Five Minute Management Course:- JOKE

Posted: April 29, 2010 in Decison, emails, Feeling Funny, forwards, Humor, Lecture, Work

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he put his hand on her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he put his hand on her leg AGAIN.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way…

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

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Comments
  1. Jigyasa says:

    That was so quick but interesting read!!

    Like

  2. I was in a very bad mood!this post game me some smile…Thanks πŸ™‚

    Like

  3. BK Chowla, says:

    I had read the one of $800 before.These are really very funny.Just the right ones for a week-end.Keep it up.

    Like

  4. Gaurav says:

    hehe..funny.and the morals were really meaningful.

    Like

  5. Insignia says:

    I have read them earlier..Yet..worth reading again πŸ™‚

    Like

  6. Harman says:

    Good..all are nice..leaves a message to everyone!

    Like

  7. thats was one power packed lesson!!Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  8. That course really helped

    Like

  9. sujata says:

    that was a fun read, loved the turkey, the eagle and the boss joke!!

    Like

  10. Neha says:

    lol….I have read these earlier; but still thety are so amazing that I don't mind reading those again πŸ™‚

    Like

  11. Madhu says:

    LOL..the first one takes the award..:)

    Like

  12. I never read them before…this was very nice :)will forward this to my friends. πŸ™‚

    Like

  13. Bikram says:

    @jigyasa:- Thanks, welcome to my blog.. I hope like it was quick it was informative too πŸ™‚ @RAJ:- anything to see you smile my friend.. glad it did .. you are always welcome .. always … @Chowla Sir:- hope you have a great weekend.. We have a long one monday is a holiday yayyyyyy

    Like

  14. Bikram says:

    @Gaurav:- Yeah they are meaningful hope you take some advice out of them πŸ™‚ he he he @Insignia:- thanks for reading them again… @HArman:- yeah it does , doesn't it , glad you liked them πŸ™‚ @A new beginning:- You are always welcome , glad you liked them.

    Like

  15. Bikram says:

    @The Holy Lama:- YAyyyyyyyy and it was freeee toooo.. aaj kal kahan kuch free milta hai he he hehe thank you thank you

    Like

  16. Bikram says:

    @Sujata:- glad you liked them.. thank you.. @Neha:- you seem to have read almost all that i post.. I get these emails VERY LATE 😦 … but glad you liked them…

    Like

  17. Bikram says:

    @Madhu:- he he he it sure does along with the 800 dollars ha ha ha :)@gayathri-vishwanathan :- Phewwwwwwwww someone has not read them earlier.. THANK GOD… thanks for the lovely comment .. and yeah teach everyone else toooooo…. only 5 minutes it takes πŸ™‚

    Like

  18. lols.. very nice.. i had heard if the 2nd,3rd n last. the rest were new. loved the first one. πŸ˜‰ ,double wink>… sshhh!! don't tell this to anyone :)kudos. keep it up

    Like

  19. Bikram says:

    @Dr. Chandana Shekar:- thanks.. I am glad you liked them. double wink back and MUMS the word .. my finger on my lips.. and my lips are SEAleddd.. shhhhhhh is the WORD … Wont tell anyone promise πŸ™‚ he he he he

    Like

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