Title NO IDEA — LONG POST…

Posted: May 9, 2011 in Abuse, Am I wrong, Angry, Cousins, Decison, Family, London Dreams, Oh my God
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Weekend I was away and had gone to meet my cousin and his wife who have recently got married and trying to settle in UK, They had come with a group of students to do nursing about 5 years ago, got there degrees. got jobs and Settled here. I use to laugh with my cousin cause he was the only male nurse and the house they had hired had 4 girls and him alone.. (oooooh , though he did not like the idea later on ). Slowly as with everything people moved here and there , He fell in love with a girl and two years ago they got married.

But this note is not about them, Now they have a friend lets call her “X” who has been sharing the house with them since the day they all came to uk, before that too in india they were all together, its like family with her now,”X” is educated , completed her degree and has a job in the national health service. Last year her parents decided to get her married… 

As usual a rishta came from a very close relative of a Boy who was Handsome, Good Looking , Very humble, Intelligent blah blah blah , it was as if he lacked nothing, the only thing was he had failed in 10th class exams and had come back from dubai after working as a carpenter. OK no worries I am all for seeing the good , so what if he was uneducated.. what irked me the most was “X”  is educated why did she say yes to the rishta.. I am sure there are enough educated people, I guess the peer pressure and the age-old problem we have the girl is getting older (she is only 26)..  had a lot of influence on the decision.

So she got married every thing fine, the marriage was in india, I did not go to the wedding, she stayed with the guy for 3 weeks before she was to come back for her job, then the process started of getting the guy here to uk, the first time the visa got rejected , so we went for an appeal, thankfully the visa was granted, and in december 2010 the guy came to uk.

For some reason or the other I did not ever meet him as they live about 4 hours drive from where I live.  I am a very outgoing person and I respect my relations a lot ,”X” calls me Veerji as in elder brother and when you know someone for so long they are family, I was looking forward to meeting her husband. 

I reached  my cousin’s house friday late night , went in and as usual I asked the whereabout of this guy, to be told that he has been asked to leave or sent packing more like it for almost a month now .. and then started the stories what this so-called Quiet, handsome, good-looking .. Sau Munda , had been up to. To my horror he was torturing “X”. Since everyone was working odd times he would pick his time .. Torturing her when she was alone…

Asking her for money.. Asking her to get a new house.. so much so demanding here to give the car keys as he wanted to go for a ride.. I was shocked when ever I had called on phone they would say he is very quiet, doesn’t talk much.  NO wonder he did not.  My cousin also got him a job within 3 weeks of him coming here , a DECENT one he was getting around a Thousand pounds a month which is a lot of money in this part of the world.

He even got a Knife out and threatened to kill her or himself and then Hit her too, I MEAN WHAT THE HELL.. I must tell you here I had a fight with”X” why did she not call, the moment he hit for first time she should have called I would have sorted this $%£$%^ like anything, I mean in spite of me asking continuously she could not answer me , as to why was she bearing this for 3 -4 months that he was here all she said was at time she picked the phone or tried sending me a message but never sent it through.

Why would someone bear this,  This left me a bit disturbed what sort of Psycho people are out there who treat another human being like that .. and PLEASE for the sake of GOD all those who will come out with this man woman theory , how woman are not treated equally Please don’t … 

All this had come out a month ago, my cousin had come to visit me with his wife for 6-7 days, things got worse than as “X” was alone at home, so when my cousin returned he was told , He is like me  immediately called the police and the Guy was asked to vacate the house and “X” could accompany him if she wanted to, THANK GOD “X” took a stand that day and refused to go out, she did not want anything to do with this guy so the guy has been sent back to india.

NOW this Guys Mother and sister I can’t tell you what all theories they have come out why their brother has been sent packing.  According to them its all “X” fault she should have adjusted, I mean they are themselves Women don’t they see how their son is, The mother further added that the son did good, she will find another Wife for her precious son.

When told the son hit “X”, the mother replies that its early days once they get to know each other better the son will be fine, “X” should make more effort.

The son had not told his parents he has been asked to leave , he told them he came on his own, so the Mother says he should have stuck it out for 2 more years and divorced “X” once he got permanent residency in UK. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT.. what sort of women is that..

What made me laugh the most this guys mother asking “X” parents to return all the gifts exchanged at the wedding, The sister then says “X” was having an affair with my cousin. 

This went on for 2-3 weeks, now they want “X” to give their son a second chance HELLO, did I hear right.. he lands in UK, I will F____ break his legs, and they want a second chance.. How will they like if their daughter is treated like that by her husband.  Hypocrite people. 

I could see the pressure on “X”, it’s so much, thankfully her parents have left the decision to her and side with her on this, which is again a miracle cause usually parents don’t side. 

Me and “X” had a heart to heart discussion on this, I told her that I support her, given her my phone number in case they don’t stop ringing her from india, But I have this funny feeling peer pressure.  I have told her point-blank that if she gives him a second chance or want to live with the guy then she will have to go on her own. I hope I gave her the correct advice.

