How do we know

Posted: March 8, 2011 in What the F__, What's, Why
Tags: , , ,

Another of those weird things that come to mind, been continuously asking myself the question on

How de we know we have friends ?   
 Are the people who talk to us , or chat with us our friends, I have been blogging for almost a year now , so many people have come to my space , written a few things , we have talked to each other , I have had email conversations , talked on GTalk and other messenger tools , Some I talk to regularly .. Some have indeed become very good friends But the question that comes to mind a lot of times is are we all really good friends.

Do you know when i am sad or happy or what is going on in my life, I bet a few will be nodding there heads that yeah they know.. but I am not talking of YOU .. So stop nodding and think.. I usually dont make friends easy, but when i do , I try to keep it and would do anything for a friend.

Dont take me wrong I have made so many friends via my blog, who have helped me when i was down, To some i even owe my life for being there and holding me up..

I have had some good laughs with all, but the question that comes to my mind is HOW DO WE KNOW that we are friends , does this coming to the blog, leaving a comment show we are friends.

Most of you who have chatted with me will know I am sort of fool , who thinks from the heart first rather than mind, which by the way I HATE IN MYSELF wish and please pray that I become clever please please

Why do we make relations ?

Second question that comes to mind all the time is why do we make a relation especially when we know we will not be honouring it. I mean do we actually realise that if we lead on someone we might actually be hurting them.

Why do we rush to make a relation at the drop of a hat and then break it at the next drop of hat ?

 Do we actually respect the relation that we make or do we jsut do it for the sake of it , To me Friendship is a Relation so when you say Oh we are friends Do you mean it OR is it jsut way of the talk..

What is the terminology of good friends ?

Who is a good friend, dont we have to be a good human being to be a good friend.  In my small life i have had a lot of experiences good and bad , I can vouch for one thing that even if i am able to change the past I will not want to change anything, I have had a good life so many people have touched my life and I am happy and fine with all that has happened..

It has Made me Wiser well so I think .. time will prove 🙂

When people break or move away then WHY ?

Why do they start moaning and cribbing oh how much i miss that person, and how a few things in life reminds them of what use to be.. WELL IF IT DOES REMIND YOU THEN WHY DONT YOU TAKE THE FIRST STEP AND GO BACK...  Otherwise stop writing such useless and stupid notes and thinking like that.. first you play a game with someone’s emotions , drop them like a nobody then write such stuff , Who you trying to make a fool again.

oops a lots of Why’s…..

I recently had a very good experience that sort of made me ask these questions , I am not sure if others also feel the same way as I do.  Does it make me a fool if I accept and think of you as a GOOD FRIEND when you say we are friends .. or should I be suspicious and give it a lot of thought before opening up.

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Comments
  1. Chhavi says:

    Bikram! You have asked a lot of questions in a single post. People go through these phases. I have been through them too.
    To answer your first question: It is important for a person to be worldly wise. You must think twice before you trust someone enough to call him your friend. But at the same time we must not forget that being skeptical about everything and everyone will not do you any good. You must have faith. Some of your “friends” may end up betraying you. But that should not deter you from making new ones.
    About being in a relationship: We make relationships because we need someone to share our lives with. And yes its a long term commitment and that stands true for any sort of relationship. So once you enter into a relationship you must try your level best to honour it.
    Lastly, there is no harm in thinking from your heart. Its a combination of both, your heart and your mind, which will help you make the right decision.
    And as I have stated earlier, I am pretty sure you are very wise. 🙂

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you Chhavi for taking time to read this post. I understand people go through this a lot, Sorry to hear that you too been in such situations.
      Yes worldly wise is important I am slowly understanding this the hard way, I take all at facevalue if someone says we are friends Then to me we are friends maybe thats what is wrong ..
      Haanji i know what u say wrong things should not deter me in making new ones ..

      Yepp i totally vouch for that that one shud do there utmost to honour the relation that has been made..

      Well I am thankful that you think I am wise lets see where all this takes me in my life… Thank you for the reply

      Like

  2. Sakshi says:

    Hi Bikram,
    In life we have all kinds of experiences and meet all sort of people. Some of them become good friends an then break your trust and sometimes, in strangers you find best of friends! And all ‘Whys’ do not have an answer!
    But friendship sure is a relation that is bound by our decisions and our own perceptions and unlike love does not come with high maintenance!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hi sakshi.. YEah i have so found that sometimes strangers become best friends and I have experienced that when a complete stranger out of the blue is now part of family, She helped me when i was at my lowest , so you are so very right.
      Haanji i can understand all WHY’s dont have answers ..

      hmmm I know i too beleive in friendship a lot… and thankfully by the grace of god i have made some lovely friends ..

      thank you.

