Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Hello everyone

Posted: February 22, 2013 in Bikramism
Tags: , , , , , ,

Hello all Hope you are all keeping well, I know I have been missing from this place for a long time, and I am afraid its going to be like this for a long time. A few things have changed in life and couple more changes are on the horizon.

Also new rules and regulations have come up with regards to work on PRIVATE USE OF SOCIAL NETWORKING, which states now  4.1 All staff are accountable for whatever they put into the public domain even in a privately held account. Inappropriate use or inappropriate disclosure of personal information on social networking and video sharing sites is subject to criminal proceedings (in accordance with s55 of the Data Protection Act it is a criminal offence to disclose personal information unlawfully) and/or misconduct procedures.

So I have been toying with the idea of making this blog private or deleting it forever. There are a few things that I would like sharing but maybe in the next post.

On other thoughts .. We went to a fancy restaurant the other week , to have dinner but I felt that there was something amiss in the Ambiance of the place .  You know these days maybe because of the economy or something anywhere you go instead of the usual Ketchup bottles , they serve you with these little sachets. Have you noticed that..

Now I love tomato Ketchup , I remember in school when I was in Patiala their use to be a new place called “Pik a Chik” that had opened near 22 number Phatak (railway crossing), and in those days these fast food places were the IN thing, everyone wanted to be seen at those places, The guy who owned the place knew one of my Aunts.  so me and a few friends would go there for food but along with the food we would finish off a bottle of ketchup .. It makes me smile remembering the guy telling my Aunt that its fine we come to eat food an all but we are not profit customers for him as we eat so much ketchup..

Anyway back to this restaurant, as I entered what do i see there was  NO tomato sauce on the table.  Now this was very awkward as now I have to ask for the tomato sauce.. my friend says don’t ask for the sauce..   I said I have to order the tomato sauce as i have just ordered some chips..

You can’t eat chips without sauce it’s too dry

so I  called the waitress very calmly but she looked as if she has had an argument with someone already or probably fought with her boy-friend

“Excuse me is there any ketchup in the building..” and I smiled

she looked at me as if I asked for something dreadful , she walks to the kitchen and comes with this small little cup of ketchup .. such small .. oh yes JUST TWO chip worth in it

and walked away

I stopped her there .. and said excuse me wait there .. I took a sip out of the cup .. and said yess

“This is nice, Yes I would like a BOTTLE PLEASE “…

They say laughter is the best medicine, so here is a joke for all of you . I went to my doctor and asked him , I have not been able to sleep lately, so the doctor says don’t have coffee or tea  before sleeping
and have a glass of wine .. to relax you .. I like that, how nice of the doctor

so Now that is what I do, nowadays have a glass of wine just before I sleep, But IT is not always easy you know ..

Because

someday’s I am already VERY DRUNK …

PS:- I am yet to reply to all the comments I know, Will do that very soon, I know I keep saying but will get there some-time, Promise.

Bikramism’s Some questions :) .. part 1.

Bikramism’s Some questions :) .. part 2.

Bikramism’s Some questions :) .. part 3.


This time I thought , instead of asking questions why not Find out ways how to have fun during the shopping trips , especially when we have nothing to shop but just to kill some time we go for window shopping .. I think the following would make for a lovely time out there Or to all those lovely men who hate shopping but have to go with their better half’s to shop :)


1. If it’s a general store or a big food shop, What we can do is Get some  boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they are not looking.


2. Go to the Houseware section of the store and Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals.


3.  Usually we see those dirty yellow signboards ..  ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’  , Pick up the sign and move it to a carpeted area. :)

4. This is my best one, go to the outdoor section and set up a tent tell all the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, then wait and see how many children obliged.


5.  Seeing the above if a clerk or department worker  comes and asks us if they could help us , Start crying loudly and screaming, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ .


6. The best place to clean your nose :) Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror.


7.  Go to the Guns or hunting department, pick up a gun to see and then ask the clerk where the antidepressants are and can you test the gun please.  


8   Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

 9.  Take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and ask where is the fitting room?


And last, but not least:


10.  Get into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then Yell very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’

And please don’t ask me which of these I have done , that would be telling , I have done Two of these , so Have a guess all those who know me .. Let me give you a hint.. My friends ran away and left me alone on both occasions.  Thankfully the police was not called but the look on the people working in the Department was PRICELESS :) 

  Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
  Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to Mark too.
  Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
   Rottweiler: Make me.   Dare Ya!!!!
  Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
  German Shepherd:I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
  Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
  Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or ‘We don’t need no stinking light bulb.’
  Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
  Labrador: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
  Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
   Poodle:I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it.. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

PS:- Pictures courtsey – Google.

UPDATE:- sorry I might have misled everyone here .. This came as a email to me , I just put some pictures to it .. Sorry My bad

I have had a very adventurous life and have done a lot of stupid things in life and here they are.

1. Around 1992 or sometime then, One of my friends was getting married in a Punjab and around that time terrorism was still little bit left, Pillion riding was banned, so we went on our own bikes, reached the venue it was a late night wedding, enjoyed a lot had lots to drink, were all tipsy, someone decided let’s go back.. So off we went. On way back there was a roundabout on a GT road, usually you go around left, for some reason it was decided we go around the right side. As we did that OH MY GOD

God knows from where these Punjab Police Commandoes came, we could hear the click click of the rifles getting cocked… Get down… On the floor… It was scary… DAMN… We became sober in a second.

Thank god we were not shot, we had to plead the officer, show him our flying I-Cards to convince we were just playing around. They made us sit there for an hour before letting us go.

2. Final year exams, one of my friends decided to steal a empty answer sheet, so it could be used for cheating in the exam, I and Ravi my best friend went to the examination hall sat on the very first desks, next to the door… as the invigilator placed the answer sheet on first desk, Ravi got up, ran clutching the sheets, I ran after him, the teacher behind us shouting catch catch.. I was running after Ravi to make sure no one comes near because if caught this is a criminal offence and could be rusticated from university.  It is funny now thinking of it as Did the teacher not realise that even I have not returned back to the classroom.

3. On a nice Sunday morning four of us decided to go for a walk in the jungle (picture)  behind sukhna lake in Chandigarh, No one knew the way, obviously we got lost, whatever food, water we had finished, tired in middle of the afternoon we reached a lake, for some odd reason it was decided to swim through it rather than go around it, Sunil a friend was asked if he knew how to swim, he said yes..

There we go, took our clothes off put them in a carrier bag, In we went…we were half way in when there was a big splash, Sunil had run and jumped inside.. He went in, then his head popped up… and again down… OMG he had lied to us… we dashed towards him, Now Sunil is a 6ft 3 inches tall Big guy, Power lifting is his hobby I mean he is HUGE, I got hold of him he grabbed me , almost dragged me in with him. I somehow managed to get free.

Luckily there was this tree , sunil held on to it for dear life. The other two had come, I swam out, We took off our turbans, tied them up , threw it inside and pulled him out of water, a funny thing before that happened we asked Sunil to jump back in water and let go of the tree and we will pull him out, he replies “NO I am fine here “.. he he he he

He would have died that day. Later we met a villager he told us “Sahib Woh to das haathi Dob hai”. Meaning it’s as deep as ten elephants standing on top of each other.

4. Second year in college, we thought we were the bosses of college by then, One day instead of going straight to college I went to my friend Babbar’s house to go together with him, another mate Pummy was already there, as I entered they were pleased “oh good bikram you are here, we have a fight in university”, silly me didn’t even ask what it was, We went to our college to get hold of rest of the people.