It amazes me what people do and what does it mean to get married or about the promises people make to each other ..  I am horrified at the way people think god knows how many people are there who think this way ..

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Comments
  1. These incidents have been happening earlier as well – only now they are coming out, as girls are financially independent these days. Imagine her situation, if she had no job, no security – she could not have even complained about the situation. And your advice to her was right. Absolutely right.

    But we cannot take liberty to comment/ judge such situations, as we (perhaps even to a certain extant – you too) can never know what actually happened. Its best left to the two people involved.

    Destination Infinity

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yeah they have been. Thank you for saying that. I know we cant take the liberty to comment yet she is living with my cousin and his wife and i have met her umpteen times so i sort of know her. And as such even if i dont know what actually happened someone who picks there hand at a lady is not fit to be called a man simple, no one has the right to do it .

      we could have left them alone but who know what this guy would have done … he picked up a knife …

      Like

  2. shilpa says:

    I am damn sure they only got that bastard married to her for the UK citizenship. Tell X to just divorce that guy and not let him make a comeback in her life. She is educated, Independent girl and she can find some who respects her. I know she must be sad and confused at this time but that guy doesn’t deserve her. I just don’t understand why did she not report against him the very first time he hit her. What was she thinking? Was she living in a belief that its a Ekta Kapoor’s brand daily soap and he would finally be turned into a perfect husband? I am sorry for being rude but it just makes me so damn angry I want to kick the ass of that animal. If She was in India then I could have understood why she gave in as I know how things happen here, I have seen several girls taking some silly decisions like this one but she is in UK and one legal complaint against him for the very first time he hit her could have saved her from all this nonsense unlike India where even the cops turn into messengers of chauvinism and try to raffa-daffa the matter and suggest the girl to adjust a bit.
    I also fail to understand that why do even the parents pressurize their daughters to get married to just any man who doesn’t even deserve her just because she is getting “old”( is 26 old? ) or because her younger cousins are getting married at all that nonsense logics. And that’s why they want to get her married as soon as possible to any guy they find and finish it off. Dear such parents, if you are so concerned about your daughter’s life then why don’t you understand that marriage is a serious decision and it effects her whole life and therefore stop “finishing it off” by marrying her to a worthless pile of shit.

    P.S. I apologise for usage of foul words but I am too damn angry.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      No need to apologise I had much better words for this guy.
      and I have told X to do it, we have already rung up the Imigration and got the Visa that he had got cancelled, so he cant come back to UK till he rapplies and Soon get the paper work also sorted.

      Thats what she said when i asked WHy did she not ring me she said she wanted to but she thought it might work out.. not till he got the knife out .. I mean I wonder if she was alone with him , he might have killed her ..

      I am most astonished at the parents of the guy especially his mother and sister they are women dont htey know themselves …

      It makes you angry imagine what i felt when i reached there house and was joking with her, that i am going ot stand at the door with my arm around her when her hubby walks in and see the look on his face finding a man with his wife, I was joking all the time and then she told me this …
      My cousin told me thats the reason they did not tell me cause i would have reached and this guy would have been history .. simple … I got three more brothers in UK.. and they would have come the moment i called ..

      No need ot apologise Shilpa.

      Like

  3. Ria says:

    It is totally disgusting to see the families of such men support them! I mean how can u b so blind to it, just bcoz he’s ur son..he can do no wrong! I am really happy that X has someone like u as a bro…she needs ppl like u to support her so that she comes out of this as soon as possible. U r a really good man. 🙂

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      It indeed is, I was totally disgusted talking to his guys mother I mean HOW CAN YOU, you got a daughter yourself who you will be marrying off , what if this happens to her wil she say the same thing to her son in law. Thanks Ria, I am sure she will be able ot come out , we are all here for her for sure

      Like

  4. Rama says:

    Your advice was right. If she still allows him to stay with her, then sadly you have to wash your hands off the matter. We can help only so much, we can’t run their lives. If she has some sense she would have nothing to do with him

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Well yeah she knows that , moreover I have told her that if she decides that then she will have to move into her own house she cant be a house mate in my cousins house, I would not want such a idiot man in my house. lets hope she has some sense ..
      THanks for agreeing with what i said.

      Like

  5. ladynimue says:

    I am speechless .. What to say more ?
    I wonder wat would actually give the girls the courage to make a stand !
    I had trouble breaking ym engagement cause i did not want any one to say i decided in haste ..
    but often i used to wonder how to convince others am not wrong ..
    There is a huge gap when it comes to girls beleiving them to be correct and to make a correct stand .. God bless your friend !

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Exactly my feelings. when i reached the house i was thinking of playing a prank on this guy, and we did all we could do welcome him to uk, got him a job even with word of mouth, taking a favour from a friend.
      Well end of the day if you did not want or were not happy then its good to part.
      thank you for the wishes …

      Like

  6. Smitha says:

    OMIGOD! How can people like this exist! You gave her the right advice. She knows that she can turn to you. Lets hope she takes the right option. It makes no sense to give that man a second chance! He will just make her life miserable and who knows what else!