      Like

  3. Rang says:

    Hi Bikram, fist, I want to say, what a nice post. Each and every query you have put down reveals you as a person and trust me after reading this it only takes me to the human you are. Full of feelings and emotions. These questions come to your mind because you value these things and your mind and heart makes you think about it because your personality demands that. A person to whom the relations, emotions and people matter will always have his expressions directed to what you are on to.

    The post left me with a nice feeling and an innocent smile which your innocent expression has passed.

    Answers! You will find your own with time 🙂

    Take care.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much for saying that.
      Well thats what we are Humans with emotions and feelings if we keep them inside or not have them then we will loose the basic need to be a Human. 🙂

      Thank you, you have made my day and i am glad you had a smile on ur face.. cause i was thinking I hope i have not written something rude etc in the post ..

      I hope i find my answers .. You take care to and keep visiting its always great to read comments from everyone …
      Thanks

      Like

  4. I think the first question should have been why do we need friends and the answer would be – because we couldn’t choose our relatives 🙂

    Jokes aside, here are my answers:

    1. We know when we go through difficult times, when the whole world might seem to be against us and we feel we have no one to turn to. A true friend will stad by you, even though she might not like what you have done or said, will lend you a shoulder without being sanctimonious and just be there

    2. I guess teh answer to 1 answers this as well

    3. Maybe they didn’t really want to leave or they want to relive the pain for whatever reason….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Oh yes But still i think friends are far better then relatives, I have not had a good experience with them ..

      YEs a true friend always stands by , thats what makes them a true friend, I was talking more over about peopl ewho we chat or talk and who say oh we are friends and then once we go offline or soemthing they dont even know we were there I mean whats the need t omake a relation if you dont even know you making one .. or r making it for the sake of it ..

      🙂 you are being nice in your third reply he he he 🙂 well wont it be a good idea to try to make up then .. sometimes both parties are stood stand still at the same place wher e they parted and it takes just a hello to start from the same place and its never tooo late to mend things ..

      Like

  5. asha says:

    nice post!

    Friends and friendship can have different meaning to different people. For emotional,loving and affectionate people it is for keeps come rain or shine but for some it can be for a season or for a reason, but one thing i believe is a friend of every one can be friend of none.

    Like

  6. sm says:

    thoughtful post with lot of realistic questions, day to day questions.
    many times i also think about this.
    friend in need is indeed.
    again i will read your post
    wonderfully written

    Like

  7. Neeha says:

    So many questions huh??
    The value given to friends and friendship varies depending on the person,character,morals,personality,values etc etc.
    I giv a lot of importance to my friends,but coming to blogger friends..I respect all of them,including yourself..bt coming to understanding their mood-swings,its difficult..We can predict it only from their posts,I guess.
    But wanna ask you sumthng,did u include my name in your friends list??
    If so how much do you rate it for 5??
    Jus wanna know:)

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes i know , I always have so many questions to ask..
      Yeah i accept that value given to friends .. But other then that i think i wish the best and the same for all my friends …

      I am different i think t ome its the same blogger or otherwise cause once you are friends then does it matter where or who you are as long as you care for each other and dont use them …

      Yes your name is in my friend list, I hope you know that and all my friends get 5/5 no second thoughts about it .. as a few have said i think from heart and my heart has respect for everyone and i do feel for everyone and i do feel sad when someone is sad ..

      I hope you got ur reply 🙂

      Like

  8. Always Happy says:

    Bikram, serious post eh?

    that is a truth of life Bikram. Friends come friends go. Sometimes you are left behind and at other times you do the leaving. Only few good ones stick around.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      THANK you so much……..
      I hope i never have to leave anyone … Cause it will hurt me more then them i know me .. I guess my mind and heart work overtime all the TIME 🙂

      Thank you

      Like

  9. Dee says:

    Bikram, this is quite a valid post! I have wondered these things, as must have many people tht form friendships after school life(which is hen e form the strongest friendships, I believe)! It really hard to determine who exactly will last more than just the mere skimming the surface relationship’s and the one’s tht will be there for a lot longer, and perhaps a lot deeper! It is sad tht despite having so much access to tools that connect us with others, relationships are so fragile in this day and age of communication! I have learned to accept this, and not fool myself abt the way things are…but I am not bitter abt this, as this seems to be life!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much. I guess every one wonders at some stage o nthe same things. .
      YEah school friendship is the strongest for sure you grow up together you know each and everything about each other …

      Yeah so true what u say that inspite of having so many tools yet we forget the basic need ot keep a relation alive . COmmunication and ew forget to do that ..

      Yes i guess i will too have to learn the hard way and digest this reality soon to keep my senses ..

      Like

  10. NRIGirl says:

    Bikramjit! Good questions! A friend is someone who you can relate to, connect with and enjoy being with. It is just something you feel, whether or not the other person feels the same way about you… I know it doesn’t quite make sense but that is how I explain it to myself.

