Am I wrong- Please Read and tell me …

Posted: August 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

I have two incidents to discuss , that happened with me last week

First One :- What have our parents – teachers -elders taught us, have we forgotten all our basic traditions. It seems so. I say this because first time in my living here i felt embarrassed of being a INDIAN. I do talk a lot about our values etc.

This is how the story unfolds, a few weeks back My Mother tells me that another woman who lives near our hometown has been getting in contact with her about her Son who have come to UK on some sort of visa, He is in some sort of trouble, I am supposed to find the guy who lives somewhere on Smethwick High street, near the Gurudwara sahib.  Oh yes I have this power that when I walk on that road I will immediately recognise Manjit Singh to find out the problem he is in.

I was later given a phone number on which I left at least 3 or 4 voicemails, a couple of sms messages, no result this went on, My mum asked the same question about have I done something, In the end I asked Mum to pass my Phone Number to the person, ask him to get in touch.. Anyway i got the call , the guy came over to my house we discussed the problems he had, GUESS WHAT.. the problem was he had sent his passport for extension of visa , since he did not know English he needed someone to ring the home office to enquire. . This is what the problem was ANYWAY this is not the story that i was about to tell you.

Last Thursday I got a call from this Manjit person , he had been assaulted beaten black and blue because he owed some money to someone , since he was not returning the guy had sent a few guys over who caught hold of him beat him, took him to the bank, used his card to withdraw the money and left him alone.

This is still not the story ….  πŸ™‚

Now it begins , Manjit singh informed the police who came , took his statement, (now it gets interesting), The house where he was living was shared with a Indian Sikh family, whose son was with him when he was beaten up, so he was a witness.. the police came to the house for statements and that’s when all hell broke loose …

First of all the boy denied being a witness , he denied he was there, on telling him it is on CCTV, he says he did not see anything, well the police could not do anything they had to go back to check others information when the police went , this family got so upset that police had come to the house they asked Manjit to vacate the house there and then … Something to do with how the IJJAT OF THE FAMILY was shattered .. WTF It was not as if he had done something wrong, informed the police who were doing the job, so what if police came they did not come to arrest anyone , they came to get the statments to help nab the culprits.

I was not informed about all this .. next day I got another phone call from Manjit telling me he wants to meet up, I met him where he told me how he spent the night out on the road and all this happened, (as some of you will know me, I was ANGRY) ..

He cannot be asked to leave without notice, I told him his rights and asked him to ring this person or the landlord we rung the landlord first .. he answered the phone I introduced myself , he was polite told him the situation he had no idea  agreed with me and asked Manjit to return back.

As I was talking to him we kept getting calls from the Family elder with whom the house was shared , I handed the phone to Manjit but on speaker.. some of the Word i heard, I was hearing for the first time , I mean i had been in college and lived in punjab and can use choicest of punjabi words but Oh boy he had a vocabulary of his own.

I could not take any more , I got the phone asked him to be quiet and then I introduced myself telling him my name and where i lived.. hearing my voice he did calm down a bit.. I asked him what was his problem.. BELIEVE me I was polite (my parents have taught me to respect the elders no matter what , to talk calmly not to be abusive towards elders), That’s exactly what i did

I got the following

1. Who the F___ am I ?
2. Why am I talking for him?
3. If I am so concerned I should take him home ?
4. They will break my legs if we go near the house.
5. Will inform the police if we go near the house.
6. Furthur he also adds that since I am a Indian and belong to Punjab I should know how he knows the SSP Police in amritsar, How he knows the Minister of some dept in Punjab

I listened to this guy patiently when he was done, I just said “Thank you, and Sat Sri Akal Will come to meet you and also to meet the SSP and the Minister”.. and put the phone down.. I was raging

I did go to this person’s house , he was not home don’t know what would have happened if he was there, this was about 8pm at night I went to work came home and slept.

Next day (saturday) there was this knock on door a Sikh gentleman with a big Beard along with a young guy was standing at the door, I opened the usual Sat Sri akal, he asked my name , I said “Bikramjit Singh Mann”.. bloody hell he almost fell to my feet, mumbling something I was taken aback didn’t know what to do.. I was embarrassed..