    I hope X manages to get out of this marriage and lead a happy life. She sure deserves it after all this!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes , this was another reason why i did not call you 🙂

      I hope she knows now that she can turn to me, I mean I ma jsut 3 hours drive and i told her that. I hope so too that she takes the right decision.

      YEah we will do that , alread told the immigration and got he visa cancellend next line of action is file the papers …

      Like

  7. Chhavi says:

    Well, you gave the right advice, Bikram. There are certain people in this world who do not deserve a second chance and X’s husband is one of them. It’s a pity that such things happen to good people 😦

    Like

  8. Rajlakshmi says:

    gosh this is outrageous …!!!
    Please make X divorce that guy!!! he will definitely ruin her life if nt already done 😦
    this is sick … a girl works hard, makes a living in a foreign land and it all takes a ‘decent’ man to ruin it for her … I am so glad that u r there for her.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      yes it is. Well I cant force the girl to do it , all i can do is advice her end of the day its her choice

      well when and if she divorces the guy then I am sure she will meet someone better , yeah you are right she has worked hard , saved up her money , and will you believe thsi that it was she who paid for all the visa fees and other things his tickets to come to uk, his parents did nothing. And what hilarious is that she paid for the ticket on which he went back ot india ..

      such is the mentality of people

      Like

  9. Punam says:

    You have left me in tears, Bikram.

    Like

  10. Comfy says:

    The Mom of that guy got me mad. Are you kidding me?

    I hope ‘X’ stands strong and gets rid of the guy for good. People don’t change in that very basic way so he *will* do al of this again.

    Glad you were around to give her advise and she has support from people around her.

    Like

  11. bedazzled says:

    Reading it left my blood boiling.. You guys have every right to be this indignant. Hope X is able to put her past behind and start over again.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you , It made me mad to when i came to know, if she was my own sister she would have got a slap for not telling me for 3 months and keeping it all hidden. Now she has been told to ring me immideately I am jsut 3 hours drive away

      Like

  12. insignia says:

    The sooner your friend disposes his relationship off the better.

    Like

  13. pujathakur says:

    The first time is the BEST time to get out of abuse… If you let it happen the first time, the probability of sticking around with that beast is more (you = the victim)…

    I hope the girl has the courage to come out of it.. She is lucky to have a good friend like you around.. I am sure she would be able to make it…

    Take care..

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yeah you are right, as they say a abuser will always abuse again.. I hope so too she finds courage with the fact that her family in india is with her, and here too she has people around who are standing with her.

      Like

  14. bhagyareema says:

    IT HAPPENS. And its common knowledge that women don’t support women. Nothing new or uncommon. The only way out is the abused take a stand, there is no other way out

    Like

  15. Chatterbox says:

    “The person who hits you once will surely hit you another time.” That rule holds true for all forms of abuse.

    The boy’s family is both shocking and disgusting 😡

    I am glad X has supportive people like you at this very difficult hour, I hope she takes the right decision,for she deserves the best in life.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes cb what you say is very right. Well yeah the family is such a bad one, and its not jsut there you will be astonished to know there are a lot of indian wonen here in uk who suffer this abuse and its always the Women back home in india who keep up tightening the screws of there son or brother .. which makes me so mad, people go on about how women are abused yes they are but look at who the perpetrators are … the real people behind …

      I do hope she takes the right choice. and she is such a beautiful girl… pity this had to happen.

      Like

  16. b k chowla says:

    It is very disturbing. But, times are changing and changing fast becuase the girls are taking their educatiuon, economic independence seriously

    Like

  17. Banupriya says:

    Does these things happen till today? And in a much higher part of the society where you live. Have the so called guy’s families still not changed in India. Whenever I listen to such things, Again reminded of how cruel parents and grooms can be. Dont they have hearts? Dont they ahve a thing called conscience? Just sending back to India is not enough. He should be punished and put inside the bars for acting violently. And his name ought to be published in the dailies saying what he has done so that his mother dont go in spoiling another girl’s life. What right he has to torture a female? And on top of it his mother has taken oath to marry him again? Bloody hell ! Such mothers should be given counselling sessions.

    I wish the X girl lots of strength to forego and forget the pain she had endured the 3 months and move on so fast in life. And please dont let her take the decision of takign that guy again in her life. I wish she dont do that. Thankfully her parents are with her side and kind people like you around her. Ask her to immediately apply for the divorce before she change her mind.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes they do and in abundance, this is not one case it is up here cause i know the girl, whereas there are so many which go unnoticed. and even though the society is high here yet the INDIAN MENTALITY is there how can we get rid of that one, very hard …
      yepp parents cant be that what makes me mad is they have a daughter of there own .. God unwilling if this happneded to her would she do the same to the son in law.

      Well I did not know about this whole incident , had i known than I can promise u one thing he would not JUST have gone to india, well atleast not on his own feet, I know one thing and i am quiet VERY good at it , breaking his legs no matter what or who he is…

      I dont know what sort of law is in indiaa been out of india for a long time so dont know.
      I can try my best not to let her do the silly thing again but then cant force her. yeah we are filing the papers… Thank you so much.