    Like

  11. B K CHOWLA says:

    The wheel of life keeps moving. No situation is static

    Like

  12. Onkar Kedia says:

    A thought-provoking post. There is a difference between an acquaintance and a friend. When a friend behaves in an unfriendly way, it hurts. But then, we must understand that the other person is also a human being.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      thank you sir. Oh yes so true thee indeed is a lot of difference, it hurts a lot especially to people like me who as mentioned think more from there heart rather then the mind.
      Yeah they are human being maybe more of a reason for them to think likewise cause ithink i am HUMAN tooo .. or does me being a bit more emotional or thinking from heart makes me Inhuman 🙂

      Like

  13. Deboshree says:

    Very relevant questions Bikram.

    I have often wondered about friends as well. I had plenty of them in school, given I was someone people came to for notes and studies. Some of them were indeed more interested in spending time with me than in the chapters we read together. They are the ones with whom good relations have remained. Moving on to college and to a job, I have found we always end up making seasonal friends. People who go out with you for meals and coffee, for the occasional movie. You forget about them when you switch jobs/places/sometimes even a phone number and they forget about you. I guess making lasting friends is a full time job and depends to an extent on your destiny.

    Ditto with love relationships.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much, glad you think that way.
      Ohhh so you one of those studious types , I was never that type .. and if i was with you then i wud definitely NOT come for notes either he he he ehe 🙂

      hmm seasonal friends thats a good way of putting it … hmmm well i think thats the problem i dont seem to forget them when i am changing jobs or move places etc …

      but i do agree that making lasting friends is a full time job, and yes destiny does count tooo.. but dont you think if we all were good friends and think about each other and care then maybe the world would be a better place to live in 🙂

      Thanks a lot

      Like

  14. Ria says:

    These questions are so the ones that have often come to my mind. And i have realised this one thing that, people come n people go its the experience that we get at the end of it! There r very few rare ppl who come into our lives n stay back for good. Most of the others come n go…the sooner we realise this the better, else we just end up getting hurt n asking such questions.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hi. you have put it in a good way its the eperince we get at the end of it and if that is bad then the whole time seems to be wasted , I guess a few of my friends changed a bit when i came ot uk and suddenly they looked at me as a cash machine to help them out and till i could give all was happy and when i could not it was the case of i have become a foreginer 🙂

      Yes i know what you mean hopefully sooon i will learn the hard way toooo 🙂

      Like

  15. Pixie says:

    whew!!
    Way too many questions!!
    but hugs!

    Will come back and answer them all as best as I can! 🙂

    Like

  16. Smita says:

    Virtaul friendships surely leave us with a room of doubt! It is always a case of to trust or not! Unfortunately this is such a medium that these ques will always remain there unless the viruality is converted to some other form.

    As far as I am concern I am do not distrust people easily! Trust is the 1st thing that I do because that is the only way to begin a relationship! and I so agree with you when u say that instead of crying over a lost relationship we shud try to mend it.

    Are we ur real frenz? well all I know is that during ur time of need I can only offer words which might sound real & might not sound real, you will have to trust ur instincts! 😀

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Hmmm yeah i feel that too sometimes but i guess i have been lucky and god has been kind that people i have met over the NET have been very good and lovely people some have made there way to my heart and family tooo ..
      thats a good idea converting the vituality to REAL FORM 🙂

      I do with though i was like that NOT trust people , yeah mend a realtion is best and it doesnot take too much effort to mend one at least with me i know a simple Hello would do the trick.

      🙂 thanks for answering tht question I did not mean it that way he he he ,, But you have put it so beautifully and its great to hear what you think and trust me thats all one needs to have a smile someone to listen and maybe give a word or two of advice or encouragement .. Is not that what friends do 🙂

      Thanks smita for the comment…

      Like

  17. Rakesh says:

    Yeah, you sure think from the heart… And this post is straight from there.

    I guess, everything changes with time and so do relationships and friendships. My best friends in school may not be my best friends today or again they may… I think we make friends for our own reasons ie. to have friends and companions so I don’t think we should crib when friends move apart coz. even they were friends for their own reasons.

    But till the time that reason lasts, I try to make most of the friendship.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you so much for BELEIVING ME he he he 🙂
      see thats what i mean why shud friendship change with time , shud the love and care reduce with time , it shud be other way round it should increase ..

      hmm yeha we make friends for our reasons but then we put a lot of effort and time and emotions too into the relation.. suddenly they dont mean a thing when its time to move or when one has had enough use of you thats what is troubling …

      Good i guess that what we should od make the most out of it then be happy and keep others happy ..
      thank you Rakesh.

