple rule

  46. Varsha says:

    Sexual crimes and assault are really horrifying. And why “my daughter”, the perverts spare no age, no age and no dress. I fail to understand how a 3 year old girl can evoke in anybody any emotion other that “what a sweet” or OK maybe a “what a pesky kid”

    So really dressing has probably very little to do with being violated.

    I believe teaching and upbringing can help our future and stringent punishment for the offenders.

    I understand the slut walk will be effective over a longer run, but personally would I walk in one with skimpy clothes to prove a point? Probably not in my zone of comfort

  47. Harsha says:

    I agree that walks or rallies are not going to make much difference. Nothing can happen overnight, no? And kids surely have to be guided and taught at home as to how their conduct should be. We can’t completely blame a man or a woman in this context. Even a woman has to maintain a certain amount of dignity in the way she dresses and even in her behavior. I don’t agree that a woman walking half naked is as good as a prostitute. I believe we have to give them a certain amount of respect. It is simply their profession.

    Nice post it was. Different and valid from what I have read at other places.

    Regards!

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you for visitng me , welcome ot this blog ..

      Yes we do have to give them 100% respect , always But its human tendency to look down upon them thats what i meant and if someone is dressed up like that then its natural to think that way … and you said it everyone has to maintain a certain amount of dignity for sure .. it works in evryones benefit and there is no harm in being cautious .. precaution is always better then cure …

      Regards to you too

  48. […] challenge (31) -DoorShaheed Sardar Bhagat SinghCollege – part 2 (Ravjote)11th November 2010Slut WalkNostalgic times:- Laugh Top RatedPDRTJS_TOP = new PDRTJS_RATING_TOP( 3533495, 3533498, 3533501, […]

  49. Congratulations 🙂 This post in one of the winners of ‘Tejaswee Rao Blogging Awards – 2011’ (TRBA 2011). We would like to create an ebook with all the winning entries in 47 categories on Feminism and Gender Issues in India (and one category on Animals Rights). Please do let us know if you are fine with your winning post/s being included in this ebook. ( Please click here to let us know).

    • Bikram says:

      thank you IHM .. its my pleasure.

      • Shruti Srinivasan says:

        Teaching values to men, children etc is probably the long term solution for all of us to fall back on track, but today this will not work.The slutwalk was to create awareness and make a point to people who had their own conservative views. Again the slutwalk is not a solution. The only way for people (today) to realize what is right/wrong is to be punished (immediately). Let us not wait for years or for a good muhurat to decide. We are not scared because we have taken everything and everybody for granted. We do not have even have a proper security system. Corrupt officers and corrupt minds facilitate such acts.
        Though I am a She, I am not here talking about my feminist views. I know a lot of men/children who are being molested by women. So the only solution for all of this is PUNISH all of them, no matter who it is.

        I loved your post, but more than the post I liked one of your comments and my comment was based on yours. Congratulations for the award!! Way to go 🙂

        • Bikram says:

          Hi. Welcome ot this blog and thanks for reading.

          exactly i agree with you let the punishement be given straigtaway.. People have lost faith in law thats why they dont report it at all most of the times .. so faith has to be restored and that can be done by finding the right culprit and punishing them at earliest.

          Thank you for liking this post 🙂

          do keep visiting

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  51. blogs4kappu says:

    Thats a totally different PoV. I quite agree it all. The change certainly begins with us, as you have ended your narrative clearly saying “I have been raised”. The change beings with our rasing up / bringing up / teaching. The uneducated / ignorant / unwilling morons who refuse to be educated at all, save sex education, the likely candidates of being the DOER will continue to thrive. The man/woman should be taught to respect theirselves and defend theirselves from those ah’es.

    Do visit my blog! Would love to see you by! *cheers*

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