      Like

  18. Smita says:

    It is totally beyond me that why did the girl agree to marry that guy in the first place? She is well educated and is living in a society which isn’t as suffocating as Indian society can be and 26 is no age to compromise.

    You advice is the most sound one & I hope & wish that the girl doean’t give away to pressure the 2nd time round. As far as the reaction of her MIL is concerned, well in India the sun & moon rises with the Son! He can not do anything wrong!!!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yeah My question exactly , why did she , i guess parent pressure , the boy is good this and that and good looking blah blah. I know what you say.
      I wish too that she makes a good decision. yepp the MIL’s reaction is appaling…

      Like

  19. Phoenixritu says:

    If she takes him back, she is finished. I am sure of that. She must not. Earlier women could be bullied since they were not financially independent. As far as the family of her husband is concerned, he must have told them lies. And then their loyalties lie with their son/brother. Please tell your cousin to be strong and hold out. Their is no need to suffer abuse just to stay married.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Haanji ritu bhen , Iknow what you are saying, I hope she makes the right decision. I know for myself that if i see that guy he will not have his legs to stand up on, uk or india .. i dont give a damn about the law in such matters. yes no need to suffer abuse.

      Like

  20. kavita says:

    Very sad .I am glad that she was able to stand up against him .She is lucky to have a ‘veerji’ like you Bikram.God Bless .

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much for the wishes, nothing to do with me , I only advised and what i did Anyone would have done it.
      she did what she could i guess took it for 3 months..

      Like

  21. manchitra says:

    These kind of things happen in educated lot also. Why she kept quiet? is one questions that comes to my mind. remember I had written a similar story . They are uneducated people and kept mum. This girl should have taken things lying down. It is one way of encouraging the perpetrators

    Like

    • I hope X has the courage to walk out. I am sure the a**h*** will hit her again once he finishes with his “I am sooo sorry” act…

      Like

    • Bikram says:

      This happens everywhere educated or not educated.. She kept quiet according to her cause she thought it was the change in places , coming from india, getting used to the new place etc, It was hilarious to know that this guy came from work at 9:15PM and he had ordered her that his Food needs to be on the TABLE dot at 9:30pm hot.. I found it weird when i came ot know but i thought that between him and her.. never thought he was forcing her like that …

      Like

  22. Ashwathy says:

    The things people do in their desperation to get married!!! Sheesh! 😐
    Why dont ppl marry for the right reasons (settling down with the person they KNOW they want to spend the rest of their life with, becoz of mutual compatibility, love and respect) rather the wrong reasons (getting old, peer pressure, family pressure etc.)

    I wonder what made the girl decide on this guy? I’m sure there may have been other fish in the sea available….
    Anyway all said and done.

    Proud to know u Bikram 🙂 You are an awesome bro and she’s lucky to have you….
    All the same time, be gentle with her…
    People are at times blinded by love, societal pressure etc. and take decisions that they normally would not take with their logical mind. She may have her reasons, stupid as they seem. It maybe frustrating…but talk to her and make her understand. Just let her know you are there for her (which anyway you are). She needs to have the confidence to chuck it up.

    She’s gonna be fine, nothing’s gonna happen to her. She’s educated, independent, working in the UK…. and maybe in time she will eventually find the one she wants to be with. If not, the world’s not gonna end either way.

    Shilpa has already said everything I wanted to say…..

    I hope ur friend makes the right choice….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes i know, well i am sure the right reasons are no more there as there is always some sort of hidden agenda behind the tie up.
      what made the girl well her parents liked the boy and it was the husband of her elder sister who proposed the arrangement, so you see …

      Thank you so much for saying that but i am sure this doesnot make me special or anything i am sure anyone would do the same thing what i have written.
      I do take what you have said .. oh yes love is blind I KNOw, who better to know but me , I know it first hand …

      Yes in time god willing she will find someone good .. she is a brave girl i am sure she will walk tall.

      Like

  23. Made my blood boil. But I still say, thanks for writing this. At least people should be aware of such things!

    Like

  24. Kamikaze says:

    peer pressure is one thing i have never subscribed to and never will. A very good word of advice you gave her. baaki….you wrote ‘Title I have no idea ‘ on my post – coincidence?! 😉

    Like

  25. Shilpa Garg says:

    Shocking and disgusting!! God, when will we come out of these medieval mindsets!!

    Like

  26. On one hand they say X was having an affair with her cousin, and then they still want their son to be given a second chance, they want their son to live with a woman who has been (they claim) cheating on him? I hope X doesn’t take him back.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      yepp strange is it not , they are not calling saying the boy made a mistake and she should take him back and he will start to behave :).

      I hope so too that she doesnot take him back ..

      Like

  27. Tanvi says:

    Terrible how people think now a days… this write up shook me…ohhh i am scared of people out there in the world… Good post!