      Like

  18. Phoenixritu says:

    Bikram, when you go to a shop to buy a shirt, not all of them are yours. You have to select the one best for you. The rest you discard. The world is like this. So please select wisely and do not invest your emotion in every body and every thing

    Like

  19. I am very very selective about the kind of friends I have and the people that I move with. But when you have some of you best buddy’s from yesteryears behaving like totally different now, it really hurts. It makes you feel like as if you are the only one who has not changed, but everyone else have!! But as you said, some experiences have been truly good as well.

    Generally, I trust people who blog much more than the kind of people I meet outside. I think that if a person blogs, they are more trust-able and frank – The motivation to blog comes from these basic qualities.

    Destination Infinity

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      hmmm YEsssssssss true it bloody well hurts … thats what i feel that i have not changed and i need to do that ASAP, to hell with heart listen to what the mind says … my heart has given me enough betrayals to last me a life now …

      Oh yes not some but more than Some have been beautiful and are stil beautiful .. thanks to all the people who come and visit me and talk to me . people like you who have encouraged always …

      AND DITO on the blog people , i too feel that one who writes thye cant always betray cause as u say blogging comes from basic qualities ..

      Well said D I and Thank you

      Like

  20. IRFANUDDIN says:

    i must say a very good write up filled with feelings n emotions…. and i often use to think about these points….
    …well, i am not very selective in making frnds… online or off line… a frnd is frnd…. and i respect him as a true frnd.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      THank you Sir. 🙂 yepp exactly my feeling a Friend is a friend virtual or real or reel whatever Same here

      I am so glad i have met you over net and found a good human being .. Thank you

      Like

  21. suruchi says:

    my god…i knew you had a capacity of asking questions…but these are too much even by your standards biky…
    the internet is a funny space n most net friendships come with a shelf life…i have been meaning to write on that from the longest time…
    don’t expect too much…be glad that there are so many people to laugh with you and thankful that a handful to wipe the tear too…

    and you talk to so many people..magar mere se kabhi nahi ki…boo hoo…
    heyyyy bhagwaaaaaaaaan…yeh sunane se pehle biky ka computer konk off kyon nahi ho gaya:-)
    keep smiling n spreading the smiles my friend:-)

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 he he he thank you first of all to make me smile 🙂

      see maine bhi surprise kar diya naa aapko, You thought I would not be able to ask such questions, Ab aapko mil ke and baat karke mera bhi Question Asking ka Standard has gone very high, Thanks to you …

      Well if you are meaning to write then do write about it , would love to read what you have to say …

      Oh yes i am thankful to each and everyone who comes and the laughs we have shared with each other .. life has become better knowing you and all …

      Hmm aree aap email ka answer nahin karte ho, and online bhi nahin aate ho.. kabhi ao to PING karoonga na he he he

      nahinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn please computer ko kuch hua to How will i talk to you samjha karo.. Ok ok next time you come online you PING me and we can talk DHER SAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🙂 what say

      Thank you so much Suruchi for the lovely wishes and i am glad and happy you are my friend 🙂

      Like

  22. Pooja says:

    Everyone is a good friend, till the time comes, when you really need that person, you shall never know.
    In my initial net surfing days, I used to talk to strangers and share things that I could not with my best friends, with my family members.

    Talking to people who dint know me personally used to help me feel better, they would not judge me, even if they did it would not matter.

    Life is like that. Keep learning, trust till you can, when it breaks learn your lesson, but that does not mean you cant trust again.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 he he he he you said it so right its only when the time comes that we come ot know who is and who is not …

      Yes yes trying to learn from the mistakes hoping not to make them again.. learning the lessons the hard way ..

      I trust everyone cause i do feel that each one of us has something good in us all , even the bad people have some good in them …

      Like

  23. Sandhya says:

    Very interesting post because at some phase in our life, we think in these angles! In school days, we become very close with some friends, but after some 10-15 years, if we don’t keep in touch regularly, that friendship will not be like before. Like that in every stage of life we come closer to some people and find it funny when we meet them after a few years and we find it difficult to spend even 3 hours with them.

    People who live in one place throughout their lives may have good true lifelong friends, I feel.

    Through my experience, I feel that after 40, it is difficult to become very close with anybody!

    Take life as it comes, Bikram! Forget about people/friends who hurt you and carryon! You are a positive person, I know.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      It makes me so happy to see your comment on all the articles i write , because you are the only one left who initially started to follow me and read me .. You been always here giving advice helping and saying lovely words THANK you so much for that always sandhya bhen…

      Luckily i have been in touch with my school mates and we still keep in touch a few have disappeared but some are here and then colege friends that i made .. as i have said a lot of times GOd has been very kind to me ..

      This year i plan to go to india for my school sports day and meet every one it would be great to meet the people who went there own ways when we were 14 -15 years old….

      Thank you for the encouragement yes ji i am moving on , meeting new people making new friends and life is all rosy again or WILL BE SOOON 🙂

      Like

  24. A says:

    Bik,

    Good post once again. Saw your writing after a few weeks now so it was good to read.