This was the guy who had said all these awful things to me, somehow during the night he got to know from Manjit who i was , what i did , Who my dad was .. so this brought all the change ..

I am not writing this BLOG to showoff or anything but coming back to the start of this article and the article i wrote on spoken words ..

Should we not talk politely with everyone

Should we not respect what other is saying

Should we not at least hear out what someone else is saying

Should we be so Rude on phone

What the hell is that SSP in amritsar or that Minister going to do to me .. They cant help there own and they will come to teach me something here in UK.

What sort of mentality is that, Was this guy trying to frighten me ..

This gentleman is supposedly a Granthi , the man who follows god, preaches love, humanity, is suppsed to preach to live in harmony BLAH BLAH BLAH..

Is this what he has learnt  ? 

Is this what he is teaching to people who come for advice to him in the Gurudwara sahib. What honour is left in him falling at my feet as if I am some sort of God father or something.

The other reason is also that he is Illegally staying in the UK and his son too is Illegal that was the reason why he would not be a witness, I can understand that but to treat a fellow Indian like that , throw him out of the house at night .. What sort of way is that.  They were afraid I might report them and you know what I WILL. I am so angry at this person. I mean did he not have any shame , all his life he probably has worked hard and to come to this level…

Now the boy Manjit can stay in the house for as long as he can, which again I feel is not good what sort of relation will they have , wont the boy threaten to spill the beans now that he knows i might support him.

No wonder our elders told us to be patient, Think what we are saying, Know what we are saying .. To WHO we are saying … I have learnt a lesson from this that you never know who is on the other side of the phone line so to be polite wont harm.

and Also the saying Never hit a person who is lying down cause when he stands up he maybe Taller then you…

Please do give me your views

What would you have done and Also If I could or Should have done something different .. Or was I a coward or something or just Shameless Human being…

do you talk like this ?
Have you had a experience like this ?

PS:- I will aks these same questions when i end up putting the second article cause that also seems to be on same theme..
  1. A says:

    One word.."Terrible"


  2. A says:

    And I agree with you. You are not wrong at all. You handled it as best you can.


  3. Such incidents happen in life so that we can blog about them. πŸ™‚


  4. Hey Bikram, I am appalled to learn about this. I think you have done the best you could do. I am just amazed by the way he was trying to threaten you – police and ministers..wth? To report or not to is a big question and can be argued anyway, but lacking basic humanity is what is so upsetting about them. It is good that they realized their mistake, and hopefully they might learn something.


  5. magiceye says:

    you have behaved like the decent human being you are. it is these people who bring a bad name to the indian community and are responsible for the rise of anti indian sentiments..


  6. R. Ramesh says:

    boss, u did what makes all of us, your dear blog friends, proud. with goodness comes guts boss. people misunderstand nonviolence for cowardice. cheers buddy


  7. you couldnt have behaved any better man…i remember an experience which I had.It is kinda complicated and involves one of my friends whose identity i cannot divulge but i ended up getting calls from a Bhai( i doubt he was a bhai) in mumbai, who said he would cut me into two and all kinda stuff all i replied to him is that "i will pray for him and Khuda hafiz"…he was touched and begged me to forgive him..and the issue was sorted out!!..


  8. Phoenixritu says:

    Just be true to yourself Bikram. The other person will pay for his karma … just be true to your ethics


  9. Shilpa Garg says:

    Truly appalling!!As somebody said, a tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.Cheers πŸ™‚


  10. You have LOADS , no make that TONNES of patience. Its a good day , I have been meeting super good people today , in real life and in this webworld. And Smethwick ?? dude , we are neighbors ..