    Like

  28. IRFANUDDIN says:

    well.. it is bad really, and so many things have been already said here about it in the comments…
    but i must appreciate your approach in the whole episode, you see these things are very common in our society even today, but normally ppl dont bother seeing these….,

    its the effected girl n their near ones who suffer n do what ever they can, but if we start doing the way you are doing, giving full support to that girl…its much appreciated….
    it shows you as a person, how nice you are…. REALLY….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Irfaan sir, thank you for saying that. yes it is.

      🙂 Thank you for that I am sure there are umpteen people who will think otherwise tooo about me …

      Like

  29. tomsgreenery says:

    Indeed a very long post..how do u manage to write such lengthy emotional posts daily?

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes I know a long post , sorry .. but i had so much to say about it .. and daily kahan .. 🙂 i will make sure not to write so long again he he hee

      Like

  30. Hippocratic society is what I wonder about all the time.. I wish that we could move forward and over all these stupid things.. Marriages are sacred, thus second chances are given, but if marriage is so scared then why is it that they abuse it in the first place??

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes Hippocratic society, but then we all are the same way in some situation or other, We say one thing and do the other often.

      marriages are sacred true but nowadays it has lost the charm especially in the new generation where they Love some else, thinking of some else , and want to be with entirely sombody else.. relation dont mean anything these days …

      I understand what you are saying so true

      Like

  31. I can so believe this story, I hope X is able to take a wise decision. Your advise is right. I feel the basic nature of a human can’t be changed, I feel she shouldn’t feel stressed..its better to live alone than being with this guy..

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes we hope so too she does the right thing. yeah basic nature cant be changed that remains always .. she is fine she has me , my cousin and his wife .. thank you.

      Like

  32. Sapna says:

    OMG! I would have brushed it as yet another incident had it happened in India. But this one is with a educated nurse working abroad in UK for the past few years. Shocking!!

    Reg Reactions from Boys family: expected.. sick nevertheless true. Most people cannot believe that the guy culd be at fault. u know Girls need to adjust and all that theory

    Anyway you advised very aptly.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Uk also has the same INDIANS, as someone mentioned basic nature doesnot change , we might be in uk but the basic INDIAN mentality is always there .

      It is expected from boys side but coming from her mum and sis that to me is more schocking.. girls need to adjsut yes she did .. she worked hard to have a house here even if it was on rent..

      Thanks I hope she takes my advice now .. i cant force her

      Like

  33. A says:

    X made the right decision and you did the right think Bikram

    Like

  34. harman says:

    disgusting …..its very sad!it happened in our family too…
    the piece of advice you gave her was very good..and that *#$%^ needs to be sorted out ….I pity these moms ..who spoil their ..kids and end up spoiling their life too!
    “girls need to adjust”
    yes…But boys should be given left right and center before that! Ass holes!!!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes disgusting sad and what not.. he will be sorted out for sure .. if X goes on to file the papers then setp/oct we will be going to india.. andthis guy will feel my leg up his arse for sure …

      Adjust is for both not jsut girls . both need ot adjust for each other and no harm in that .. thats what life is when we are living together …

      I mean when i had some lodgers living in my house I had to adjsut for them .. and this is a marriage …

      Like

  35. Pepper says:

    Please let me know how this saga ended. This is beyond maddening..

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Well I can tell you right now If X files the paper then this will end with me breaking this guys legs, or if he manages ot come here then too.. But if X want to give him a second chance then she has to make a choice to live with him … i know it sounds harsh but i dont want to live with such a thrid grade human being … which i have made clear to X.

      Like

  36. dp says:

    oops…hmm
    looks like such incidents happen all over…
    and no isolated happenings either…

    unless they are books and fined and fined harshly such things will continue to be nightmares for many more girls and families…

    (long post by the way 😛 as u mention)

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      yes they do … which is a pity.. but then girls need to be stronger and at first sign instead of sitting over it for 3 months shud come out with it and the girls family the parents and brothers need to support there sis, I mean she is not my real sis but i treat her as one …

      sorry about the long post 🙂

      Like

  37. Rang says:

    I just wish and hope that things become all right soon for everybody.

    Like

  38. Deeps says:

    This is horrific! Cant imagine what all that poor girl must have had to go through because of that creep. And some nerve his mother & sister had to put the blame on that girl and ask her to give him a second chance. Rubbish!

    You gave her the correct advice. I hope she takes your advice and stays away from him. Hope she finds enough courage to put this horrible experience behind and come out stronger.

    And BTW, you said this was a long post, really??? 😀

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      YEs it is , thats exactly what i asked 3-4 months WHY..
      I hope so too that she takes the advice, rest is upto her.. she is a strong girl and i am sure she will be able ot put it behind her…

      Well I thought this was long, and a few have said its long … 🙂

      Like

  39. Alka says:

    Very unfortunate. At least u r there as a friend. Hope people learn lessons from this story.

    Like

  40. Purbaray says:

    Why did you write X, why not his name with his photograph. Such sorry specimens should be exposed. And yes, you gave her the right advice. Makes you wonder why she put with this jerk for so long!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hmm Purba you got it wrong, X is the name for the girl i chose .. not his name .