    My take:-

    A friend in need is friend indeed …it is still valid.

    One suggestion:- World is full deception so keep low expectation

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thanks A. YEah been concentrating too much on WW and pictures he hehe taking the easy way out to keep blogging 🙂

      and what you say is so true nothing can beat that a friend in need is a friend INDEED …

      yes sire will keep this in mind to have less expectations … Thank you

      Like

  25. Jyothi says:

    It’s really something worth thinking. I have almost 200 friends on FB. And I share quite a bit about my life there too. Some comment, some ignore, some contact if they sense something is wrong. Not everyone can be BFF.

    I don’t know what triggered this emotion in you especially the last WHY? Whatever it was, I hope you have solved it.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Wow u got a lot of friends and i know not all can be BFF…
      Well regading the solving , I doubt it cause i ma not sure if i can go back and be treated the same but then lets see knowing me the IDIOT i jsut might do it …

      Thanks a lot

      Like

  26. Writerzblock says:

    You certainly think from your heart, and it is actually refreshing to see someone like that , Bikki. As for why people break friendships, you know, sometimes, it is better that way. If someone does not consider you as a friend, or as close as you consider them, then that is fine, right? If the relationship breaks, then it only means, it wasn’t meant to last! So treasure the friendships that have lasted the test of time, be comfortable with those friends who accept you the way they are, and don’t fret about people who make and break friendships.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Haanji and thats wat i think is VERY WRONG WITH ME.. thinking from heart when people have moved so far ahead and learnt new ways to think 🙂
      Thanks Pal but I do feel that i have to change according to the times ..

      I understand what you say that its better sometimes to break away .. I am so happy and glad that i have met so many good people on the blogosphere who are such good human beings… You indeed are one of them for sure and thanks for always trying to give advice to me 🙂 thank you.

      Yes point noted not to fret over people who break friendships .. god bless them and may they live a happy life

      Like

  27. I think friendship is a slow progression from strangers to known person to a friendly person to a trusted friend. One of my fav quote is “A stranger is a friend waiting to happen” So you meet someone, most probably they might fade as strangers , some linger as known person , some progress to friendlies and some trusted ones with whom you share your inner thoughts. The progression can happen over a period of time or instantly that depends on the situation, the personal vibes etc etc…

    So till then just think “A stranger is a friend waiting to happen” 🙂

    P.S But yes, when we were kids friendship forges naturally without extra thoughts but when we are adults it does matter whom we take us friends 🙂

    Like

  28. Tomz says:

    Thoughtful musings Bikram..I am very happy to be in ur Blogger network..

    Like

  29. Madhu says:

    Bikram, call me weird, but its been close to 4 years since I came to Canada but I never really managed to make ‘friends’ here. All my friends are from India and from London. I wonder what I am doing wrong.
    Good questions.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      why is it weird I been in uk much longer then that and i get the same problem as you.. so me WEIRD too 🙂 same here all my friends are from india But now over the blog and all i have met a few very good people from uk itself and You in canada 🙂

      No one is doing anything wrong I guess as we grow older our expectation raise and we start to find particular features in friendship whereas when we are kids we dont really know anything …

      Thanks

      Like

  30. Sapna says:

    Hmmm C’est la vie!

    Hope this will give you some hope

    “Sab kuchh sikha hamane, na sikhi hoshiyaari
    sach hai duniyaavaalon, ki ham hain anaadi

    duniya ne kitana samajhaaya
    kaun hai apana, kaun paraaya
    phir bhi dil ki chot chhupa kar
    hamane aapaka dil bahalaaya
    khud pe mar mitane ki, ye zid thi hamaari
    sach hai duniyaavaalon ki ham hain anaadi”

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      WOWOW sahi kaha … Sach hai duniya BLOG waalo ki hum hain anadi .. hoshiyari seekhni chahiye .. its a must and treat the people as they treated me.. Now that would have been a blessing if i was clever a few year ago then wont have faced so much hardships and heart breaks or sad moments .. MEET them – USE them and LOOSE them Easy funda hana.. I shud try to change myself a bit 🙂

      Thank you so much for the lovely lyrics So true 🙂

      Like

  31. aaradhnak says:

    //irst you play a game with someone’s emotions , drop them like a nobody then write such stuff , Who you trying to make a fool again// This is soo rude… somewhere…as you talked only one side thing 🙂

    And about friendship…. its always about keeping the ego aside,,, being forgetful and forgiving… but again it counts from both the sides 😉

    but i will say…do not go for words… believe the acts 🙂

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 yeah i know but these day people are more of users , till there heart pleased they used and when they find someone else to have fun with they move on .. thats what i have experienced so many times …

      I try to be forgetful but I am not very forgiving .. I dont forgive easily

      OH YES dont go for words I know that now .. and to me now ACTIONS speak much much louder then mere words .. Stopped beleiving in words many months ago now .. words mean nothing I know

      Like

      • Bhargavi says:

        You know these are very obvious questions, everybody, at some point or the other thinks this way. But, then its hard to refrain ourselves from making a new relationship.
        We shouldn’t be skeptical, we just need to be cautious,i learned never to put myself too much out there.
        In my little life that i have had,been through both good & bad.After every betrayal i think to myself, NO MORE alliances, but its the same story again.
        There is no such definition of a relationship, no code of conduct, and even if there was, i doubt anybody would ever follow, we tend to make out own rules.
        I follow the policy to forgive but to never forget.