I and one friend planned to go to uni to have a recce, to see what was going on, as we entered uni, next to the Gandhi Bhavan we saw a Big MOB, 100+, tall Strong, Sikh men standing. I looked like a kid in front of them, we did not take any notice of the guys at that time,  One of the guys in them was my Chachu’s(uncle)  best friend, I stopped to say hello to him, as we talked I asked him what are they doing as they studied in Punjabi university Patiala, his words were some idiots have threatened and challenged us to meet up here for a fight, OH MY GOD.. then it hit me ..

Then I realised they were the guys with whom Pummy had picked a fight. We were only at most 8 or 10 guys they were it seemed 100+. Never felt so alone in life, I quickly told him it’s us people who they were waiting for, I made up a story that I had asked my chachu to come too, so his friend said why, what’s the need since I was the nephew no need to fight, a compromise was reached. It was decided to get Pummy so he can shake hands on it, This guy got his car asked us to sit to drop us at our college gate, Believe me when I sat in the back seat I could see BATONS, SWORDS, HOCKEY STICKS, various other stuff.

I thanked god I saw this guy otherwise we would have got beaten black and blue that day.

5. A funny moment of madness, GT ROAD, Punjab, NCC Vayu sainik Camp held in Patiala, middle of the night someone decided we should run away from camp go for a walk, many of us got together, eloped into the night.

On to the road ANOTHER BRILLIANT idea struck someone lets walk naked on the main highway… Now imagine a group of boys, Naked, walking on the Grand Truck with cars blaring horns… the truck drivers using their dippers to full effect… We did that for a laugh but now it seems to be a moment of madness.

So lets hear what you guys have been up to , I would love to hear about them all. Ok here are the rules those who take it up make sure you tag it to 5 people.  That way We can have fun reading a few nice stories and re living those times , for even if they were moments of madness I bet now that you think of them they put a smile on your face.

Do leave a Url link in comments section so i can read tooo Please.

Have a great week ahead …

Guess who

:)

Try again

Uma’s post today reminded of this post that i had written ages ago.. so thought of reposting it ..

The SNOOZE button on the ALARM :- Why have they made it .. I am yet to understand that .. Obviously if it is there then it is meant to be used …

You will use it

You will wake up and press it You cant help it, If it is there to be used   Am sure you are NOT going to say I have had a LONG sleep So I am going to have a NAP for another 10 minutes or 15

Have you seen this button on a FIRE ALARM..  Imagine If it had a snooze button .. someone running to you there is a FIRE in there ..

Will you say I tell you WHAT…  press the snooze, we will have an extra 15 minute.. let it burn a bit

HE HE HE HE :)

and Then have you experienced sometimes when you have woken before the Alarm goes offf..

thats the best ..

You look at the Clock and say NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

I am not moving ..

 Oh NO SIR … NOT MOVING Till you go offf… I will wait for you to move and then Press the Snooze button .. keep laying there and then When you go off the second time I will get up

:)

from this post you can well imagine i am bored at work it 2am in morning and i got two more hours to go please can you all remind me not to do favours to anyone i was to have a hockey game go to a pub have fun and then sleep but because i could not say no to a favour i have had to go play the game, shower change and get to work to do a night shift ahhhhhhh i am so sleepy now and tired and i know something is going to kick off. I am so looking forward to sleep and yes hopefully switch off the alarm.

PS:- Its Lohri today ..

Moongfalli di khusbooo  te Gud di mithaas                                          
Makki di Roti te Sarson da Saag
Dil di Khushi te Apniyaan Da pyaar
Mubarak hove Sab nu .. LOHRI da Teyohaaar

 Happy Lohri everyone

 

What do you think about this Picture .. Any guesses … I am going to give a Award to the one who can Guess it honestly Why this picture has been put up….

 

If more then One people , then I will do a Lotto to pick the name out.. I know I am a Miser I will give to only 5 people :) so get going … All the best ..

This is What you get :)

I have set moderation for this one.. I hope its working :) Had to ask friends how to do it .. fingers crossed it is :)