      Yeah i aree with you and when and if X does file divorce papers I will definitely put the name and pictures tooo , I dont shy away from anything 🙂
      Exactly my thoughts why she carried on and that too so discreetly did not even let other know in the house …

      Like

  41. Ruchira says:

    WTF really WTF !!
    I am enraged about two things – X marrying him inspite of knowing the difference in education and backgrounds – girls still get pressurized to get married, dotn they !! and Second about the attitude of this guy and his family – I can bet anything that he simply married her so that he could go to UK. Oh this is so maddening !

    Like

    • shail says:

      @Ruchira, and the mother wanting her son to have stayed two more years to get permanent residency and then divorce her! How blatantly parasitic!

      Like

      • Bikram says:

        its not jsut this .. this has become a trend now and a lot of boys and girls are doing it .. i have a post rready will put it up WHAT is going on and you will be horrified .. at what people are doing and to what a low level …

        Like

    • Bikram says:

      yes Really WTF.. big bold letter …
      Well in india i guess its still thought that children expecially girls will not question parents choice..
      yes true the attitude sucks big time, and I thought this was such a good man who was quiet and decent and kept to himself .. blimey what a idiot i was when i came ot know the real him.. I jsut wished that I had come ot know about this earlier and not now ..

      it does look like that now .. he simply married to come ot uk and get that VISA.. and its not just he.. loads do it

      Like

  42. shail says:

    Biks, you know I am not of this generation. But when I got married, I was sure about one thing. No one was going to lay a finger on me. If they did it was going to be ta-ta and buh-bye time for me I would walk out of the marriage, I was determined. Not only that I won’t stand for verbal abuse either.
    Anyways I never had to face any of those. But I have never understood the levels to which some women stoop (of course they must be a psychologically troubled lot who don’t have self-esteem). Some people I know are earning so much that they can go live by themselves (I am not by the way since I am a homemaker) and yet, they continue staying in abusive relationships! They listen to verbal abuse and some give back as good as they get too.
    My philosophy in life is different. WHAT need is there for two adults to fight?? If we cannot get along, we can always talk and set things right. So i don’t agree with all this verbal abuse bulls*** either. Anyways I am amazed at what all people take to keep a relationship going!
    I like the way you write straight from your heart! 🙂 I hope your friend gets her act together and it is good riddance of the bad rubbish that was around her.

    Like

    • shail says:

      **But I have never understood the levels to which some women stoop to keep a relationship going.

      Like

    • Bikram says:

      Haanji Shail I totally understand and beleive that NO ONE has theright ot hit any one , who soever they are … you made th right choice I mean arguments fights happen between couples , friends but we dont start to hit each other …

      glad to know that your hubby is not like that .. yeah i cant understand in my job i have seen so many women, who are in such a relation thye will call the police , the polcie will take the husband and then when it comes ot giving a statement women take a back step OH I LOVE HIM… well if they cant help themselves then how can anyone else help them …

      Thank you I write what i feel simple rule good or bad i dont care 🙂 Thank you so much and yeah i hope she gets her act together..

      Like

  43. Mysoul says:

    Quite a common happening…I second Shailji…its what I had decided when I married too..NO ONE will lay their hands on me without my explicit permission or get away with verbal abuse. I will walk and wont be turning back the first time it happens. In this aspect, I refuse to rely on crap like Adjusting, Forgiveness and second chances.

    I cant speak for other women’s reasons for staying…but I do get a glimpse of their Fear of ” If I leave, What will people say?” “Why will happen to my children?” “How will I live Alone?” “It will hurt my parents/children” etc. I understand that is a big deal but I think in the long run it is better to live alone than take BS from people.

    I hope your Friend did what was right for her.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes common it is , If a couple behave like adults then there is no reason to hit or pick there hand for anything .
      yeah that fear is ther ,what will they thingk of me , waht will they think of parents .. and all that bullocks where are those people now who we think will say bad about us none of them are around to support us now ..
      I dont beleive in people ..

      I hope so to she did right and does right …

      Like

    • Bikram says:

      Welcome ot this blog.. thanks for visiting do keep coming please ….

      Like

  44. Pixie says:

    sigh… the only good thing in all this is “X” finally had the courage to take a stance…
    that’s a huge step.. encourage her to divorce this guy!

    Kudos to you and your cousin for helping her, for calling the police – this kind of support is imp and encourages the person to be courageous as well 🙂

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes pixie she did good in taking a stand and told us , and then stood by our decision when we asked the guy to leave immediately.. we asked X too but she said she wants him out.. and OUT he went and next day was on a plane back ot india… His good luck he did not get his legs broken which i am now repenting.

      Thank you.

      Like

  45. blommer22 says:

    So sad to read this. 😦

    Get to know more is good before deciding to start something further like marriage.

    Like

  46. R's Mom says:

    Hopped over here from IHM!