        Much Love & Care 🙂

        Like

        • Bikram says:

          Yeah I know lot many people have such questions..
          i agree with you but past experiences and some new ones keep reminding things and i beleive that if we dont learn then we will be hurt yet again..

          I am sorry to hear about bad situations you been heres wishing that you dont have ot go any of those again..

          thank you for the love and care .. you take care and same to you .. SMILEEEEEEEE 🙂

          Like

      • Punam says:

        Bikram, you shouldn’t be saying this: “OH YES dont go for words I know that now .. and to me now ACTIONS speak much much louder then mere words .. Stopped beleiving in words many months ago now .. words mean nothing I know”

        Someday someone will come in ur life and say you ‘words’ that you want to hear and then you have to believe them, because words when said from the heart are more of divine sounds than empty sounds as you have said. It’s only words that will tell you what to do, words that will guide your heart to go with the flow, so words are very important. Yes, just like money, some people use money wisely.. some just throw it away.. same way, words are also like that.. some people DO use them wisely,… while those who have no ethics, use them to fight, lie and betray.

        That’s why, leave past where it is (behind you) – and move forward without prejudices planted inside your head because of a sad past.

        Like

        • Bikram says:

          @Punam :-and why not , we all learn from experiences and my experience tells me that Anyone can say words without actually meaning them. Pick up the coices words from any story book and say it .. people make FALSE promises .. People LIE at every chance then how can we trust the words .. God know all the times when some one says I love you or I will die with you or I cant live without you.. Who all they have said the same words to ..

          and when they part DOES anyone ever die … So thats me this is my experience and thas why i said i beleive in ACTIONS more then words .. simple

          When they were said earlier i beelive the then people also said they have said it from there heart and whe nthere heart turned BLACK and BAD the words were still coming

          I know what you mean that when someone comes in our life we would love ot hear those words again but still ACTIONS will speak louder .. maybe i have had nasty experiences with nasty people .. I guess i attract such peole …

          but i do hope it is not so

          Like

        • Bikram says:

          kissi ko de ke dil koi Nawa sanj-e-Fughaan kyun ho
          na ho jab dil hi seene main to fir muh mein zubaan kyon ho

          Like

  32. How de we know we have friends ?

    Who ever gives a helping hand in the hour of need even if stranger is a friend. According to Jatak Kathas (Jatak Tales) healthy body, sound mind, education and wealth in foreign country are all friends.

    Why do we make relations ?

    We make relationships either to fill in a void in our lives or we have so much in our lives that we want to share it with someone on permanent basis.

    According to DG we make relationshipsto make each other miserable 🙂 Her formula less commitment less problem no commitment no problem 🙂

    What is the terminology of good friends ?

    Kai din se tumhari yaad nahin aayi, (Did not think about you in days and months)
    Aisa bhi nahin ke bhool gaye. (it doesn’t mean I forgot you.)

    There are no complaints, there is always a way to work things out.

    When people break or move away then WHY ?

    When their needs of safety, nurturance and self growth are not met people feel stiffled in a relationship they break away and free themselves.

    There are no second chances in love and war and love is a war against self. Move forward. Past behavior is a predictor of future behavior anyone who ditched you in past is more likely to do it again coz’ now their inhibitions are gone 🙂 . Learn from your mistakes or make new ones like DG 🙂

    Stop thinking with your heart or your mind, give your SOUL a chance to think and decide for a change. 🙂
    I learned from YB’s lecture do only what will add to your grace or to someone else’s grace.

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes DG I wish i can do that I want to stop thinking from my heart YESS I DO and I am trying very hard to change this stupid part of me .. lets see how and when i succeed … and thats is a lovely ghazal you have sent 🙂 thank you
      and yes i know when you say who ditced me will do so again BUt I pray that they get diteched time and again all there life and suffer much more than what they deserve .. as i said on a earlier comment I am not forgiving and I can be really BAD PERSON .. when it comes to revenge or forgiving 🙂

      I know no second chances .. Glad I met you over the blog and as we have talked so many times I am glad that we are friends .. Thank you for always trying t ogive me advice and telling me the right thing. THANK YOU

      Like

      • @Bikram,

        Heart was not given you to think. It is for feeling. Mind is for thinking; thinking about logic and safety for survival.
        For a change give your SOUL a chance. Close you eyes and ask your soul, how does it feel about a particular issue and what it would like to do about it. The more you are in sync with your soul the more quicker and exact will be the answer.