  11. Our Values show us the right path..thats how you solved the problem..well done!


  12. Renu says:

    First you were not wrong, secondly i would never support a person who is doing something illegal(like staying there)


  13. Enigma says:

    We(Indians) have been taught to help people in need and what you did in spite of all those problems was really a thing to appreciate. Well done!! πŸ™‚


  14. wise donkey says:

    ok i didn't get whether you will report him or not. its just pathetic. i don't know what i would do, i have a short fuse, yet keep my cool when i am extremely angry.i agree on the respect of elders part and on being polite and also on the person getting up to be taller.i wish i was mature enough to advise you but all i can say is i can't see what you have done wrong and why you should be asking others about could have just walked away and said none of my business to manjit. but nice of you to stick by him. in a way i can understand but not accept the behaviour of the guy. he was just behaving like a cornered animal trying to fight and scare manjit off but when he realised he couldn't he fell at your feet. for us just an incident, but for him, thats his life, whatever the reason he has been in it.this is stupid, but when i imagine him falling at ur feet, i cry thinking about his desperation and not that he caused the whole situation. respecting elders is a big thing for me, and when i think of him falling at ur feet, i can't help getting upset.i have deviated from the question. no, you didn't do any wrong. and u did more than what others might have done.


  15. suruchi says:

    Hi Bikram…Wow…that was a very well described incident that I almost felt was a part of!It is sad how everyone acted…But glad to know that you did not lose your chunk!I think you did right…But since I am new to this space…I would so like to know about the β€œshow off” part that you sidelined…Can I also know who n what you are…so I can raise my own little collars at having you as a great, great blogger buddy?:-)


  16. kavita says:

    Proud of you my friend – 'No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.'Neki kar dariya mein daal !Happy weekend !


  17. wise donkey says:

    ok its couple of hours and still couldn't get that man out of my head. just wanted you to know anxiety brings out the worst in us. (the threats and bad languages)its easy to look down on him because he is an illegal immigrant. but what i can't get out of my head is the stress he must be under.i love my kid would i do something like that for him, i dont know. but when people are under that kind of stress, they just react differently.again i am not saying what he did was right. but just feel sorry for everyone in the situation including him.i think the worst emotion for a person to feel is anxiety.few years earlier, i was too caught up in the right and wrong and judged a person and dragged him to a psychologist. only when she explained that he had acute anxiety could i get a perspective on his actions which i can assure u were violent even if it was for few minutes. normally this friend would be so gentle and kind, but certain things trigged the worst abuse that could come this guy could have been a good community leader and still be so cruel to manjit.did i make sense? not sure.


  18. wise donkey says:

    like suruchi little curious any post in this blog that gives a clue?(pls dont tell me to check facebook, i hate it.)


  19. wise donkey says:

    like suruchi little curious any post in this blog that gives a clue?(pls dont tell me to check facebook, i hate it.)


  20. Nethra says:

    I suppose that being Indian did not have anything to do with his behavior. Few tend to be idiots and impatient regardless they are British or Indian or Pakistani or American.


  21. Bikramjit says:

    @A:-Thanks for saying that.. Yeah i hope i did though i am still agnry at the guy for putting someone under such trouble.@Chandrika Shubham:-Yeah truly said I would not have anything to write otherwise he hehee πŸ™‚ @Ananth:-Yes my friend. yeah threaten me without any reason. it was indeed the basics which made me so angry .. yeah lets see if they learnt anything.@magiceye:-Thanks so much for saying that. yes its jsut a few who spoil it for everyone.@R. Ramesh:-Thanks and i am glad you thought i was not being a coward… Cheers to you too mate.@Shahid:-wowo BHai ka fone aya .. yeh lo he he he .. yeah nice one and well done.@Ritu:-Haanji pay for the karma but the thing is its people like these who flourish more then people who work hard πŸ™‚ truth of life @Shilpa garg:-I like it what you said a Tree is known by its fruit so true.. Thank you Thank you πŸ™‚