    God! I dont believe that guy…and the mom and sister..how can they do this to another woman…crazy freaks

    Glad your friend is safe…I hope she recovers emotionally also..it must be so so difficult for her…pass on my hugs please and ask her to STAY AWAY from that guy

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much for Hopping over.. do keep hopping over please 🙂

      exactly how can they do to someone when there own daughter is at home and has to be married yet ..

      she is a srong girl I am sure she will be fine and I will surly pass the hugs and wishes to her..

      here was I making a joke ot her that I will hug he in front of her husband ot make him jealus and i did not know what sort of a man he was pathetic.. people

      Like

      • Punam says:

        Sadly, no matter what, bahu is a bahu is a bahu and beti is a different person to be treated specially in special ways – for them, it doesn’t matter that they got a daughter who could possibly go through similar situations in life as someone else’s bahu – they dont understand the circle of life, Bikram.

        Like

        • Bikram says:

          yepp i know what you say its always a different story for a Bahu and a daughter .. as is shown in this case …

          Yeah they dont understand the circle but then the circle of life is funny it comes out and bite your butt 🙂

          Like

  47. Radha says:

    You did give her the right advice. I hope she does not give in and get him back in her life.

    Like

  48. DI says:

    That was a sad story. And what is sadder that this is not an unknown or an infrequent thing, so many women face such torture, and are expected to ‘adjust’. In this case , coming out and saying the truth was brave on part of X, because staying far away, in another country, without much support around can make a person think against bringing up any conflict.
    The advise you gave was perfect. And there is no question of these people ‘changing’ for the better.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy look who is here 🙂 wlecome welcome …

      Yes it is a sad stroy, wish it was the other way round I was going to meet this guy for the first time … as i could not go to the wedding.
      I dont know myself why she faced and she is a strong girl… but she did come out good for her… exactly as such we are all alone and depend on each other out here and then this happens instead of coming and supprting his wife and starting a new life a happy life this is what he did …

      Thank you.

      Like

  49. chandni says:

    you indeed gave her the right advice.

    With women getting educated, holding jobs, they still end up selling themselves short. And that angers me. The old generation might still expect women to “adjust” etc, but really, women of today should know better and take a stand for their lives. We get married to have a partner to walk alonside, build a happy home….not to get abused and tortured!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Welcome here , thank you for visiting .. Please do keep visitng ..

      Yeah i know thats what needs changing the mentality to bow down needs to change. Yes one should treat the other as they want to be treated themselves … No one deserves to be abused or anything …

      Like

  50. Bharti says:

    Landed here from Smitha’s blog. I see you “first” every where 🙂

    What life some women have…inspite of being so much more stringer they have to bear all this. ‘Adjust’ is infused in us females like blood.

    I am so glad it ended ..and you surely gave the right advice. There is no way this man should be allowed anywhere near her.
    BTW, i have heard a similar story here too. And the aim was plain and simple – moving here, getting visa and then divorcing. What a shame!!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you, First I try I try .. and nooooooo I only seem to be first on Smitha’s blog… he he he

      Well its not about what like some woman have , its what they make of it, when you are abused first time , its time to take a stand THEN.. and most of the time it stops there but when we let it go and then take a stand at 2nd or 5th or whenever time then its no use because the other thinks She/he did not speak then why now , which makes him/her more angry and thats when things go more wrong, so best is t ospeak up or tell someone who can have a word …

      Well I have made myself clear on this , if she wants him back then she needs to move out, I dont want my cousin and bhabhi to witness this abuse and all … and now that they are having a baby it is not advisable t have such a man in the same house.. I can only say that and then stand by X , but end of the day she id educated and can make her own decisions .. rest is upto her…

      Yeah its is a common story nowadays and you havenot heard another one .. look out for my next post you will be shocked

      Like

  51. sangeeta says:

    This is horrifying…such people get very nice and humble when they are in talks for a marriage and then come the true colors…it is sad that girls have to compromise so much just to get married following the social norms..
    I hope this girl takes the right decision…before it is too late.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes it is. yepp and we were all praise for this guy he is so good looking , so quiet , listens to all, doesnot speak in front .. YES Cause he was doing all this behind closed DOORS …

      I hope so too she takes the right decision …

      Like

  52. Shobha says:

    All this is true and still is happening everywhere. It is a pity that a woman, being a woman, fails to understand the torture of another woman and advises her to adjust in life and put up with everything, consoling her that things will be all right soon. Thank God these days the women are atleast educated and can take up a job and not think twice before getting CHUTKARA from such cruel husbands. Earlier they had no choice but to put up with everything as they were dependent on them for everything.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      It does happen yes. This is what makes me mad, people go on how women is mistreated this nad that.. But they dont see that most of the times its a Woman who is behind the man be it her son-brother-husband who are abusing the other woman. Why dont they stop them ..

      Yeah they are educated and all but they still make the same mistakes …

      Like

  53. Shas says:

    Horrifying and sad. Made me feel so sick inside. Domestic violence is very much there but women refuse to speak up. They go on bearing it thinking that some fine day some reason will prevail on the man and he will repair his ways.
    X is lucky to have a friend and brother in you who is all out there to support emotionally and in lot other ways. Such a support is lacking in lot other cases. Its high time women stood up for themselves rather than bear it silently.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes it is .. domestic voilense is at the rise and its not just women but men-women suffer from it ..