        Oh, you want some bad karmic reaction to your detractors that is in your power to wish BUT there are no guarantees of the results you anticipate. 😦 How good is it wishing bad for someone and then not even knowing if it will come true? If DG were you, she would use it as a one less karma to worry about and good riddence, just imagine living 24/7 with someone who may ditch you any minute and living with that awareness.
        CHOICE IS YOURS. 🙂

        DG was just speaking to her dad and she told him:
        She spent all her teen years thinking and doing things to please her parents. What will mom and dad say?
        Her 20s were gone into pleasing or doing things that mattered to people. What will people say?
        Her 30s went into doing what she thought. What do I say?

        And her 40s will be spent in what her creator would want her to do; and there is no doubt her creator will want her to be Safe, Healthy, Happy and Holy.

        Thanks for considering DG your friend. DG doesn’t gives advice she just speaks her mind as guided by her soul 🙂 . When one gives advice they start expecting the receiver will follow it. GREAT EXPECTATION LEAD TO GREAT SORROWS.

        Peace,
        Desi Girl

        Like

  33. harman says:

    ..
    Good post..you seem to be a very emotional person to me…I generally try to gather you r thoughts from your blog…
    lemme tell you somethin… you pour your heart and love your friends and expect same in return..which is good….but every human is different…very few think like us and return back the same way…you can share and talk and laugh with everyone..bUT..there are handful in the crowd..who really cares!
    few but good friends!less friends but more love and respect!
    ….try to go that way….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Yes harman thats the tragedy of life , I do want to be a USER someone who has fun and moves on to pastures greeen.. I was surly given wrong advice by my elders not happy at all..
      Yeah i know everyone is different I was more saying about people who spend ages telling how much they love me or care for me or are my best mates and Love me and the same ones are the ones who hurt the most …

      Haanji i know what you mean very few think like us … YEah more of love and respect .. but thankfully over the blog there are a few people who have been so kind and good to me …

      Thanks harman

      Like

  34. bedazzled says:

    Nice post.. So many questions for which i am sure no one has a correct answer..and online friendships always come of doubt with some level.I don’t normally let my guard down because I guess I’ve had some unsavory experiences in the past..

    Like

  35. Jzt4me says:

    How do we know that we have friends?

    If you think of someone, when u r extremely happy or extremely sad…Confirm that He/She is your friend…dont forget even your mother or your child could be your friend…

    Instead, if you feel lonely in such instances, Confirm u need a friend…a good friend…

    Why do we make relations?

    to heed to your heart…to stabilise your mind…To Survive…to LIVE and to Let LIVE

    What is the terminology of a good friend?

    The hand you wish to wipe ur tear off…The smile you would like to see when u r happy…Ur Support System…who can be ur backbone when in need and for whom can u give ur life..is a Good Friend..

    When people break or move away then WHY ?

    That is Human Nature…When something is near us…we might not actually realise its value..only when u lose it…but then, the next dominant character – EGO comes up, which stops u from taking that extra step…

    Another instance is…if genuinelly there has been pain for the break-up..even the most strongest stone can be broken off…same way, the most loving relation could also break if it reaches the Limit of Tangibility…

    Bikram, the above is my views on friendship…In my life, unfortunately, those that I have considered GOOD FRIENDS had always hurt me…and once i reached the Saturation Point I kept myself away…not to hurt them..but to avoid getting more hurt…that doesnt mean I have NO good friends…I have…even if its not too many in number…I am happy that I have a GOOD FRIEND….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      I guess then i got a lot of friends 🙂 I like the reason you given to why we make relations .. and your take on what it a good friend..

      yeah we only realise when we lose something , i hope everyone understand that and if they think that way then maybe they shud extend there hand back …

      yeah i know how it hurts when the ones who took oaths and shouted at top of there voices how muc hthey love and care for us and then the same ones are the one who at first oppurtunity push knife in our back , DOnt even have the courage to do that at face.. it hurts a lot .. I guess i should take your advice and probably go away somewhere cause i am sick and tired of feeling sad and bad cause of others …

      maybe thats what i need …

      Like

  36. UmaS says:

    Very well thot and written post….
    Ur questions are valid – but on a social networking site, the meaning to friendship is entirely different, is my opinion. Its not like those friendships that happen to u in ur real life….but if u are lucky, u might do well with one or two friendships of virtual life becoming truly good in real life too….

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      THank you so much.

      looking forward to those, i guess i shud count my blessing thats god has been so kind by giving me such lovely people to interact with ..