  22. Bikramjit says:

    Bhargavi Sameeran:-.. I guess the patience has come with the job, otherwise people will tell you I am very bad with patience. Excellent Thanks for saying that Now that has made my day toooo… Yes indeed we are neighbours πŸ™‚A New Beginning :- Thanks for saying that. The problem is solved but what led to the problem and the way the guy behaved over a NON issue is what made me wrtie all this.@Renu:- thanks for saying that. Well I think so too, I have tried to help people sometimes out and about but i think i will have to stop that πŸ™‚ @Enigma:- Thank you so much. yes but sometimes helping doesnot help… WD:-Well I am still thinking of it shud i or not.. Though they dont deserve it. Short fuse yeah like me then but for some reason i was calm dont know why. Thank you for writing all that. And No i dont agree with that what you wrote about in the corner it was nothing like that , he was just being a idiot and having a go at someone who was in need. Manjit is staying with the family on Rent, The only reason they threw hin out at night was because they portrayed thats its been a insult to the Family that a Police officer had come to there house to enquire about a Accident in which Manjit was beaten black and blue, threatened with a knife , made to go to a ATM and hand over the money.. I would help the person, Manjit did nothing wrong as a gentleman he went to police to report the incident and Police was doing its work… I can understand the family prestige and honour if MANJIT was criminal and police came to arrest him or something THATS IS VALID reason but instead of helping a fellow indian who has lived with you for 2 years you throw them out of the house NOT FAIR. πŸ™‚ thanks for the comment πŸ™‚ I will reply to each one πŸ™‚


  23. Bikramjit says:

    Suruchi:- Well thanks for that. Wait till as i wrote there is a second episode also when i put that I had a very bad week πŸ™‚ he he he it comes in threes they say πŸ™‚ The show off was to the part where i wrote he fell to my feet and all thats all πŸ™‚ Thanks for saying i was right.. Who i am Well most have made it out .. I wont mention here its the data protection crap and all.. but i am a no body.. jsut a common man thats all..And I alreaydy have my collars raised sicne you started followign me and visitng me πŸ™‚ he he he he Kavita:-Thank you so much.. NEKI AKR dariya main daal exactly .. I was talking more of the pathetic way people behave and not of what i did .. Happy weekend to you to … thanks @WD:- Oh i got you anxious now. I am not looking at him down because of that he is illegal or his son is whatever.. I am saying he is in a position where he tells people good things and he himself was using a language like that .. Then the threatening to me .. Gods Men dont do that … as i mentioned earlier.. I can understand if police was making enquiries about him or anything this is not india that polcie will get the whole family, they wud not have talked to him at all when the personto talk is manjit THATS It .. He should have helped the guy who had a black eye, a broken nose and bleeding fingers NOT throw him out of the house at night.. and if he did that THEN At least shud have the GUTS to stick by it , he threatened me of things He shud have stuck to it .. why come and embarass me .. he is a TWO FACED idiot trying to use or show his power against a person who is not in posiiton to defent himself. and as such we all our in a foregin place so at least we shud stick for each other and help .. and it was not anxiety the way he talked on phone to me as if I am DIRT, a No body the words he was using in punjabi i cant even type here. then threatening me with some SSP and minister in india if i come to india blah blah.. I mean WTF.. I could not write half the things in the article πŸ™‚ He was arrogant and abusive thats what he was anyway wait for the next article you will see the link and hopefully see what i went through so much so that after the second episode I actually thought of RESIGNING my job… :Oand No its not even on facebook, what i do .. he he hehe πŸ™‚ @Nethra:- No the idea to mention Indian was that we are in foreign land and its no harm if we can help each other and look after ech other, especially in the hour of need .. Thank you so much for the lovely comment.


  24. rohini says:

    No two person are same…one doesnt go worse coz of nationality…U too r Indain…haina…count the good part….infact he would be thanking our indian community/people/You, who helped him…rite…And show offs….hmm i too dnt like flaunting it…hihiiihi…but be proud of being wat u r …a nice helping, down to earth…hey jyada show is badd hai na so stopping here…And Happy Independence day….Tc\Be a proud Indian!!!!!


  25. sangeeta says:

    hmmm…empty ppl are usually the loudest…they are the ones who are experts in name throwing, cos they themselves have no sense of self worth


  26. sm says:

    you did right thingthis happens always in India, is very common thing.


  27. wise donkey says:

    well kind of relieved after reading your comment. guess i am too emotional.i don't know the contents of the post but please don't resign because of others, don't let them control you. (easier said than done)Happy Independence Day


  28. R. Ramesh says:

    Happy Independence Day buddy:)


  29. Ria says:

    U did what u cud, this was terrible!!