      Thank you for saying that I jsut gave her the advice that I would do to my real sister if she was in the same position. yes indeed high time …

      Like

  54. Homecooked says:

    That is so sad! You gave her good advice. Keep calling her often and keep supporting her. I pray she doesnt go back to him!

    Like

  55. Ajay says:

    Sad paaji, you gave the right advice, Expected from you. But Gussa nahin karna can i say something , its high time you stop interfering in others business…

    People forget who helped or who was with them in time of need.. and you are you..

    Baaki theek hai such men should be caught hold of and given a nice hiding .. Chaliye paaji India 🙂

    Like

    • Punam says:

      hey ho, wrong advice. 🙂

      Like

    • Bikram says:

      ajay calm down i know people forget but good people dont.. they remeber moreover i did not give her advice so she remmebers me , I am sure if you had been in the same position you would have said the same thing toooo 🙂

      India vi challange .. sept/oct what say 🙂

      Like

  56. suruchi says:

    hi biky…you gave her the right advice,as always..the sooner one gets out of an abusive relation, the better…coz sometimes one gets kinda habitual of suffering silently.

    although when u mentioned why someone would agree to marry a guy less educated than her…i almost disagreed there…education adds to the value of a person, just as lack of education does not diminish him.

    however in this case he turned out to be a jerk!
    i hope X finally manages the courage to let go of such sad burdens!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much, you know every time you come you halways have something nice to say me , Thank you .. all your visits are a boost to my ego…

      yes One shud speak up first time else we get used to it as with everything else … I know I know what you say about education or not .. But I do feel if there is too much gap then also sometimes thigns dont work out .. Sorry if it sounded a bit wrong .. I do understand what you say …

      I hope so too she gets over it 🙂 thank you

      Like

  57. Jzt4me says:

    Uhm…so similar to the issues one of my cousin facing and one of my friend faced….In my cousin’s case, atleast her perseverence is now being paid off, I suppose…the guy has changed immensely now a days…but then rest of the family doesnt wanna trust him..as they feel, maybe he has some inner motive…

    In a close knit family system…marriages are always decided by parents..and being a good daughter, we might just end up with any Tom, Dick and Harry…rest u leave it ur fate or luck…uhmm…

    Anyways, u gave the exact advice that I gave to my friend…and she decided to walk out of that psycho…hmm

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      YEah i know X was also sot of put into this relation by one of a very close relative.. and she trusted there decision.. but never mind not veyr late… she hopefully will know what to do and do the right thing…

      Like

  58. Purva says:

    I wonder why we dont take decisions for ourselves. I mean a girl will be so particular about what she wants to wear, which shade of lipstick she wants and blah blah.. and for marriage she trusts others 😦
    Pity!
    I think ur sister should remain strong! Life is not life when there is abuse of any form!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      I totally agree with you , why do we not take the decision ourself.

      I hope so too that she stays strong and does the righ thing , we are with her all the way .. thank you….

      Like

  59. stranger says:

    I was working too hard past couple of weeks so coming back now to check on older posts. I was horrified reading about X. A similar story is happening with my ex student and I only hope the guy doesnot turn out like X’s husband…

    Guys like that should be given a good trashing so that they never forget the lesson… Good that you stood by her side. Sometimes all they need is some support and encouragement to get rid of such parasites…

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hmmm no worries .. I hope what ever you were busy in is completed now. YEah it is a sad story … he escaped the thrashing which i regret … Thank you for saying i did the right thing …

      Like

  60. Deboshree says:

    To hell with such people. They make me forget God made this world and made love and understanding and warmth. I wonder how such people live with themselves. I am glad you are there for support… I hope things work out.

    Like

  61. UmaS says:

    I am glad u gave her some good advice and I sincerely hope that she takes it….

    Why dont ppl understand that its not worth living with a person, who is abusing her ??? What sort of adjustment can clear this off ???

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hmmm Thank you Uma for saying that.. Yes I hope so too that she does take the advice but its upto her ..
      exactly why should she be adjsuting he came over, he shud adjust tooo.. works both ways….

      Like

  62. Anuradha says:

    Hmm we have moved ahead in many things but still somethings hasn’t changed… Feel bad for her but then it was her decision and she voluntarily hit the axe on her leg.. though its not a guarantee that had the guy been educated he wouldn’t have done the same…. I see here guys earning handsome amount well educated do the same.. Don’t know what education/society or anything teaches them… weirs but sometimes its scary to be in society or among people

    nice post 🙂

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      I know we have moved forward but as you said things dont change that much… I guess she was under the duress of her parents and all.
      I can understand that indeed had he been educated he might have done the same thing again…

      Thank you ..

      Like

  63. […] PAY for putting them into hell, 30000 girls are in that hell , maybe more who have not reported.  I remember writing a post when something like this happened  marriage has becoming business, I have so many stories to tell. The lure of coming abroad is […]

    Like

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