      Like

  37. Punam says:

    Trust you to write soooooo many questions!!!! Bikram!
    See, what I feel is, that every person you come into contact with, whether online or offline, was meant to be there at that point of time in your life. And we have a lot of debts to pay… and credits to receive. 🙂
    So when someone hurts you, trust me, it was some debt you paid back. It’s over. Done with. Khatam. You must not look back. The future holds a lot for you… lots of nice things in store.. look forward to the unknown as it reveals itself… maybe in the form of new people, new friends, new places, new meanings.
    Friends will be friends and some will decide to be more, some will decide to move away. That’s how it is… Picture trees passing by when you are driving at an awful speed..? Those friends are like them… the trees that pass by.. you don’t even know what they looked like.. but you know you passed them on the way. Irrelevant. Unimportant.
    Now those who are real friends, will make sure you remember them. 🙂 They will show themselves and stay there in ur life. And the best way to sense them is to follow your heart. Yeah, you have trumpeted a hundred times that you are an emotional fool.. and that you follow your heart. Well, Bikram that’s how it should be. If what you are looking for is love, it’s your heart that will show you the way, not your mind.
    🙂
    Too much bhaashan na? Ab bas karti hoon.
    TC..
    Keep smiling.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 yeah well i had so many to ask hence so many ..
      ok i like this credit – debit business.. BUt if this was karma or previous life etc then what i dont know about i should not be debited for that … that is cheating 🙂
      yeah looking forward to future too lets see what all this brings .. and what all is in store for me and what all am i going ot get ..

      I do like the way you have explained it all .. Thank you.

      No really even though it shud be that we shud follow our heart but with my experiences and all that goes on sometimes i do think IS IT REALLY A GOOD IDEA:)

      phewwwwwwwwww thank god you gave uo else i would have had to continued with my reply too…
      Thanks a lot

      Like

  38. Anu says:

    I liked the way you thew the questions Bik..Yes..even if we have 1 lifetime friend we can turn the world down! And this is the most beautiful relationship…that doesn’t expect anything from you…and it’s hard to find such right friends! Thoughout the journey, we make lot of friends, some just for fun, some move as passing clouds, and some we lose contacts, but the real friend is the one, you don’t need to contact and meet daily, but will understand your pulse the moment u speak with them! It’s a relationship where you are and should be naked with your feelings!
    And Bik…as true love, true friendship will come to you, you need not go and search for that special someone!

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you.
      YEs it is cause we choose who are friends are, and same way someone chooses us to be there friend then WHY does it happen …

      haanji i do understand what you saying about the real friend.. yes i know that feeling and i am glad and thankful to god to have given me so many of them ..

      Thank you for the wishes and waiting 🙂 he he he

      Like

  39. blommer22 says:

    to question something is equal with to answer something. 🙂

    Like

  40. Surabhi says:

    OMG ! This sure was a thought provoking post…there were a lot of question. But I guess , these are questions we all have in our minds. In my wise (ahem ahem) opinion , a friend is someone you can be yourself with. You don’t have to be someone else to please or impress him/her, however, how many such people are there in our life , apart from our family members? People do make relations because of some needs. Be it an emotional , financial, social or physical , most of the times we do things that make us happy ,but when we are in a relation so strong that makes us do things selflessly, just to make the other person happy and stick to that person through thick and thin- I guess that is friendship…rest is crap.

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      🙂 he he he i like the OMG … its not that bad or is it he he he

      yes i liked your WISE (ahem ahem ) opinion 🙂 Thank you. True a friend is someone we can be our true self..

      hmmmm yes i agree with you I mean on the friendship part and yes also on the CRAP part ha ha ha haha 🙂

      Like

  41. Meena says:

    Bikram, very evident that you poured your heart out in that post! All I can say is that friends are the people who land up in your life exactly when you need them. They may weave in and out of your life, depending on the priorities you currently have – but believe me, all your true friends will pop right back in when its time for them to make an impact in your life again … 🙂

    Like

  42. I’ve had enough bad experiences in the past..I am too friendly and try to consider that everyone is my friend.. now I have kind of stopped that.. dont try to get close to people..always maintain a distance and make sure I dont get attached to others.. but bloggers are very trust worthy.. yet to meet a blogger who cannot be a good friend 🙂

    Like

  43. suruchi says:

    it took me one hour to find my comment to see your reply to it…
    myyyyyygod u are popular:-)
    kya baat hain..tussi cha gaye ho blogosphere pe:-)

    Like

    • Bikram says:

      Thank you ji .. ab itne bhi zayada nahin hain 🙂 and sab with the good wishes of lovely people like yourself who come and spend there precious time on this blog so Thank you to youuuuuuuuu 🙂

      Like

  44. […] related to his doubts about love, relationships and friendships. He wonders why people come and go here (How do we know), why people make and break friendships and why one has to think with the […]

    Like

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