  30. pallavi says:

    I actually have mixed reactions on this post, Bikram!!First, the guy called Manjit – why was he not returning money from his lender? Second, how is it he does not know English and is surviving in the UK? Sounds strange to me. Call me a coward, but I would rather stay away from people of whom I feel a little doubtful. Also, nobody likes to get into trouble.Why the landlord's family did not want to get into any Police-related mess. FEAR. Fear must have made them throw your friend out at night. Each to his own, Bikram!!!I understand that is a very selfish way of looking at things, and does not entirely go with our 'Indian culture' of being helpful and respectful, etc. But that's practical, isn't it? The landlord must have got shi*-scared, and considering he himself was an illegal immigrant, he wanted to protect himself before anybody else!!Again, I like the way you spoke to the landlord by NOT LOSING COOL. If I had been in your place, I would have blasted the guy!x


  31. Babli says:

    *********–,_********['****'*********\*******`''|*********|*********,]**********`._******].************|***************__/*******-'*********,'**********,'*******_/'**********\*********************,….__**|–''**************'-;__********|\*****_/******.,'***\**********************`–.__,'_*'—-*****,-'***`\*****************************\`-'\__****,|,–;_/*******HAPPY INDEPENDENCE*_/*****.|*,/\__************** DAY **********'|****_/**_/***._/**_-,*************************_|*****\___/*_/************************,_/*******|**********************_/*******|********************,/*******\********************/********|**************/.-'*********\***********_/**********|*********/***********|********|******.****|********|******;*****\*******/******'******|*****|*************\****_|**************\_,/Wonderful post. You are absolutely right. I fully agree with you.


  32. Madhu says:

    did i not say some time back..keeping quiet also works..guess it dint for u..u wre not wrong..the world does have shitty people around…cant really do much at times..;


  33. varsha says:

    dropping names and calling names are part of a syndrome-used by those with big egos and low self-esteem.You handled the person effectively.Thats the only way to teach them.


  34. Shas says:

    You ain't wrong.Its sad that people treat the other person with respect only if he/she is related to or associated with someone a little less than ordinary.I admire you for your patience and the way you handled it. Kudos to you!!


  35. no friend..u were not wrong..nor were u a coward nor did u make a fool out of urself…only people who are scaredor coward shout and scream at the top of their voice as they are scraed tht they would otherwise be revealed of their tru face….so relax…u were nywyaz trying to help some1…way to go..cheerss


  36. sharmila says:

    what u did was extremely good … my mom say one should do what he is suppose to do – how other reacts to it is not his concerned !! so what u did was right … n i agree that because of such indian … the whole indian community r put to shame – better to stay away from them πŸ™‚


  37. cherry says:

    Beeray…Punjabon bahar eh zayada hunda hai…I think so….Punjabi dosent help a punjabi…& this is with punjabi's only…look at Gujus…they help their comunity outrageously…what ever they could do…u r right..sometmes punjabi makes other punjabi ashamed off…


  38. Unknown!!! says:

    good that you gave the whole background story..that tells the frustration you went through..and I believe that you have been at the best anyone can be …If I were in your place I might have also equally shouted at him..shows ur composure….and yea his erratic behavior..could be cos of many reasons like his fears of his future…but still it is illegal I believe its nothing wrong to go and complain.


  39. Anonymous says:

    Great post! thank you for sharing this information. really got under my [url=]skin,[/url] bookmarked… Keep up the good site…


  40. sangeeta says:

    OYE!! Bikram MIA!!!






  43. wise donkey says:

    hmmm just came to check on 2nd post. hope all is well…


  44. Kumar says:

    Nice post dude. I fully agree with you.


  45. Punam says:

    First of all, someone needed ur help and YOU kept making calls to see what help he needed, that is a first for me!! Secondly, you did the best that could be done. As for values and moral system, the fact that you care about them is again a rarity. Who does, these days? Those who care are looked down upon as aliens. Speaking from experience. Yet, follow your heart. After all, our parents are always right. Their values can never be wrong. We have to stick to them for their sake.


  46. rohini says:

    where the owner of Blog Factory disappeared???man the scarcity of posts increasing here…………..


  47. UmaS says:

    First, WOW to Babli for that excellent India map wish. :)I agree with you Bikram, its sad that ppl are so rude to fellow Indians. PPl jump to conclusions, dont want to help – if I try to help someone, they stare at me…they are shocked, that I offered to help – thats the state here in India too.


  48. wise donkey says:

    ok now i am worried that mean guy is messing with u. and sort of praying for u.i know this is silly and ridiculous u could be on some trip or busy at work.


  49. Harman says:

    I didnt know how I missed this post of yours..I had really had a gala time reading it:)..our people(punjabis) can never matter where they are!! DORKS off all kinds and types are there….you did this situation people don't wanna indulge into any kind of mess…you were still very kind and humble.Manjit singh the title should be!:p


  50. Tulika says:

    You acted in the best possible way.


  51. @Rohini Ji:- Yes so very true what you said no two people can be same. Thanks for the lovely comment. And A HAppy independance day to you too.. Oh I am a proud indian no doubt about it .. @Sangeeta:- YEs you are right. Hey thanks for the calls Sorry i did not get back to you.@SM:- It happens in india it has happened in UK too πŸ™‚ he hehe he @WD:- Yeah easier said then done a lot of things come to ming , IU am still to write about it , had a week off so .. will come back to it … sorry for late reply HAPPY INDEPENDANCE DAY TO YOU toooo@Ramesh:- THank you and same to you tooooo … @Ria:- YEah it was terrible , putting yourself so down i dont think i would be able to do it and god willing this situation may not come ever @Pallavi:- YEah I know what you mean, he should have returned the money when he borrowed it , WRONG of him, completely agree with you. No why would you be a coward if you stay away from such people, its the right decision, I got emroiled cause of my Mum and his mum calling me up… Yes i know each to his own.. yeah i know he might have got scared infact he sent his son and daughter to coventry to stay with someone for a few days .. But that did not mean to throw someone out Next time i get a call like that i will forward it to you πŸ™‚ he hehe @Babli:- BEAUTIFUL MAP THANK YOU SO MUCHHhhhhhhhhhhhTHANK YOU………..Happy independace day to you toooooo @Madhu:- Yes you did say indeed, sometimes being quiet works tooo.. yeah you will read the next part too soon THanks a lot


  52. @Varsha:- yeah it indeed is a syndrome, i bet they have a name for that somewhere … Thanks @Shas:- Haanji it is sad when people do that. IU am usually not that patient dont know why i was THANKS but it worked i guess … @Mingled Minds:- Thanks for saying all that to me, releived i did feel stupid though. yeah i see it too that when you are scared you tendto shout more πŸ™‚ @Sharmila:- Your mom said true. Thanks for agreeing with me .. yeah i try to stay away from such people but sometimes it cant be helped … @Cherry :- Paaji tun aa jaa yaar fer dono veer ikhate handle karange πŸ™‚ Punjabi will never help a punjabi thats for sure … @Unknown:- Thanks for the lovely comment and visiting me please do keep. Yes i am indeed thinking of puting in the complaint too… Thank you so much. @Anonymous:- Thanks for bookmarking me I will do so tooo.. πŸ™‚ Thanks for visiting please do keep visiting@Sangeeta:- Haanjiiiii bolo bolo …@Parveen:- Singla paaji I know what you mean bai ji. trust has gone yaar, and respect toooo and the chadd yaar attitude is bad, Apna time was good when we looked for each other and thought of each other so very true paaji@WD:- Yes all well @Kumar:- Thanks for visiting me, please do visit again and thanks for agreeing with me πŸ™‚ @Punam:- Thank you so much, yeah parents have taught us nice values for sure.. Thank you so much@Rohini Ji:- I am here and aate hi post kar diya πŸ™‚ @UmaS:- Yes the map wish by bably is beautiful. Thank you for agreeing with me .. I know that feeling when you try and they think WEIRDO.. whats his problem.. @WD:- THanks for the prayers no no the mean guy is not messing with me at all.. I had a small problem all sorted now Thanks for the wishes and concern BLogging is the best thing to happen to me πŸ™‚


  53. @Harman:- Thank you. GLad you had a gala time reading it he he he. yeah punjabis will never help a punjabi.. Thanks and yeah i liked the title i shud have put that he he he he he ..@Tulika:- Thanks for that, it means a lot .


  54. @I got it, your friend might have said you are my friend ;):: Now, he should be polite man!! he should be..


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